


The Obstacle Of You

by renlybaratheon



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mention of Past Death (Niall), Mentions of past abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 156,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7739482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renlybaratheon/pseuds/renlybaratheon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan Lynch and Adam Parrish don't know it yet but their summers are about to get a whole lot more complicated when they both separately decide to be camp counselors at Camp Cabeswater. Ronan agrees to be a counselor out of boredom and the need for something to prove to Declan, while Adam becomes a counselor in order to help pay for his new living arrangements.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hazards of Summer Planning

"Summer before senior year of high school is supposed to be full of adventure and fun! You're just sitting here in your room looking like shit."

 

Declan Lynch was never known to be eloquent. Especially now, four days into summer, waking Ronan from a really good dream, to spew his bullshit about growing up and getting out of the house. This wasn't the first time he mentioned this.

 

A few weeks before the end of the spring term, the Lynch family was having a family dinner together. Their mother, Aurora, was for once making an appearance at dinner, and therefore all three sons had to be present and on their best behavior. At some point during the night, conversation shifted to the topic of summer plans.

 

Matthew's were simple: he was going to New York with a group of friends. One of them had a place there, and so he was going to be gone the entire summer. Declan's plans were an internship in D.C., a topic of which he bragged about for what felt like hours to Ronan. Painful hours.

 

When it was Ronan's turn to answer, he drew a blank. What were his plans? Gansey was going on the campaign trail with his mother for her upcoming election and Noah didn't really ever have plans but he did have the habit of disappearing.

 

It dawned on him he wasn't going to see his friends likely for months and he sunk down a little in his chair. When he realized all eyes were still on him, he shrugged like it didn't upset him he had nothing to do and he said, "I don't know. Maybe go back to the Barns for a bit. It really doesn't matter, does it?"

 

An awkward silence fell over the room. The Lynch family moved from the Barns a few years ago after Niall Lynch died in a farming accident. The incident crushed everyone, Aurora in particular, and their old family home was barely touched since. It was hard to talk about because no one wanted to talk about it, but Ronan was sick of tiptoeing around the fact his childhood memories were locked inside somewhere inaccessible. He hated their new house near D.C., the same neighborhood as Gansey's family home. He hated the blandness of the place, how similar it looked to every other rich family house in the area, that this was just a house and not a home. While it had been years since Niall died, things were forever changed and it was hard to move past it.

 

"What do you expect to do there?" Declan clearly didn't like it. His familiar scowl was peeking through his false veneer he had been wearing all night for their mother. "Live with ghosts the entire summer? Don't be an idiot."

 

When Declan talked all Ronan could hear was his father, demanding and dismissive. He made the mistake once of telling him his dream of getting the place back in business again, rebuild the farm empire they once had. Declan laughed in his face, and when he realized he wasn't joking he told him farming was Niall's "hobby" not his life. Ronan wasn't going to accomplish anything with his life if his biggest dream was to be a farmer. Ronan almost punched him in the face for that. The only thing that kept him from doing so was knowing if he did the Barns were gone for good. Instead he went and won three street races that night out of spite and bought a six pack of beer to down after.

 

Fast forward to Declan hovering over Ronan's bed like a nightmare that wouldn't leave. Ronan lost his race last night, but in turn won a nasty black eye after picking a fight with the competition after. Now he was suffering the consequence of driving angry, sore and exhausted. Even with one good eye he could still see the constipated look Declan always had on his face when he was disappointed in him.

 

"I am having fun," Ronan grinned. "More fun than you are getting coffee for pretentious douchebags."

 

"I'll have you know I'm making connections and helping secure my future," Declan snapped. Ronan winced by how loud his voice was, and how little he actually cared. He put a hand to his forehead as Declan's voice rang through it like a siren. "Now what have you gotten yourself into this time? Huh? A fight?"

 

Ronan shrugged. If he didn't answer he couldn't lie. He hated lying but he also was suffering enough of a headache he didn't want a bigger one when Declan realized he was out driving their dad's old BMW in drag racing again. So he kept his mouth shut for once and watched Declan try to work out the reason for his black eye himself.

 

"Did you and Gansey get into a lover's quarrel?"

 

Ronan snorted. "Gansey can't even curse right, let alone throw a punch." He watched Declan squinting, like a change of vision could solve this puzzle. "And before you try pinning it on Noah it wasn't him either. Why are you in my room, by the way?"

 

"Mom asked me to drop by."

 

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Sure she did."

 

"She did!" Declan sounded exasperated, and his hands went to his hips. In each passing day he became more like their father. Ronan shuddered as he looked away, searching for his bottle of aspirin he lost in the mess of his room. "She's worried you're going to mope again like you did the first year after Dad died. She doesn't want you to become.... absent."

 

Ronan glanced up at Declan through his one eye as he popped a pill dry. "Absent? What the fuck does that even mean? Why don't you focus your attention on Mom and not me? She's the one who never leaves the house."

 

"At least I know she's safe in here," Declan argued.

 

"Is she? I never see her. And I live here."

 

"She's fine. She's not the one with a black eye."

 

But that didn't mean she was fine. Their mother was definitely not fine, and the fact Declan was obsessing over Ronan's lack of visible extracurricular activities was a clear sign he didn't see that, because Ronan _was_ fine. He was. He used to not be, but now he was.

 

Okay, maybe not, but laying about the house all day surely wasn't hurting anyone. Why did Declan poke holes into anything remotely fun and enjoyable? He soured, chewing on his leather bracelets. They sent a jolt of glee through his chest at the memory of last night. Even though he lost, he had more fun than Declan could handle. If only he knew.

 

"You need to go get a life."

 

The comment was so surprising Ronan literally lost the ability to speak. He scrambled for words a moment, shocked. The bracelets slipped out his mouth as his hand fell down to his knee, balling into a white knuckled fist. Declan's life was boring! Ronan's was full of adventure! Okay, maybe not right now, but last night was adventurous. And even on days when Ronan lounged about the house cleaning up after their mother, he had more fun than Declan could manage in a week. Surrounded by politicians and people in suits sounded like one of Ronan's nightmares.

 

"I have a life!" was his first vocal response when he managed his voice again. Quick, he jumped to his feet to be at level with Declan in what was apparently now a full-blown fight. The lack of one eye's visibility was disorienting and knocked off some of his balance and he faltered a step as he stood, but righted himself before Declan could catch him. Ronan swatted his brother's hand away. "I have a great life. Better than yours. You know what," and Ronan was getting dressed before he realized he was doing it, "you can kiss my ass. I'm going to the Barns and you can't stop me."

 

Ronan didn't even bother for modesty and pulled off his pants in front of his brother who immediately put a hand up in the direction of parts he did not need to see. His reaction was priceless, and Ronan grinned proud of riling Declan up, before reaching for a clean pair of underwear and last night's jeans. It took a second to find his second leg's pants hole, because apparently you need both eyes for that. It was an adjustment. Everything was off balance this morning. Blaming Declan seemed the responsible thing to do.

 

"You can't even see out of one of your eyes!" Declan argued, too close to Ronan's fogged head. The ringing was back, knocking about his skull like a ball inside his brain. "Which you still haven't explained to me how it is you got."

 

"What?" Ronan winced and started searching for a shirt. Any shirt. It took a second for Declan's words to catch up to this point in the argument. "Oh, yeah. I don't need to explain anything to you," he said, shoving one of his endless supply of black tank tops over his head. "You aren't Dad, dickface. No matter how much you want to be. You're a pretender. I'm tired of living in this fucking house. Surrounded by people pretending everything is fine when it isn't. I'm going home."

 

Even though he was off balance and half blind, Ronan could still overpower Declan as much as he could on a good day. He shoved past him and out the doorway, walking quick but sturdily toward the stairs. Declan wasn't far behind.

 

"You can't go home, Ronan," he called out. "You _are_ home."

 

"This place is not my home. Don't you miss it? Don't you miss the fields, the cows, playing in the barn? Hanging out on the roof? We were happy once. Maybe we just need to go back there."

 

His keys were at the front by his boots, which he shoved on lazily just to make a faster exit, but Declan grabbed his arm and held him back from leaving. Ronan could feel his anger pulsing inside him like a living organism and he had to resist the urge to let it loose. Getting into a physical fight wasn't the same as a verbal one. Not between them.

 

"The Barns aren't the same place they used to be. That house isn't going to cure you of your anger and abandonment issues, brother. It's not magic. It's just a house." Then Declan surprised him by letting Ronan go. "You'll see."

 

"Fuck you and your fucking -! I don't know, just fuck you!"

 

Ronan stormed out of the house and made sure to slam the door before he left. He was vibrating with rage and unsure where half of it was coming from and where to direct it. Sometimes all Declan needed to say was hello and he would set Ronan's teeth on edge. But this? _Get a life_?

 

Driving angry wasn't smart but Ronan was a master at it. He drove angry more often than he drove any other way. Oftentimes it was the only way to calm him down, and it was starting to when he received a phone call. Naturally his eye curiously went over to the screen, half expecting to find it Declan or even Matthew. But when he saw it was Gansey, Ronan was curious enough to answer for once.

 

He didn't even have to say a word before Gansey called out, "Hey Ronan."

 

Years of friendship and irritating Gansey with his antics made it easy for Ronan to distinguish Gansey's different tones. This one was clear as crystal. His dad tone. Ronan groaned into the receiver, exchanging ears to tuck his phone under. His hands angrily gripped the steering wheel, frustration returning to him like an old friend.

 

"Declan called you, didn't he?" he asked.

 

"He's pretty upset."

 

Gansey was known to be a mediator between them in the past, but it was when he was present or included. This didn't concern him, and Declan played it dirty calling Gansey to try to rein him in. Beneath his feet he could feel the gas pedal go down further, the car springing faster. Somehow it became a competition with himself to get to the Barns as quickly as feasible.

 

" _I'm_ pretty upset," said Ronan. He had to shout in the phone as it started to slip off his shoulder.

 

"He said you were out last night and came back with a black eye." Gansey's disappointment could be felt in the air. "Have you been drag racing again? I thought you said you were going to stop that."

 

"When I said that I meant it. But I was told I needed something to do during the summer, so I found my something."

 

Gansey sighed. Ronan didn't know why Gansey continued to be friends with him if all he tried to do was fix him. He wasn't a broken stereo. He was a person. Sometimes all Gansey could see were problems that needed to be solved.

 

"You're going to get yourself killed one of these days," said Gansey. Ronan could only roll the one eye, but he did it with such gusto even though no one was watching. "Is that your plan, Ronan? To get killed like your dad?"

 

Gansey's words streamlined to his chest. Ronan flinched. The phone dropped down to his feet and in order to yell back at Gansey he had to pull over. His whole body was shaking, so maybe pulling over was a good thing. Bringing up his dad like that was not cool. Quick he grabbed his phone and had the urge to smash it, but the way today was going he suspected he would need it later. His hands were trembling as he held the phone to his face, trying not to look as broken as that accusation made him.

 

"My dad didn't die from drag racing," he said, in the nastiest tone he could manage.

 

"No, but he did die because he was reckless." Gansey's second punch hurt less than the first but it still did a hell of a job. Whether or not that was Gansey's intention, to make him so mad he said something Gansey expected him to say, or do something Gansey expected him to do, it only worked to make him that much more determined to get to the Barns. Something didn't sit right in him that Declan would call Gansey after their little fight.

 

"Shut up, Dick. Whose side are you even on?"

 

"Yours, _obviously_." Gansey said it so pained he must have heard the crack in Ronan's voice.

 

"It doesn't sound like it." Ronan looked out at the empty highway as his trembling was brought down to a tiny jitter in his legs and hands. A twitch in his skin, unsettling but managed. He shut his eye a second to avoid completely chewing Gansey out. So far apart from each other it would be easy never to hear from him again until school was back in, and while right now that sounded ideal he knew a few weeks later he was going to regret it.

 

Gansey was his third brother, a brother through bond not blood, and sometimes he hated him because of it, because it meant he knew all his secrets and all his buttons. Right now was one of those times, making him regret taking the phone call. Making him regret telling him about the drag races. He probably told Declan, because when it came to his concern for Noah and Ronan sometimes Gansey did what he thought was in their best interest, and often enough that went against their wants.

 

"Look," it took Ronan an extreme amount of effort not to still sound pissed off, "I'm already down one eye. They say driving and talking on the phone leads to fucking reckless drivers, so my hanging up on you now would only be a service to my fellow drivers on the road."

 

This made it clear Gansey didn't get through to him like he hoped, and that he wasn't going to at all today. He could only imagine the sight of him on the other end, floundering for something else to say.

 

"Ronan, please hear me-"

 

But Ronan wasn't interested and he clicked "end" and dumped the phone back onto the passenger seat. It started vibrating again almost as soon as he set it down, and it didn't stopped vibrating for two whole songs until SOMEONE got the hint.

 

Despite the interruption in the drive, Ronan's edges softened once he crossed county lines, his muscles relaxed and he was able to drive in peace. The anger brushed off after a while and excitement took its place, energizing Ronan more than anything ever could. He was going home.

 

\-------

 

"Do you need someone to take you home?"

 

Adam Parrish didn't know the concept of home. Home implied happiness, somewhere someone wanted to be, somewhere full of warmth and love. He didn't have any of these things, and now he didn't even have the malformed version he had before.

 

"No. Someone's coming," Adam said. Lying through his teeth was an unfortunate skill he begrudgingly mastered after years of being asked uncomfortable questions about his home life.

 

The nurse lingered a moment, like she was trying to read his mind or somehow already could. Her eyes said she knew he was lying, but her actions said she couldn't tell. Because she left him at the emergency room entrance where he was hovering, leaving him alone like he always was. He was just released after being admitted against his better judgment when his last altercation with his father deafened him in one ear.

 

It was still surreal, that he could permanently no longer head out of his one ear anymore. One good blow to the head and something so constant and expected could disappear forever.

 

Deep breaths, he reminded himself. Deep breaths. The doctor didn't say it was official yet. Maybe it could still come back?

 

But Adam was never that lucky. He already could tell the prognosis was permanent.

 

After a few more minutes consoling himself, Adam shuffled his bag onto his shoulder and stepped out into the bruising light. Summer was heavy barely a week in already, hot and bright. Adam's car was suffocating when he finally made it back, but at least the a/c worked, which he turned on full blast.

 

The only thing the car had going for it, when nothing else worked the a/c still did. His eyes closed a moment, letting the cool air overwhelm him. Even like this he felt lopsided, the air hitting him from both sides, but he could only hear its whisper from one. Never did Adam turn his car on and drive so fast before in his life. For once the car didn't jitter conscious, it roared awake, and he was gone gone gone.

 

After last night, Adam was never going back to his parents' house. He would never think to step foot in it again, and while the sentiment was powerful and brave he realized this morning when he was signing his release papers he had nowhere else to stay, not permanently that is.

 

That morning, he spent a good chunk of time debating with himself whether he could manage to live in his car for the summer. Shower at the YMCA. Eat at work. It could be done, but did he want to? He spent a chunk of his money he had been saving up for college and an apartment on his medical bill, knowing his father wouldn't bother trying to make amends for permanently deafening his son in one ear. Robert Parrish never did anything good before in his life, so why start now?

 

Eventually Adam came to the conclusion he could allow himself a little help, from someone who was always offering it in the least condescending way possible. Someone he considered a friend. Someone he knew wouldn't ask for anything in return.

 

Persephone Poldma lived a good hour outside of town, in a small little cottage tucked deep inside the country. Adam met her through his volunteer work he used to do at the animal shelter, back when he had time off before he started working extra shifts at his job. They formed an instant bond, she taught him how to read tarot cards and he taught her how to personally do her car's maintenance and save herself some money. His parents didn't know about her, because he could only imagine the fight he would have gotten into with his dad if he knew. Last night's fight was only because of coming home ten minutes after he was told was his curfew.

 

When Adam made it to Persephone's, he parked in her dirt drive and didn't get out, even though he could tell she was home. Her tiny car was out front and her wind chimes were hanging from her porch, which she only put out when she was home because she didn't 'like them making sound without her.' But once he stepped inside he was officially accepting help, and he wasn't yet ready to admit he even needed it.

 

There were other options, options he easily could have turned to if he had left sooner. If he left before there was permanent damage done. If he hadn't been afraid-

 

"Stop," he hissed. There was no one else in the car. He was talking to himself. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers around the steering wheel, gripping tight with both hands. This went against everything he told himself all these years, everything he promised himself he would never do.

 

When he opened his eyes Persephone was standing on her porch with her hands held up to the sky, reaching for the sun like she could catch her. Her long mane of hair was shining as she he stared. Then she stopped, her hands falling down to her sides, and she looked across the way at Adam through his side window and gently tilted her head to one side.

 

Adam didn't feel like wasting any more gas, so he felt compelled to turn the car off and get out.

 

"Hello, Adam Parrish." Persephone always spoke so softly her voice never failed to calm him.

 

"Hi, Persephone."

 

"You come alone?" She looked him up and own, and for a moment he thought she meant were his parents present and his stomach twisted in knots. "No belongings?"

 

"Oh, right." Adam went back for his bag. "This is it."

 

Anyone else would have looked upset that a boy like Adam could fit his entire life into one duffel bag. She nodded and waved him inside like it was the traditional amount when one was leaving home forever.

 

The last time Adam was at Persephone's house was a couple years ago, but nothing changed. It was the same eclectic collection of furniture that didn't quite fit together, the same overwhelming amount of cups and bowls in her kitchen cupboards, the same music and knitting supplies. He had seen her here and there over the years since their shelter days, but it was still strange being in her house like this. Foreign.

 

"Thanks again for letting me stay here. It'll only be a couple days."

 

"No bother at all," she said. "I enjoy the company. You can use this room. Come this way."

 

She walked him through the back of the house, which he never visited before. The halls were full of photographs, of family and friends if he had to guess. His stomach was twisting worse when he thought how nice it was to have any pictures. He touched one in passing where everyone in it was smiling. One day he hoped to have that.

 

"You can use this room if you want," Persephone said, settling on a room at the end of the hall. When he looked at her he realized she had been talking for a while and he didn't hear. A bout of nausea hit him like a wave, registering this as his future. Missing parts of conversations, having to have things repeated. Persephone gestured again to the room, patiently quiet. He expected what he missed wasn't important if she didn't repeat herself.

 

Inside was a bed and not much else, the space barely containing the bed as it was. He exchanged a look with her, and she pressed her lips into a small smile like she could read his thoughts. "It's when I have guests over, but if you feel at all strange about it you are more than welcome to my sofa. I assumed, being a teenage boy and all, you would want some privacy."

 

Maybe she really could read his mind. About taking the sofa instead. Standing there in surprise he didn't know what else to say. There wasn't really much. Accepting this was a foreign thing, but he really didn't want to sleep in his car just yet. If he couldn't find a cheap enough place to live in the next few days then he would have to settle living in his car. This was temporary.

 

"I'll be in my room if you need me," she said. "Make yourself as comfortable as you wish. The fridge doesn't really have much. I've been pretty lax on going to the store recently, but if you can find something in there that tempts you, it's all yours."

 

Her smile was small but kind. Adam smiled in reply, small but true.

 

"I'm not that hungry," he said, in tempo to his stomach gurgling from lack of nourishment. His last meal was.... He couldn't remember. Sometime yesterday.

 

"Mm. Well," she shrugged, "up to you." And she left.

 

When enough time passed Adam shut the door and sat on the edge of the bed. He removed his jacket and shirt and stared down at his bare chest at the bounty of bruises left behind. Memories of last night. They hurt when he breathed in too deeply, but not as bad as he's been known to have before.

 

Next he put his hand up to his bad ear and snapped a few times. There was nothing but silence. He slumped on the bed and then took out his things and set them in front of him on the mattress.

 

His clothes. His school supplies. His work uniforms. His one good pair of work shoes. Most importantly, his envelope of money from his job. He didn't have a bank account because he was still a minor, and Robert was never going to open a joint account with him. Not if he didn't get the money himself. He didn't even know about half the shifts Adam would take, and now he never would.

 

Before yesterday this envelope was twice as thick, but he had to pay for his emergency room visit somehow, and racking up debt terrified him. The amount Adam had now could possibly be used as a deposit on a very, very cheap apartment. Which meant he would need to pick up extra shifts at Boyd's and find another job (or two) to continue paying that same price month after month. When school started up again, he didn't know what he was going to do, but he would have to figure it out when the time came. In the meantime he just needed to find somewhere that would take him as a renter. That was top priority.

 

After a while of figuring out his finances, both hypothetical and actual, Adam lied down on the bed. It wasn't until he woke up to the sound of some pop singer echoing down the hallway did Adam realize he fell asleep. It was dark outside now.

 

For a moment he thought he was back at the Parrish residence and he bolted upright straight off the bed. His heart was hammering in his chest and his hands were clawing for his things. It was the smell of incense that calmed him down, the feel of a box spring in the bed, the lack of Robert Parrish's shadow in the doorway that calmed his nerves. He was safe. He wasn't home.

 

This was going to take some getting used to.

 

\--------

 

 

Despite the distance of years between the last time Ronan was driving down this very familiar turn of streets, Ronan felt like it was only yesterday. Nothing seemed all that different. The trees were the same. The potholes were the same. The lack of other drivers was the same. Ronan rolled down a window and breathed in the familiar air. He could already feel that something missing in his chest starting to fill in.

 

Ronan could admit he was a bundle of excited nerves, ready to take that last turn toward his house. When it came up he almost stopped to run the rest of the way, he was suddenly so impatient to get home. The key to the Barns was jangling along with the rest, and he was ready to use it again. His whole body was alive it was impossible not to grin.

 

When he pulled into his driveway he was met with a locked gate, which wasn't surprising after the fact teen delinquents such as himself were sneaking onto the property. He had the key for it right here on his chain, unless Declan changed it. Even so, he knew how to climb. So what if he had to leave his car behind?

 

But the headlights revealed something else on the gate. A sign, both new and horrifying.

 

For sale.

 

His heart stopped and he was quick to shove the gear into park, jumping out to see if what he saw was real. The headlights bounced off Ronan's back as he jumped in front of them, and he could see with his own eyes the sign was very much real.

 

"No, no, no, no, no!" he screamed.

 

In his rage he managed to rip the sign off the gate with little resistance. It was thick but easy to drag. He grabbed it with both hands and yanked, ripping it in half before dumping it on the ground. There he stomped it into the dirt, tears shaking out of him as he realized the impossible. The Barns weren't his anymore, and they hadn't been for a long time. The life he had before Niall died was gone forever, and that piece he felt missing was still gone. He stomped with both feet on the cardboard, bending it and tearing it with the soles of his boots. His shadow danced against the backdrop of what was once his family property, and now belonged to ghosts.

 

With each jump he shouted. "Fuck. You. Declan. Fuck. You. Dad. Fuck. You. Fuck. You. Fuck. You. Fuck. You!"

 

The sign slipped out from under Ronan's feet, and with it went Ronan's balance, knocking him down on the ground just beside it. The slam of his body into dirt quieted him, but he was still extremely heated and desperate for something to take his edge off. Or sharpen it.

 

This close to Henrietta, Ronan knew exactly where he could go to do both. First he stopped at the small convenience he practically lived in after Niall died, remembering which clerk (who after all these years still worked there) was the one to buy alcohol from. The one who took one look at Ronan's shaved head, sharp features, leather jacket and combat boots and didn't even question whether they should check id or not they just awkwardly avoided eye contact and charged his card regardless.

 

Once supplied with his beer, the shitty cheap kind that gave a quick buzz, Ronan drove out to the edge of town where there was already a herd of fast cars waiting for competition. Ronan hadn't been to these drag races in ages, and while small town compared to the people he found closer to his new house, these drivers could still fulfill what Ronan needed. Speed.

 

It didn't take long for Ronan to scout the other vehicles, calculating which would give him the biggest challenge. He needed that challenge today. An easy win was an unfulfilled high. He downed several beers, already half a case in, and ran a hand over his bare scalp before driving forward; picking a flashy green Camaro that rode too low. He would have fun with that one. The driver was sitting on the hood, chatting with a few others. He had his hair spiked up, wearing an oversized hockey jersey. But Ronan could tell he could drive, and that's all he needed.

 

When he pulled up beside him, Ronan rolled down his window, sticking his head out halfway to grab his attention. The beer was kicking in nicely, and already Ronan was starting to feel numb. Not physically numb, but his rage from earlier had dulled some after three beers.

 

Green Camaro's friends nudged his shoulder and gestured for him to turn around. The kid looked familiar but Ronan didn't really care enough to think where from.

 

"A BMW? What, you think you can race my car in that thing? How much horsepower does that shit even have? Pass."

 

Ronan was insulted on behalf of his car. "Do you even know cars-? Never mind. Don't you want to race? Isn't that why you're fucking out here?"

 

"Go race yourself," and Green Camaro kid was waving Ronan off. He turned his back to Ronan, his friends snickering. "I don't race losers. You look like one with your sad ass car and your black eye."

 

Ronan laughed, one harsh and loud laugh. "You think you'll win? Really? Come on. Bet you $200 you fucking lose."

 

Green Camaro kid didn't turn around. Ronan huffed under his breath and turned back to his passenger seat, sneaking another swig of beer. When he turned back to the kid he shouted, "Thousand bucks."

 

And he got what he wanted, as the kid turned around with a toothy grin. He petted his spiked hair and shrugged. "Your money," he said. "Your loss."

 

The point of the race was to make it to the small town of Henrietta and back first, and all while trying not to catch a cop on your tail. Ronan and Green Camaro edged together to the starting line, Ronan buzzed and on fire, ready to burn. He gripped the steering wheel hard with both hands and glanced over at the kid across from him, who was already staring back and decided to devilishly wink. Ronan rolled his good eye and turned back toward the road. One of Green Camaro's friends was standing up front between the cars, a hand raised above her head.

 

"You know the rules?" she asked pointed at Ronan. There weren't really any rules except don't cheat. Ronan nodded. "You know the route?" she asked, and he nodded again. "Okay. On go. One. Two. Three. Go!"

 

Ronan stepped on the gas pedal and went flying, hardly a few inches ahead of the Camaro. Off to a good start, he was alive and fast and feeling the weight of the BMW under him. The Camaro was giving him a run for his money, keeping steadily in tow, not letting off even as they made a sharp turn toward the town's edge. Everything was going great so far.

 

Then Ronan blacked out.

 

\-------

 

"Adam."

 

Just hearing the sound of his name could wake him. The softness of this call was different to the slurred moans deep in the night or the violent shouting early in the morning. The sweet quiet of this "Adam" allowed him to wake up slowly, rather than all at once. His eyes lazily opened as he stretched out, sitting up when he worked out all the kinks from sleep. Adam hadn't slept this well before. It was different.

 

Persephone was standing in the doorway holding two cups of what he suspected was tea in her hands. He shook his head when offered, until he noticed something else in her hand, held tight between two fingers.

 

"Remember when you asked to use my address for some mail you wanted to keep private?" she said, handing over an envelope with the Aglionby design etched into the top left corner. "I admit I forgot, and was pleasantly surprised that Aglionby would send me mail when I've personally never gone and never could. It looks thick. They say that's usually a good sign."

 

"Thank you, Persephone. I'll remember to change the address from yours as soon as I can do you won't have to get any more of my mail."

 

"It's no bother," she said. "Tea? I made too much."

 

"I'm fine."

 

"It'll be in the kitchen if you change your mind," she said. Adam knew he wouldn't but nodded along anyway.

 

Patiently he waited for her to leave before tearing apart the envelope in his hands, nervously shaking to the point he had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. This was an important step toward getting into the best colleges. Even if it was just for his senior year, Aglionby offered more in terms of opportunities and gateways than his public high school ever could. He almost forgot he applied, putting it out of his mind out of fear of rejection.

 

Still a little wobbly, Adam unfolded the paper just enough to scan the top line of the first page and his heart stopped. He was in.

 

Knowing his test scores and the recommendation letters the teachers at his high school wrote for him, Adam shouldn't have been that surprised. But Adam wasn't used to getting the things he wanted, and it felt good. It was a great step toward his dream future. Toward what he felt he deserved.

 

The high only lasted so long, until he went through the other pages in the letter, finding the payment plan page that sent dread through him. One of the reasons he had been saving up as much money as he did was if he ever got into Aglionby. Now a chunk of it was gone. And even if he could make up that chunk back before the end of the summer, it meant he had nowhere to live. He was shaking again. And when he registered the clock on his wrist, he was also going to be late for work if he didn't get dressed immediately.

 

Boyd was a reasonable man who knew enough of Adam's life that when Adam asked for a day off or a schedule change he didn't question it or tell him no. Because Adam worked twice as hard as anyone else in the shop and Adam never said no when Boyd asked him to do something. So when he showed up fifteen minutes late for work he felt like complete shit, but Boyd said nothing.

 

"You can stay fifteen extra minutes after your shift. Call it even," he said.

 

Adam twitched a smile as he got to work on his first car that morning. It was.... a disaster.

 

"What happened here?" he started to ask, until he caught a whiff of the interior and knew immediately what must have happened. The car reeked of beer, and Adam could still make out a couple cans stuck inside under where the front caved in.

 

"Why is it here and not an auto body repair shop?" another of the mechanics asked across the way. It was the first time Adam had seen a car from a car accident in here before, at least a car accident with this much damage, so it wasn't an odd question to be asked. But he was more curious if the driver and possible passengers were okay. The car clearly hit a pole or a tree judging by the damage, the front pushed in at the middle. What was left of the front windshield was cracked and half sticking out of its placement. In the corner he could see a parking decal and his heart jumped to his throat when he saw it was an Aglionby parking decal from last term. Suddenly he wasn't thinking about how to pay for school at all, but if this potential fellow student was dead or alive.

 

"Favor for the family," Boyd said near Adam's good hearing side. "Just pretend it isn't here. Someone's coming to pick it up at the end of the day. It's just not going through 'official channels' to get fixed, if you know what I mean."

 

The others all knew immediately to shut up and turn their attentions back to their work, but Adam lingered. He didn't know who drove this car, but he felt 

 

"And the driver?" Adam asked. He turned his head to follow where Boyd went, tilting enough to catch his words and hoping it wasn't obvious he was doing so. "Are they... okay?"

 

Boyd shrugged. "He's not dead."

 

\------

 

Ronan wasn't sure how the fuck he was still alive. After blacking out behind the wheel he lost control somehow and wound up wrapped around a tree on the side of the road. The kid in the green Camaro likely gave up asking for his money when the ambulance and police came, and next Ronan knew he was waking up in a hospital bed in a hospital gown with Declan yelling down the hall asking for him.

 

"Ah, fuck."

 

Ronan guessed he should be grateful that the cops didn't arrest him for drunk driving, but he suspected Declan had something to do with that. Not that he was going to thank him for it. He had half a mind to still kick Declan's ass for putting the Barns up for sale without telling him.

 

When Declan found Ronan's room he burst in with a look of horror on his face, which immediately alleviated upon the sight of his brother sitting upright in the bed. Ronan was fine, for the most part. Bruised and sore, and cut up from glass here and there, but nothing severe. His face hurt more than it already did, and he could only imagine the damage done to his beautiful mug.

 

"I thought you would look worse! They kept telling me about concussions and unconscious and so I assumed- the hell, Ronan! Don't get out of bed so fast."

 

Ronan had hopped off and started searching for his clothes. He continued to ignore Declan as if he wasn't there.

 

"I went to the Barns," he said, amidst pulling open drawers and doors. He found a bag at the bottom of a small closet adjacent to the private bathroom his room had. In it were his clothes, boots, and personal belongings. "Saw the sign. When were you going to tell me?"

 

"Eventually." Declan sighed when Ronan gave him a knowing look across the hospital room. "Before it sold. Look, Matthew didn't have this reaction when I told him, but I knew you would. It's why we didn't tell you."

 

Ronan was in the middle of fishing out his shirt from the bottom of the bag when he stopped cold and turned toward Declan completely. "Mathew knew before me?"

 

"I knew he would take it better than you would."

 

Ronan started angrily dressing, which wasn't smart so soon after a car accident. Everything hurt.

 

"Look, I'm pissed at you too. You risked everything being so reckless." There was that word again. Reckless. His jaw clenched as he struggled to put on his pants. "Drinking _and_ drag racing? You don't know the lengths I went to get you out of that one. You're just lucky I'm good at my job or else-"

 

There was too much pressure in Ronan's sore head and he snapped. "No one asked you to become the patriarch of the family, Declan! No one asked you to take on Dad's role or to do his job, and I definitely didn't ask you to call in any favors for me! If you hate me so much and you hate what I'm doing why didn't you just let me suffer the consequence of my actions!"

 

"Because you're my brother, you little shit!" Declan shouted back. They both flinched at the volume and power behind his shout. Neither expected it clearly, and Ronan felt uncomfortable after it. He was trapped in the room, with Declan standing between him and the only exit. Declan didn't look like he was going to move out of his way.

 

After a while of uncomfortable silence Ronan couldn't help but ask, "What are you doing here anyway? You didn't have to come down here."

 

"Of course I did," Declan grumbled. "Also, you don't have a car anymore so-"

 

"What?" Ronan jerked forward until he remembered he was just in a car accident and he sunk back. "Oh, right. Fuck. Do you know when I'm getting it back? Like, a couple weeks or...?"

 

Declan laughed. The last time that happened was before Niall died, and it was still as strange and stiff a sound as ever. Ronan didn't know what to do. Declan laughing was weird.

 

"You're not getting the car back," he said.

 

"Excuse me? The fuck I'm not."

 

"You're getting cut off, and the car's being taken away from you, until you grow up."

 

Ronan was heated. "What the fuck, Declan! You're not Dad!"

 

Declan nodded solemnly. "No, but I'm the only person trying to keep you alive right now."

 

The sentiment was a joke and Ronan snorted. His reaction wasn't appreciated and Declan made it clear by folding his arms across his chest and scowling back at his little brother with everything he could muster.

 

"This is serious, Ronan. I'm _serious_. If you don't get your act together you're going to be a very lonely person. Gansey and Noah leave for college next fall. Matthew won't be living in that house forever. I'm already gone."

 

Declan mentioning himself was absurd. Ronan scoffed and thought to shrug, but thought again against it with all the sore body parts.

 

Declan's jaw clenched at his dismissal. "Do you even want to go to college?"

 

Now Declan had Ronan's full attention. He gaped. "Are you going to force me to go to college?" He wouldn't be surprised. Declan saw that as the only acceptable decision after high school, when life was full of many different roads and college wasn't the only one.

 

He breathed mild relief when Declan replied, "What would be the point in that? Wasted money and wasted time. I'm only asking because-" Declan stopped himself. Something about what he wanted to say didn't sit right, and Ronan was already trying to figure out a way to brush past him quick and painless. There wasn't really a shot of that. "I'm asking," Declan said again, carefully forming his words as if Ronan was a wild animal that could buck at a glimpse of a threat. "Do you even think about your future at all? What it's going to be like without your friends, without Matthew?"

 

Ronan almost brought up the car accident as an argument to discontinue this conversation, but that was likely not going to work. Not with Declan. He breathed in hard through his mouth and out through his nose.

 

"I'll make new friends," he said.

 

Declan laughed again.

 

"Hey, Dick, I'm a friendly people person!" Ronan exclaimed.

 

"Thought you didn't like to lie," Declan argued.

 

That shut Ronan up.

 

"Listen," and Declan inched forward again, allowing Ronan to eye the exit. A few more steps and he could probably bolt for the door. "This is for your own good. Not having a car will keep you out of trouble and not having money will keep you from buying booze."

 

"Thought you wanted me to have fun this summer," Ronan teased.

 

Declan didn't find much humor in it. "You can still have fun without illegal street racing and alcohol right?"

 

Ronan could only see out of one eye but he knew he still managed to look completely pissed off.

 

Not having a car meant that the only way home was through Declan, and that meant suffering next to him for hours. But at some point the brothers recognized the need for silence, and while the drive was painful, it wasn't insufferable.

 

They stopped halfway for fast food but still did not talk to one another. The food at least allowed an excuse not to talk, Ronan's mouth full of fries and coke. It wasn't until they were pulling into the driveway of their new house did either finally say anything.

 

Declan had been itching to talk for the last hour, noticeable by his fidgeting hands on the wheel, and his constant opening of his mouth followed by a firm closing and loud exhale. Ronan was never going to ask what it is he wanted, and so he waited. Finally Declan grunted as the car slowed, turning to Ronan enough Ronan glanced back.

 

"Mom has no idea about the accident," he admitted, and Ronan could tell he felt guilty not telling her. "I figured it wasn't worth scaring her unless it was serious, and thank god it wasn't. Don't make me regret that decision, Ronan."

 

It felt weird that Declan would do something "nice" for him. He wanted to roll his eyes but it hurt to even blink.

 

"What did you tell her to get her to agree to cut me off?" He realized if it wasn't the accident it had to be something.

 

"I simply suggested it," Declan replied. He pulled to a full stop in front of the house and turned his torso completely toward his brother. Ronan's body language still said fuck you, hunched and facing toward the window, but he at least released tension in his shoulders, deconstructing one of his many invisible barriers. "Mom thinks it's in your best interest too. Even without the car accident. You know you've been since Dad died. It's only escalated."

 

True Ronan wasn't the happiest person in recent years, and certainly not the best behaved, but Ronan didn't think it was enough to be cut off just by Declan simply asking. That realization filled him with an ache that didn't look to be going away anytime soon. His good eye closed as he swallowed back any form of an emotional reaction to the idea he worried his mother. With everything she was personally going through, he admittedly didn't think she would notice what he did. Guess not.

 

"When do I get my car back?" he asked, voice rough with the threat of tears. He was so tired.

 

"When you grow up," Declan answered.

 

"So never."

 

For a flash of a second, Ronan thought he saw Declan smile, but when he looked there was nothing of a hint. "At least you're self aware," he said. "Listen, I need to get back to the city. My internship starts bright and early tomorrow. If you feel sick or anything, don't hesitate to call. I'm still your brother. I _do_ care about you, believe it or not."

 

Ronan said nothing as he ambled out of the car, exhaustion washing over him tenfold with the knowledge his bed was so close. When he shut the door Declan didn't say anything else, he simply drove away.

 

\--------

 

One night at Persephone's became two, which became three, which bled into a fourth, and by that point it felt almost natural. Almost home. Which meant Adam needed to figure out a new living arrangement quick, before he either wore out his welcome or became too complacent.

 

Aglionby offered boarding for some, the price of which could be affordable if there were more hours in the day and Adam didn't need to sleep ever again. Boyd was already pushing it enough for him, what with child labor laws, and asking for more shifts felt selfish and impossible. He tried to find a second job, but Henrietta was suffering a mild hiring freeze and no one seemed to need him. Nothing that could work around his Boyd's schedule.

 

Adam was suffering with anxiety at the fact his dream was so close and so far away. If he hadn't moved out of the Parrish house- No, he needed to stop thinking like that. If he hadn't moved out when he did, maybe he would be deaf in both ears by now. Maybe something even worse.

 

Since that fateful day Adam had enough, he hadn't seen either his mom or dad since, even though he knew they were so close. Some days he swore he saw his father's truck pass by Boyd's, but that truck was a popular model and color. It could have been anyone. Could have been his imagination, even. But it still sent spikes of pain to his chest every time.

 

It was three weeks into summer now, and Adam still didn't really know what he was going to do about Aglionby when summer was over. He responded to the acceptance letter, agreeing to the transfer and paying a small deposit with some of the money he had leftover, so at least one semester was paid for. That eased some of Adam's anxiety, but not enough.

 

It was another hot and humid summer day in Henrietta. Adam came into work a little earlier than he needed because he wanted to talk to Boyd about any extra opportunities for work, but he was surprised to find someone else in Boyd's office this early. The shop didn't technically open for another half hour, but Adam could see two body shapes through the drawn curtain. And yelling. He could hear yelling.

 

"It's _my car_ ," shouted a voice. It wasn't Boyd's, or anyone's he could recognize.

 

"I'm sorry, Ronan." This one was Boyd's, and while it was raised he wasn't shouting back. He talked like he was trying to calm this Ronan person down, but he suspected it wasn't working. "I don't have it, and I don't know where Declan took it. There's nothing I can do for you. Why don't you ask him where it went?"

 

"Because he-" Ronan's voice caught, and then he heard a loud groaning. "Never mind. I gotta go. Thanks for nothing, Boyd."

 

"Not going to get in the middle of a family matter. Sorry, kid."

 

"Fuck," Ronan cursed under his breath, shoving Boyd's office door open wide enough it caught before slamming into the window adjacent. His stomps grew closer, and Adam panicked realizing he was walking his way and not out the front. When he turned round the corner, this Ronan was nothing Adam would have expected. Tall but hunched over, a visible angry cloud hanging over him and his scowl that looked like a permanent aspect of his face. He was wearing leather, even in this weather, hair buzzed, and clearly not gifted with the ability to acknowledge his surroundings as he almost ran into Adam while storming out. Upon discovering the obstacle in his way, Ronan's frown deepened and he scowled at Adam while shifting to the side to pass.

 

"What are you fucking looking at?" The question was apparently rhetorical, because he left no time for Adam to come up with anything to say, gone before Adam could so much as open his mouth.

 

Like a thunderstorm, he was gone quick, but not before leaving some form of impression. Adam had grown up in Henrietta, so he was used to seeing his fair share of Aglionby boys through the years. If the driver of that car was one, and this was the driver, Adam had some adjustments to make to his perception of his soon to be classmates. Ronan looked nothing like what he expected an Aglionby student to look like, but he had grown up seeing them in uniform. Out of uniform he expected fancy suits and boat shoes, not someone who clearly grew fashion inspiration from a Sex Pistols band photo. There was also something else about him. With his strong features and piercing eyes it was impossible not to recognize he was attractive. That was, of course, beside the point.

 

Their interaction rattled Adam so much he forgot to ask Boyd about the extra job opportunities until it was too late.

 

That night he was eating the second half of the sandwich he bought for lunch, a splurge purchase in his financial situation, but when he looked at Ronan, tall and full bodied, he felt unexplainable hungrier than usual. The sandwich satisfied him somewhat.

 

Persephone was knitting in the front room when he came back from work, and was still out there on what looked like the same layer in her current project when he finished eating.

 

"What's that exactly?" he asked.

 

"A scarf for you," she said, holding it up toward him. It was blue and not even close to finished. "A gift. They suspect it will be quite cold this winter. I should be finished by then."

 

"I don't need a scarf," he said. He realized he said it a little more flatly than he meant to when Persephone's brow raised. "I mean, thank you, but you don't need to make me a scarf. I'll manage like I always do."

 

"Maybe I'll make it for me, then," she said, placing it to her neck. "Blue isn't my color, though. How was work today? Did you ask him what it is you wanted to ask?"

 

Adam sunk into one of the chairs opposite Persephone, watching her knitting needles working through the fabric.

 

"Didn't get a chance to today," he said, sighing as his muscles got their first break that day after spending hours inside cars all day. "I'll try again tomorrow. Hopefully he knows someone. I feel like I'm running out of options."

 

"It's barely June," Persephone reasoned. "But I hope so too. Do you want me to check what's in the cards for you today?"

 

"No, I prefer to make my own fate. You should ask the cards when you'll finish that scarf. I think you're going backwards in progress."

 

"Am I?" Persephone looked down at her knitting work and clucked her tongue. "Oh dear."

 

"I'm going to bed," he sighed. "It's late and I managed to get an extra hour of work in before we officially open tomorrow. Night."

 

"Goodnight, Adam."

 

Adam's body tried to reject him pulling himself up out of the chair, wanting to sit a little longer. But soon he would be asleep, and then soon he would be awake again. He was halfway out the room when Persephone exclaimed, "Oh!" and caught his curiosity enough to turn around.

 

"I almost forgot, when I was visiting my friends, I found this on their fridge, and I thought it might interest you." Persephone began unfolding a paper from out of her purse. "Maura has a daughter your age, also looking for extra work. She says it pays suspiciously well, but she might do it. The two of you can go together if you do it! Oh, that would be wonderful. You would like her, I think."

 

Persephone's stream of words was distracting, and Adam was so tired he almost nodded and left, forgetting the purpose of her chatting was to hand him something. Before he left he remembered to take it, and waited until he brushing his teeth before looking it over.

 

It was a flyer for a camp in New York State, and they needed counselors. Ages 16 to 20. Food provided. Room and board free the entire duration of the camp. His eyes scanned sleepily over the sheet, skipping past activities and other descriptions to find the payment listed at the bottom. When he found it he almost thought he fell asleep reading the flyer and was dreaming. It paid better than Boyd's that was for sure, nearly three times as much as his current pay at Boyd's actually. He thought for a moment he didn't read it right and rubbed his eyes to wake himself up enough to reread. No, it was accurate. And for ten weeks, this pay could more than help set Adam up for payment on his school and living situation.

 

Maybe what Persephone sometimes joked about when discussing her friends was true? Maybe they were magic.

 

The camp was almost too good to be true, and a perfect solution to his problems. Somewhat. Ten weeks away from Boyd's could prove to be a problem. Boyd liked him fine, but ten weeks away from work was practically quitting, and Adam liked working there too much. It paid well, the work environment was fine, and he didn't want to have a new boss to adjust to.

 

 _It'll look amazing on your transcripts,_ he thought. Universities loved extracurriculars. After spending hours wide awake with contemplation when he should have spent them sleeping, Adam decided to ask Boyd about the possibility of taking this job as a camp counselor. If Boyd was okay with him taking leave, then he would apply. It was too good of an opportunity not to ask.

 

\--------

 

"Thanks again for driving me into town," Ronan said to Noah. "I appreciate it."

 

"No problem," Noah chirped. "Sorry you didn't get your car. Declan really doesn't want you to drive, does he?"

 

Ronan grunted as he turned his head toward the window. He and Noah were now driving back from Ronan's failed mission to retrieve the BMW, and Ronan was still reeling from the news Declan basically hid it from him. He had been handling the lack of car and money rather well, since Noah hadn't left for his vacation yet and popped in every once in a while. But Noah was leaving soon, and being trapped in that house with Aurora did not sound appealing.

 

Hearing the ghost of her late at night around the house, but not seeing her at all during the day, was weighing on him. That was her thing lately. She slept all day, and walked at night. Like a vampire. He didn't understand it, wasn't sure he wanted to, but people mourned loss in different ways. He just wished hers didn't include selling his childhood home. The Barns were still up for sale last he checked, through Noah who still lived near Henrietta. There was an open house in a couple weeks, and Ronan's plans were to crash it and deter people's interests, but Noah was his ride and he wasn't going to be here when it happened. Which was why Ronan was desperate enough to go in search of his car.

 

No luck so far in finding it, although his mind stuck on the mechanic he found eavesdropping in the dark when he left. Something about him was haunting; whether it was his tan skin, freckles, or his eyes that looked like they could see through you, see all your mistakes and problems. He was pretty, but Ronan undoubtedly was never going to see him again so what was the point in thinking about him.

 

Noah nudged his shoulder and Ronan looked over.

 

"You're being quieter than I was expecting," he said. "What are you thinking about?"

 

"Nothing," he said. "Nothing worth mentioning."

 

Noah glanced at him and his constant grin waned. His pale eyebrows knitted together in concern. "You're kind of boring this way, you know," he said.

 

"Fuck you." Ronan meant for it to sound meaningful, but instead he found himself smiling. "Dick."

 

"Wrong friend," Noah teased. After his snickering stopped, he chewed on his lip and glanced across the car again at Ronan. "Speaking of, have you talked to him lately?"

 

Even though Ronan knew who he meant, he still asked, "Who? I have a lot of dicks in my life."

 

Noah snorted. "Gansey. Who else? He's been too busy to call me lately, but we text. He says Helen has been trying to set him up with other politician's daughters. Sounds like fun."

 

"Sounds like hell," Ronan sighed.

 

"So you haven't talked to him then."

 

Truthfully Ronan tried to reach out after the accident, but when his phone call went to voicemail he hung up and didn't try again. While he missed talking to Gansey, he wouldn't reach out first. He was still bitter about their last conversation.

 

Noah took the hint he didn't want to talk about Gansey anymore and instead turned on some music, Ronan's preference. They went quiet a while, which Noah often did when it was just him and Ronan, and Ronan didn't feel in the mood to talk.

 

Outside the sky was starting to get dark, night creeping in over the hills. It was twilight hour, hints of purple and pink lining the sky as the sun was setting. It made Ronan miss his car more than usual. Not having money didn't really bother Ronan. It wasn't like he was living without it at the house. There was always food in the fridge and something on TV, but the BMW being out of reach felt like a loss of limb. He missed having it at an arms reach. Feeling the weight of it under him. Driving fast down the back roads late at night. Feeling his heart race on sharp curves. The blissful ability to take it out when he couldn't sleep. Now when he couldn't sleep he was stuck staring at the ceiling in his room, or mimicking his mother and walking aimlessly around the house and outside.

 

Declan told him to 'grow up' in order to get it back, and Ronan didn't know what exactly that meant. So far, his attempt at following the very vague order was to do absolutely nothing, and it was boring as all hell. He just wanted to be able to get into his car and drive. Soon, he hoped. Soon Declan would cave and give it back. That's all he could hope for.

 

After a while, Ronan's choice in music became too impossible for him to think. He turned it down and watched Noah driving, knowing how much he was going to miss him when he left, even if it was only for a little while. Not having access to Noah at the drop of a hat was going to be strange. Last summer, the three of them - Gansey, Noah, and Ronan - spent every day together. The summer before that, too. This one was a sign of their impending futures, and how soon they would move on from this place and Ronan wouldn't. Noah already was talking about what college he would likely be going to, even though they didn't start accepting applications for months.

 

To distract himself from the idea of their futures, Ronan nudged Noah's shoulder with his. Noah glanced at him again, one eyebrow raised above the other.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Where did you say you were going, again?" Ronan asked. "You're going to a counselor?"

 

"I'm not going to a counselor," Noah laughed. "I'm going to _be_ a counselor. Camp counselor. I'm surprised you remembered that much at least."

 

Ronan shrugged. "Whatever. A counselor? To who?"

 

"Kids," Noah said slowly. "Didn't you ever go to camp?" When Ronan shook his head, Noah looked traumatized. "That was literally the best part of my summer every summer growing up. Oh my god. You poor child."

 

"I survived," Ronan smirked.

 

"But if you went to camp, who knows what kind of Ronan you would be?" Noah shook his head. "Shame. Every kid should be allowed the chance to do camp at least one summer. It's so fun. This'll be my first year as a counselor. I talked my mom into letting me do it."

 

"Wait, you're surrounding yourself with children voluntarily?" Noah proceeded to gently shove at Ronan's shoulder, making him break into laughter. "You're fucking wild, man. I wouldn't willingly get within ten feet of a group of kids."

 

"Your loss," said Noah. "Kids can be fun. And these kids are going to be great. I'm so excited I've already started packing and I don't leave for another week."

 

There was a pause there that Ronan could tell hinted at something more. When he looked over at Noah, he noticed him looking back curiously. Suspiciously. He narrowed his eyes.

 

"What?"

 

"You should be a camp counselor too!" Noah gasped and jumped in place, which wasn't the safest reaction behind the wheel. "I can totally get you in. Oh my god it would be so much fun! Oh my god, Ronan. You can't say no. You have to."

 

Ronan was struggling not to laugh. "You're kidding," he said, to which Noah shook his head.

 

"I'm serious! Dead serious!"

 

"Does it pay?" He was waved off as he said this. "I'm poor now. I need money."

 

"Oh, please." Noah huffed. "You are the opposite of poor, you whiny baby. You don't need the money, but yes it does pay. Free food, too, and best of all you get to hang out with me."

 

The last one was tempting, but Ronan wasn't yet sold. This car ride was clearly a set up, but Noah's enthusiasm and earnest request didn't set Ronan's teeth on edge like it would have with anyone else. With Noah it took a lot to genuinely get upset, even as Noah started to grin like he already won.

 

"Don't look so smug," Ronan was quick to say. "I haven't decided yet. What do counselors even do at camp?"

 

"Oh, you poor camp virgin." Noah reached and patted Ronan gently on the cheek, to which he replied with a bite at Noah's hand. It was easy, just this, and Ronan wished he could last in this moment forever, simple and small as it was. "Counselors spend the day watching over the kids, making sure none of them run away or get hurt. There are tons of activities for them to do, and we get to do them too. Really, counselors basically get to hang out and do whatever when the kids are asleep. It's really, really fun I swear. Trust me, you're going to have a way better summer than sitting at home."

 

In truth, it sounded like it could be a better summer, if only by comparison to the one Ronan had for the past few weeks. The longer he thought on it the more it appealed to him, but he still had a lot of internal debate to do. Noah appeared patient, but oftentimes he was the most impatient person Ronan knew. He liked spontaneity and adventure, and a small part of Ronan worried he would agree to this and find Noah changed his mind last minute leaving Ronan alone at some camp with a bunch of children. That sounded like the start of a horror movie not a good summer.

 

"How long is camp for?"

 

Noah cringed like he said something off and he shifted one shoulder as if shadowing his face.

 

"Ten weeks," he said, to Ronan's chagrin. Quick he was to add, "But I swear you'll be having so much fun you won't even notice! Orientation starts in a week. You can meet everyone beforehand and judge for yourself if you want to stay or not. I'll drive you back home if you don't want to stay. I swear. Cross my heart." And as he said it he took one hand and crossed a finger over the center of his chest.

 

Looking at Noah, he could see the anticipation in his eyes, the hopeful patience that edged on impatience. His fingers were rapping gently on the leather of the wheel, his teeth chewing on a chapped lip. Ronan didn't feel like disappointing another person this month, and so he shrugged half earnestly and sighed as if this wasn't remotely what he wanted.

 

"Fuck it," he said. "Fine."

 

"No take backs!" Noah exclaimed fast, before squealing at such a volume Ronan swore dogs were howling somewhere nearby. "It's settled! Oh my god I can't wait. I'm going to start packing as soon as I'm home. Aw shit this is exciting."

 

For the rest of the drive, Noah trailed on about cabins this and campfires that to the point Ronan lost the ability to retain any more information. He was only focusing on the idea of doing something different to what he would normally do, hoping somehow stepping out of his comfort zone would prove to Declan (and maybe himself) he could 'grow up.' Whatever that meant.

 

\--------

 

When Adam heard that the camp's selection of kids was solely those from foster care and group homes he knew instantly he wanted to be a counselor there more than anything. He felt a connection to these kids indescribable, even though he never had to be put in foster care, he ran the risk of it several times over the years when he showed up to school after an encounter with his dad.

 

Boyd understood why he wanted to go when he, himself, checked out the website and the flyer. The pay alone was a selling point, but Boyd's silent understanding of Adam's private life was ever present when he told Adam he was fine with him taking leave.

 

"The job'll be waiting for you when you get back," he said.

 

"I haven't been accepted yet."

 

"You will," Boyd said with a knowing smile.

 

Sure enough, Boyd was right. Adam was accepted. He smiled so wide he hurt his jaw a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first raven cycle fic and my first fic in ages. I don't know if I got anyone's characterization right. I tried to, and hopefully did an ok job. This is also the most angsty and only planned real angsty and dramatic chapter. The rest should be much more lighthearted!! Also not all my chapters are going to be this long I totally thought this was shorter until I did a word count lol. Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it xx
> 
> p.s. i'm not entirely sure if i chose the right rating and if i put in all the appropriate tags for people so let me know lol i have no idea what i'm doing


	2. Orientation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's orientation day at Camp Cabeswater. Let the camp antics officially begin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yet again another long ass chapter.
> 
> while i, myself, went to summer camp as a kid i have never been a counselor so i'm honestly just winging it what would happen for orientation lol please enjoy.

Camp Cabeswater was a campground in upstate New York, featuring a lake, tennis courts, hiking trails, and more. It was recently purchased by the family of one of Ronan and Noah's classmates and made accessible not just to rich kids but kids of all backgrounds. The camp session Ronan and Noah were going to work at was for a program that worked on giving kids from group homes and foster care free access to things like camp and sports and field trips around the country. Noah heard about it through his mother, who heard about it through a PTA meeting, and now the two boys were en route to what would eat up most of their summer.

 

That morning Noah showed up before the sun and let himself into the Lynch house with his very own key. Ronan didn't think he was serious about leaving so early, and he only managed to get a couple hours sleep by the time Noah came traipsing into his room with too much energy for this hour. When Ronan didn't bother trying to move from his bed, Noah sat on him until he got up as promised.

 

It was already another classically hot summer day even before sunrise. Noah offered to drive the first stretch, which gave Ronan time to catch a couple more hours of sleep. He dreamed of being back at the Barns, helping feed the cows as a kid, riding the tractor out into the fields with his dad, actually enjoying spending time with Declan. It was a nice dream, but when he woke up to the sound of a semi rushing past, it dissolved fast in his head upon remembrance of reality.

 

"I got breakfast while you were out," Noah said, gesturing to a small brown bag settled between them near the shifting gear. Upon its discovery, Ronan's stomach rumbled a plea to be fed and he sat up in his seat, muscles aching from sleeping in strange positions. "Sorry it's cold. I tried to wake you, but you looked so peaceful I didn't have the heart."

 

Ignoring that, Ronan looked inside the bag a moment before reaching in for a handful of hash brown bites. True they weren't piping hot, but they still tasted good. Surviving on less than four hours sleep was a little less painful on a full stomach. The world made a little more sense after stuffing himself with grease and caffeine.

 

"Are the kids going to be there today?" Ronan was stuffing his face still with the last of his egg sandwich when he asked, watching Noah for reactions.

 

“In two days,” he said. “So you have two days to decide whether or not you want to stay, because once the first kid arrives I’m throwing my keys in the lake and you’re going to be stuck there with me for the whole ten weeks.”

 

Sounds like plenty of time to change my mind,” said Ronan with a shrug. “Maybe enough time to make Declan give me my car back.”

 

“How exactly is that going to work?”

 

“Haven’t figured that out yet,” and with that, Ronan scrunched the brown bag of trash into a ball of trash, tucking it under his feet on the floor. “I told my mom to tell him this is where I’ll be. Hopefully it sparks sympathy in him or something, and he gives me my car back before I come back."

 

Noah noted something that peaked his interest and he asked, "How is your mom, by the way?"

 

Aurora handled the news Ronan was going away for a while surprisingly well. By that, Ronan caught her one night sneaking food from the kitchen and he told her where he was going, and her only response was "Watch out for snakes, dear."

 

"She’s… fine." The topic of his mother never did sit well with him and he sunk further into the seat than before. "I don’t want to talk about her, man. Thought you said this was fun."

 

"This is just the drive in," Noah reasoned. "The fun doesn’t start until we get there."

 

Ronan gave him a look that made him silent a moment, clearly regretting bringing up Aurora at all.

 

"Yeah, okay," he said with resignation. "I get it. At least your mom isn’t going to be at this thing."

 

"Is she? I thought your mom hated anything to do with the outside."

 

"She does. Pollen is her enemy. But she has to make an appearance since she donated a bunch of money to Cheng’s organization. There’s some event tomorrow night before the kids arrive. Speaking of which, he’ll be there."

 

"Henry?" Ronan sat straight up. "Fuck."

 

Noah could hear his distaste and he rolled his eyes. "He’s pretty cool if you just give him a chance," Noah said. "He’s really funny, and he loves fast cars too. Don’t even understand why you don’t like him, to be honest."

 

"He gets on my nerves."

 

"Everyone gets on your nerves, Ronan. I used to get on your nerves, too, once. Now you love me." With that, he batted his eyes dramatically, until Ronan pushed his face at the cheek to turn his head forward again.

 

"Focus on the road," he laughed. Noah, too, broke into a small chuckle.

 

"Honestly please try to keep an open mind about this. I think this could be great for you. You could make friends with Henry, get Declan off your back, maybe even meet someone…."

 

Ronan soured again. "I meet enough people

 

His response reviewed a smack on the shoulder. Noah and Gansey were always suggesting this, meeting new people. Trying to date. As if girls (when Gansey brought it up) or boys (when Noah did) were ever going to do more than add more fuel to the fire that burned inside him. Besides, even if meeting someone could benefit him, he was too much Ronan for anyone to handle. Sometimes even too much for Noah and Gansey.

 

"You know what I mean, you punk," said Noah. Ronan didn't respond, baiting Noah to explain himself but instead he said, "They say one in ten men is likely to not be straight, you know."

 

That was not at all what Ronan expected Noah to say to him, and he tried to show disinterest to the comment. "Who says that?" he asked.

 

"They." Ronan regretted asking. "The ever knowing they. On the Internet."

 

"Well if it's on the Internet..." Noah tried to slap him again, but this time Ronan caught his hand in the air and turned it on him, slapping Noah on the cheek with his own palm. "You said there’s ten girl counselors and ten guy counselors, so wouldn’t that hypothetically make me the one in ten?"

 

Noah faltered, at a loss for words. "Ah, damn. Well they say the Internet lies, so! Maybe it’s one in five! Maybe it’s entirely random!" His voice cracked as the pair of them met eyes, noticeably concerned. "I just want you to be happy, Ronan. I’m not saying you need someone in order to be happy, but maybe putting yourself out there could be good for you. It’s only a suggestion. Forget I said anything."

 

But he couldn't forget. This wasn't something he thought of out of the blue. Both Noah and Gansey discussed Ronan's level of happiness to him before. If Ronan could sink any lower in the seat without falling off, he would.

 

"What are you talking about? I'm happy," he said.

 

"Are you? Really?”

 

They exchanged another look, and Ronan could see Noah's sadness worn so visibly on his face. Rather than get angry, Ronan breathed carefully out his thin lips and jerked his head to look out the window to his right. He had nothing sarcastic or genuine left to say and so he said nothing. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence.

 

\------

 

Adam was the first counselor to arrive to Camp Cabeswater that morning, it seemed. His nerves kept him from falling asleep the night before and so he left a note for Persephone and drove until he reached the camp at sunrise. The gates were open when he arrived so someone else _was_ here, but the parking lot for staff was empty so maybe not.

 

With a rush of excitement Adam exited out into the morning, finding it slightly colder here than back home. The small chill in the air energized him, pinching his skin awake like a cold rain. If every day for the next ten weeks was like this he would gladly take it, he thought.

 

After he grabbed his bag from his trunk he decided to take a look around, familiarize himself with the place. The campgrounds were breathtaking. Green grass for miles, the bluest lake he had ever seen, and the cabins made of a fine red wood that stood out against the tall trees. It looked like camps from the movies, and for a moment Adam allowed himself to simply relish the beauty of the place. There were no worries allowed here. No concerns. That was his plan when he set out on his drive last night.

 

After a while of walking the ground, Adam eventually spotted someone else. A young man around his age with hair that stood straight up like he had been shocked, wearing a pink shirt that said Camp Cabeswater on it while holding a clipboard in one hand and a cell phone half the size of the clipboard in the other. He looked as if he was lost, turning around and constantly peering down at the board and the phone.

 

Eventually he noticed Adam in return and he yelped.

 

"You," he shouted. He sounded as if he ran a marathon and was in the last stretch, but before Adam could reply his words were shooting at him like their own marathon, quick and panicked. "Do I know you? Have we met? What are you doing here? Wait, a bag. Are you one of my counselors? Oh thank god. I need help. Come with me."

 

Before Adam even had a chance to blink, the boy was off.

 

"I--"

 

It was assumed he wanted him to follow him, after all the boy did say come with me. But Adam still wasn't sure, and for a second he only watched the boy walk off in a sort of skip, until he noticed Adam wasn't beside him and he turned confused. Adam awkwardly walk-ran to catch up to him.

 

"Sorry. What are we doing?" Adam asked. He didn't know what to make of the boy, tall and lean and wearing expensive as hell shoes in the woods. Every time they scuffed Adam felt his heart stutter. They probably cost more than his tuition at Aglionby. "What's your name?"

 

"What?" The boy's head perked up from staring at his phone and his eyes were wide when they met with Adam's. Embarrassed, the tips of his ears went a little red. "Oh, God. I am _so_ sorry. Where are my manners? Cheng. Henry Cheng. You're, no, let me guess... Adam, right?"

 

Adam flinched. "How did you know that?" Was it obvious he was the one with a mechanic background, from public school? Was it the shirt with a small hole at the bottom hem that he thought he managed to hide by tucking it into his pants? But Henry wasn't looking at him anymore, he was pointing to a paper on his clipboard. On it was his application and his photo pasted in.

 

"I tried to memorize everyone's names before they arrived," Henry said with pride. "My mom owns the place, and I'm helping run the camp this summer. It's the first time she's letting me be in charge, so I'm trying to make as few mistakes as possible."

 

"That's exciting." Adam didn't know what else there was to say. How nice it must be to get to run a camp with no prior experience because your mother owns it. Adam instantly felt like shit when he thought that. Henry seemed nice enough. He was smiling nervously as he glanced at his phone again.

 

"It is," he said, "but it's also terrifying. Do you know anything about bees?"

 

"Bees?"

 

"Well, apparently there's a bee hive on the roof of one of the cabins? I can't have kids getting stung every time they try to exit or enter their cabin, and we don't have another they move them too. It's a real hassle and I don't know how to move them."

 

"If you leave them alone they shouldn't be a bother to you. It's wasps you have to worry about. They're vicious. They can sting you over and over again."

 

"Fuck, maybe it's wasps." Henry then turned his arm over to show a few stings on his upper arm, hidden under the sleeve of his shirt. "I got stung by one of them and I'm fine, but I'm not eight years old. These kids shouldn't be going home talking about getting stung. Anyway, that's only the first item on my to do list today. I was expecting the groundskeeper to be here or something but apparently my mom just fired him so fuck my life."

 

He talked at a whirlwind pace, making it hard for Adam to keep up on several levels. He kept having to turn his head to catch his words just right, not standing on the proper side of him and not sure how to casually walk over to it. Henry looked to be two seconds away from a mental breakdown, caught between reading and writing things on his phone and then chaotically one handed searching papers for reference on his clipboard. Adam chewed on his lip a moment before sighing, moving to help him with the board before it fell out of his hand.

 

"I... I can help if you-"

 

"Really? You would?" Henry grinned so wide it stirred a small smile out of Adam. He looked so grateful and relieved. "Oh, I love you and I don't even know you but I love you. I could kiss you right now. You are my savior, Adam. A true angel."

 

"Stop." Adam was blushing and slightly uncomfortable with all this praise. He bowed his head slightly, nervous. "You don't have to thank me. I'm getting paid to help out, aren't I?"

 

"Yeah, but with the kids. I mean, bees - wasps - are not in the counselor job criteria."

 

Adam shrugged. "Happy to help. After the wasps, what else do you need help with?"

 

Henry groaned like he asked him a hard question. "Practically everything," he said. "I need to get the boats out onto the lake and I need to unlock all the cabins and to check that the showers are working, and if you're religious Adam pray they're working because if they aren't I will probably have a heart attack at the tender age of seventeen."

 

Henry was dramatic but he was growing on him, and the longer he talked the easier it was for Adam to be able to catch what he was saying. He talked almost at the pace of an auctioneer, but he was starting to slow down with the little panic Adam alleviated by his offer for help.

 

"Wow, you really have a long to do list," Adam noted. They turned down a small path toward the cabins he was guessing. This place was so big he was going to get lost if he wasn't careful. "How long have you been out here having this panic attack?"

 

Henry tried for a laugh but it came out breathy. "An hour," he said. "When I heard a car drive up I thought it was the groundskeeper and that my psychic powers really worked and he was here to help me."

 

"Telepathic."

 

"Tele what?"

 

Adam flushed. He didn't know why he made the correction. He was hanging out with Persephone too much. "The power to reach out to someone else's mind through your own. Telepathic." Henry just looked at him like he spoke Latin. "Never mind. What task did you want to do first?"

 

\--------

 

Ronan was shocked to find he and Noah were not the first people to arrive at the camp. The gates were open, and there were a few cars in the parking lot already as they turned in. They parked next to a tri colored one that had seen better days, and Ronan got out the second Noah put his in park.

 

Noah scrambled to keep up with him and peered over the side of the car's hood. "Starting now you have forty-eight hours, Ronan. Then these keys are going in the lake!"

 

"You wouldn't really do that, would you?" Ronan gaped. "Throw your keys in the lake to force me to stay here?"

 

Noah shrugged. "Who knows what I'm capable of? Do you want to grab our stuff now or take a look around first?" He asked as if there was an option, but before Ronan could answer Noah walked off toward the camp. "I'm going to take a look around first. You coming?"

 

Ronan groaned and grabbed his bag. He wasn't going to walk back here again just for this. "I guess."

 

The place was extremely green, full of trees and grass and clear blue skies. It was also really big, and the walk alone from the parking lot had Ronan winded. He was out of shape recently, skipping physical education more than he attended. The walk forced him to breathe hard, and he was trying not to be obvious about it, but Noah could hear the sound of his huffs and paused before they reached their first building.

 

"Take off your jacket if you're going to pant like that," he said. "You look like you're dying in that thing."

 

"It's part of my look," Ronan countered. "It completes the whole thing."

 

"Is your look heatstroke?"

 

Ronan thought of a retort but could only flip him off as he peeled his jacket off. They continued walking for a bit, what felt like forever, as Ronan stuffed his jacket into his bag. It was cooler here than back in Virginia, but barely. The sun still blared down at them whenever trees didn’t shade them.

 

This place wasn't as terrible as he was expecting. While the main event had yet to start, he could see himself not having a horrible time. But then again, Ronan's mood came swinging hot and high without warning sometimes and if that happened here there was nowhere to escape.

 

Noah nudged Ronan in the gut and startled him out of his head. With a sly gesture, Noah motioned to the first two people they came across just up ahead. Two girls, both with dark hair, one wearing clothes that looked purposefully ripped in half a dozen places and the other wearing one of those short jumpsuits. It was orange and made her look like a traffic cone. He didn't understand women's fashion the least bit.

 

"Let's keep walking," he said.

 

Noah went straight for them instead, because of course he did. The girls were peering into the window of the building they were at, a shed of some sort housing what looked to be art supplies inside. They were chatting between them until Noah bounded in.

 

"Hi, I'm Noah," he said.

 

Ronan lingered behind him, close enough Noah didn't tell him to come closer but far enough away he was visibly outside the conversation zone.

 

Both girls jerked in surprise as Noah approached them. A hand was outstretched toward them, and the one in orange shook it gladly, while the shorter one was hesitant.

 

"Hi Noah," said the first. "I'm Orla, and this is my cousin Blue. She has a bit of an attitude problem."

 

"I do not," Blue snapped.

 

Orla's eyes went past Noah to stare directly at Ronan and he could feel himself being peeled apart by her eyes. It made him shift a little further back. "And who's that tall drink of water behind you?"

 

"Ronan, come say hi."

 

"I'm good back here," he grunted.

 

"Ronan." Noah wasn't asking.

 

All three pairs of eyes were on him, forcing him to begrudgingly come forward. His hands remained where they were at his underarms; avoiding even the hint he was going to shake their hands. He made his scowl more prominent on his face, just in case they didn't get the message he didn't want to be a part of this. Blue did, scowling back.

 

"This is Ronan," said Noah with his kind voice. "Ronan this is Orla and Blue."

 

"I heard."

 

"So you two boys counselors?" Orla asked. She was obviously the Noah out of the two of them, the one who could hold conversations without having to pause to glare. "How old are you?"

 

"Seventeen," Noah answered for them both.

 

"Ah, you're Blue's age," and Orla nudged her cousin in the shoulder like a silent transaction was being applied. She rolled her eyes when Blue didn't respond in turn.

 

"I wouldn't compare, Orla," Blue said. "Boys are known to be less mature."

 

Somehow that made Noah grin wider. He never seemed to know when people were insulting him, or maybe he did but he took it with such stride he simply didn't care.

 

"Well I think I'm extremely mature," he said, and then he pointed at her stomach and added, "I like your shirt by the way. Did you make it?"

 

"Oh, uh, yeah I did." That unsettled her mood and the top of her neck went several shades redder.

 

Ronan suddenly felt left out and he grunted, "Looks like you ran into a bunch of scissors."

 

Noah elbowed him. Silently he gave him a warning look to keep it cool, but Ronan wasn't known for that. Blue looked up with a heated look, and Ronan uncomfortably looked away.

 

"Okay!" Orla jumped in, clapping her hands together to take over the conversation. She turned to her cousin with open arms. "Well, Blue. I've safely dropped you off as your mom requested. I'm going to go before you kill him so I'm not considered an accessory. Have fun!! I left you a present in your suitcase. You know. In case."

 

She winked and Blue went even redder.

 

"Oh my god, Orla," she hissed. "You didn't."

 

Orla's lips curled into a devious smile but she said nothing. Instead she grabbed her cousin and kissed her on the cheek to Blue's chagrin. The three of them watched Orla go, as Blue grumbled and wiped her cheek free of lipstick. Once she was far enough away, Noah turned back to Blue who looked to be at a loss at what to do being left behind with two strange boys.

 

"So where are you from, Blue?" Noah asked.

 

"Henrietta, Virginia," she said, and a slip of the Henrietta accent could be heard as she said Virginia.

 

"Oh! Wow, we go to school there," Noah said excitedly. It was clear he liked the idea that they would be so close to where she lived once fall term picked up. Ronan couldn't be less enthused. "Small world. Well, then again, Henry probably only advertised near where he's been living."

 

Blue caught on they didn't go to the public high school and she grimaced. "Aglionby boys. I should've known. How many of you are there here?"

 

Noah reacted as if she was genuinely asking and said, "Here? Can't say. Three at least. But enough about us! Blue! I like that name."

 

"Thanks. I was born with it."

 

Ronan reacted to her tone with a jerk. "Were you born with the attitude too?"

 

Blue cocked her head to one side and smirked. "Pot calling kettle black, don't you think?"

 

Ronan almost smiled, but then Noah stepped between them like a referee. He gave him a look that had no fire behind it, but it did tell him to stop messing around. However, Ronan could tell Blue was like him. Sometimes they communicated better in swears and hard glances.

 

"We should go find Henry,” said Noah, staring at Ronan a bit longer before turning to Blue with a smile. "I'm sure he'll be excited to see us, and to meet you, Blue. So tell me, are you interested in a career in fashion design? My little sister, Adele makes me watch Project Runway and I'm obsessed with what they can make out of random stuff. Do you watch it?"

 

Noah was harmless, but he sometimes had the habit of coming on too strong when he first met people. It was simply his nerves and trying to familiarize himself with people as quick as he could so they could be comfortable even faster. Sometimes it backfired on him, but Blue was already starting to warm to him. She smiled when he touched at the connection of two fabrics on her shoulder.

 

When their conversation really started going, about Heidi Klum and a trash bag dress, Ronan slipped away to be alone. It didn’t take long to find the lake, clear and vast, with what appeared to be homes or condos on the far side of it opposite the camp. He still wasn’t sure if he was going to stay or not, but it was certainly nice enough here it could void any nuisances likely to follow. Quiet and calm, although that likely would backfire after a while. Ronan often worked better in chaotic and loud, if only because it didn’t allow him to think.

 

He moved on past the lake to explore deeper into the camp, passing a few more counselors walking opposite him. They motioned greetings but he ignored them and kept walking. After a while he found a small stage, and near that a large campfire not yet lit, with rows of curved wooden benches to sit around it. Ronan could only imagine the horrible group bonding experiences that were about to be forced onto them.

 

While Ronan never got to experience summer camp, or camp in general, he could still call onto a memory that related to today. When he was a kid, Niall wanted to take the family camping once. He had it all planned out. He bought them the gear and everything. Ronan had never been so excited to spend a week without proper indoor plumbing. But then the day they were set to leave Niall wasn't around. He went on some vague "work trip”, leaving Aurora alone with her three sons to handle the fallout of another failed family outing. Aurora wasn’t going to let the lack of their father’s presence ruin their fun, though, and so she had them pitch the tent in the backyard anyway. There they set up their own makeshift camp, far enough from the house that the walk almost made them feel like they were really camping in the woods. The foursome made s'mores in the kitchen and stayed up late telling spooky stories.

 

Thinking about this made Ronan's chest ache. He forgot Niall wasn’t there for it, always remembering the moments Niall planned and never allowing himself to then remember how they almost all fell through. Instantly volatile, Ronan kicked at the nearest thing he could find, which just so happened to be his own bag, drop kicking it into the air. He needed to get out of here.

 

“What did that bag ever do you to?” a voice called out and Ronan stilled, startled. Last he looked there wasn’t anyone around, and when he looked again there still wasn’t.

 

“Who the fuck said that?” he shouted.

 

“Your conscience,” said the voice.

 

“Very funny shitbag.” His head whipped around fast in both directions, turning full circle. “Where are you?” For a moment he even stole a look upward at the trees. They were gently swaying in the cool breeze, leaves rustling, but the owner of the voice wasn’t up there. Unless birds learned to talk.

 

“I’m everywhere and nowhere,” the voice teased.

 

At this, he could tell it was coming from near the stage, and immediately he rushed over to look behind it. There was no one. The fuck? A ghost? _No, ghosts aren't real, Lynch. Get yourself together_. He could hear mild snickering.

 

Then, “Ronan Lynch!” came a new voice.

 

Ronan whipped around to see Henry Cheng coming down the small slope to the base, where he was standing beside the wooden stage.

 

"I've found the prince of darkness at last!” Cheng was grinning ear to ear, wearing a bright ass pink shirt and khakis. Ronan was going to swear up a storm if he was going to be forced into wearing anything remotely similar. "Noah said you snuck away. Come meet the other counselors. What are you doing out here?"

 

“There’s someone here mocking me,” Ronan said, and he grimaced when he realized he sounded like he was talking nonsense. He could see it in Henry’s expression.

 

“What?" Henry laughed at him. "Ah, I've never understood your humor. Come along, Lynch. I'm about to start orientation. Enough of you are here."

 

At this, Henry reached out and Ronan flinched from his touch. "I'm not staying,” he said, but Henry’s hand didn’t fall. He tried again, to Ronan’s disapproval.

 

"Oh? Leaving us already? Do the trees clash with your scowl? Come on. There's going to be a party tomorrow night. Can't be tonight because the 'rents are coming by for inspection tomorrow, but trust me, this'll be fun.” Finally Henry gave up and put his hand back down at his side. "You know what fun is right?” he teased.

 

"I keep hearing that word, but I don't see it yet,” Ronan grumbled. "And I swear someone was talking to me just now.” His eyes fleetingly scanned the area around them again, and still there was no one.

 

"You're losing it, Lynch."

 

Maybe he was. Maybe he suffered a head injury from the accident and it was only appearing now. Henry gestured with a crook of his fingers for Ronan to follow him back to the buildings, and Ronan was too tired to fight him on it.

 

\----

 

Adam had too much fun with that. He was underneath the stage trying to get the electrical system for the stage back on track. This place was ridiculously fancy for a camp for kids but it also explained why it paid so well, and Adam thought it nice that the kids coming here in two days time would get to spend their summer here and not somewhere more run down.

 

While Adam didn’t know much about electric work, he did learn a little from Boyd when Boyd was helping to fix a car’s stereo system once after hours. Even still, he was basically blindly connecting wires and hoping he didn’t electrocute himself. Adam didn't meet a problem he didn't want to try and solve, and as he sat in the dirt feeling bugs begin to crawl on his legs, he realized maybe there should be one once in a while he shouldn’t.

 

Adam never thought he would see Ronan again, and for the last few weeks thought he was more a phantom of his imagination than a real breathing person. He was surprised to find him here. It was obviously a coincidence they both signed up, and he didn’t know him at all, but it still felt… strange to know he was here.

 

By the sound of it he wasn’t here for long, though. 

 

A squeak of the speakers startled Adam back to awareness and he realized he somehow managed to get the system up and running again. His hands worked while his brain drifted off. Finished, he crawled out from under the stage and shook off the dirt and leaves from his clothes, thankful he didn’t wear a white shirt today.

 

Most, if not all, of the other teens were down by the mess hall when Adam managed to find it, chatting amongst themselves inside. It was a large building and most of the tables weren’t yet rolled out, still flat against the walls to leave space for the twenty or so people to fit. Adam recognized Ronan straight away, standing off to one side of the room looking like someone sent him there on a time out. Arms crossed. Head bowed. Frown at the ready.

 

Ronan must have felt him looking because he jerked his head up and looked over like a magnet pulled his vision. When their eyes met Ronan's eyes fleetingly went wide then set into his expected frown and then dropped his gaze back to the floor. Adam felt a rush of color to his face and looked away, too. He tried to put it out of his mind as Henry moved in front of everyone and cleared his throat.

 

Slowly the group went quiet, but Adam felt Ronan's eyes on him again and moved so people blocked the space between them.

 

"Hello, everyone!” Henry talked so gleefully; Adam could see why his mother let him take charge. His overt friendliness was bound to attract everyone to him. "Thank you for being here this summer. It's going to be a great year I can feel it. First, we have some ground rules. There are obviously all the ones you agreed to when you signed up, but I'm just going to reiterate a few. Firstly, no smoking on the grounds of any sort. Cigarettes, e-cigs, vapes, and of course no weed.”

 

There was an _Aw damn_ in the crowd. Everyone laughed as it eased some of the awkwardness out of the room.

 

“Yeah, sorry everyone,” he said. “There’s going to be kids here, and also I don’t want to burn the campground down first year I’m in charge. Thanks so much. Also, absolutely no alcohol at all during the next ten weeks.”

 

Ronan made a loud protesting groan in the back and Henry quickly eyed him through the sea of people.

 

“That should have been obvious, Ronan,” he said.

 

Even so, Ronan looked to be sulking at the news.

 

Henry pressed on, going through the rest of the list with little to no more interruptions. No fireworks. No drugs of any kind. On and on went the list, none of which Adam would have even thought someone would bring or try to use.

 

"This all goes for the children, too,” said Henry. "Now hopefully they're too young to think about half of this, but try to keep watch on them, okay? They're our sole responsibility for ten weeks. We're the grown ups now. We can have fun, but safely! Okay, moving on. Moving on.”

 

His fingers twitched through the pile of papers in his clipboard, searching for the right one. Next he gave a general overview of what each week was going to be like. Ten weeks worth of activities was… a lot. Adam wondered how this would be physically possible for the kids, let alone for them, but even so he was excited to play tennis. He never played before and sparring against kids who probably didn’t know either didn’t sound too bad. From the grunts of approval it sounded like a lot of the other kids here already knew how to play in some capacity, and the longer the overview went the more Adam realized most everyone else here was rich. That was disappointing but not surprising. Ronan went to Aglionby. Henry went to Aglionby. The other boys in the room also probably went to Aglionby.

 

Finally Henry finished with, “Tomorrow we’re going to have a small seminar by my mom and a few others to discuss in greater detail more of the procedures and rules and safety.” Everyone groaned at that, and Henry also looked less than delighted, but then he put on another huge grin and exclaimed over the group, "But today it’s just us! Getting to know each other. I want us all to make a big circle around the room. Can we all do that?”

 

The crowd looked about as enthused about this as they would be to an oral exam. "Come on,” Henry said, exaggerating his enthusiasm to get the group going. "Get into the camp spirit, people. If you're not into it the kids won't be and then it's going to be hell for ten weeks.”

 

Hearing that the group was stirred to movement. They started to shift around to form the giant circle, and Henry grinned.

 

“That’s great,” he said. “That’s great. Ronan,” he called over his shoulder, “care to join us?”

 

“Nah.” Ronan hadn’t moved an inch since last Adam glanced over. “I’m not into that kumbaya shit."

 

The small girl next to Adam rolled her eyes heavily.

 

"Ronan Lynch, get your ass over here,” Henry called. "We’re all doing this.”

 

At first Ronan didn’t move, but when Henry stepped out of the circle to go fetch him Ronan stomped over to the rest of them. His arms were still crossed, melodramatically making a point he wasn’t coming over willingly. He stood opposite Adam and Adam tried his best not to look at him. He could feel his eyes on Adam, like he was angry at him for some reason. Why would he be? Did he know it was him at the stage? Did he recognize him from Boyd’s?

 

Henry patted Ronan on the back and then referenced his clipboard again for a new page.

 

“We’re going to do a few group exercises to get to know each other today. Be familiar with one another. For the first one I want you to introduce yourself. Start with your name, where you’re from, then say two things about yourself you want everyone to know. It can be fun or informational. Up to you. I’ll start.” He cleared his throat and then said, "Hi, I’m Henry Cheng. I’m originally from South Korea but I currently live in Virginia for school. I love Madonna and chocolate chip ice cream. Okay, now you go.”

 

He was looking at Ronan.

 

“Pass.”

 

“You can’t pass,” Henry groaned. “You have to do it.”

 

“This is bullshit,” he said, and as he said it he looked around at all of them. Fleetingly his eyes passed over Adam, and then he huffed and vocally sounded his irritation with a mumbled curse. Closing his eyes and clenching his jaw, he certainly knew how to draw out a moment. Adam found himself watching, able to see the muscles in his jaw spasm; the cut of it was so sharp. Then he released the tension in his muscles and chewed on the row of bracelets at his wrist.

 

“Ronan,” he said with a full mouth, before Henry pushed his hand away from his face. “Lynch. Singer’s Falls. I have blue eyes and straight teeth.”

 

The girl next to Adam snorted. “That’s literally a physical description of yourself,” she said.

 

Ronan snarled, although not that heatedly. “They’re facts I want people to know about me, so it counts,” he said.

 

The girl leaned into the guy on the other side of her, fair haired and elfin like. “Your friend is an asshole,” she said when the next person started their introduction.

 

“I think he’s tired right now,” the boy said with a small shrug of his shoulders. “When he doesn’t sleep he can be…”

 

“A dick,” the girl filled in. The boy did not dispute her. They were on his good hearing side and so he was able to hear everything clearly

 

Moving along, they went through a lot of people, landing eventually on the boy near him who he learned to be named Noah Czerny. His two facts were he liked skateboarding and swimming and couldn’t wait to teach the kids the latter. Next was Blue Sargent, the girl next to him, who Adam realized went to his high school once she said she was from Henrietta. She looked familiar before, and now it was clear why. Her two facts were that she one day hoped to be able to travel globally and save the planet from human pollution, and she also never went to camp before so this was exciting and new for her.

 

Then it was Adam’s turn, and when all eyes fell on him to hear him speak he drew a blank at what to say. What two facts could he tell them? What would they even want to hear? He thought a moment, trying not to look visibly shaken by the spotlight. He closed his eyes as he answered.

 

“Adam Parrish,” he started off strong voiced. “Henrietta, like Blue… I like astrophysics and also mint chocolate chip ice cream.” He borrowed inspiration from Henry when he drew a blank on what else to say. He didn’t want to say he never went out of state before, never camped before, that he felt a connection to the kids. All these things were private information, things he didn’t think these people understood. Maybe Blue, though, he thought as she made eye contact with him when he finished and gave him an awkward smile.

 

As they were finishing up with the last few people, Adam looked to Ronan again, who at some point slipped away from the circle and stood back from the rest like before. He wasn’t sure why his eyes kept going to find him, but they did. Ronan was a very angry person, that much was clear. Why, he wondered, was he so angry?

 

They all breathed relief when the awkward introductions were over, but the moment of relief only lasted so long until Henry was fishing through his clipboard again.

 

“Next,” he said without looking up, "I want you to get into pairs.”

 

People started moving around in different directions to find someone to stand with. Henry observed them all, as Adam didn’t know what to do or who to stand with.

 

That’s _two_ people, Jennifer,” Henry called out. "Come on. This shouldn’t take this long. Just find somebody. Anybody. You don’t have to know them. In fact, I prefer it if you didn’t."

 

Adam looked around and saw Noah and Ronan paired off and others paired off, and for a second he thought he wasn’t going to get anyone but then he felt a tug on his arm and he turned. Blue was staring up at him and looking about as thrilled about this as he felt, which wasn’t much.

 

“Partners?” she asked. He nodded, since everyone else seemed to find a partner already and he didn’t mind Blue. They both came from Henrietta, and probably similar enough backgrounds compared to the rest of the crowd. He liked not feeling so alone.

 

“Great. Everyone’s partnered up. Now the name of the game is ‘Eye Contact.’ The goal is to stare into each other’s eyes in silence for sixty minutes nonstop. I’m watching all of you, so there’s no cheating! Sixty minutes without looking away or closing your eyes longer than a blink. Don’t give me the finger, Lynch. You’re with Noah. You’re fine. Okay, ready? And- go.”

 

Staring at Blue was a strange thing, but he didn’t completely mind it. While it was awkward and uncomfortable, she was pretty and she wasn’t glaring back at him. He could only imagine the troubles Noah was dealing with having Ronan as a partner.

 

Blue giggled as she continued trying to maintain eye contact with him.

 

“What is it?” he asked, feeling like she was laughing at him.

 

“This is so stupid,” she whispered.

 

“No talking!” went Henry. Adam thought the comment was targeted at them but soon could hear when he turned his head Noah and Ronan quietly bickering in the corner.

 

“Stop winking at me, Noah,” Ronan jested.

 

“I’m not winking.” Noah rubbed at his eyes. “I have something in my eye. I think I inherited my mom’s allergies. Crap.”

 

Blue waved a hand in front of Adam’s face to call his attention back to her.

 

“I’m over here, Freckles,” she said.

 

He looked back at her, heated cheeks and neck.

 

“Sorry.”

 

She shrugged. “It’s okay,” she said.

 

Adam had to force himself to concentrate to look at her and acknowledge she was looking back, without bursting into laughing or letting his attention draw him elsewhere. After a while it became easier to do, staring blankly at Blue, having Blue staring blankly at him. The sixty seconds of pure silence and staring went by faster than he thought.

 

When Henry called time Ronan grumbled, “That was the fucking dumbest thing I’ve ever had to fucking do in my goddamn fucking life. Fuck.”

 

Blue was visibly biting back a laugh as Henry gave him a side eye. “Got enough fucks in there, Lynch?” he asked.

 

“No. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck,” he said with a broad grin.

 

Several people laughed.

 

"Okay, moving on,” Henry sighed.

 

After a few more group trust building exercises that were ridiculous, such as paper tower and willow in the wind (Blue let Ronan fall onto his back), they broke for lunch, made up of pre-made sandwiches and waters. Adam was allowed to indulge in two sandwiches, but was starting to regret the second halfway when he felt himself getting full.

 

“So, Adam,” and Adam realized he wasn’t sitting alone anymore. He looked up to see Blue joining him. He swallowed, looking up at her. “You know Persephone Poldma, right?”

 

“I do,” he said hesitantly.

 

“I’m Maura’s daughter,” she said. “Persephone said she was hoping you would come, and to look for you if you did.”

 

“Oh, hi.” Adam hadn’t realized Persephone mentioned him to her, and he didn’t recognize her from what Persephone said. He couldn’t remember if she said her name or not.

 

“Yeah, hi,” Blue said with a sheepish smile. "I recognized you from school like right away. You and I should stick together. I think we may be the only two here that aren't from some richie rich school. Even the other girls are talking about boarding school.” She rolled her eyes. He knew how she felt, and he almost openly sympathized until he remembered he was going to Aglionby in the fall. “Are you done with your sandwich?” she asked.

 

Adam glanced down at his unfinished food and couldn’t dream of taking another bite. He pushed it towards her, and her smile grew at the offer. His stomach couldn’t handle anymore, even if he wanted to eat. Going from his small meals to this required some adjustment.

 

“Have to hand it to them on one thing,” she said with a hand over her full mouth. “They make some damn good sandwiches.”

 

Adam wasn't used to having to make small talk like this. At school he was familiar with people, but conversations there were usually related to school and homework. At work it was about cars.

 

"Actually, I'm transferring to Aglionby in the fall.” He didn’t know why he said it that way, but he felt like being honest with Blue. Something about her made him want to.

 

Blue looked up and grimaced. "Ew why?"

 

"I want to get into a good college and Aglionby is my best shot at that,” he said earnestly. "I want to get as far from Henrietta as I can, and that'll get me there."

 

She swallowed her bite of her sandwich and looked him square in the eye. He didn't know what to do but stare back. Then she said, "Mm, I still like you. Even if you are going to be an Aglionby boy. You have a vibe about you I like. I can tell we're going to be good friends. Plus, you made eye contact with me for a full sixty seconds earlier and didn’t laugh once, so I like you already."

 

"Is that so?” He smiled a little.

 

She nodded. "Yeah, you'll just have to deal with it. Man, those sandwiches are good. I'm going to get another one. Do you want one?"

 

"No, I'm okay. Thank you."

 

"Such manners. You are definitely a southern boy."

 

And as she got up, Henry stood too and called out over the chaos of conversation. “If anyone’s interested in putting their belongings away before the tour, I have your cabin numbers ready.”

 

Adam wiped his hands on his jeans as Henry reached across the table to give him his key, which was attached to a lanyard, as well as an info packet that included a map.

 

“The keys I'm giving you should be on you at all times,” said Henry. "They can open practically any building in the campground, and in particular your cabin for the rest of your stay. The number painted on them is your cabin number, and you'll have eight kids under your watch in each cabin, and one cabin mate. If you're going to drop off your stuff now, please meet back here right after. I'll give you the tour and then you're free to do whatever until dinner!"

 

Blue came back with another sandwich and her things and together they walked to their cabins. He made sure to stand on his good hearing side beside her so he could hear her without being obvious. It still took getting used to, the silence on one side. Sometimes he didn't even notice the hearing was gone, adjusting to the absence, and then sometimes it was so overwhelming he lost all ability to function in its absence.

 

"It's so annoying that we're segregated like this,” Blue commented on the walk. “And to make us choose between ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ like this. I mean, have they not even heard of gender fluid people or nonbinary? I doubt half those people in there even know what that means."

 

"I… couldn’t say.” Adam only learned about gender identities and sexuality several summers ago when he was researching it for himself, realizing he liked guys as much as he liked girls and identifying himself as bisexual. But he still didn’t really know how to add to this conversation, although it seemed Blue was more ranting out loud and he happened to be there.

 

She huffed as the subject got her more upset the longer she thought about it. “Maybe I’ll talk to Henry about it,” she said. “I mean, ignorance can only be resolved by discussion. Right?”

 

“Right,” he agreed.

 

Blue chewed on her lip a moment, and then jangled her keys in the air.

 

“I got cabin 2. What number did you get? Noah got 6.”

 

“I’m 8,” he said.

 

“Oh.” She seemed disappointed. “Well, I’m this way according to this map.” She pointed right. "I think you’re that way.” Then she pointed left. “So I’ll see you in a bit I guess? Hope you don’t get a shit cabin mate.”

 

“You too.”

 

Then Adam moved on, making it to his cabin with relative ease. Walking around earlier with Henry made him more aware of some of the locations on the grounds, which made it easier to navigate without use of a map. As he walked in, Adam noticed immediately all the kids had bunk beds. There were two slightly larger in size that weren’t bunk beds, in one of the two rooms attached to cabin 8. He assumed they were for him and his cabin mate, and so he picked the one closer to the door, sitting on it to get the idea of its comfort. It was a bit lumpy, but every bed was going to be better than what he had back at the Parrish house, so he started to unpack a little. Since the beds had no sheets he unpacked the sleeping bag he bought at the thrift store. The zipper was broken which made it a steal, but he fit in it fine when he tried it out back at Persephone’s, so he could live without the zipper. He rolled it out and then tucked his bag and the rest of his stuff under the bed.

 

When he sat up he noticed a shadow looming over him from the open doorway and he jerked. For a second he thought it was Robert Parrish, come to take him away. But it was only Ronan. Then he realized that meant Ronan was his cabin mate.

 

"Oh, hi.” He didn’t know what else to say. "I took this bed. Hope you don't mind.”

 

Ronan stepped inside and tossed his bag onto the other single bed. “I don’t sleep much anyway,” he said. Then he just stood there, back to Adam, staring down at the bed. It was now that Adam noticed a tattoo sneaking out of his shirt at the back, parts of it visible on his neck and shoulders. Black swells of what looked like feathers and claws. He looked away when Ronan turned back to him.

 

"Parrish, right?"

 

“Mhm."

 

"Do I know you from somewhere? Aglionby?"

 

Adam didn't know why it felt strange not to be recognized. It was dark in the building when they met the first time, and earlier that afternoon he wasn't visible when he teased Ronan for his bag. Still, to be ignored, it sat wrong in his gut.

 

"Nope. Don't think so.” Lying came too easy to him it just came out.

 

"You don't snore do you?” Ronan asked, and Adam couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious.

 

This was the topic of discussion with Ronan Lynch. He touched at the rip where the zipper was torn out of his bag as he said, “Thought you said you didn’t sleep."

 

Ronan quirked a smile. He was a hundred times more handsome than when he scowled. "Snoring is still annoying as shit to hear,” said Ronan. "I might have to smother you with a pillow if you snore."

 

The threat of death should have made him uncomfortable but instead he bit down on his lip to hide a smile forming. "Luckily for me then I don't snore,” he said, and then he scrunched his nose up when he realized how could he know? "At least, I don't think I do. No one has said anything.”

 

"Maybe they didn't want to offend you,” Ronan mused. “I don’t have that problem. I’ll say something if you do."

 

"Thanks ever so much."

 

Ronan smirked and then sat down on the bed. He leaned so his head rested against the wall, closing his eyes. Adam thought about leaving to catch up with Blue, knowing she was probably heading back already like the rest of them, but then out of curiosity he asked, “So are you staying?”

 

Ronan opened one eye, glaring. "Wanting to get rid of me already?"

 

Adam shrugged one of his shoulders, tilting his head to hear Ronan better. "I just got a sense from earlier you didn't want to be here,” he said. "You seem pretty against staying by the looks of things."

 _Also you said you were leaving_ , he wanted to add, but that would give it away he was the voice at the stage earlier.

 

Ronan thought a moment, opening both eyes and looking down at his hands. They balled into fists then spread out flat against his knees, palms down and fingers wide. Then they balled into fists again, and he sighed. "I haven't decided yet,” he said. There was no heat behind his words. In fact he sounded tired. "I’m keeping my options open."

 

Adam nodded, even though Ronan didn’t look up to see.

 

"If we're going to live together like this for the next ten weeks, there's something you should know.” He said it so seriously Adam worried it was going to be something awful. "I hate kids."

 

"You hate kids?” Adam said with a laugh. "What are you doing here then?"

 

"I don't fucking know,” he said defensively. "Noah asked me to come, so…" He shrugged.

 

Adam felt like that was only half the story but he wasn't going to push. Outside he could hear some of the others passing by their cabin and he gestured with a crook of his neck before rising.

 

“I’m going to head back,” he said.

 

To his surprise, Ronan groaned as he got up to follow, as if Adam had asked him along. Adam didn’t say anything, unsure what _to_ say, and instead they walked in relative silence most of the way back, until Ronan looked over.

 

“It was you, wasn’t it, who I heard by the stage earlier?”

 

Adam could almost feel his skin flush but he somehow managed to smother the feeling. Instead he said, “ _Reus quod praecepitque_ ,” not entirely sure why. Maybe the change of language would throw Ronan off enough he would drop the subject.

 

Of course, Ronan went to Aglionby, and he seemed to catch what Adam said and he snorted.

 

“Asshole,” he said playfully. “I knew it.”

 

“You should’ve seen the look on your face,” Adam said. “You looked so confused. I caught you even looking into the trees.”

 

The tips of Ronan’s ears went pink, and he looked down at the ground as he kicked at a branch to get out of his way. “No, I knew exactly where you were, Parrish,” he said. “I was about to call you out but then Cheng fucking distracted me.”

 

"Uh-huh. Sure, Lynch.” Adam hesitated after he said it. He wasn’t sure if it was okay to call him that, but Ronan called him Parrish. He looked over to see another smile twisting at Ronan’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Gansey this chapter because I honestly don't know how to write him into the camp narrative. Does he dramatically appear as a surprise counselor? Does he show up on parents day?? I'll figure it out lol
> 
> Also sorry not much Ronan Adam interactions until the end. I know that's what you're here for and that's what I'm here for too!
> 
> I still don't know if I'm getting their characterizations right. They're such complex characters. I'm probably worrying about this too much
> 
> Thanks for reading! Next chapter is Day 1 of camp, and we finally get to see Opal!! :)


	3. Children of the Camp

On the first night Ronan, Noah, Adam, and Blue hung out in Noah's cabin, later joined by Henry, and for the first time in a long time Ronan felt okay. He wasn't having as awful a time as he thought he would. In fact, though he wouldn't admit it, he wasn't having an awful time at all. Maybe there was something to be said about getting out and getting fresh air.

The second day of orientation was spent listening to adults talk about a variety of subjects, most of which revolved around safety. Ronan tuned out before Noah's mom came up to speak, turning to look at Adam who Blue managed to convince to sit with them. Noah was bonding heavily with Blue, who in turn was also bonding heavily with Adam, and Ronan was being Ronan. He spent the better part of the talk staring at Adam out of the corner of his eye, amazed by his focus when everyone else (except Henry) was falling asleep. How he could look so invested in something so dull was beyond him. The way he nodded along with the information, and at times looked to be even trying to memorize some of the facts. He wondered if he was real, this boy with gentle charm and quiet timid smiles.

He also wondered why it was Adam didn't recognize him from the auto shop when he remembered _him_ vividly, but in truth he _was_ the asshole who went against his own code and lied about not recognizing Adam. A dumb move he still didn't know why he pulled. The lie was eating him up inside, but he wasn’t sure how to take it back.

The party Henry planned for the night before the kids arrived was cancelled, as most of the adults decided to stay the night to greet the kids. Ronan wasn't pressed, as instead he and Adam spent the better part of the night talking about cars and Latin and music.

"Your music taste is awful," Adam groaned, when Ronan started singing easily his favorite song to get on people's nerves. He was surprised that Adam heard of it before he belted it out, and he didn't stop singing until Adam threw a pillow at his head, hitting him with perfect aim.

"Not all of us can withstand Sufjan Stevens and his sadness," Ronan argued, shrugging as Adam caught the pillow when he threw it back. “Your taste isn’t that great, either.”

"Ouch, the great Ronan Lynch doesn’t like my taste in music. Whatever will I do?" said Adam sarcastically. Ronan rolled his eyes at the effortless way Adam could get under his skin. The little quirk of Adam’s lip as he was fully aware he had done so was enough to drive Ronan wild. He had the ability to throw comments back at Ronan as quick as Ronan could throw them. Trying not to let Adam get the last word, Ronan opened his mouth to say something back but Adam beat him to it. "Someone needs to culture you in some decent music one of these days, Lynch. Before you make someone deaf."

"Are you offering?" Ronan asked.

"Maybe if you're still around at the end of the summer," said Adam. It got Ronan’s heart racing. "We'll see how it goes."

Never did having his musical inclinations insulted sting so little. While Ronan initially was hesitant to have Adam as his cabin mate, he wasn't hating it. It may actually have been the best thing to happen to him in a while.

In the morning both of them looked to regret staying up late. Slow movements, and already present dark circles even darker under their eyes. Ronan skipped the showers but Adam didn't, and so it left him to make it to the mess hall by himself, which was already bustling with life when he arrived.

Ronan went straight for the food line and burned his tongue when he shoved the food in his mouth as soon as it reached his plate, desperate to satisfy himself with food if there wasn’t alcohol or his BMW nearby. When he finished the line he went and sat with the others, Henry and Blue deep in discussion about recycling while Noah was taking it all in beside them.

"Blue, I love your enthusiasm, really," said Henry, only several bites into his breakfast. Looking at his plate Ronan realized he somehow missed the hash browns. “But we already have a recycling system in place here.”

“But you should be more thorough,” she argued. “I saw someone throw away something recyclable in the general bin just a minute ago. That’s wasteful.”

Taking note of Ronan, Noah turned from the other two and motioned to Ronan’s right.

“Where’s Adam?”

“Showering.”

Noah made a face that Ronan found questionable, like he was in on something Ronan wasn’t. Sometimes Ronan didn’t understand Noah’s logic, nor did he want to. After a minute Henry sighed and Ronan was sucked back into vaguely paying attention to his and Blue’s conversation.

“While I would love to discuss this more, I actually have a camp to run, so maybe we could continue this tonight,” he said. “I’m not brushing you off. Don’t get any big ideas. The kids should be here any minute.”

“But I didn’t even talk about the cabin situation yet–”

Noah nudged her, shoulder to shoulder, and already they had some sort of silent way of talking that made Ronan scowl at his food. Blue's intensity went down several notches as Noah silently talked to her through a look.

“Tonight,” she said. “And I _will_ chase you down if you try to run from me.”

“Ah, Bluebird, I would never,” he said, winking before taking off.

"Did he just call me-? Well, I’m just going to…" She got up to go after him.

"Blue," said Noah, voice dripping with concern. Ronan was just amused by the free entertainment. "You didn't finish your breakfast!"

Blue waved him off and was gone.

"I seem to have acquired two of you now," said Noah.

"She's nothing like me." Ronan was insulted. They were entirely different people. Nothing in common. Nothing at all. He started in on his eggs, ignoring Noah’s latest look, judging him silently.

Ronan still needed to devise a plan on how to get Declan to think he matured and give him his car back, and so that is what he focused on instead. Not the fact that Noah's new friendship with Blue was frustrating, or how Ronan missed his mom. Or how grumpy he was that Adam was taking his sweet ass time showering.

There was the possibility of having Declan visit. It sounded unappealing on several levels, but Ronan needed to know when he got out of here he was getting his car back. Maybe even he could convince him to leave the Barns alone, if there was still time and hope that the Barns could one day be his again. It wasn't fair that Declan got to decide these things. It wasn't fair Ronan was the one being told to grow up when he spent the first year after their dad's death looking after their mother while simultaneously standing on the knife's edge of his own collapse.

People assumed Ronan was careless, and sometimes he could be, but he still had aspirations and goals and feelings. They just... didn't like to surface the same way they did for everybody else.

"Attention everyone!" exclaimed one of the adults. Ronan didn't turn around to see who, even while everyone else did. He was still half asleep and zoning out. "The kids are arriving any minute now. Finish up and meet us outside. Oh, and don't forget your shirts! First impressions are the best impressions."

Ronan gave Noah the side eye because he instantly knew it was his mom. Also, he didn't want to wear his shirt. Yesterday they were given matching shirts to Henry’s, bright pink tees that read Camp Cabeswater 2016 on the front and the counselor's name written on the back. Ronan begrudgingly put it on over his muscle tee on their way outside.

When Adam caught up with the rest of the counselors, his hair was wet, dripping down into the collar of his shirt. It was a real personal struggle for Ronan not to take notice of how his shirt clung to his torso, still damp from the shower. His whole body, in fact, was still damp he realized. Suddenly it was hard to breathe.

"No towel, Parrish?" Ronan had to force himself to look away before Adam was aware he was staring.

Beside him, Adam looked uncomfortable at the jab. What little bit of joy he had jogging over was wilted into an uncomfortable grimace.

"No, actually," he said. "I didn't bring one."

"Oh." Ronan felt like a piece of shit.

"You can borrow one of mine," said Noah, chiming in giddily. "I brought two.”

"I don’t need your towel, Noah,” Adam said flatly.

“I really wouldn’t mind.”

Adam rolled his eyes. Noah didn’t know what to do except raise his hands in defeat and walk off to Blue, who was talking to her cabin mate a little ways off.

“Parrish,” said Ronan, nudging their shoulders together. Stealing a page from Noah with Blue, although it didn’t quite seem to stir the same effect in Adam. He gave him a heated look, and only when Ronan didn’t back down from it did his expression dissolve into a slightly bored one.

“I don’t need charity,” he said.

“It’s just a loan.”

“You don’t get it.”

Ronan really didn’t, and he wanted to, but before he could ask what Adam meant by it Blue and her cabin mate (Lucinda? Quinn? Fuck?) appeared with Noah. Adam relaxed when they arrived, and immediately Blue noticed his wet and sloppy hair.

"You look like a wet puppy, Freckles," she said with a laugh, reaching up to swipe clumps of his hair out of his eyes. He let her. Ronan was on fire.

"Stop," Adam said, amused enough he didn't force her to. "It'll dry. It's hot out."

A little of his accent slipped and Ronan forgot how to breathe again. The sound, followed shortly by the sight, of the bus full of children knocked the air back into his lungs, reminded that roughly eighty teacup humans were about to come barreling out of that thing. Loud and messy and fast.

"Everybody ready?" Henry asked cheerily.

"No," Ronan answered honestly. He received a look that told him "too bad" and he sucked in the air through gritting teeth.

Everyone else looked thrilled or happily nervous. Ronan felt... dread. He could barely look after himself. What made him think he could look after _kids_? Matthew was one thing, someone he truly loved and adored and most of the "looking out" happened before his giant mood alteration. This was different.

"Lynch?" Adam put a hand to his shoulder. "You okay?"

Ronan looked over and Adam was staring at him with concern in his eyes, and looking at him Ronan felt like maybe he could do this. With his help, it was possible. He exhaled, slowly, allowing Adam's hand to linger on his arm as long as it could. The simple touch was sending prickles through his body, emanating from where the edge of his palm touched the skin of Ronan's arm.

"I'll be fine," and Ronan was back, pushing at Adam's hand playfully. He wouldn't let Adam know the things he was already doing to him after two days. "At least I look presentable. You look like one of those sheepherder dogs. Can't see out from your hair."

"Shut up." Adam put his palm to his face, bony but beautiful and callused hand capable of covering most of his face. "At least I have hair."

"This," he said pointing to his scalp, "is an aesthetically pleasing choice. I'm not bald because I have to be."

"And I'm not wet because I have to be."

Ronan couldn't think of an appropriate comeback to that, and thankfully the door swung open on the bus in that moment and kids came flying out.

"Oh, shit," said Blue.

"There’s so many," said Noah.

They came out sprinting and excited and shouting over each other, and it was pure chaos for at least fifteen minutes. Counselors scrambling after ones that got away, adults trying to help take out luggage from under the bus, the driver trying to find someone in charge but that someone was too busy trying to count and do roll call.

It was hilarious for Ronan until the bus driver grabbed for him, the only one stationary long enough for her to talk to.

"I- Hey, lady, I'm not the one in-"

"One of them won't come out of the bus," she said. "She tried to bite me when I tried to get her out of the seat, so I'm at a bit of a loss here on what to do. No one's really available except you."

"I'm not available."

"I have to start heading back soon." The bus driver sounded wrecked, and if she had to transport these kids who were clearly all on sugar or acid or both, he could understand why she was so done. "Would you mind?"

Inside the bus was chaos. It was covered in litter, some of which Ronan found to be very sticky. He didn't remember kids being this messy when he was that age, but that was likely selective memory. At the very far back Ronan could make out a skullcap peeking out from behind one of the seats, attached to a little girl aged seven or eight by his guess. That's how old most kids here were. She was small, blonde, and glaring daggers his way when he could see her face. She looked like a biter.

"You," he said. "Come on. Get out."

She was silent, too, and turned her head to gaze out the window rather than talk. Ronan wasn't willing to grab her, knowing his boundaries, but he wasn't afraid to antagonize her. So he sat in the seat in front of her and looked over the back down at her. The plastic seat was hot against his chin, but at least it wasn’t sticky. This sparked no response still, except her hands went and crossed over her chest in a defensive maneuver.

"Hate camp that much already?" he asked, to no reaction. "I know the feeling. I don't want to be here either."

Her eyes darted his way, he noticed, by the reflection in the glass.

"You're quiet. I can get behind that. Talking sucks when you've got nothing interesting to say, and all those kids out there seemed pretty lame. But you know it's not really fair making me do all the fucking talking here," he said.

Her lips twitched at the f-bomb and he knew at least she was listening.

"What's your name, kid?"

She glared harder at the glass. "Opal," she mumbled.

"Finally, we're getting somewhere," he said, pleased. "Opal. Sounds like an old lady name."

She kicked the back of his seat with as much energy an eight year old can muster.

"Eh, watch it," he said. "Mind your elders. And I was kidding about your name. Relax."

Opal grunted and stared back out the window.

"My name's Ronan."

"Ronan," she whispered under her breath, measuring the length of each syllable with her voice. She was hard edged, like him. A lot of these kids probably were, strong and survivors. Opal looked like she could survive anything. "That's an old man name."

His lips split into a tiny smile. She kicked the chair again.

After ages he finally convinced her to come outside, and by that point much of the chaos died down. Adam stayed behind, although Ronan didn't know why, and with him was the one last bag left from the bus that must have belonged to Opal. She ran to it on sight, snatching it from Adam with a hefty stare.

"Oh, okay," said Adam when the bag was torn from his hands. His eyes drifted up from her to Ronan, who shrugged. "So..."

"Opal," Ronan offered.

"Opal," Adam looked down at her but did not bend his knee. He didn't appear to coddle her like some of the other counselors were doing. They were kids not babies. "Do you want to go meet up with the other kids?” and Opal was shaking her head no. “Got any friends here with you?” Again, she shook her head no. He appeared to be at a loss, but instead he sighed and said, “That’s okay. I didn’t have any friends when I first arrived here either, but I have a couple now, like this big oaf behind you.”

“I’m not an oaf,” Ronan responded. His take to the comment amused Opal enough it sparked a small snicker from her, as her eyes darted between the two boys on either side.

Adam ignored him, another of his small smiles twisting at his lips. “You’ve already got us as friends,” he said, like a promise that couldn’t be broken, and Opal relaxed a little of her defensive posture. “What say you make some more with the others? I think they’re getting your cabin numbers right now, and later there’s going to be a campfire from what I hear. Maybe s’mores if you’re lucky. Want to head over?”

Opal didn't verbally respond, but she did look back at Ronan and blink. Ronan stared back. What did she want?

"Lynch?" Adam asked, as if now the question he put toward Opal was his decision to make.

"What?" His gaze drifted between the two, from Opal to Adam, Adam to Opal and back again, until finally he was rattled by the uncomfortable silence and push for him to make the decision. "Ugh, let's go," he said.

As they were walking towards the sound of the cluster of kids Adam leaned into Ronan and whispered, "I think she likes you."

"Oh, fuck, I hope not," he said, but when he looked over at the kid and saw her staring back, he felt a tiny pinch in his chest. Probably heartburn.

 

\-----

 

Adam was learning he liked kids. It was never really that he hated kids, but for so long he was afraid of what would happen if he was around them, that there was too much Robert Parrish inside him. It was only day one, but Adam was enjoying himself immensely. He hardly thought about Robert Parrish at all, and watching Opal follow Ronan around and enjoy antagonizing him was the highlight of the day.

Adam was also learning Ronan in his own way liked kids too, or at least he could withstand them better than adults and teenagers. It was seen in the way Ronan made a big show of not wanting to be with the kids but answering every question they had and being gentle even when he was clearly on the edge of irritation. At first Adam feared he would snap at them, his only real reference his own father with kids, but instead Ronan moved past his anger with the kids far faster than he did with the others their age. It was revealing in a lot of ways.

After settling in the eight campers they would have in their cabin, the day was spent doing activities that were targeted toward getting the kids to know each other, much like what they had to do the first day of orientation. Adam wondered how much time and effort Henry clearly put into this, amazed by how every single minute was practically accounted for in their day’s routine. He was exhausted by lunch, but this was perhaps the most fun he had at a job since he started working.

He loved working, even though it could be exhausting, but he would never say no to an extra shift or more work if offered. He also loved doing a good job, and making sure the kids were happy felt like a good signifier of doing a good job here. It was nice being asked questions and having the answers, feeling included in something. He was grateful for Persephone for giving him the flyer when initially he was hesitant.

The first opportunity to relax the entire day was shortly after dinner and just before the campfire. Adam collapsed into his bed to take a short nap but was immediately sat on by Ronan.

“What are you doing!” Adam slapped at Ronan’s back with both hands. “You are not a light man.”

“The fuck, Parrish.” Ronan didn’t budge. “You know, I have issues with my weight.”

“You do?” Adam didn’t mean to insinuate anything, but out of the corner of his eye he noticed Ronan smirking. He smacked him in the arm. “Don’t joke about that shit. That isn’t funny.”

“You said shit in front of a child,” Ronan gaped, faking shock with a hand over his mouth.

“I’m glad we agree you’re juvenile,” Adam replied.

“No, not me. Opal.”

“Opal?” And with that Ronan let Adam sit up to see Opal sitting on Ronan’s bed, legs crossed and looking through an old copy of _Alice in Wonderland_.

“Is she your shadow now? Is it appropriate for her to be in here?”

“She won’t leave me alone,” he said. He didn’t sound particularly bothered by it. “Why wouldn’t it be appropriate? We’re gentlemen, aren’t we?”

“Some of us.” Adam moved and sat on Ronan’s bed without thinking. Opal barely registered the move. He noted that she was looking at the book for the pictures, flipping through to any page with illustrations. “Where did you find this?”

“I brought it with me.”

That was surprising. His face must have betrayed his attempt at emotionless because Ronan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “What? _I_ _read_.”

“I hoped as much,” Adam said dryly. “No, I just… Why this book?”

Opal was staring at a picture of Alice falling down the rabbit hole, and it was exactly how he felt right now. She stroked the intense colors in the drawing, mesmerized by it. Somehow Ronan procured the perfect thing to keep her occupied.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Ronan, reluctant to even meet Adam’s eyes anymore. He sat on the opposite side of Opal, flipping the page to one without an illustration. Opal smacked his hand and turned back. Something tamed him too, and he was quieter than usual.

“I won’t make fun of you,” he said.

“Scout’s honor?” Ronan asked.

“Wasn’t a boy scout,” Adam admitted. “Parents didn’t really see the point.”

“Mine either.”

Finally Ronan lifted his eyes and met them with Adam and Adam could feel the real Ronan Lynch starting to take shape, forming and reforming before him. Ronan wore his anger like an armor, sarcastic like Adam as a defense mechanism, but underneath he was a boy who brought _Alice in Wonderland_ with him to camp.

“I’m bored.” Opal slammed the book shut. “S’mores time. Come on, old man.”

She tugged at Ronan’s shirtsleeve to let him know he was the old man.

“I told you don’t call me that,” he said, groaning after because she wasn’t listening.

 

At the campfire the counselors helped the kids build their s’mores, putting their marshmallows on sticks specifically designed for marshmallow roasting. It was a cool night, the fire a comfortable heat combined with the chill wind. Several people were wearing sweatshirts but Adam was comfortable in his shirt, sitting close enough to the fire he could feel a sweat building. After helping set up the marshmallows for a few kids he made his own and sat down where he could light it. Ronan was still preoccupied with Opal and a few other girl campers, clearly enamored with his shaved head and amused by his penchant for cursing.

“Freckles,” said Blue, sitting beside him a moment. “How was your first day?”

“Pretty nice,” he said. “The kids like to call me Mr. Adam for some reason.”

“Oh my god that’s so cute!” she squealed.

“At first they tried to call me Mr. Parrish, but I didn’t want to be called that, so we settled I guess.”

“They just call me Blue,” and she pouted at that. “Can’t believe I would ever see the day I found people calling me by my real name boring but Mr. Adam is so _cute_.”

“You said that already.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know I did, loser.”

He liked Blue, with her short hair that sat like spikes on the edge of her messy ponytail, her already redesigned camp shirt, and her ability not to take anyone’s shit. It was a shame he didn’t talk to her at school before, that while Henrietta’s schools were small they just never floated in the same orbit until now. She put a hand on his arm, nails painted a sparkly black, chipped from trying to chase down kids all day.

“Tell me, really, how it’s going with having dickbag as your roommate?” she asked, low and close. He could feel her breath on his face, her smile gentle. Maybe a couple months ago he would’ve been happy for it, but right now he could only think about how he had to strain to hear her. Over the crackling of the fire, the chatter surrounding them, his one good ear was consumed with too much to work through. He tilted his head a little and then completely gave up on being able to tune out the sound around them, looking to search for “Dickbag” in the small crowd.

Ronan was across the fire, kids surrounding him still as he was the only one who hadn’t completely given up helping them yet. When he looked at Ronan he realized Ronan already was looking back at him. His gaze immediately returned to Blue who was waiting for him to answer.

“He’s not too bad,” he said. “Makes for interesting conversation.”

She made a sound of amusement. “Conversation,” she said, as if in disbelief Ronan could have them.

They started talking about her cabin mate and how much she was getting on Blue’s nerves when Henry approached them with a fully made s’mores sandwich. He offered it to Blue.

“Bluebird, you wanted to talk to me about our cabin design if I remember correctly?” he asked. “Also sorry about earlier. I really didn’t mean to brush you off, so I made this for you.”

She was speechless for the first time Adam knew her, which wasn’t saying much. It was only a couple days.

After they left it only took three seconds for Ronan to sit where Blue had, not as closely but enough Adam was fully aware of his presence, loud even when he wasn’t.

“Lynch,” he said, trying to toast his marshmallow just right. Ronan already made his, browned on the edges but splitting into lines of white goo on his fingers. It was unsettling to watch.

“So,” Ronan said after a bite off his stick, “Parrish, hear you’re going to be my classmate soon.”

“Blue told you?” Adam felt slightly betrayed. While he didn’t tell her it was a secret, it was his information to tell.

“Well, she told Noah who told me,” he said. “Didn’t know it was some big secret.”

“I just…” Adam tried to find the right words to say, but couldn’t say them here to Ronan. “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

It was a huge deal to him but probably meant nothing to Ronan. Ronan probably was so used to everything being handed to him. Probably didn't know just how privileged he was, or care.

“Aglionby’s fucking hard to get into,” said Ronan. “Be proud.”

Adam frowned at him. “I _am_ proud.”

“Good.” Ronan awkwardly tried to pick more at his marshmallow, making a mess of himself. “We could use some fresh blood around there. It’s been pretty dull lately.”

“I doubt that very much with you in attendance,” Adam said.

“Ah, but I don't really attend anymore, so hence the dullness.”

“Hence.” Adam tried not to laugh, but a small chuckle slipped out despite himself.

“What?”

“I just never hear that word actually used in day to day conversation.”

“You'll hear it a lot at Aglionby,” said Ronan. “Plus Latin. Prep school boys love their fucking Latin.”

“I'm excited for that,” he admitted. “I love Latin.”

Ronan didn’t say anything to that, and for a moment Adam wasn’t sure what to say next. His marshmallow was burning, left too long in the flame, and he hurriedly pulled it from the fire and blew on it to soften the singe. When it was cool enough by the testing of his finger he bit into its corner, the inside still gooey and warm.

“Well,” Ronan was fidgeting with a second marshmallow into the fire, “I don't know if you're, like, concerned or whatever but I wouldn't be. You'll fit in fine. Everyone'll probably love you. I don't know what I'm saying. Never mind.” He focused solely on his marshmallow, not looking up once to meet Adam’s inquisitive stare.

What he said filled Adam with warmth, at the idea he could match the person he’s aspired to be since he knew that was something he wanted. Something he feared was to not fit in. While he was fully aware fitting in wasn’t everything, that you don’t have to and shouldn’t depend on other’s for your happiness, Adam wanted to be successful on his own merit and for people to recognize him for his successes. Aglionby was the start of that path. Hearing Ronan imply that could be a reality was thrilling, even if it wasn’t official just because Ronan Lynch the Aglionby Punk said so. What allowed Adam to let the words have meaning was Ronan didn’t say it with any malice or snark, unlike everything else he’s ever said to him. The change was noticeable, and he smiled targeted at his feet.

Adam spent the rest of the campfire warm and light from more than just the fire. That warmth grew when he saw marshmallow smeared all over Ronan’s fingers, who messily licked it up off them, unaware of the image he was placing inside Adam’s mind.

"Ronan," was said off to Adam’s left, and they both turned their heads to see Opal’s marshmallow burnt to a little nub on the end of her stick. "It didn't work."

"Oh, for fuc-dge's sake.” Ronan didn’t even ask as he handed Adam his own stick to look after. “How the hell did you manage that?"

Adam let himself think about Aglionby in the fall, and let that excitement fill him. His dream future was starting to take a nice real shape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! let me know what you think! :)
> 
> edit: if anyone wants to find me over on tumblr i'm cabeswatergreywaren


	4. Discendo discimus, asshole

Camp Cabeswater was a magical place, Adam decided. There was no other explanation as to how a place could be so perfect and real if it wasn't at least a little bit magic. Here Adam was the most Adam version of himself he had been yet, allowed to bloom outside the dark and isolated place once called “home.” Everything about it felt so surreal when only a month ago Adam went through one of the worst days of his life. This place made him feel secure in the belief that everything was going to be okay a lot sooner than he anticipated.

Here he was making friends, and while he cherished what he had with Persephone it was nice having kids his age to talk to. Some more than others.

Speaking of Ronan, he was not lying when he said he didn't sleep often. He was always up, shuffling around at odd hours, disappeared sometimes when Adam would wake up from a bad dream or simply sense there was something different. Oftentimes Ronan would be awake before the sun because he never went to bed. A week went by like this, Ronan hardly sleeping and Adam wondered what it was that kept him awake, and if it was the same thing that made him fueled by flame. He wanted to ask, but they were building a balance between them he wasn’t sure he wanted to tilt. This friendship was still very new.

Unfortunately, Adam wasn't sleeping any better than Ronan, the adjustment to sharing a room with a crowd of people lengthy. It offered the perfect excuse to stay up on nights he couldn’t fall sleep right away, using Ronan’s offered flashlight to read in the dark. Aglionby may be a couple months away, but already he was preparing because that’s what he did best. An idle mind was a wasted one, he felt. Latin, of course, was his main priority, as it was easiest for him to study for without the syllabus information. He wasn’t sure if he would be behind, so he studied through a secondhand book a past Aglionby student sold him last summer. Just to be sure.

Adam always worked hard, work something he could always find solace in, but chasing after kids all day every day was another level of working hard he didn't know existed. Kids were relentless, fast, energetic beyond compare, and not to mention there were more of them than there were of him. His exhaustion at the end of each day made him happy. If he could freeze a moment to return to whenever he wished, he would choose this one: playing tag in the grass with a bunch of seven and eight year olds, where he was making them smile and giggle. Ronan was being tackled by several of them, an act instigated by Opal climbing onto his back to slow him down.

When Ronan treated the kids with such tenderness Adam didn't know what to do with himself. His relationship especially with Opal was endearing to see. After only a week they were already inseparable, although both would deny it. Opal found herself more often at their cabin than her own, and if she could Adam knew she would sleep there. Blue tried to convince Henry to let it happen, but none of the boys wanted to switch and Henry wasn't going to push it.

Slowly, the camp was getting into a groove. The outdoor activities were keeping everyone busy, from tag to small hikes to soccer on the lawn, and Adam was completely overwhelmed in the best possible way. His way of unwinding was by way of strengthening his Latin verbs, alone for once in cabin eight. The kids, including Ronan, were supposed to be out doing something entertaining and athletic, and tonight there was supposed to be a firefly hunt of some sort. Adam wasn’t sure how catching fireflies was entertaining, but he also wasn’t eight anymore and if the kids were excited then so was he.

“Hey, Einstein.”

Adam jolted in his bed at the sound of a voice near his face. He was supposed to be alone for at least another hour. Ronan said he didn’t mind and Adam needed a breather, but when he turned his head there was Ronan beside him, wearing a shit-eating grin.

“What are you doing back so early?” Adam tried to swat at Ronan with his book, but Ronan dodged the action with ease. He snickered like a child getting away with something they knew they shouldn’t do, and he shuffled over to his side of the room. Ronan liked to antagonize Adam, but he noticed it was differently than how he antagonized everyone else. He didn’t answer, but by the resounding silence and lack of stomping through the wooden structure, Adam could tell Ronan came back alone.

“What are you doing reading about Latin?” Ronan spoke as if he was personally offended by this discovery. He was impossibly dramatic about everything. “Thought you knew it already.”

“I do know it already,” said Adam, “but it doesn’t hurt to study more.”

“Doesn’t hurt –?” Ronan continued to be impossibly dramatic, using up all the space in the room with his motions. Adam sat plainly on his bed, unmoving, observing this as Ronan reacted to him with such vibrancy. “This is the _summer_ ,” he said. “Shut your book and go outside.”

Adam sighed. “I was just outside for the entire day, Lynch,” he said. “What do you have against studying?”

“Everything.”

This had him a little irritated. There were stark differences between them, and one of them was simply this. Ronan had the luxury of not having to worry about his grades as much as Adam did, because he wasn’t going in with a half scholarship unlike Adam. Ronan had the luxury of coming to Cabeswater without having to care how much he was getting paid. This was Adam’s downtime and Ronan was squandering it, and so Adam let it be known.

“Some people actually care about school and their grades,” he said, with more bite than initially intended. “You should try it sometime.”

There was little to no reaction from Ronan, who shrugged and ran a hand over his bald head. “Not interested,” he said.

Adam sighed, exasperated. They were two different people with different views on school, and Adam wasn’t going to let Ronan try to talk him out of something he wanted to do. But then Ronan leaned into the side of Adam’s bed with his knees, nudging the mattress enough Adam was forced to look over at what he was doing. Ronan touched at the edge of the book, and for a moment he thought he was taking it from him and he held it tighter with both hands. Instead, Ronan was simply touching it, and while Adam was unsure why, he let him.

“Anyway…” Ronan’s one knee moved to rest on the bed as he leaned into the wall. “What classes are you taking in the fall, by the way?”

“Why?”

This caught Ronan by surprise and he stumbled over some of his words. His gaze held down onto the book, unmoving. “Curiosity,” he said.

At this point Adam wasn’t even reading anymore. It was difficult when someone stood over him like this, even though he was trying to make conversation Adam wasn’t able to meet his eyes. The book served as a mask to his face, as he noticed Ronan’s hand picking at the corner of his book cover.

“I wondered if we shared any classes is all,” Ronan said. With a short sigh he peeled from the wall and kicked at the floor. “Jesus, Parrish. You make it impossible to get to know you.”

Adam snorted. “Shocked and awed this is seen as impossible to you,” he said. “To _you_. You’re one to talk.”

“I am an open book.”

“Bullshit.”

Before coming here Adam wasn’t known to curse often. Sometimes if he hurt himself and he was alone, but otherwise he was prone to _dang its_ and _fudge_ and _shoot._ But living in a cabin with Ronan for a week straight led to some habits forming he didn’t previously have. He liked the way Ronan faltered when he said it so casually, like he did now. A smile teased on Adam’s lips, and luckily the book hid his fascination with Ronan’s reaction.

“Ask me anything,” Ronan finally said after a hot minute. “I won’t avoid the subject.”

Adam’s brow raised into his hairline. Curious by this change of tone, he asked sincerely, “Won’t get mad either?”

“That…” Ronan paused. “I cannot promise you.”

At this, Adam moved to hold his gaze with Ronan a second. Latin was the furthest thing from his mind now. He looked the boy up and down, filled with a dozen questions buzzing at the edge of his tongue like carbonation bubbles. Then he shrugged and looked back down at the page he last studied. “Can’t think of anything,” he said, if only to get under Ronan’s skin. It worked, for out of the corner of his eye he could see Ronan’s ears turn pink. The look made his glare a little less threatening. Another smile, bigger this time, was hid easily behind his book as he tried not to laugh. It was so fun getting under Ronan’s skin and he didn’t know why.

Ronan lingered at the edge of his bed a moment, staring down at him with his hooded eyes. The light coming in through the doorway was enough to illuminate his hard features, making him look more like a viper than he really was.

Before Adam was able to return to his studies Ronan moved around the bed and proceeded to climb into it at him. This was not expected and Adam clung to the wall and stuck both feet out, trying to gently kick at Ronan with his foot to get off. Ronan grabbed his leg and pulled it onto his lap instead, sitting cross legged with his back to the rest of the room.

“Get off my bed, you hooligan,” Adam demanded.

“Only if you ask nicely,” said Ronan. It was impossible to stay mad at him when he smiled enough his teeth split his lips. His wild blue eyes darted to the book that was pressed tight to Adam’s chest. “What chapter are you on?” He sounded vaguely interested, but Adam was more interested in what made him think sitting in Adam’s bed was a good idea.

“None of your business,” he said. “Don’t you have to get back to the kids?”

“Sargent’s with them,” he grunted. “I’m sure they’re getting schooled about recycling or something equally unimportant as we speak.”

“Where’s Opal?”

“I’m not her keeper. That’s Blue’s job.” He said it with such disdain, but after a few moments he added, “I think she’s doing archery with Noah’s group.”

The silence that wafted in was deafening, as Adam was unsure to say next. Holding a conversation with Ronan wasn’t particularly difficult, but he was very much aware his leg was still on Ronan’s lap, and that his hands were still touching at Adam’s ankle. The boy touched him so casually sometimes, like the touches weren’t a surprise every time they transpired. It was a comfort to be touched, and Adam craved more of it every passing day. Blue touched him plenty, nudging him, hands at his arms, sometimes touching his bangs out of his face; but when Ronan did it there was something different shared. A week living together made it feel more like a month, having to suffer already one kid getting sick in his bed, the showers deciding one morning only ice was the preferred temperature for water, and a million other events that dragged time and pushed them closer.

“At least take off your shoes, Lynch,” said Adam when he realized Ronan was still wearing his boots. “This is a bed, not a floor mat.”

“Your sleeping bag is pretty shit already, Parrish.”

“If I wanted your opinion I would have asked.”

Ronan grumbled something under his breath while he kicked his boots off. Taking this opportunity, Adam pulled his leg back toward him, tucking it under him so he could sit upright again. When Ronan finished removing his boots Adam tried to return to reading, the quiet washing over them again like a cloud building in a stormy sky.

“I know Latin,” said Ronan.

“Are you any good at it?” Adam asked earnestly.

“What do you think?”

Adam raised one eyebrow and Ronan scoffed. “Fuck you,” he said. “I was going to offer my services to you to study, but forget I said anything.”

“Oh.” Adam wasn’t realizing that’s what Ronan was offering, but even now that he knew it he still didn’t want a study partner if they were shit at Latin.

When he looked over the top of the book Ronan was already staring back. Adam could feel the balance between them tilting, but which way he could not say. This was the first time they had been alone like this in days, and it was only at this point that Adam fully began to realize.

Then Ronan sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth and said, “ _Discendo discimus_ , asshole. _Asinus asinorum in saecula saeculorum._ I know my Latin.”

Adam’s heart began beating very fast. Before he could react in full Ronan grabbed the book from him and started skipping through the pages. “How can I be sure _you’re_ any good?” he said. “I’ll quiz you.”

 

This was how Adam learned Ronan was really good at Latin, although he wasn’t sure why he was surprised. Though he didn’t know Ronan’s school habits he could take a guess. Ronan talked about how much he hated Aglionby any time Adam talked about it, so he figured him taking Latin didn’t mean much. He was thrilled to be proven wrong, because it meant his own Latin could be made stronger having someone to bounce off of. Practicing alone was a challenge.

Together, Adam and Ronan spent the better part of break and onward practicing. At dinner that night they separated and Ronan went to sit with Opal instead, leaving Adam alone with the other counselors.

Adam was eating alone, purposefully sitting at the edge of the table. He wore out his talking for the day, wanting to focus on his food before the kids mauled him later that night. The evening’s main activity yet to happen was a firefly hunt, the kids holding glass jars and searching for fireflies to catch. He needed all his energy for that, suspecting chasing something small that could fly in the dark wasn’t going to be very safe for some.

Across the mess hall, Adam could see Opal was most excited about something. She was standing on the bench seat at her table, roaring loudly over the buzzing crowd. Ronan kept trying to pull her down but she was a squirmy and feisty little thing. He gave her a stern look and said something to her, but from across the room and with this much noise Adam didn’t even try to guess what it was. She laughed in his face.

His view was cut off without warning by spikes of dark hair, and he realized Blue was sitting across from him now.

“So why do you live with Persephone?” she asked straight off the bat. She said it like she was repeating a question, and perhaps she was. He stilled.

“Why?” he said. When he looked down at his food he was no longer hungry, having lost his appetite.

“I’m curious,” she said. “Moved out early or something? I wish I could move out. Don't get me wrong, I love my family.”

“Can't relate,” he said.

She sunk back a little in surprise, shoulders pulling in as she leaned over the table. “Oh. Not nice people?”

“Something like that.”

“Well you came out pretty okay,” she said. “Didn't rub off on you.”

“Thanks,” he said bitterly

“Trying to be nice here, Parrish,” she said. “Do I have to go all Ronan on you to make you smile at me?”

His face felt hot at that, until she gently kicked his foot under the table. When he looked up she was grinning. Teasing. Adam felt lucky knowing Blue, and he warmed to her soft expression, his hunger returning to him slowly.

Behind her he could see Opal was still standing, this time on the table, and Ronan was trying to get her down but she would not relent. He smirked. Blue glanced over her shoulder to see what he was staring at, and when she turned back to him she rolled her eyes.

“It’s gross how cute they are,” she said. “How did you meet Persephone, by the way? I never asked.”

“We volunteered the same place at the same time,” he said. “I don’t live with her. It’s temporary.”

“Got it.” She nodded along. “No judgment here. Persephone’s the best, you know. I’m glad she was there when you needed it, for whatever reason that may be.” After a few more chews she added, “So after graduation, where do you want to go?”

“Away,” said Adam. He had to force himself to stare directly at Blue, even though the temptation to let his attention drift to Opal’s wild gestures behind her head was a great one. “Anywhere that isn't Henrietta.”

“I know the feeling,” Blue said. “I don't want to be stuck in Henrietta either. I want to explore the world.”

“And teach it how to recycle?”

She kicked him again. “It's a serious cause!” she said. “Minimizing our carbon footprint and waste on this planet will help save it. Landmasses are disappearing into the ocean, you know. Have you heard about West Papua?

I won't bore you with the details, but when we get access to wifi again you should read up on it and start recycling immediately.”

“I recycle,” he said. Over the years he had been known to take the cans and bottles from their garbage to a recycling center, getting paid ten cents a can that quickly added up with the amount of beer Robert Parrish drank.

“Good,” Blue said cheerily. Her voice pulled him from falling into an old memory and he stabbed his fork a little too rough into his plate, if only to center himself in the present. “That's just the first step though,” she said. “There's more to it than that.”

Oh god, he said, rolling his eyes jokingly. Pulling himself further and further away from thinking about his past. All he wanted to think about was the present, and the future. Blue laughed. He laughed. Things felt okay. Opal was cackling like a bird across the mess hall, the happiest kid at camp.

 

 

\----

 

The firefly hunt was a waste of time and effort. Whoever organized the event didn’t factor in the fact fireflies weren’t all too common here, and that having a group of kids running around in the dark was not the smartest of ideas. So they all spent the night running around in the dark, surprisingly not getting injured, and only catching one moth and scaring the kid who caught it.

Back at the cabin Adam went on a tin rant about mismanagement, Ronan loving that he got upset over the fact the event was unorganized. That he cared at all about organization and things being done properly was a strange new excitement Ronan didn’t expect to feel. Or maybe it was the fire burning through Adam, feeling it so close to the surface and about something as trivial as fireflies.

When Adam saw Ronan was smiling he stopped altogether and glared at him.

“What’s so funny?” he said.

“Never seen someone get this upset about fireflies before,” Ronan said.

“It physically hurts when someone doesn’t do their job right,” said Adam.

“Not Cheng’s fault,” said Ronan. He watched as Adam began walking back and forth through the room. Half their cabin was still with the others, Adam having excused himself early when he couldn’t handle watching the kids walking around aimlessly for a couple hours. “He’s just doing what he was given to do.”

“I’m not blaming him, per say,” said Adam. Then he froze and turned toward Ronan. “Wait, is the incorrigible Ronan Lynch defending Henry Cheng right now?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You don’t even like Henry.”

“Never said I didn’t like him,” said Ronan.

Adam laughed, brief and small. “You’re joking right?”

“He’s growing on me,” Ronan admitted. “I don’t know. Go back to ranting. That was fun.”

“I’m done now.” Adam sighed and resigned himself to his bed, sitting down and putting his face in his hands, the act of which only lasted a few seconds before he sighed again and sat straight. “We should probably get the kids ready to sleep. They must be disappointed after all the hype spent on that today.”

“ _I’m_ disappointed,” Ronan confessed. Adam looked at him with genuine interest, so Ronan added, “I wanted to see them trying to catch them. That was supposed to be funny, but it was just pathetic.”

This received Adam’s side eye, and in turn one of the kids shuffled into the room to their bed in the corner. He went into his bag and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste but paused before leaving, looking between them. There was a fleeting glimpse of panic before he walked back out, swifter than he came in.

“What was that about?” said Ronan.

“I think they think we’re fighting.” Adam sounded suddenly very tired.

“Mom and Dad are fine, kids!” Ronan shouted into the room adjacent to them. He chuckled as Adam rolled his eyes and stood up halfway from the bed. When a moment became too serious or too genuine he couldn’t help but spoil it. The thought of letting that moment linger was overwhelming. He wasn’t sure what would happen if he let it last, afraid he could place something real out there for Adam to see and Adam would reject it. Adam was, after all, someone he only knew a week and he was already fucked.

Adam kicked at his leg and was trying not to look amused, holding a hand over his face as he shook his head. “Don’t be such a dick,” he said.

Ronan really needed to go to church to pray about Adam’s smile.

“Do you want to practice more Latin?” he offered.

Like magic Adam perked up immediately. “Sure,” he said, standing and taking a peek into the other room. “After they’ve gotten to bed, yeah?”

Ronan tried to act casual. “Whatever,” he said. He did not do acting casual very well around Adam. Inside he was screaming. Earlier when Adam left his leg on Ronan’s lap, Ronan nearly melted into the bed. This was a problem. This was a _problem_. He didn’t have the ability to control it. Like everything else in his life.

 

On their way to the bathroom, Henry dramatically chased after them, approaching from behind with loud, gasping breaths.

“Wait up!” he said. “Hold up!”

He was practically breathless when he caught up to them. Adam and Ronan exchanged a look as Henry leaned against a tree to catch his breath.

“I thought you would still be at your cabin,” he said.

Adam only shook his toothbrush next to his face to inform Henry what it was they were doing.

“Right.” Henry put a hand to his chest. Ronan wanted this to hurry up so he could get back to sitting on Adam’s bed studying a dead language together that he didn’t find use for until today. “Dental hygiene is important.”

“What is it you want, Cheng?” Ronan said it with more bite than intended.

Henry was good at ignoring him anyway. “Change of plans,” he said. “This week has been a disaster–”

“It hasn’t been that bad,” Ronan found himself interjecting. Adam smirked at him with the corner of his mouth when Ronan looked to him. He _was_ defending Henry, but Henry was doing something for these kids. Even if it wasn’t as smoothly run as it could be it was still better than what others could do. What he could do. This place was making him soft.

“Thank you, Ronan,” Henry said bewildered. “That’s kind of you, but by my standards it’s been terrible. And I’m going to fix that. So emergency counselor meeting tomorrow morning before breakfast.”

Ronan took back everything nice he ever said or thought about Henry Cheng. He groaned.

“If you would rather it was _during_ breakfast,” Henry countered.

“See you then, Henry,” said Adam. A hand of his was placed on Ronan’s shoulder. “Where are we meeting?”

“The craft house is fine,” said Henry. “See you then, fellas. Have a good night!”

With that, he was gone, back down the hill towards the other cabins likely to inform them next. When he was completely gone, Adam let his hand fall and Ronan turned to see him look downright gleeful.

“Why are you happy about this?” he asked. “We have to get up even earlier for this now.”

“As if you sleep anyway, Lynch.”

“Touché,” he said. “You're probably going to be the only one wide awake tomorrow because you love this sort of crap.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Adam said with a shrug.

 

The next morning was rough. Ronan hadn’t slept much, although he was used to it by now. He managed to sneak in a couple hours last night, which by his standards was as well rested as he was known to be lately. His body was running on fumes, mind whirling a little slower today. Adam, on the other hand, hadn’t slept at all.

“You look like shit,” Ronan noted. Adam’s hair was a mess, a bird’s nest sitting atop his head, circles prominent under his eyes more than they had been all week. He was a slug as he peeled out of bed, and not to mention not the lively retorter he was known to be.

He grunted in reply to Ronan, not even capable of his usual quips.

“Don’t tell me you studied all night like a nerd,” said Ronan. The Latin textbook was still opened on Adam’s sleeping bag behind him. He slowly raised his hand and gave Ronan the finger, eyes closed. Ronan pushed his hand down with a smug expression. “Latin’ll kill you. Didn’t you know?”

Adam’s inability to form words right now was fun to play with, as Adam could only find it in him to roll his eyes as he yawned. After a few tries he managed to get up onto his feet, and with that he stretched his arms above his head, shirt riding up. Ronan’s mind went blank, full of fuzzy white. Awkwardly he watched out of the corner of his eye, at the flat tan stomach peeking out from the space between Adam’s sleeping pants and shirt.

The air returned to the room when Adam’s hands went back down.

“Thought you were excited to do this last night,” he said, voice rough as Adam yawned again.

“I overestimated how much sleep I could put off.” His tired voice was gravely and low, and Ronan never wished for a miracle more than he did now. He chewed the inside of his cheek until it hurt.

Adam was simply existing and Ronan was dying. Together they set out into the morning, cold and still dark. Sunlight was trickling in through the trees, but barely. Nature seemed to even still be asleep, and Ronan wished he could have a few more hours, to dream of something other than the reality of Adam beside him. A reality he could not have.

Like a cruel joke, Adam ran a hand through his tossed hair, fingers long and boney. Ronan breathed hard through his teeth. Never in his life was he so grateful to see Blue and Noah before until he saw them approaching from the east.

“Morning!” Noah shouted. As usual he sounded upbeat and energized. It was like Noah was born with caffeine in his blood.

“Shh.” Blue put a hand over Noah’s mouth, her eyes half shut in a wince. “Too much talking. Too loud. Shh.”

“Not a morning person, Sargent?” asked Ronan.

Her eyes were still closed as she turned her head toward him. “I will gladly introduce my fist to your face if you don’t stop talking, Lynch,” she barked. “I swear to god.”

“I don’t think you can reach.”

Blue jerked forward. Neither Noah or Adam did much to get in her way as she punched Ronan square in the arm, harder than he expected. She put her whole weight behind the punch, and he could feel it in the way his arm went dead. She was strong, and it hurt like hell.

“Ow!” He grimaced. “Czerny, why didn’t you stop her?”

Noah shrugged. “I’m tired.” He faked a yawn.

When Ronan looked at Adam, Adam had his head dipped downward, eyes drooping closed. With a nudge to his elbow Adam elbowed back, barely peeling his eyes open.

“Wake up, smarty-pants,” he said. “You’re going to walk into a tree if you’re not careful.”

Adam grunted again instead of using real words.

“I know how you feel, Freckles,” said Blue.

 

At the meeting Ronan and Adam sat in the far back, Noah and Blue sitting in the row in front of them. The crafts house wasn’t very large, full of boxes of arts and crafts supplies that lined the walls. The round tables were pushed off to one side for the time being, and the chairs lined up in rows facing Henry who stood before the small crowd.

During the meeting he openly discussed the fact he wanted to alter the entire program around so that it was geared more towards things they all wanted to do and things they all felt comfortable and capable of doing.

“I’m cancelling the big event at the end of the summer,” he said. “The scavenger event, as we all remember. I just don’t believe in it anymore, and frankly after last night I don’t think these kids should be running around in the dark for anything really. I’m also cancelling that improv event planned for next week.”

“Thank you, God,” Ronan muttered under his breath.

“Instead,” Henry shot him a look, “we’re going to have a talent show at the end of the session, as well as one in the next few weeks. That one will be just for us, and we _all_ have to participate. So think of a talent because this is mandatory!”

There were mixed reactions. Ronan’s was more subdued due to Adam falling asleep to his left. Noah raised his hand to be picked on, and Henry pointed to him.

“Um, my talent is not standing in front of a bunch of people embarrassing myself,” he said. “Can that be what I do?”

“No. We’re doing this so the kids won’t feel as uncomfortable when they do theirs,” he said. “I’m not making theirs mandatory, but hopefully with our participation in our own, more kids will want to do it too. I’ve reorganized the entire calendar for the next weeks, to make this memorable and fun for both us and the kids! Come on. Perk up. This is going to be great!”

Henry’s enthusiasm was not as infectious as he liked to think it was. Maybe it was because it was so early. Maybe it was because the entire camp session’s plans were being tossed out the window. Maybe it was because Ronan wasn’t paying attention anymore. Adam’s head had slipped down to settle on Ronan’s shoulder, having fallen asleep against him. He was so still, so calm.

Henry moved into other topics related to the changes he was making, but Ronan tuned out for half of them. He glared at anyone who even looked their way, knowing Adam needed the sleep more than he needed to hear what was being said in the meeting.

Slowly, Ronan studied Adam’s face. His gaunt features quite possibly were filling in a little over the last week, Adam no longer looking like he barely ate. His freckles were prominent everywhere, on his face, his arms, possibly elsewhere if Ronan were to dare think that far. His hair curled just a little at the end on his forehead, and Ronan wanted to sweep it from his forehead like he saw Blue do several times, but Adam hadn’t given him permission so his hands stayed still in his lap.

Ronan didn't know what to do having a crush on a straight boy. Maybe Adam was bi, if he was lucky, but he saw the way he looked at Blue and the way he blushed when several of the other girl counselors said he could be a model because of how handsome he was. But Ronan wasn't that lucky, not where it counted.

There was an instant attraction to Adam, which probably afflicted anyone who met him regardless of their sexual orientation. It sparked upon their first meeting, at the garage as he was stomping off. Adam was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and it was exhausting resisting the temptation to reach out and touch him. To not stare at him all the time. To leave him alone when he wanted to be left alone.

Here he came out to find a way to get his car back from Declan, to foil the plan to sell the Barns, and a whole week passed without any forward movement on any of it. Instead he followed after Adam every chance he could and continued to make an utter ass of himself with jabs and jokes. Adam probably thought him a fool, and he would be right.

Noah was staring at them both when Ronan looked away from Adam. He whispered at him teasingly, “How is he still alive right now?”

“You’re going to wake him,” Ronan hissed.

Noah smirked, even as Ronan gave him dagger eyes until he turned to face forward again.

At the end of the meeting Blue and Ronan exchanged a strange look when she realized Adam was asleep. She had come over to talk to him, got as far as opening her mouth, then realized he was out. She looked between the pair of them as if she didn’t know what to make of this sight, and Ronan expected her to say something but she didn’t. Instead she kicked at him in the leg and passed along to outside.

Everyone else filtered out, haggard and hungry, but Ronan and Adam remained. Ronan didn’t know how to wake him up without destroying this tranquil moment he somehow let transpire.

When the last person left the room the door slammed shut after them and the moment ended itself. Adam was startled wide-awake. He sat upright like a lightning rod, head jerking off Ronan’s shoulder. With wide eyes he looked over at Ronan, flushed and mumbling.

“Sorry,” he said.

“You drool in your sleep, Parrish,” he said. “Drooled on me a bit.”

Adam went red everywhere from his neck up and he looked away. Ronan watched him chew on his lip, a habit he noticed he had. A hand swept down the front of his face as he took note of everyone’s absence.

“Did I miss the whole meeting?”

“You missed the whole camp,” said Ronan. “It’s been ten weeks. We’re all leaving tomorrow.”

Adam shoved at his shoulder.

“Nothing important,” he added. “We’re finally letting the kids into the lake next week and a new counselor is coming. Apparently we have to teach them shit and not just have fun. Your sort of fun.”

Adam rubbed at the skin under his eyes. “I think that’s great,” he yawned. “What sort of stuff are we going to teach them?”

“I got volunteered to teach them tennis and gardening,” said Ronan with a groan.

This somehow amused Adam, mildly laughing, until he could see Ronan was being serious.

“Do you know how to do either of those things?”

“I lived on a farm for most of my life. I know how to garden, shithead.”

“Didn’t take you for the gardening type,” said Adam. Ronan couldn’t stay irritated with Adam or camp when Adam’s voice still crackled a little from exhaustion.

“Yeah well I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve you don’t know about, Parrish,” said Ronan, straightening his shoulders and tilting his chin up. Half asleep Adam’s smile was a little more loose, sitting more casually on his face. It was mesmerizing to see. “Sure you’ve got some tricks, too.”

Still not fully functional, Adam went “Hmm”, nodding. Even with an extra hour of sleep under his belt he still looked worse for wear. Ronan was going to hide his Latin book if he didn’t try to sleep tonight.

“What am I supposed to be teaching?” Adam asked.

Ronan shrugged. “You don’t _have_ to teach, but whatever you want basically, so long as it’s appropriate,” he said. “You can teach the kids how to fall asleep discreetly during class. That’ll be a great skill to know, and you did it so well.”

“You jackass.” Adam shoved at him again halfheartedly.

“I’m being serious.”

Adam gave him a withering look.

“Or,” Ronan was building himself a hole to crawl into as he talked, “you can always help me teach them gardening. Get your hands a little dirty.”

“They’ve gotten dirty plenty where I’ve worked.”

It took chewing on his leather wristbands and inhaling the nearly completely faded scent of gasoline from them to allow Ronan to smoothly move past that comment.

“Also we have to host a talent show now,” he said, almost like an afterthought. “And we have to be in another one.”

“Now _that_ sounds like a lie,” Adam said.

“I’m serious.”

Adam frowned, staring at him expecting him to break. When he didn’t Adam tensed. “Wait, this isn’t a joke?”

“Unfortunately no…” Ronan could feel his insides churning madly like a sea storm, waves crashing against his ribcage. “We can do something together if you want.”

“ _Vade retro satana_ ,” Adam commented. He wondered if there was any Latin Adam didn’t already know. “I can already tell yours will be highly inappropriate.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Cheng promised me if I did something remotely ‘Lynch-like’ he would separate Opal and me, so you’re safe.”

“You promise? I’m not going to be asked to set something on fire or something?”

“I promise, Parrish.” He then drew an x over his chest. “Swear to god and all that. What do you all of you think I’m going to do anyway?”

“Genuinely unclear,” Adam said, his voice returning to its normal state. “You’re capable of almost anything.”

“Then you get to choose what we do,” said Ronan. It was tearing up his mind how somehow he managed to make this another activity to do together. He was his own worst enemy.

“How did this suddenly become _my_ responsibility?” Adam was not pleased.

“You’re smarter and probably talented at more things than I am,” said Ronan, “so it’s only fucking reasonable you get to be put in charge, but if you think _I’m_ capable of making decent decisions in what we do in front of the _entire_ camp–”

“Jesus, Lynch.” Adam’s voice was thin just like his patience. “Fine. I’ll choose. If only to shut you up.”

“Good luck with _that_ happening.” Ronan was doing his very best not to grin.

Adam rolled his eyes and looked up toward the ceiling. “Why has God forsaken me this way?” he asked. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Hey!”

“Shh.” Adam placed a finger to Ronan’s lips. “Let’s go get some breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! thanks for reading! hope you liked it.  
> i just started grad school + got a job so i've been pretty busy. i wanted to get something out and so there's this. not much is happening, but i hope it isn't dragging along for anyone??? 
> 
> next time on camp au: Gansey will finally make an appearance as well as another camper who hopefully you all fall in love with?? I wanted to introduce them this chapter but alas i did not.


	5. Swim Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was foreign to watch Adam wearing his clothes. They fit him a little looser than they did Ronan, but both boys were relatively the same waist size, especially lately after Adam begun filling out from eating regular meals. His diet pre-camp was likely limited judging by the way he ate the first week. Ronan didn't know much about his home life but he hated Adam's parents. Adam was a great person, fun to hang out with, and to think that his own parents might not see that or choose to ignore it was infuriating.
> 
> While Adam was wearing Ronan's borrowed swim trunks, he was also still wearing a shirt. Ronan couldn't give him too much grief for it, as he was also still wearing his. Since they arrived he had been self conscious about being shirtless in front of Adam. He would change in the shower stall or when he knew Adam wasn't nearby. Nervous at the thought of him seeing him shirtless.

The lake was officially open starting today. After weeks, Cheng and the others found the life vests and floaties hidden in the chaos that was the mess inside the lakehouse. That afternoon was planned to be a camp wide activity, and Adam was incredibly nervous with the fact he didn't know how to swim.

It was great for the kids' morale, who were admittedly getting bored of the same activities every day, as they were still getting into the groove of the new routine. Adam still hadn't figured out what his activity would be with the kids, having agreed to help Ronan out with gardening, while Ronan picked another activity on top of that one to teach as well. Tennis. Adam was genuinely curious how well he knew how to play the sport, not surprised he knew at all, it being an Aglionby-must advertised in their brochure. He never would have pegged Ronan for a tennis player, though, not exactly the type you see in the brochures. He wondered how he played. He supposed he would find out soon when the courts were open later in the week.

In the meantime he was still nervous about swimming, and having trouble thinking of a talent he and Ronan could do together in a few weeks for the counselor talent show. The stress of the decision was eating at Ronan, who was more nervous about it than he was, although he wouldn't admit it. He caught Ronan just last night making a list of what was appropriate and possible to perform in front of children, and even then a few items weren't all that appropriate.

"We are not singing the Murder Squash song," Adam said at half past midnight, kept awake by Ronan's pacing and mumbling. He dragged himself over to Ronan's bed after throwing a pillow at him and that not working at calming him down. After he settled in Ronan's bed beside him, knees knocking together with the fact Ronan didn't allow him much space even after he sat down, Adam took the list from him and scanned it for any good suggestions and found the murder squash song written three times.

"It's not inappropriate," Ronan reasoned with a hissed whisper, chewing on his bracelets as Adam continued to peruse the list. Adam took the flashlight from him and the pen and crossed out the three appearances of the song until the words were indistinguishable.

"It's extremely inappropriate," said Adam. "For our ears."

Ronan pretended to take offense and then rolled his eyes, leaning over Adam's shoulder to look at the list. He pointed where Adam's thumb was on the page, briefly touching fingers.

"This is a good one, yeah?"

"Sock puppets?"

Ronan groaned, a little louder than he should when all the kids were asleep, to which Adam gently elbowed him in the side to inform him.

"You're not coming up with any good ideas either," Ronan grumbled. "It isn't fair that we have to do this."

While Adam didn't like the idea of the talent show either, he was still willing to do it, if only to try to inspire the kids to share their talents on stage as well. The ones in their cabin liked Ronan and Adam enough that he was sure whatever they did it would be inspiration to get them on stage, so it was just a matter of deciding what that talent was.

"You could always go home," said Adam, a little more bitterly than his initial intention. He was tired and a little annoyed with Ronan, and instantly the boy stopped moving at his side. The bed stopped jiggling and his wrist fell from his mouth.

"Do you want me to go home?" Ronan sounded genuinely upset and Adam didn't know what to make of that. He grunted low, rubbing his hands at his eyes, exhaustion stinging them like tears.

"No, asshole," he sighed. "I want you to stop freaking out about this and go to sleep, so _I_ can sleep. We have to get up in six and a half hours and I would very much like to sleep those six and a half hours, thank you."

This didn't appear to satisfy the frustrated boy at his side, who instead of saying anything merely grabbed his things from Adam's lap and turned away from him.

"Ronan."

Adam didn't realize he could upset him so easily. He didn't know what else to say. For a moment he reached out to touch him, but hesitated before contact. After a breath, he registered he needed to leave Ronan's bed and return to his own, which he did with mild hesitancy. He still very much wanted to say something else, but what else there was to say he did not know. When he looked back, Ronan's backside was to him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The following day, Ronan wasn't any less annoyed with Adam. Intentionally ignoring him when they woke up and walked to the mess hall with the kids. Making a point of eating breakfast with Opal, which while had become a common thing, felt charged with other meanings behind the move that morning. Like he was making a show of his absence, by being loud with Opal and the other kids, yelling for her across the hall when he earlier passed the table Adam and the others sat at. What really gave him away was when he invited Noah to sit with them, who was in the middle of a conversation with Adam. Seeing as Ronan was his best friend, Noah agreed, albeit halfheartedly. He gave an awkward wave as he followed after Ronan toward Opal's table, leaving him stunned at how absurd Ronan was being.

It was decided if he was going to ignore him and be so rude over nothing, so was Adam.

Ronan was better at this petty game. Probably had a lot of practice.

That morning's activity was split between the camp counselors. Adam, Noah, and Ronan were set up in the craft hut, the initial idea was to make things for the talent show, but it quickly devolved into doing whatever the kids wanted so long as they didn't glue gun each other.

At first, Adam thought to speak to Ronan about why he was upset with him. He wouldn't apologize; there was nothing to apologize for. However, Ronan was his friend. The closest friend he's ever had. Blue, Henry, and Noah were all good people, but there was something different with Ronan. A mutual understanding of each other that was growing and didn't exist with the rest. He didn't want him to be mad with him. Yet when he tried to speak to him, as he was helping several of the girls with cutting shapes in cardboard paper, Ronan didn't even glance up at him from the paper. His focus remained pointed downward.

"Seriously?"

This was exhausting.

"Adam," said Noah softly.

Adam turned to his table to see him shaking his head.

"Come here," he then gestured. After trying one more time to speak to Ronan, to gain his attention even for a fraction of a second, it was clear it wasn't happening. So he moved to pass by Noah's table on his return to his own. Noah motioned for him to bend down toward him, and he inclined his ear to him. "If you leave him alone a while, he'll get over whatever happened."

"I don't even know what happened," said Adam.

Noah didn't appear to know what else to say, only shrug. It left Adam feeling unsure of himself as he went to sit down, at least aware he wasn't the only one this happened to. It made it both less frustrating and more, simultaneous in his bitterness that Ronan was being a child and (sated) in knowing it wasn't just him he acted like this with.

While Adam didn't like Ronan being upset with him, he was stubborn in his own right and wasn't going to push him any more to fix the problem. So he sat back down at his table, prepped to ignore Ronan same as he was ignoring him. Two could be childish.

Though it was impossible not to stare. The kids were constantly on the three of them for help, and Adam watched as kids, including Opal, came to Ronan for aid. His tough guy exterior was washed away and replaced with a sensitive softness as he helped several of the campers with their projects. Adam was helping several as well, but was fully absorbed in what Ronan was doing. It was a good thing, he supposed, that Ronan's back was to his table.

An hour into crafting, Noah spilled an entire bottle of glitter on his and two campers' projects.

At once, he jumped to his feet to avoid the chaos of sparkles getting on his camp shirt and shorts.

"Oh, no!" he exclaimed.

This attracted everyone's attention to him, including and especially Ronan. The boy at once got to his feet and stalked over to him, taking note of what happened before looking heavily amused. A hand swiped over his face as he motioned to Noah's ruined paper mache cat.

"Thought you liked glitter," he said.

Noah flicked what flecks of glitter he had on him at Ronan. Ronan easily evaded them, snickering.

Noah was not amused. "Not this much!" He touched gently at the pile, careful not to get more glitter on his clothes. "Who likes glitter this much."

"Well, don't waste it." And with that, Ronan grabbed a handful before Noah could say or do anything. He flicked it at him, who was at least swift enough to cover his eyes as a rain of glitter sprinkled down on him.

"Hey!"

He shook his fair haired head free of chunks of the stuff, raining down on the ground what didn't cling to his locks. While Ronan started to laugh, Noah looked at him with a look Adam hadn't seen in him before in the two weeks he'd known him. With a devilish smirk and a furrowed brow he grabbed a handful of glitter, too, and dunked it straight into Ronan's head, making sure particles stuck to his buzzed scalp and disappeared into the confines of his shirt. He shuddered, the laughter cut off quick.

"How does it feel?" asked Noah.

"Like I'm glowing," Ronan replied with a dry tone.

Adam was still sitting at his table surrounded by a few kids, one of which requested dinosaur cut outs a while ago, which he forgot about completely when the glitter fiasco went down.

Both boys were laughing as they tried to shake themselves free of the worst arts and crafts item ever created. As they moved and twitched the sun started coming in from outside and struck the little particles just right, lighting them up like jewels on their clothes and skin.

Ronan turned his head toward Adam's table and met eyes with him. Adam reacted to this by frowning at him, casually looking away from the smile fully formed on Ronan's face. The boy was mad at him all morning and afternoon, and now he was staring at him? Something was off.

"Parrish, you're looking a little dull."

"What?" He suddenly understood. "No."

He jumped to his feet as Ronan turned fully toward him, impish grin and cocked brow.

"Don't you dare," said Adam, moving around the kids while keeping his front to Ronan the entire time. Keeping him in his line of sight.

"Well now I _have_ to," said Ronan. His smile broadened as he grabbed another handful of the glitter from the table.

Adam looked at him witheringly. He calculated several routes out of the craft hut, but unfortunately all of them required to somehow get around Ronan. Noah's table was closest to the door, and Ronan appeared completely motivated to get him with the handful of colorful dust he held in his fist.

All calculations went out the window when Ronan charged at him through the aisle between their tables. Adam ran around the opposite side of the table, forcing them into a game of cat and mouse. When he moved to either direction, Ronan made that same motion on his side. The kids all gathered in a corner, both amused and as a tactic to avoid getting glittered themselves. Any other day Adam would take this moment as it was, Ronan being a teen and dragging him into childish antics, but there was something else underlying his behavior today. He wasn't sure what, but he wanted to know. The not knowing made him irritated. So did having to jump over a table to avoid Ronan catching him. Ronan copied him, jumping over a table too, inevitably pinning him down again at this next table. Adam somehow was further from the door than before, and Ronan was looking pleased with this chase.

Noah called something to Ronan over the sound cloud of kid's laughter, but Adam didn't catch it.

"Don't ruin my fun, Czerny," Ronan replied.

Adam rolled his eyes at him, avoiding finding any fun in this when he knew where that glitter was going. He slid left down the table toward the exit, but Ronan was right behind him, so he promptly jumped back and ran around the other side before Ronan could register the change in direction. Adam may not have been raised on sports, but he could move fast when he wanted. He sprinted to the door, fast to evade Ronan and children as they skittered across his path. He was _not_ getting glitter doused on him today.

The only problem with his plan at this point was Opal, standing there in front of the door.

"Opal, come on," he said, but he was already aware of the sneaky expression in her face.

Before he knew it there was glitter dunked gently onto his head, the particles of the pile trickling down from his hair into his shirt collar. They ran little ticklish lines down his skin. Quick, he shut his eyes and scrunched his shoulders, shuddering.

Ronan's laugh was low and cocky by his good ear, giving him more chills than the glitter. Adam thought if he was caught he would erupt on Ronan, but instead he twirled round and growled under his breath. The sight of pure joy on Ronan's face chilled all anger.

"You... _butthead_ ," he grunted. Pieces of glitter were still falling down him, some sneaking into his jeans and making him itch.

"Butthead?" Ronan was laughing again. "Are _we_ the eight year olds now, Parrish?"

"You fit in flawlessly," Adam quipped, then his irritation dulled again when Ronan's brow elevated at the comment. "I'm not cursing in front of children," he added, fingering where he felt some glitter still on his hair. It left a rainbow of shine on the floor when he dislodged it.

"I do it all the time," said Ronan.

"That's because you're a delinquent."

"Don't forget it."

At once, Adam remembered Opal's participation in the ordeal and he turned to say something but didn't know what. She wasn't paying him any attention, however, giggling at Ronan as she passed between the two of them. Her laughter swiftly turned into a little shriek as Ronan deposited what was left of the glitter in his hand onto her hat.

"Hey!" she squealed, pulling her hat off at once and shaking it.

"No one's safe," he whispered. She scowled up at him, without any heat behind the act. He then ran his hands both over his head, adding some more color to his pale skin. His eyes darted up to meet with Adam's as he did, who couldn't help but feel more of his irritation with Ronan slip away, like a leaf in the wind.

"Okay, kids, back to work," Noah called, and he clapped his hands. "That means you too, Ronan."

Ronan looked like he was about to give him the finger, but again his eyes caught Adam's, and Adam shook his head no. Curse words were one thing. The finger was an extra unnecessary addition to the campers' education. Strangely, Ronan listened to him, souring as he shook his head, moving to return to his table. Adam followed suit.

There was a camper in Adam and Ronan's cabin named Jake, whom Adam had grown particularly fond of. It wasn't hard for him to know why. He came here through a group home, having been taken away from his parents due to abuse. He was a relatively happy kid, considering. He was quiet, and much like Opal he preferred interactions with a counselor, Adam, over other kids.

Since he started talking to Adam, the teen had been trying to think of ways to get him to interact more with the other kids without being obvious or pushy. He tried suggesting it to him yesterday during a game of hide and seek a few of them started, but Jake shied and said he didn't like hiding. Adam remembered distracting him that afternoon with coin tricks, teaching him how to make a coin appear and disappear in his hand, things he learned himself as a distraction tactic. Jake took to the coin trick quick, and this morning he saw him show it off to a few of the other kids.

Adam sort of adopted him.

He sort of adopted them all.

He was glad so many of them felt comfortable around him. At first he was nervous they wouldn't be, but they quickly grew to him.

"Jake, what are you making?" Adam asked. As he watched the young kid poke two holes in the paper he was holding, Adam was snaking string through the edge of a paper mache fish to hang it for one of the other kids.

"A mask," said Jake, excitedly squirming in his seat. "I'm gonna be a superhero for my talent."

"That's not a talent, kid." Ronan was a wise ass. He looked at him with a stare that shut him up, but he didn't shy away.

"Ignore him," said Adam, turning toward Ronan. "He can't even cut in a straight line."

"These are children sized scissors, Parrish."

"You're just making excuses for yourself." He watched Ronan's eyebrows fold into themselves, as his lips twitched with interesting effort not to show more of an expression. After looking at him long enough, Ronan returned looking forward again. Opal tugged on his sleeve to give her attention. It wasn't until Adam saw him look back and furrow his brow further that he had been staring too long. He was quick to follow Ronan’s lead and turn away.

Jake was fixing the holes he had made, likely for his eyes.

“What superhero are you going to be?” he asked him. Jake looked up eagerly.

“Batman, duh,” he said. “He’s the coolest.”

“He’s so boring,” Ronan muttered across the room.

“He’s not boring!” Jake spun around swift, sticking his tongue out at Ronan and glaring with as much might as he could. “You’re boring!” he said.

Adam bit down onto his lip to keep from laughing. His shoulders shook a little from a few unconfined waves of silent laughter. “Got you there, Lynch,” he said, voice shaking from the tremors of laughs he was struggling keeping inside.

In turn, Ronan gave them both a lengthy stare that said so much, his own form of a child sticking their tongue out.

Quietly they went back to paying attention to their own tables, Jake tugging on Adam’s hand to get him to look at his mask so far. He held it to his face. Adam admitted it was slightly poorly made, but Jake looked happy. He smiled. Jake smiled, too.

“Batman is so smart,” Jake said without prompting. “He doesn’t even need superpowers, and he always outsmarts the Joker and Riddler. I love him. It’s so cool he adopts kids and helps them. I want to be Batman someday. I want to fight crime, helps kids like me be heroes too, and be rich!”

Adam felt a pinch in his chest.

“Money isn’t everything,” Noah said, casually entering the conversation. That pinch twisted as Adam turned to him.

“Easy for you to say,” he said. “You have money. Not all of us have the luxury to say it doesn’t matter.” His words came out a little more abrasive than he meant. When Blue told Noah that he was going to Aglionby, it was more than clear that because he went to public school first he wasn’t as affluential as the rest of the kids. There was a discomfort he got from that, and he ducked his head to avoid looking to see what Noah’s expression was to his comment. As he did this, he could feel the glitter shifting in his shirt and his hair, an uncomfortable reminder he was probably sparkling in the sun right about now.

Thankfully the kids didn’t sense any mood change or the tone of his voice. They continued being kids, building things and messing around with paper and glue.

“Mr. Adam,” one called out from Ronan’s table. “Can you help me with this glue stick?”

“Sure, Luna.” Adam set his thread down. “Be right there.”

But before he could get out of his seat Ronan was moving around to the other side of his table. His sloppy but rushed movements made it out as if he was being put out getting up, but it was also self evident he didn’t want Adam to have to do it. 

“I can do it, Lynch,” he said. “She didn’t ask for you.”

“Nah.” Ronan waved him off. “You’ve got your hands full with Virginia’s next biggest superhero.”

Jake shared a toothy grin at that, and Ronan met eyes with him as a result. He twitched a tiny smile at him before giving Luna his attention, back to them.

“What’s wrong with this glue stick?” he asked, softer than Adam anticipated.

“It’s stuck,” Luna whined.

“What do you _mean_ stuck?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later, after craft time was over and the majority of the kids were headed to their next activity, Adam managed to slip away to the bathrooms without anyone noticing. Well, without most anyone. Ronan followed after him, finding him shaking around with his shirt held out from him. Glitter fell to the floor as he shook, most of it now sparkles on the ground rather than on him. He leaned against the doorway with his hands folding across his chest, watching Adam a moment before he took notice to his presence.

He was a dream.

Ronan then sighed at himself and pulled from the wall.

“You bring swim trunks?” 

Adam didn’t even bother turning around. He went a little rigid as he fleetingly glanced his direction in the mirror, but didn’t react much beyond that. He was still trying to get the rest of the glitter off him.

“Aren’t you still mad at me?” he said.

“Suddenly, no,” Ronan replied.

Adam rolled his eyes. He could see that through his reflection in the mirror.

“Oh, wait.” Ronan noticed a clump of glitter at the back of Adam’s head. “You have some right here….” Before he realized what he was doing, he crossed the bathroom and closed the distance between them. His hand slipped into Adam’s hair, fingers running through it to shake out the glitter at the back. His hair was soft and thick, dusty brown against his skin. Under his hand, he felt Adam still, almost flinch. He quickly pulled back, realizing what he had done. His fingers tingled like they had touched sparks of electricity.

“Are you mad at me now?” he said.

Adam remained silent, pensive almost. He appeared to be thinking this through, taking his time. It served Ronan right to react to him the way he did and to tease him like he did, for it to backfire now.

Then Adam shook his head.

“No,” he said, back still to Ronan. “Even though I should be. I’m going to have glitter appearing at random now, for who knows how long.”

“You’re welcome,” Ronan said dryly.

Finally Adam looked at him, albeit witheringly.

Ronan quirked a smile. It was raw and effortless, as most were with Adam’s involvement. He couldn’t help himself. Adam appeared unfazed, shaking his head and looking back at his reflection.

“Are you swimming today?” Ronan asked.

“I don’t think so.” Adam promptly shied again, eyes shadowed as he dipped his head low.

“Why not?”

A kid entered the bathroom at that precise moment, and Adam took the opportunity to walk out. Ronan followed after him, not one to give up so easily. He found Opal waiting outside, quietly falling into place at his side as he tried to keep up with Adam’s pace.

“Parrish, you share the same cabin as i do,” he called out. He feared he fucked up somehow, and he didn’t know what to do. “You can’t avoid me forever.”

“What are you talking about?” Opal yanked on his arm, but he was trying to focus on Adam.

“Go and play with the other kids, monster,” he said, purposefully messing her hair up with a hand through the tufts. “This is adult stuff.”

“You’re not adults,” she argued. “Plus, they’re all boring.”

“ _I’m_ boring,” Ronan replied.

Adam snorted. It was in Ronan’s best interest to catch up to him, but somehow he was quicker. When Ronan sped up, so did he.

“If you can hear me, you can slow down,” he said, struggling to talk and walk at the same time. “Will you slow down?”

At once, Adam stopped. Froze would be the more appropriate term. Both Ronan and Opal nearly walked right into him, colliding into each other instead. Slowly he turned, head still ducked, shoulders pulled back.

“I can’t swim, alright?” He sighed, a hand coming to swipe across the length of his face, avoiding eye contact or any connection. His arms were swift to then fold across his chest, defensive in posture. Ronan could see why he was avoiding the subject.

“Your parents never-?”

“No,” Adam said flatly.

In only two weeks Ronan was already starting to piece things together about Adam’s home life. He dropped hints here and there, in the way he would respond to questions, the way he didn’t like to talk about them, the fact all his things were things he said he bought himself. Ronan wasn’t as clueless as people thought. Just because he didn’t go to school didn’t mean he wasn’t smart. He picked up on a lot of little things that together built up Adam.

“Well, that’s fine,” he said, passing over the moment the only way he knew how. “You don’t have to swim. Do you still have trunks though?”

“Why?” Adam hesitantly lifted his head up to almost make eye contact. His eyes raised to find Ronan’s chin, a convenient middle ground to look at.

Ronan started to fidget as well, for a very different reason.

“I could teach you,” he said. A hand came and ran across the length of his shaved head. “To swim, I mean.”

Opal giggled. Like lightning, his hand was fast to come up and rest on her face, trying to stifle the little laughs, but it was impossible to. She was squirmy and persistent.

“Hey!” she cried out, smacking at his hand.

Adam wasn’t amused. In fact, he was visibly surprised, and perhaps even put off by the suggestion. “I don’t think so,” he said.

“Just the basics,” Ronan countered. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was insisting, out here in the woods between the bathroom and the craft room. “Everyone should know how to swim. We could do it when no one else is around, if you wanted.”

“It’s not that,” Adam shook his head, letting his hair fall into his face, covering his eyes. “It’s….” His voice faded away with what he didn’t want to openly admit.

Adam didn’t want charity. That much Ronan could confirm.

“It’s what friends are for, isn’t it?” Adam’s head perked up, attention returned to Ronan. His bright blue eyes found Ronan’s through his messy mane, sending a ripple of feeling through him. He wasn’t sounding as much of a smart ass as he usually was, and he suspected Adam was noticing. “You can pay me back in helping me out with teaching tennis.”

Tennis was what Ronan chose as his activity. The kids seemed eager, although Henry was concerned at first it was just going to result in all of them getting hit in the face or hitting the others in the face. Eventually he came around.

Adam didn’t appear thrilled by the suggestion either. He kicked at a stick in the wooded ground. “I don’t know tennis,” he said.

“I’m not asking you to teach them,” said Ronan. “Fuck, it’s just they like you more.” He could see Adam coming around, doing his best to suppress what he hoped was a laugh. “You could help make sure the kids don’t hit each other with the balls and racquets. I don’t want to be stuck with them all by myself. They would Lord of the Flies me.”

Eyes still glued to the ground, Adam’s expression was half hidden, but Ronan could see a small smile framing his cheeks. His long lashes were small distractions cast against his freckled skin.

“That could possibly be arranged,” Adam said low.

“Yeah?” Ronan hated how his heart jumped with excitement.

Adam sighed, rubbing his hands to his face. Exhaustion was eating at him, especially lately when he caught him reading late into the night the last few nights, Ronan’s own insomnia making it hard to sleep as it were.

“You won’t tell anyone?” Adam said into the palms of his hands.

“You know, I was planning on making a morning announcement about it tomorrow—”

“Lynch,” Adam said sternly, hands falling to his waist.

Ronan’s sense of humor fell by the wayside as he said as plainly and humorlessly as possible, “I won’t tell.”

“Me either!” Opal added. She beamed up at Adam, who took the time to smile back at her, before it faltered with another swipe of his hand to his face. His gaze drifted to somewhere in the distance behind Ronan.

“I don’t like feeling judged for not having the same background as everyone else,” he said.

“I don’t think anyone would judge you for that,” and as Ronan said it Adam looked ready to roll his eyes. “But man, fuck them if they do judge you. You don’t owe anyone any explanation or have to feel guilty for not knowing how to swim. I doubt anyone here knows much about cars, and you’re like a bona fide expert, right?”

At once, Adam’s brow raised a little and he turned his head to make eye contact with Ronan. Ronan completely forgot Adam hadn’t mentioned that was his job, and he realized he just outed himself remembering him from that terrible day. He cursed under his breath.

Beside him, Opal tugged on his arm, and when he looked down she was smirking. “You owe me a dollar,” she said.

“Shit.”

“Two.” She grinned wider.

He groaned. “Alright, Mr. Monopoly,” he said. “Put it on my tab.”

“I’m gonna be rich by the end of camp,” Opal said to Adam.

He smiled back at her, and then at Ronan. Promptly upon meeting eyes, Adam’s smile reverted to a frown. Ronan ached.

“I don’t know if I can learn to swim.”

Ronan soured. “There aren’t any sharks in the lake if that’s what you’re afraid of,” he said dryly.

Adam proceeded to roll his eyes. “It’s not that.”

“Well, what is it then?” Ronan pretended as if he didn’t care, when it was all he wanted to know. He wanted to make Adam comfortable, happy, and to enjoy himself.

When he paused to reply, Ronan ached more. Adam looked away, a hand casually coming to tug at one of his ears in silence. A mysterious gesture. Even if Ronan wanted to comment on it, which he knew probably wasn’t the wisest thing, Opal was starting to get restless and probably bored, and Noah was probably overwhelmed with the other kids having been left alone with all of them this whole time.

“I didn't bring swim trunks, remember,” Adam finally said. When they looked at each other, he appeared fully aware Ronan knew that wasn’t the real reason. Ronan wouldn’t pry unless he knew he could.

“I’d suggest skinny dipping, but I don’t think Cheng would approve.”

Adam snorted. “Probably not.”

“You can borrow one of mine if you want,” he offered. Adam opened his mouth as if to say something else, like a reason not to accept, but then he appeared to think better on it and groaned instead.

“Fine,” he said, giving in. “It doesn’t have skulls on it or anything, does it?”

Ronan laughed at the absurdity. “No, it has penises though. That’s fine, right?”

“That’s three dollars, old man.”

“Shit, I keep forgetting you’re here.”

“Four dollars,” and Opal hit Ronan in the arm. “Meanie.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

It was foreign to watch Adam wearing his clothes. They fit him a little looser than they did Ronan, but both boys were relatively the same waist size, especially lately after Adam begun filling out from eating regular meals. His diet pre-camp was likely limited judging by the way he ate the first week. Ronan didn't know much about his home life but he hated Adam's parents. Adam was a great person, fun to hang out with, and to think that his own parents might not see that or choose to ignore it was infuriating.

While Adam was wearing Ronan's borrowed swim trunks, he was also still wearing a shirt. Ronan couldn't give him too much grief for it, as he was also still wearing his. Since they arrived he had been self conscious about being shirtless in front of Adam. He would change in the shower stall or when he knew Adam wasn't nearby. Nervous at the thought of him seeing him shirtless.

He hated these feelings and frankly wanted them to go away. Adam was never going to see him that way, not in a million years. He was going to start Aglionby in the fall and find someone smarter, but less cool, and if he _were_ into guys probably fall for them instead. Someone suited for business or science or something political. Not Ronan. And after having a hard enough time dealing with his old crush on Gansey, he didn't want this one to become any more developed. This one was already overwhelming.

"Why are you staring?"

Ronan flushed and looked down. He hadn't realized he was staring directly at Adam this entire time. The boy was freckled on his legs, his fair haired legs. This was painful information he was gathering. Adam was looking at him like he said eight divided by two is six.

After a moment, Ronan tried to appear unmoved. Unamused.

"You going to wear your shirt the whole afternoon?" he asked, making it sound like it was more embarrassing for Adam to wear the shirt than for Ronan who was fantasizing about it being off.

Adam ran a hand over his shirtfront self consciously. The tone in which the question was asked must have disguised his nervousness. "Maybe," Adam said, then he looked at Ronan with dismay. "I'm not going in the water today. You said--"

"Don't you want to get a tan?"

Adam was constantly rolling his eyes at Ronan. Even so, he smiled a little. His white teeth were showing. "I'm tan enough," he said.

"Bet you have a farmer's tan."

Like always, Adam gave him a disparaging look. "No, I don't," he said, with a small air of defensiveness. "But you probably do. Are you going to keep _your_ shirt on the whole afternoon?"

Ronan's heart skipped a little. "I'm pasty and I like it that way."

Adam laughed. Ronan would die for that laugh.

Jake came scrambling into their room in that moment, wearing swim trunks with Batman on them and holding a bottle in his hands. He reached for Adam instantly, infatuated with him in a similar way Opal was with Ronan. All the kids were infatuated with Adam, which Ronan understood all too well.

“Can you help put sunblock on me?” Jake asked. 

“Of course.” Adam took the sunblock from Jake. “Turn around.”

As he watched him work his hands over the kid’s back Ronan became all too conscious of his own skin, his desire to have Adam touch him. He yearned for what he couldn’t have. He was playing with fire, a risk he was willing to take to have Adam look at him the way he did. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth when Adam’s eyes drifted up to meet his across the room.

Like a spell had been cast on him, Ronan reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off in one quick motion. As soon as he had, he shied his eyes from seeing what was Adam’s reaction, unsure what the fuck he was doing.

“Whoa!” one of the kids said, gaping.

“Is that a tattoo?” another pointed out.

For a moment he had forgotten all about his tattoo, and he shrugged. “Yeah,” he said. All the kids came over to him to admire it. Ronan didn’t think the kids would care, let alone find it impressive. He proudly showed it off to them, many of which poked at his back.

It was when he felt a larger hand that he realized Adam had come to admire it, too. Suddenly he felt very self conscious and red in the face.

“This is beautiful,” he heard him say. “What… is it exactly?”

“A tattoo,” Ronan said.

He felt a tiny pinch in his back and he flinched, grinning where Adam couldn’t see.

“Funny.”

When he felt the heat in his face lessen he looked up over his shoulder at Adam, finding him already looking at him. “I had a dream about it,” he said. “After my dad passed.”

That was the vague version of the story, and it was all he was going to give Adam, for now at least. He had briefly brushed over the subject of his dad’s death, if only because Noah made a comment once during lunch about it and Adam gave him this sad look that said everything in it without saying anything. His answer seemed to satisfy Adam enough, who chewed on his lower lip, eyes taking in Ronan’s tattoo again. He then stretched out his hand holding Ronan’s sunblock from his bed.

“You should put this on,” he said. “You don’t want to ruin your pasty look.”

Ronan snorted. He took the bottle and started on his chest. As he put it on he could feel eyes on him still, even as the kids all returned to ignoring him. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Adam glancing at him, while helping another of the kids with their sunscreen. Suddenly Ronan was hyper aware of his body, even though Adam was probably just looking at his tattoo, he had _thoughts_. _Feelings_.

Fuck, what did he do?

When he finished his front, it matched with when Adam finished with the last of the kids who asked for help. Ronan thought of something witty to say to him, but then Adam surprised him with a silent lift of his shirt, revealing the most glorious sight Ronan had seen perhaps ever. Quickly he tried to memorize every inch, in case Adam placed his shirt right back on.

He was freckled all over, with some old scars on his torso that he looked to try to not be obvious about. Ronan sensed that was one of the reasons he was shy, although he felt he had no reason to be. He was - _fuck_ \- Ronan couldn’t put it into words. Damn, Ronan’s crush just expanded 100%.

He was staring at Adam, and it wasn’t until he started to move toward him that he realized Adam had been staring back at him.

“Can you do my back for me?”

His mouth went very dry.

“Uh, sure.” He cleared his throat, but it wasn’t helping. “I mean, I guess.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “I can ask someone else if you feel put out.”

“No, I’m highly capable,” Ronan argued.

“Good.” Adam turned so his back was to him, sprinkled by countless freckles. “I can do yours, too, if you wanted. I noticed you couldn’t reach there.”

Ronan was unsure if at some point he fell asleep or what. This was a lot.

“I….”

Adam peered over his shoulder with a teasing grin. “Unless you want your back and my back to get all red. I hear that’s in this year.”

“Shut up.” Ronan’s face felt hot again. “Sit down so I can reach.”

Without any hesitation or arguing, Adam sat on Ronan’s bed, back to him. Ronan swallowed as he squirted a good amount of sunscreen into his palm, holding his breath as he reached for Adam’s skin. This was dangerous, and he tried his best not to do anything stupid. With a shaky hand he reached and touched at Adam’s back muscles. The second he made skin contact he huffed, shifting on the bed with fear he was blatantly obvious about his reaction to this.

While Adam was slight, he was strong and fit. He could tell just by touching at his skin, kneading the sunscreen into it until it left a small sheen over the spots he managed. His fingers touched over Adam’s shoulder blade, where there was a scar sitting just underneath it. Adam briefly tensed into the feeling, and Ronan almost dropped his hand out of fear. For a moment he wondered if he hurt him, but then Adam was relaxing into the touch, and Ronan almost said something about it. But he didn’t want to ruin the moment by talking, and he simply leaned in, moving to use both his hands. He felt like his hands were on fire as they moved further across his frame, noting more scars under his fingers as rubbed the sunscreen on.

Slowly the pair of them became more relaxed with the other. Adam bent his head forward, shoulders laxed, as Ronan started to get a thrill from touching. But when his hands went toward Adam’s lower back he hesitated to continue. Surely, Adam could reach there himself, right? His mind was on fire. While he was enjoying it, this was dangerous, the ability to touch him at all.

He ran his hand softly down the length of Adam’s back for a moment, along the straight of his spine. His skin was mostly soft, littered in a constellation of freckles. Adam shuddered, and at once Ronan dropped his hand.

“I’m done.” He hoped Adam didn’t hear the shake in his voice.

Adam turned around, sighing. “Great. Thanks. Your turn.”

Ronan wanted to say no, but he couldn’t help himself. He flipped around to give Adam his back, and he shut his eyes, full of nerves. When he felt nothing on his skin after a moment he opened his eyes and lifted his head, turning to Adam.

“What’s the hold up here? I’m not getting any younger.”

“Is this a bad time?”

Ronan shot straight off the bed. It was Gansey, standing in the open doorway that led to the outside. He looked as he always did, perfect hair with perfect and pristine clothes.

“The fuck? Gansey?” Of course it would be Gansey, out of anyone, to come at such a shitty time. God was full of cruel jokes like this, it seemed.

Adam stood, too, visibly uncomfortable.

“I’ll see you out there,” he said, shying his face. Ronan was surprised Gansey didn’t do his usual first introductions.

“You don’t have to leave,” Ronan said, silently pleading for Adam not to go.

Gansey interjected, stepping forward. “Ronan, I wanted to-”

Ronan shot him an angry look. “I have nothing to say to you, Gansey.” As he talked, he took note that Adam was gathering his things for the lake.

“I’ll take the kids to the lake,” he said.

Ronan so desperately wanted to ask him to stay, but before he could say anything Adam left into the other room where the kids were. Gansey moved to block Ronan’s path to follow after him, even if unintentional.

“Feels like it’s been ages since we last saw each other,” Gansey pointed out. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Ronan tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he came here to apologize, to move past their fight. He wanted to, having missed talking to Gansey.

“Are you, though?” he said, and Ronan immediately remembered why they were in a fight in the first place. “You’re not here for yourself. You’re here trying to prove something to Declan. He’s not going to give you your car back just because you spend a few weeks with kids and have a miserable time at it.”

Ronan gritted his teeth, and to keep from raising his voice he started to pack up, too, for the lake. He grabbed his shirt and started to put it back on. “You don’t know what I’m feeling or why I’m here. Don’t talk to me as if you’re my parent, Gansey. As if you know what’s best for me more than I do.”

“But I do,” Gansey argued.

Ronan tensed as he started searching for his shoes. “The _fuck_ Gansey. You _don’t_. It’s _my life_.”

Gansey stepped toward him, but Ronan recoiled, maintaining the balance. “I know it’s your life, but I worry you’re going to squander it away before you have a chance to really live it. All the drinking, fast cars, lack of concentration-”

“Okay, _Dad_.”

“Don’t do that.” Gansey pinched the bridge of his nose, upset as well. “Be serious, for once.”

“I’ll stop when you do,” Ronan retorted.

At that, Gansey looked put off. He looked like he wanted to say something else, and Ronan waited for some excuse to why he was this way but he didn’t say anything. He swallowed his words, and began pacing around the small cabin room.

“Why do we always fight?” he asked.

“I don’t know about you, but I find it so _fun_ to fight.”

Gansey paused, hands at his hips. 

I’m serious, Ronan. You don’t talk to me anymore. You just pick fights.”

Ronan felt his jaw tighten and his body stiffen. All that relaxation he felt from being around Adam had been eaten away so quick by Gansey just having to open his mouth.

“They’re easy to pick,” he quipped, thinking himself witty but fully aware he was just being an ass. “And what the fuck are you doing here, anyway?”

“I’m a counselor here, too.”

The words hit him like a punch in the gut. That meant he was staying. That meant no more of whatever it was he was doing with Adam while Gansey was around. He was a constant reminder of all his fuckups. He was his best friend for a reason, knew him best out of anyone, and sometimes he hated that.

“You're fucking joking.”

“No,” he said, “and I hope you haven't been using that kind of language in front of the children.”

“Why are you here?” Ronan didn’t like this one bit. “Did you come here to antagonize me more about my life choices?”

“No, Noah and Henry both asked me to come,” Gansey said, defensively. “I was already in the works of figuring out how to balance my mother's campaign with this when Noah snagged you, as well.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Ask him.”

“I will.”

They each stared at the other, hands either at hips or across chests, expecting the other to say something. When Gansey said nothing else, Ronan returned to getting ready to make a quick exit. When he sat back on his bed, the sunscreen bottle knocked into his leg and he felt a tug at his chest, hating Gansey even more for his unintentional interruption of what probably would’ve been a train wreck.

“Who was that that just left?” Gansey asked, and Ronan pushed the sunscreen away from his leg.

“Adam,” he said, curt. “My cabin mate.”

“Ah.” Gansey’s hands fell from his hips, but he still gave off that dad vibe Ronan hated. “I’m glad you’re making friends here,” he said. “Are you still trying to find a way to move back into the barns?”

“Maybe.” Ronan rose when both his shoes were on. “It’s none of your fucking business, though. I’m going to go find out what happened to Parrish. Don’t fucking follow me.”

“Ronan-”

Ronan was out into the hot summer day before he heard the rest of what Gansey had to say. He didn’t turn around to see if Gansey followed him, not interested in seeing him again until he was ready. This fucked everything up. While he came here with the intention of immediately leaving as soon as he proved to Declan he could “grow up”, in the last week he had almost forgotten that was his initial plan, and he was simply here to be here. That didn’t last long, it seemed.

At the lake Ronan kept his shirt on, stubborn to ask someone else to put sunscreen on his back. Everyone else was already at the lake, and in the distance he could make out Adam’s shape with a few of the kids, helping more of them with sunscreen.

“Hey, loser,” came Blue, approaching him from behind. She was wearing a one piece with her hair pulled up into several tiny ponytails. “Why are you wearing a shirt?”

“Body conscious,” he said.

She gave him a look to know he was lying.

“If I believed that, I wouldn’t have asked,” she remarked.

It’s a new trend I’m starting,” he said.

“Some trend.”

He touched at the cotton of the shirt, feeling the front of it stick to his skin from the sunscreen. “You won’t be saying that when I rack in the millions from this very popular look,” he said.

Blue rolled her eyes. “I hear you and Adam are going to combine your activities together. Big surprise.”

He frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Her smile said a different story. “You two are like weird twins or something. Always together. I’m shocked he isn’t here right now.”

“He is, actually,” Ronan said dryly. “We’ve mastered the art of mirror movements. He’s been beside me this entire time.”

“You’re so weird,” she said, but she looked to find his bad joke funny anyway, laughing a little as she walked off, presumably to find Adam herself.

Left alone, Ronan stared out at the water, crystal blue and clear. No one had gotten in yet, which was strange, but they had only just arrived. Maybe they were waiting for something, Ronan didn’t know. As he stood looking out at it, he felt someone else approach him. Without turning to look he already knew who it was.

“Hey…” Noah said sheepishly.

“Hey.”

Noah winced. “Did Gansey find you?”

“Yeah.” Ronan wanted to be mad at Noah but knew what an asshole move that would be, and he already committed a few of those with Gansey. “Thanks for warning me,” he said, bitterly.

“Shit.” Noah shrugged in his peripheral. “I didn’t know he would actually come. I’m guessing you two are still fighting?”

Ronan didn’t have the opportunity to reply with any sort of response. As he went to speak, Adam appeared walking past them, with Opal at one side and Jake at the other, both dragging him along to somewhere uncertain. He smiled at Ronan as they passed, looking to want to say something, but neither had a chance to speak before Opal and Jake pulled him away.

“Earth to Ronan.” Noah swept a hand across Ronan’s face.

“What?” He jerked.

“You're so far gone, dude.”

“I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.” Ronan shied his face. He could feel it getting red.

“You're a terrible liar, man,” said Noah, probably grinning knowingly, knowing him well enough.

“Am not.”

“Whatever you say.”

Finally, Ronan looked at Noah and caught him smirking. He was still frowning as he gently pushed at Noah’s shoulder with his own. Noah pushed back.

“I hate that I can't hate you,” he said.

“I'm just too lovable I guess.” Noah put a hand to his chest, grinning. Then he turned his head. “Cheng!”

Cheng was passing by them with his clipboard, his head lost in it. He wasn’t dressed for the lake, hair wild from probably stress. That was his constant state of mind here: stressed.

Cheng turned his head. “Huh?”

“When can we let the kids in the water?” Noah asked him. “Where's the floaties?”

“Oh. Shit. I knew I was forgetting something.” He promptly turned back in a rush. Noah and Ronan exchanged a look. “I'll go help the poor guy. He needs to distress pronto. Maybe some…" Noah made a gesture for weed and Ronan snorted.

“Could you imagine Henry high? He's already insufferable.”

“Mm. I think he could be fun.” Noah smirked then shrugged. They both turned to look after Cheng again, and spotted him almost walk into the lake off the side of the dock. “Better catch him before he falls in with that clipboard and has a breakdown.”

When Noah left, chasing after Henry, Ronan was left alone to stare at Adam. Tanned, formed Adam. He was playing with a group of kids at the edge of the lake, barely ankle deep in the water. He caught Adam’s eye, and almost looked away as he always did, but Adam formed a fast smile his direction. He felt such energy, and couldn’t help but smile back.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Eventually Cheng found the floaties, and Noah gathered those who hadn’t learned to swim to the shallow part of the lake’s edge, where he was planning to start teaching them. At some point in the afternoon Blue tried to convince Cheng to change and join them, but he was persistent about doing other things while everyone else was at the lake.

“Enjoy the great weather for me,” he said. Blue stuck her tongue out at him, and Noah splashed a bit of water on him just to antagonize him a bit. He panicked as he tried to avoid getting his clipboard wet.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon Gansey was nowhere to be seen, which Ronan didn’t mind. His afternoon had been saved with his absence, by Opal enjoying herself in the lake and by Adam sitting with him through most of their time there.

Together they sat on the dock watching the kids. Ronan kept his shirt on, if only at this point because of his stubbornness. He chewed on his lip as he looked out at the water, trying very hard not to be conspicuous when he stole glances at Adam’s bare chest. It was gleaming in the warm sun.

“Who was that back there at the cabin?” Adam asked, casually with his eyes focused forward.

“Gansey.” Ronan raised his wrist to his mouth and chewed a bit at his bracelets, his good mood getting disrupted again. “My best friend,” he added, for a little more context.

“If that’s how you treat your friends, I don’t know if I can be one of them,” Adam said, teasing.

Ronan knocked shoulders with him, his hand falling from his mouth. “Shut up,” he groaned.

Adam hummed with amusement that he got on Ronan's nerves. Their thighs were a whisper’s distance apart after his push, so close he was suddenly very aware of his body. He looked out at the water and tried not to think about how close he was to Adam, how little amount of clothes Adam was wearing, how little he was wearing. He breathed in, then out.

“I’m sort of mad at him right now,” he said, more of a distraction for himself.

“Why?”

He shook his head, shutting his eyes. “It’s nothing.”

Their arms touched, and Ronan opened his eyes to see Adam having moved to press them gently together. He gave him a comforting expression, leaving their arms to touch. He was so warm from the sun.

“Just like how you got mad at me over nothing?” he said.

The sun was hitting him just right, and all his freckles were luminous under its rays. _Fucking nature_ , he thought to himself before turning away.

Ronan admitted to himself he had gotten a little insecure with how Adam made that comment that he could just leave. For a moment he thought.... He and Adam were only starting to know each other. It shouldn't upset him like it did, like if Gansey had said 'Why don't you just go home then.' But it hurt so much more than that.

This was impossible. Two weeks. He only knew Adam two weeks.

He cleared his throat, unintentionally shifting even closer into Adam. When he didn’t move, simply allowed him to sit so close, Ronan stole another look his way.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

“Mhm.” Adam gave him another of his already infamous looks full of judgment. “So when are you going to start teaching me to swim?”

Ronan shrugged. He tried to remain casual about the thought of being alone with Adam like that, in water, in just swim trunks. “When do you want to start?”

“Tonight?”

A chill ran down the center of his spine from the anticipation. “I'll have to check my schedule,” he said, sounding only mildly interested. “I'm a very busy man, you know.”

Adam nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He rolled his eyes and knocked shoulders together. The impact was a little rougher than when Ronan knocked into him.

“Hey, don't push me so hard I might fall in,” he said.

“You're not the one who can't swim.” Adam shook his head, finding it funny. When Ronan didn’t laugh, too, he paused. “Why, are you afraid?” He still found it funny.

“I'm not afraid,” Ronan argued. He didn’t want to go into the water if it meant leaving Adam behind.

“You're wearing a shirt.” Adam touched at the hem of the sleeve. Ronan shifted so his arm pulled from out of his reach, overwhelmed. “You’re not in the lake with the other counselors.”

“Didn't want to leave you out here alone,” Ronan said. “Bit pathetic to sit here by yourself, don't you think?”

“I don't know if I can take lessons from you if I'm not sure you can even swim.”

“I can swim,” Ronan said, defensively.

“Prove it.”

“I don't have to prove any-”

Before he realized what had happened he was pushed into the lake. He held his breath fast as he went underwater, bogged down by the weight of his shirt, but quick to overcome the shock. It only took him a few seconds to get his bearings together, but it felt like longer, as he swam back up to the surface. When he surfaced, he found Adam still sitting above him, laughing.

“You dick!” Ronan was breathless, trying to stay afloat. The shirt weighed him down and clung to his torso. He felt weird swimming with it, but now he was stuck with it on. He didn’t want to burn.

Adam held a hand to his stomach, leaning back as he laughed toward the sky. “I’m sorry,” he said, breathless. “But the look on your face.

“I could’ve drowned!” He was mad, that not even Adam’s joy made him feel better.

“Oh, please.” Adam laughed harder. “Don’t whine. You’re spoiling the fun.”

“Ronan, come swim with me!” Opal shouted behind him, from deeper within the lake. She was wearing two floaties and swimming with Jake and a few other kids.

“I—” He grumbled. He wasn’t done being annoyed with Adam, who when he looked back at him was still laughing. “I’ll get you back,” he said.

“Will you though?” He wiped at his eyes, laughter tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“You bet your ass I will,” said Ronan, watching Adam start to cross his arms over his chest, responding with suggestive body language. “You won’t even suspect it.” Ronan didn’t like that he was having this conversation so far beneath Adam in the water. “It’ll be a huge surprise, and-”

“Ronan!!!”

Ronan cursed under his breath. “That kid is driving me crazy.”

“Shut up,” Adam smiled. “You love her.”

He gave Adam a withering look to match all the ones he was constantly giving him. It was true, though. Opal worked her way into his heart so fast. Between the two of them, he hadn’t thought much at all about leaving. Not until Gansey got here. Which was a problem. Because he needed to get his car back, needed to stop his brother from selling their house, and he couldn’t accomplish either of those here. Not like this. It was all so distracting.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the mess hall for dinner, Adam was in line waiting for food. He was starving, having forgotten to eat at lunch after being distracted by Ronan. Today was a weird day, and tonight was going to be weirder, taking a swimming lesson from him. He was a little nervous, though unsure why.

Halfway through the food line, Ronan caught up with him, wearing proper clothes. His skin was visibly burned around the lining of his shirt’s collar, pinker than the rest of his skin.

“Your pasty look has been ruined,” he said, gesturing.

Ronan groaned. “Because _someone_ threw me into the lake,” he said.

“You were getting sunburned before that,” Adam said, smiling. He examined his red nape before moving forward down the line, grabbing a jello cup when he passed them by. “You should thank me.” Ronan looked at him with an incredulous expression. “You had fun with Opal after I shoved you in.”

“Yeah, having to play Marco Polo with a bunch of kids wearing floaties was real fun,” Ronan said coolly. 

“Are you trying to cut in line, Lynch?” Adam said, suggesting with his hand for Ronan to fall into line if he were, until he noticed his empty hands. “Or what?”

“I already got my food,” he replied, with a shrug. He said it as if there weren’t more questions born from his response, but Adam did his best not to ask them. He didn’t mind the company, albeit it wasn’t that lonely to stand in a line getting food.

They remained quiet the rest of the way, as Adam grabbed a few more foods and then some juice. He didn’t understand the chaperoning until they reached the table Blue and the others were sitting at. Ronan took his tray from him and started toward the table where Opal was already sitting at.

When Ronan took his tray, Blue gaped and sat straight.

“Aren’t you two sick of each other yet?” she said, full of dismay. “Sharing a cabin should make you want to hang out with other people. Cooler people.” Her eyes shot to Ronan, who looked like he wanted to snarl at her. She took pride in his reaction, beaming. Adam had to nudge Ronan forward to keep motion going.

When they sat down at their table, Opal immediately started talking to Ronan and him about anything and everything, as if they hadn't just seen each other an hour ago. Ronan started eating his food, nodding at everything she said as he chewed. This was the most he ever heard her say, normally so reserved otherwise.

Eventually Jake appeared with his tray, and he quietly sat next to them without saying anything. Opal took one look at him and immediately shifted all her talking from Ronan to him, immersing him in the drama that was being a child at camp. It was progress, talking to other kids rather than just to Adam and Ronan. Adam met Ronan's gaze across the table and smiled softly at the sight of them bonding. It was nice. Ronan appeared to agree, his features softening as he took the sight of them in.

As dinner continued, Adam became a little more nervous for that night. He was finally going to learn to swim after all these years. He once tried to teach himself at the public pool, but only got so far as getting his feet wet before his mom dragged him out. He never tried to go back, afraid of a worse response.

But mostly Adam was nervous about his ear. It was difficult at times to hear without water getting clogged in his good ear. He wasn't sure what would happen if it were to get plugged up, too.

"I'll be right back," said Ronan, the first sentence he said aloud nearly all through dinner.

"Where are you going?" Opal demanded.

"To get another drink," said Ronan, standing from their side of the bench. He reached for his cup, but then Opal raised hers too.

"I want more juice," she said.

"Go get it yourself," Ronan countered. "Your legs work last time I checked."

"No, you get it for me," she said. "I'm talking."

She was extremely opinionated and brazen for a kid. Adam liked that. He smothered a laugh at the look Ronan gave her and then him. Utter shock.

"You're-- I-- Unbelievable."

She grinned up at him, putting extra sweetness in it, until he rolled his eyes and grabbed her cup. His look shot from her to across the table at Adam, completely flabbergasted by these turn of events. "Do _you_ want more juice too?"

Adam thought about it, looking down at his almost empty cup. He shrugged and raised hi cup as well.

"If you're offering," he said.

Ronan cursed under his breath as he swiped his hand across the air and took Adam's offered cup from his hand. "Unbelievable," he said. It wasn't until he left did Adam realize he left his own cup on the table, favoring theirs.

As Jake and Opal resumed talking, Ronan had disappeared to across the mess hall where the drinks were, pushing at buttons to fill their cups. His back was to Adam, making it so he could easily spot the sunburn again. He was readying himself for a joke when Ronan came back, when someone moved into his line of vision and disrupted his attention.

When he looked up to see who it was, he was surprised to find it to be Gansey.

"Hi, Adam, right?"

He offered a hand to Adam, who took it with mild hesitation. If Ronan currently was mad at Gansey, would he get mad at him too?

"Richard Gansey III, but everyone calls me Gansey."

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. Listen, is he okay?"

"Uh, he's fine," Adam replied, awkward and unsure if this was appropriate. He didn't feel comfortable answering questions about Ronan like this, especially because of the visible tension between the asker and the one being asked about.

"He hasn't... done anything dangerous, has he? Been easily volatile."

Adam didn't want to answer. So he didn't. Instead, he stared blank faced at Gansey until he got the message.

"I worry," Gansey continued. "He doesn't always make the smartest decisions."

Adam knew Ronan could take care of himself. He wasn't a fragile thing.

"I don't think you need to worry," said Adam. If this was about the state of his car, the anger he sometimes showcased, Adam sensed that being at camp was helping whatever it was he was going through. If Gansey didn't notice that yet, he would soon.

Gansey seemed to sense the subject made Adam at unease, and he nodded, almost to himself. He took note of the kids next to Adam and his eyes fleetingly moved from them and then back to him.

"So what activity are you doing with the kids?"

Adam shrugged. "I sort of am just doing what Ronan's doing. Haven't really figured what it is I want to do yet."

"Oh."

Adam didn't know why he was annoyed with Gansey's response to his answer. He chewed the inside of his cheek to smother the urge to say something impolite.

"What about you?" he said, polite as he could. He found himself trying harder than he usually did to hide his accent.

"Oh, I'm teaching them history," Gansey said, almost excitedly.

"Ew. History!" shouted Opal. Jake giggled at Adam's side, joined relatively quickly by Opal. Gansey took no offense to it.

"Sounds... like fun." Adam didn't know how to spin this into sounding more interested. History lessons at camp. Kids were going to hate that. 

"Yes, well it was either that or rowing," Gansey said in a flurry of fast spoken words, "and Henry said teaching rowing to a bunch of kids who can barely swim isn't the smartest idea."

"Probably a safe bet."

Adam finally caught sight of the space behind Gansey's imposing frame, noting Ronan finishing up filling the drinks. His distraction caught Gansey's attention, who looked behind him where Adam was, and upon realizing what caught his eye he turned back and sighed.

"Oh, Ronan's coming back," he said matter of factly. "I should go before he gets mad at you by association. It was lovely to meet you, Adam."

"Mm. Likewise."

"See you around."

"See you."

Gansey walked away a different direction than Ronan, but Ronan still seemed to notice him leave, eyes following after him. He almost ran into a kid that crossed his path. When he came and sat down, he eyed everyone suspiciously at the table, cups still in hand.

"What took you so long?" said Opal. She reached for her drink, but he pulled it back.

"Well now I don't want to give you your juice back," he said, voice scratching his threat. Adam wondered how much Gansey coming over upset him. He wished there was something he could say, but Opal appeared to be doing the work for him.

"I didn't really want it anyway," she said. He narrowed his eyes at her, and she narrowed her eyes back, mimicking his movements.

He broke first, handing over her juice. She gleefully sipped on it and returned to ignoring him by way of talking to Jake.

Ronan then turned and handed Adam his juice, frowning.

"What were you two talking about?" Ronan asked. His eyes were piercing with their intensive stare, as he slouched into the table, barely lifting his head up enough to look at Adam.

Adam shrugged at him, being nonchalant. Ronan's shifting mood wasn't going to disrupt his. "He was telling me his activity with the kids is about history," he said.

"Ugh. Of course it is. These poor children."

And like that, his mood was fixed. He pulled back from the table, fussing with Opal's hat, who smacked his hand away while still sipping from her drink. They started to playfully bicker, leaving Jake and Adam out of it. Jake didn't seem too bothered, returning to his food which had likely gone cold at this point. He played around with his jello using his spoon.

Adam wasn't so easily distracted. His focus remained on Ronan, watching his interaction with Opal and how carefree and happy they seemed. He wondered what version of Ronan Gansey saw, and how he didn't see the same one at all by the sound of it. He wondered why that was who Gansey saw when he looked at him, but then he remembered how Ronan crashed his car and there was a distinct smell of alcohol inside. As Ronan shot him a smile, he wondered which parts of himself he had yet to share with Adam, and when or if he would share them.

It was an interesting thing that Ronan lied to him about not remembering having met at Boyd's garage. While he lied, too, he wondered why Ronan did. It was obvious he remembered. It was dumb. They were both dumb. It changed nothing, knowing he remembered him. It only reminded him how when he first saw Ronan round the corner in Boyd's he felt both a sense of alarm and a brief hint of thrill. Unsure why. And he had it again when he saw him at camp. And again when he took his shirt off earlier in front of Ronan. He sipped on his juice as he thought back on that moment. When Gansey walked in, he felt almost embarrassed, like he walked in on something private.

He didn't know why.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night, after putting the kids to bed and being completely assured they were all asleep, Ronan and Adam snuck out together to the lake. It was pitch black, and Ronan had to use a flashlight to walk, sometimes turning it off when they heard something in the blackened surroundings. Adam was nervous about being caught, but his nerves were mildly calmed by how unperturbed Ronan was. Of course he didn't worry.

"This feels unsafe," Adam finally whispered, cold and blind, as they finally could make out the lake in the dark. The moonlight cast a reflection on the center of the lake's surface, fanning out toward the edge where they were, but it still didn't feel bright enough. "I can't see," he said. Ronan scoffed at him. "What if I drown and you can't find me in the water?"

"It's not that dark," Ronan sassed. "I can see just fine."

He then walked into a branch. It smacked him in the face and he faltered a step back.

"I meant to do that," he said.

Adam laughed, an unintentional outburst of sound. It was loud enough Ronan quickly put a hand over his mouth. Adam normally would've flinched from such a gesture, but around Ronan he didn't even subconsciously think to. He almost found it normal, aware Ronan meant nothing by it. If anything, he wondered where his hand had been recently.

"Shh," Ronan hissed low. His eyes darted across the dark around them. "Don't give us away."

Adam gave him a look over the hand that sat on his face. He was both annoyed and amused, still laughing a little against his palm. He smelled of the woods, of the pine trees and the green grass, but fainter hints of it. It was funny to see he was as concerned of being caught as Adam was, perhaps even more so. Eventually Ronan peered around long enough, and then let him go.

They resumed walking, quiet the rest of the way. Adam was still holding back laughs as Ronan tripped and almost fell at one point, too stubborn to turn the flashlight back on.

At the water's edge they set their stuff down. Adam nervously took off his pants and shirt, revealing just the same pair of trunks as before. The air bit at his bare skin already. It wasn't exactly cold, but half naked next to a large body of water, it was certainly not a nice warmth. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Ronan mirrored his movements, taking off his pants and shirt too. He really did get a sunburn on his back, but the worst of it was only on the edge of where his sleeves and collar were.

Adam shivered before even touching the water, and then when he did he barely made it one foot in before promptly recoiling.

"It's cold," he said.

Behind him, Ronan was snickering. "What, did you think the lake was fucking heated, Parrish?"

Adam resigned himself to this life, but it didn't keep him from frowning at Ronan. "Fuck you. I didn't realize it would be this cold. I don't want to catch pneumonia."

"Backing out, Parrish?" Ronan came to stand beside him, careful to not trip and fall like earlier. He gave him a challenging look.

"No," Adam replied, stubbornly. "Just...." He closed his eyes and turned away. "Give me a minute."

Ronan huffed, sounding further away again. "Whatever."

Relatively alone, with his eyes closed and mind focused, Adam folded his arms over his chest. When that wasn't working with building up the courage to get into the water he opened his eyes and snuck a glance Ronan's way. He was trying not to be obvious, but he was clearly chilled too. Adam stared at him a moment as he looked around. He wondered why he offered to teach him, why he didn't just let it go that Adam couldn't join the others for lake activities all summer. Others probably would have if they had been who he confessed to. Discreetly, he watched as Ronan raised his wrist to his mouth, to chew on his bracelets. The boy was all jitters. So was he.

"Why do you do that?" he found himself asking aloud.

Ronan looked over at him. "Do what?"

"Chew your wristbands."

Ronan dropped his wrist from his mouth. "Habit. I don't know." His mood swung low to annoyed again. "What's it to you?"

Adam could see the walls around Ronan starting to form again and he sighed. Learning to swim was a way of not being afraid, and so was this. He didn't want to be afraid of anything, even the strange form of rejection he felt when Ronan pretended not to remember him. He watched as Ronan stepped down into the water, cursing under his breath from the shock of the cold. His fingers nimbly ran over his bare arms to tame the goosebumps he likely had. His lips were shuddering. Adam knew they were being stupid going into the lake like this, and yet he wasn't about to change his mind. Stubborn that way, he supposed. Instead, he inclined himself a little closer to Ronan, hardly a few steps.

"How did you crash your car?" He knew it was stupid to ask even as it came out, but it was too late.

"What?" Ronan looked to have been physically injured by the question, like Adam surprised him with an act. His eyes were fleetingly wild and his body went rigid. Adam knew he should leave well enough alone, but he wanted to know Ronan. He wanted Ronan to want to know him.

"I know you remember me from Boyd's garage," he said, shifting gears in how to angle this. "I saw your car there."

"Fuck, Parrish. It's none of your fucking business." Ronan shifted away from him, facing out into the lake, back turned so Adam couldn't see his face.

"Don't curse at me, Lynch," he replied just as tersely.

"I'll curse at you if I goddamn please," Ronan argued.

Adam rolled his eyes. They both had become frustrated by this. It was too late to go back now, though.

"You're just like Gansey right now," Ronan groaned. "Jesus."

"I don't know him very well but I can tell that's intended to be an insult." Adam frowned at the back of his head. "It's not a very good one."

"It's cold out," Ronan reasoned. He glanced back at Adam, for just a moment, then out to the water again. "I'll think of a better one when my brain isn't frozen over."

"At least tell me why you pretended not to remember me," Adam suggested, wishing he hadn't said anything in the first place. But now he was too upset and stubborn to change the course of the conversation's direction.

"That is also none of your business," Ronan said, voice rough and full off frustration.

"That is every bit my business," Adam reasoned.

"Tell me why _you_ pretended you didn't remember me _either_."

Adam shivered. "I don't have an answer for that," he said.

"Me either."

"Fine."

"Good."

Immediately, Adam turned away. Why did he ask him about his car? What was he doing? Trying to get out of swimming? Possibly. When Ronan didn't turn around or say anything else, Adam knew they weren't going to swim. Ronan was impossible sometimes.

So he left the edge of the water and clumsily returned to his clothes. He started to collect them, feeling mildly embarrassed. He quickly made the decision to sleep in the craft house. There was a sofa there he could make comfortable. It probably was more so than the mattresses they were given.

As he was dusting his shirt free of sand there was a warm hand at his shoulder. He jerked.

"You still getting in the water or what?"

He turned to see Ronan holding floaties. He talked to him so gently as if they didn't just have the tiniest fight ever. The look on his face erased all anger from Adams joints, eased the tension in his muscles. At once, he dropped his clothes back onto the sandy ground, but he still did not reach for what was in Ronan's hands.

"I'm not wearing those," he said.

Ronan's brow lifted in disbelief. "Do you want to drown?"

Adam wanted to snap back at him but bit down the urge. Instead he thought of an alternative. His lips teased into a thin smile.

"You have to wear them too," he said.

Ronan was unamused.

"Hey, I know how to swim already, genius," he said with a grunt.

"What, are you embarrassed to wear them?" Adam said, playfully.

"Clearly you are."

"It's less embarrassing if you're wearing them, too," he reasoned.

"For you, maybe."

Adam shivered again. This was fun again but not enough he was willing to stand half naked like this for too long. He couldn't tell if Ronan was still upset enough about the car that it bled into this conversation, or if he just really didn't want to wear floaties, or a combination of the two. In any case, he shrugged and pushed the offered plastic arm bands away from him. "Well, I'm not wearing them," he said. "You'll just have to make sure I don't drown."

Instinctively, Ronan muttered under his breath and looked displeased. Adam could already tell he won and he did his best not to express his delight. "You're a pain in my ass, Parrish," said Ronan.

Adam smirked at that, one brow quirking above the over.

After they found another pair of floaties for Ronan, the both of them put them on in all their awkward glory. Adam almost laughed at how every little movement they made came with a tiny squeak. Ronan was not as amused, but he wasn't put off from showing Adam how to swim. He offered his hand to Adam.

"Alright, take my hand," he said.

"Your hand?" Adam didn't accept it yet.

"Yeah," Ronan said. "It's dark and I don't want you slipping and somehow ending up in the middle of the lake."

"I have these on." Adam made a small squeak sound as he moved his arms around.

Ronan looked put out, but his hand was still offered. "Those won't completely prevent you from drowning if you don't know the basics," he said. "Come on."

Adam rolled his eyes, and inevitably took Ronan's hand.

Ronan looked to want to say another classic Lynch remark but held his tongue, thankfully. At this stage in the night Adam wasn't sure he could handle any more of his remarks without simply stomping off back toward their cabin. He was tired, cold, and now wet.

Without saying anything else, Ronan simply gently led Adam into the water. It was icy cold and slippery. The rocky floor dug into the soles of his bare feet. He gripped Ronan's hand tight as they moved deeper than he was used to. He started to feel the water go up to his knees, and he panicked. He jerked back, trying to turn back. As a result, Ronan followed with him, still holding his hand.

"I've got you," he said. There was no hint of sarcasm or frustration beneath those words. They were what they were, no underlying message besides simply that. Adam took a second to collect himself, his nerves like hot wires. He had to believe that if he did fall Ronan would catch him. He had to put his trust in him. It wasn't as hard as it should be. He slipped his fingers in between Ronan's to have a better grip. The gesture was enough for Ronan to know he could guide him back to where he was initially taking him in the lake. He held tight as they started to wade forward again. Adam's heart was racing.

"How deep are we going?" he asked.

"Not that much further," answered Ronan. Even in the dark he could see him quirk a grin. "You think I'm going to throw you into the deep end first thing?"

Adam shrugged. His floaties squeaked at his sides. "I honestly have absolutely no idea what I think you're going to do," he said.

Ronan looked almost amused by this. Proud somehow. He smiled low and then pulled again on Adams hand, pulling him along. He had a softer hand and a more tender grip than he was expecting.

"Come on," he said, his voice so calm. "Just a little further."

"It's so cold." Adam continued to shiver. The water was fully to their waist now, and his legs almost felt numb with how cold it was. Deeper in they went, until finally Ronan let go of Adam's hand a second. Adam panicked. For a second he filled with fear Ronan was going to swim away or something even worse. He struggled not to showcase his fear by not reaching for him, even though he wanted to reach for something. He was afraid he would slip, even though he had the floaties to support him at least a little. They really weren't enough.

Instead of swimming away, Ronan put his hands on Adam's arms. He rubbed at his forearms, to stimulate them in this cold. They were nearly chest deep now in the water, feet still firmly on the ground. Heat built from Ronan's touch, and he felt a little warmer. He didn't know what to say to him.

"We won't stay out here much longer, okay?" he said.

"Okay," was all Adam could find to reply. He then swiftly reached for one of Ronan's hands again as he felt the ground under his feet shift a little.

That was all they did that night, simply get Adam acclimated to standing in water. After a while he was able to let go of Ronan, and Ronan stepped away a few feet to not let Adam be tempted to grab for him. He walked around in the water a bit, and slipped once but was quick to steady himself again. It was nice. Cold, but nice.

After what felt like ages but was only an hour, they returned to the shore. They were swift to grab their towels and pat themselves down, then dress as fast as they could once they were dry enough. They practically ran back to their cabin, and inside curled up in their beds immediately. Adam shivered in his broken sleeping bag, staring out at the room toward Ronan, who was looking back.

"Zip it up. You're turning blue," Ronan whispered.

"Asshole," Adam said, not sounding as forceful as it usually was due to the shake of his voice. "You know it's broken."

"Flip it so it's on the other side," Ronan tried to argue. "So it's closed."

"I can't move." Neither of them thought this through very well.

"Parrish, if you get hypothermia--" Ronan started.

"Whose fault would that be?" Adam quivered. "Yours."

"Pfft."

Adam's teeth chattered as he shivered. He closed his eyes and dug his face deeper into the collar of his hoodie. He was going to die here in the woods because he tried to learn to swim in the middle of the night. That was what was going on his tombstone. He couldn't believe it.

A pillow smacked him in the face, and he jerked upright.

"Hey," he hissed. "What the fuck was that for?"

Ronan sat up in his bed, too. "Switch with me."

"Excuse me?" Adam was startled.

"Your teeth are making the loudest noise," Ronan said. "I can't sleep with all that tap tap tapping. This is more for my benefit than yours."

Adam was annoyed.

"Think of the children," Ronan whispered.

Adam rolled his eyes but found himself compelled to his feet just the same.

After switching beds, Adam lay there feeling warmer already in Ronan's bag, and he glanced over to see how he was holding up in Adam's. He wasn't shivering like Adam had been. Maybe it was the lack of wet hair that made him a little warmer. Or maybe it was the thicker jacket. It really didn't matter. He turned to lie on his side, facing outward. The shuffling of the sleeping bag must have caught Ronan's attention, because he turned his head and then followed suit with the rest of his body, matching Adam's position.

"Thank you," he said.

Ronan appeared to shrug, but he couldn't really tell. "It's what friends are for."

Adam felt a thrill of adrenaline when he heard him say that. That night he had a good night's sleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night became the start of what Adam could only consider to be a routine. Every night when the kids were put to bed, he and Ronan would sneak off to the lake and Adam would take lessons from him. The next two nights were much like the first, Ronan simply acclimating Adam to the feeling of standing in water, deeper and longer each night. The third night was humid, the water soothing and not icily uncomfortable. Adam managed to dunk his head under water that night. He slept well.

Ronan was a good teacher, to Adam and to the kids.

Henry didn't like Adam not having his own activity and suggested gardening to be something to try. Adam liked doing things with his hands, but he hadn't gardened before in his life, which prompted Ronan to join him. He pretended he couldn't garden either, but it was quickly realized he was rather good at it.

Gardening quickly became popular amongst the children, Ronan someone who could make even the phone book captivating. He showed the kids a variety of plants they were to grow that summer, and somehow got the kids interested in soil and photosynthesis. When Adam later made a comment that Ronan was teaching them science as well as gardening, Ronan acted insulted and proceeded to act purposefully dense the rest of the afternoon.

The camp was finally in a groove. The activities were in full swing, the kids were having fun learning while playing. Adam was, too.

He especially found himself incredibly fascinated by tennis for the first time in his life, when he watched Ronan play it on that Friday. Normally Adam didn't get a chance to watch Ronan with the kids, preoccupied on his own with the ones who used this time to run around and throw balls at each other. Today they were a lot better managed, as there were less of them to look after. Most of them chose the lake today, the air thick with precipitation.

Opal was one of the few who stayed, and for the first time she managed to hit the ball. However, rather than getting it across the net she hit Ronan in the ass.

"Oy, you brat!" he exclaimed, a hand quick to touch where she hit him.

Opal giggled. He eased his temper fast.

"That was actually pretty good," he grunted, walking toward her around the net. "Let me see your form."

As the afternoon continued, Adam watched as Opal and Ronan tried to play another match together. She was decent for a kid, but she kept hitting the net. Adam didn't even want to know how bad he would be at this sport. Sports weren't his thing. He liked building things.

Gansey appeared as Ronan began giving other kids similar attention he gave to Opal, who did not look thrilled with the change. Adam wanted to go interact with her, but Gansey sat down beside him and he sensed a conversation coming on. Over the course of the last week Adam hadn't talked much to Gansey. He sort of stuck by Ronan's side as a default and since Ronan wasn't talking to Gansey there weren't many opportunities for him either. Gansey looked slightly uncomfortable, aware him being there was going to spark something in Ronan when he realized. He fiddled with his glasses as he looked on.

"Not going to play with the kids too?" he said.

"I'm more of an observer," said Adam.

Gansey didn't wait long to get into why he was really there. "How has Ronan been?" he inquired. "He hasn't so much as looked at me in days. I'm starting to think coming here may have been a mistake."

"Probably was."

Gansey looked surprised at him. Adam caught that look, and he sighed.

"Look, I don't know what you two are disputing about. All I know is Ronan's pretty upset with you, and his temper tends to fade fast when he gets upset with me-"

"That's a bit of a surprise," said Gansey.

"Is it?" Adam looked at him, and Gansey looked back. This was curious. 

"Okay, tennis time is over early today." Ronan seemed to notice Gansey's arrival, and he did not look the least bit happy about it. His brow was already folding and lips twisting down. "I need a break from all you squirts. It's adult time now."

All the kids groaned in disappointment, and Opal came over to Ronan and pulled on his arm.

"Can I stay, Ronan?" she asked.

He leaned down toward her. "You go have fun with the others," he said. "You're going to get sick of me if we see each other so often."

"You're getting sick of me?" Opal sounded sad.

"What?" Ronan realized he made a mistake. "No. no." He bent down and started talking softly to Opal. Adam watched them from where he sat, and beside him he could feel Gansey watching too.

What was he watching for? Concern for his friend? Curiosity of their friendship? Jealousy? Adam wasn't sure there was need for jealousy. Certainly no need for concern. He then realized he was sitting on his deaf side, and that the way he angled his head he couldn't hear him anymore. He paled a bit when he looked over and realized Gansey had been talking.

He looked at him curiously, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Are you partially deaf?" He sounded enthralled with the question. It made Adam feel sick.

"I..." His jaw locked. "None of your business." To get away from this conversation, he jumped to his feet. It was perfect timing to Ronan's arrival, tennis racquet still in hand. "Lynch, do you need help?"

All the kids had since dispersed last he looked, but the court was left a mess. Ronan shook his head. "No. I'm about to beat Gansey's ass at tennis though."

Gansey pointed to himself. "Me?" He sighed, like this was abnormal occupancy between them and that he was tired it was happening again. "Lord, Ronan. I haven't played in ages and never very well. You know that. Why the sudden urge to easily win a sport you're trained in and I'm not?"

Ronan raised his racquet toward him as he pointed. "I'm still pissed at you, and I need to release some of my -- shit -- and I can't exactly drink or drive right now stuck in this shitbox so."

Adam didn't like the way Ronan was right now. He soured while looking at him.

"Don't call this place a shitbox," he said.

"Parrish, you don't have to stick around." His voice was a little cooler as he talked to him, his eyes a little less intense. "If you do I might just get pissed off at you, too."

Gansey appeared relieved at this, almost smiling. "Does this mean we're finally going to talk?" he said.

Ronan's jaw locked. He didn't look the least bit happy. "I guess," he grunted. "I know how much you love to talk, and I can't stop that if I'm focused on beating your ass in tennis. I would much rather play against Parrish here, but he probably plays worse than you do."

"You don't know that," Adam said defensively. He shot a look at Gansey automatically. Would Gansey tell his secret to Ronan? About his ear? Did he even fully realize that Adam was half deaf, or was that more of an assumption based on what could have easily been lack of attention given to him?

"Grab a--" Ronan started, but Gansey cut him off.

"Ronan, we really need to talk, not play tennis--"

"Alright! Alright!" Ronan snapped. His voice elevated higher than Adam had ever heard it go before. He stormed away a few feet as he yelled, back to them both. "Fuck, you and Declan both treat me like a child. You think you know me so well. You think you can just program my life, butt in when you feel it's necessary. Talk down to me like I'm going to break if you don't. I'm really sick of it, Dick."

Gansey looked hurt, but he didn't shy from stepping toward him. "I'm sorry, Ronan," he said. "I didn't mean to out you to your brother like that. I genuinely was worried for you. The last time you got this way you...." Gansey looked at Adam. Adam almost forgot he was still there physically. He momentarily thought he had somehow become invisible, meshed with the air, an observer unnoticed. He forgot they asked him to leave. His face went hot, cheeks burning.

Ronan looked at Adam, too, when he turned around to notice he hadn't left. He looked more upset than Adam had ever seen him. Embarrassed almost.

"I'll... go...." He took a few small steps backward toward the staircase that led back up to the rest of camp.

"Check on Opal, would you?" Ronan insisted.

"Yeah, sure." Ronan looked crestfallen as Adam properly started to leave, peeling away until he was at the stairs. Their voices began to elevate when he was off the court and out of sight. Their words went over the other's so he couldn't make out most of what they said. Moving on. Something about a father. A barn. Danger.

Adam had ascended the stairs that led up from the tennis court and peered down again at them when he heard less yelling and more grunts and simple curse words. He watched Ronan and Gansey play, working out their frustrations with one another through sport. Gansey had pulled up his sleeves, but he still looked out of place against Ronan.

Ronan was a powerhouse on the court, even up against Gansey who visibly was less refined and practiced as him. Ronan didn't seem to let that stop him. He was swift, strong, and focused. Every time Gansey managed to get the ball back into Ronan's side of the court Ronan shot it right back, never once letting it hit the ground.

Adam wasn't sure how long he stood there, watching. His fingers slid through the holes of the chain link fence as he leaned to get a better view of below. For some reason, his heart was racing. Ronan was sweating through his shirt, laser focus. He kept biting down on his lip as he made a swing, which Adam could still see even from so far up. It was like watching a lion play games with an antelope

Gansey knew going into this game he was going to lose, and he yet he was giving it his all, while Ronan appeared to be giving perhaps half or even a third of his efforts, and he was still winning by a mile.

"Ronan, beating me isn't going to make you feel better!" he heard Gansey exclaim. He sounded winded.

"You don't know that." Ronan did not sound winded, not even in the slightest.

"I know you're upset about losing your house," Adam heard Gansey say. At once he realized the severity of the conversation and that he should leave, yet he was glued to the fence, watching them play.

"Shut _up,_ Dick. You're bad enough at this, you're worse when you chatter."

"Ronan. I'll stop playing if you don't at least acknowledge you're more upset with yourself and the things you can change than you are with me."

"When did you fucking get a degree in psychology? One semester of a psych college course for AP credit and suddenly you're fucking Freud."

"Ronan."

"Richard

Their voices went low again, too low for Adam to hear. After a while more of playing, Ronan slammed down his tennis racquet and stormed off toward the stairs Adam was still nearby. He quickly pulled away, before either noticed he hadn't left.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan didn't talk much since the tennis match. He was quiet even with Opal. Jake distracted her from Ronan, who sat outside for dinner. He hadn't eaten since breakfast Adam never expected himself to be the one to push someone else to eat, but he sat outside with him with a tray full of food and he pushed it into Ronan's side to suggest he eat something. Without words Ronan argued he wasn't hungry. Adam offered him s roll, which he had intentionally taken two of.

With hooded eyes, Ronan took a long look at him, silent and brooding. Adam pushed the roll at Ronan's closed mouth, playful but serious about him eating. He didn't laugh or smile, and neither did Ronan. His expression softened strangely, and he took Adam's hand that held the roll to him. His fingers nimbly felt around Adam's, before taking the roll from him. He quietly took a bite, and then another, and then another.

There was another campfire that night. In it together both Henry and Blue told spooky stories to the kids. Noah tried as well when it was his turn, but his came out far too scary even for Adam, leaving Henry and Blue to have to brighten the kids' spirits with a silly story instead.

Ronan disappeared shortly after that. Adam wanted to follow after him, but he could feel Gansey watching him and so he felt compelled to stay behind. He was paranoid Gansey would tell Ronan about his ear, or tell anyone. He didn't know Gansey, and he didn’t know Adam.

After the campfire was over, Adam waited a little longer than the others to head back to his cabin. When Ronan didn't return by the time they put the fire out, Noah approached Adam with the same worried look he knew he probably wore.

“Do you know where Ronan went?” he asked Adam. He shrugged, unsure. If he were being honest, he thought Noah would’ve been better than he would.

“No,” he said.

“Well,” Noah looked down at the ground, a little disappointed. “I still have my car keys, so I know he didn’t go far.” He laughed like it was meant to be a joke, although one he didn’t even find that funny. Adam didn’t laugh at all.

“See you tomorrow,” said Noah. “If he doesn’t come back in like an hour, could you come find me?”

“Yeah, for sure.”

“Thanks.”

When Adam took the kids back to the cabin alone, he was surprised to find Ronan already there, waiting in his swimming gear. They met eyes, said nothing to one another. He gave the impression he wanted Adam to change, and he waited sitting there in his bed looking sullen and absent. Adam got all the kids settled for bed and then changed.

It was clear Ronan was upset, and most definitely not in the mood to talk, and so they didn’t. Adam wasn’t sure he would even know what to say.

When they reached the lake Adam took off his shirt first, and he readied himself to get into the water. Next to him Ronan still hadn’t taken his shirt off, staring somewhere with a glazed over look, not fully present.

Adam reached for words, but came up empty.

“You asked me what happened to my car.” Ronan spoke soft, as if it had been weeks since he last spoke.

“I did,” Adam said with a nod.

Ronan closed his eyes, and instinctively Adam reached over and grabbed his hand. The act startled him, and he looked down at their hands in surprise, but he didn’t let go. He held tight.

“I found out my childhood home was put up for sale by my asshole brother,” he said, almost gritting his teeth, but thinking better of it and shutting his eyes again instead. “He didn't tell me. My mom didn't tell me, but I can't be mad at her. I could never…” He sighed. “My dad died a while back, and when he did we moved. It's been... a challenge at times since then. Different. I got upset and crashed my car.” When he opened his eyes again he found Adam staring at him, and immediately he let go of his hand. “That’s all you get,” he said.

“Okay.”

Ronan looked down, still visibly upset. He lifted the hand Adam held closer to his face, as if inspecting it for something.

“Thank you,” Adam said gently, knowing how hard that must have been for him to talk about.

Ronan briefly met eyes. “Whatever.” He looked less sad than before, if only by a fraction.

That night they practiced Adam dunking his head under water, holding his breath a couple seconds each time. So far he could still hear fine out of his good ear, which was what he worried about more than drowning at this point. Despite the distraction, Adam could still see Ronan was clearly thinking about something dark even now.

He chewed his lip, which tasted like the freshwater they stood in. He wanted to be more than just a silent presence for Ronan to take mild comfort from. Ronan shared something personal with him. He wanted to share with him, too.

“I don't live where I grew up anymore either,” he said, taking a deep breath when Ronan looked over at him. “It's different, though. Never really called it home. Never felt at home there. But it's all I knew.”

Ronan swam a little closer. “Why did you leave?” He sounded hesitant to ask. Adam could understand that.

“My parents... are not nice people.”

“Oh.” Ronan looked at him still, rather than shying away. “I- I sort of assumed.”

They're quiet a while as a result. Adam wished he could take Ronan's sadness away somehow. Say something profound that would do something other than simply distract. He couldn't think of anything. Just more distractions.

“So, are you ever going to teach me actual swimming, or is this all I'm going to ever learn?” he asked.

Ronan's lip quirked a little. “Asshole,” he said, almost as casual as Adam was used to hearing. “You need to learn the basics first and be comfortable with them before I bother having you swim altogether. For fuck's sake, Parrish. You're so impatient.”

“I'm just cold.” Adam smiled.

“It's not that cold tonight. Calm down.”

“You calm down.”

“I'm perfectly calm. Now practice dunking your head a little more. Maybe pick your feet off the ground this time. See if you can float a second.”

Adam smiled a little more and stepped back, comfortable enough to have space when he practiced. He dunked his head again. When he came back up he had water in his mouth, intentionally, although it tasted disgusting. He spit it back at Ronan’s face.

Ronan grimaced. “The fuck, Parrish.” He wiped his face with both hands.

Adam felt he did something wrong, but then Ronan splashed at him in the face. He burst with laughter, full of relief.

“Dick,” he said, glad to see Ronan smile. He splashed back.

This escalated into them starting to push at each other. Adam dunked Ronan’s head playfully under water for a second, and then Ronan managed to reciprocate with Adam. Their laughter was all he could hear in the cool summer night. It was all he wanted to hear. Genuine laughter. Genuine enjoyment.

“You’re a terrible teacher,” Adam said, still laughing. “Distracting me this way.”

“You’re an impossible student,” Ronan countered. “So impatient and stubborn.”

“Yes, well you’re taking your sweet time.” Adam moved his arms around him as if they were snakes in the water. He liked the sensation of lightness he got, almost like he were floating. “Summer's going to be over before I learn how to even kick my legs.”

“Please.” Ronan responded with another small splash at him. “It's not even week three. We've got the time.” Adam didn’t mean for his teasing to turn into a full blown conversation about it. Learning anything at all was appreciated. Ronan splashed him again, returning his focus to him. Adam splashed at him back. “And if we don't, well Aglionby has a swimming pool. We can always transfer our lessons there if we have to…”

Adam was genuinely surprised, but he wasn’t about to admit that. “You think I'm going to talk to you when we get to Aglionby?” he said.

Ronan scoffed. “Dick, you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm a friend for life, unfortunately. You're stuck with me.”

“Mm. I didn't sign up for that kind of commitment.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “I'm hurt, Parrish.”

Adam smirked. Ronan smirked back. They continued to stand there in the water a little while, the lake so quiet and serene it almost felt like they were the last two people on earth.

“We still need to figure out what our talent will be for that talent show, you know,” Ronan reminded. Adam groaned, not thankful for this reminder.

“I remember,” he said. “You put it all on me, which I’m still annoyed at you for.” He splashed at him again, but this time Ronan dunked his head into the water to evade it. When he surfaced again, he was closer, and Adam felt a rush from the surprise.

“Have you thought of something, though?” Ronan asked.

“I have some ideas…” Adam remembered back to the smile Jake had as he showed him that coin trick. “Do you like magic?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm alive!!!! so is this story!!!! note how long this chapter is and how i'm only into week two of the ten week camp that i've set up for myself and you'll understand why it's taken me three thousand years to get to a new chapter. but it's here!!!! just in time for summer again aha oops
> 
> thanks for reading! feel free to leave a comment.
> 
> you can also find me tumblr [here](http://www.cabeswatergreywaren.tumblr.com)


	6. Never Have I Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can tell there's a theme here," Adam whispered, close enough into Ronan's ear he got a shiver.
> 
> "Yeah, horny teenagers with no parental guidance," Ronan remarked.
> 
> Adam chuckled close to his face, and he was shivering again. "They're too chicken to act on their hormones so they hope a dumb party game will do the trick," he quipped. Ronan nodded, while other games were shouted out in suggestion like truth or dare. He shivered a third time when Adam put his hand on his shoulder and whispered close, "Its almost painful to watch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: brief reference to ronan having been in a dark place after his dad died aka the idea of hurting himself. but spoiler: he didn't. if you wanna skip it though, starts at: 'including biting your bracelets?' ends at 'he's been extra annoying ever since'
> 
> just in case.

"Maybe you should just be my assistant," said Adam. "You suck at this."

Ronan was appalled. "I'll have you know I'm great at magic. Maybe it's the magic that sucks. Ever thought about that?"

They were at the tennis court long after practice was over, having sent the other kids to go listen to Gansey for an hour, or in Ronan's words "suffer through the boredom."

They were practicing their talent show act, although Ronan wasn't very good at it. Adam could do simple magic tricks like card tricks and having coins appear and disappear, but Ronan kept dropping the coin and wouldn't pay attention with the card. He just kept staring at Adam like he had something on his face.

"Would you please pay attention?" Adam was in a sour mood, having gotten little sleep again last night due to insomnia, staying up to read Latin instead. Eventually that turned into having a conversation with Ronan because he couldn't sleep either, although Ronan appeared fine today, whereas Adam needed a nap.

"Cranky Pants," said Ronan, pouring excessively. "How are you going to teach this to kids if you can't even teach it to me?"

"Believe it or not, they're not as stubborn as you," said Adam. "But I'm not teaching any of this to them. I'm going to just simply do these tricks and they're meant to be impressed."

"And what, I stand there and look pretty?" Ronan huffed and sunk down into the bleacher seat he leaned back against. He was long and limber like wild vines against the bleachers, sprawled out all directions.

Adam patted his cheek a little too sharply. He was irritated with Ronan's impatience. "I didn't say do the impossible," he said with a little edge.

Ronan narrowed his eyes at him and then looked away.

"Fuck you," he whispered, without any bite to his words. "I'll find my own talent."

He stood up and started to storm off childishly, shoulders slouched forward and hands shoved into his jeans pockets. Adam waited for him to turn back around at any point but he almost made it to the stairs before he realized he was genuinely leaving.

"Lynch, for Christ's sake, you can't be good at everything." He rolled his eyes.

"Sure I can." Ronan turned back. Adam stared him down until his grumpiness left his shoulders and his face. They rolled their eyes at each other. "Give me the cards."

Adam raised them toward him, and Ronan walked back to him and grabbed the deck.

He shuffled them like Adam taught him, then spread them out with a few offered for him.

"Pick one," he said.

Adam picked one. Ace of hearts. He memorized it and put it back in the deck.

"Okay, let me just shuffle-"

The cards all went flying every odd direction as Ronan tried to shuffle and instead lost them from his hand. He slammed his fist into his knee and cursed. Adam couldn't help himself, and he started to laugh.

"Oy, fuck you," Ronan said, and again Adam knew he wasn't genuine with it. He was irritated, which he could understand, but he laughed anyway.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At dinner, Adam and Ronan stood together in the line, talking about how they both needed more work. Ronan reluctantly agreed, but he still did not want to be his assistant.

"I'll get it next time," he argued. "I'm not wearing one of those shiny assistant outfits."

Adam snorted. "Just because you would be my assistant, doesn't mean I'm going to make you wear that." He then pondered a moment as he grabbed a jello. "Actually, now that you bring it up..."

"Oh, hmm hmm you, Parrish."

"Hmm hmm?" Adam raised both eyebrows straight up. "Is that a new word you've invented? I don't know what to do with hmm hmm."

Ronan shied and looked straight ahead instead, the tips of his ears pink. "Shut up."

After they split from the line to sit down, Adam guided Ronan to their usual table, where Gansey was sitting instead of Jake and Opal. When Ronan caught wind of this he looked to see them sitting with Noah and Blue, and Adam sneaking away. Gansey, per Adam's suggestion, had yet to say anything. He sat there quietly, patiently.

Ronan turned to him and glared. "This is a set up," he hissed.

"Relax, Lynch." Adam motioned for him to sit down, but Ronan did not move. He balanced his tray on one hand and used the other to touch at Ronan's shoulder. "You're talking as if this is a sting operation and you're a mob boss about to swim with the fishes."

"It feels like that right now," said Ronan with clenched teeth. His eyes kept flickering to the table Opal and the others sat at. One meal apart wasn't going to kill him, Adam thought. She was having fun over there anyway, warming to Blue now that she actually got to spend time with her. His gaze flickered back to Adam, and he grunted. "If you shoot me, shoot me so I can look you in the eye."

Adam rolled his eyes as he pushed at Ronan's shoulder to sit down.

"Honestly how are we friends?" he said.

"Well we aren't after this," Ronan hissed. "You betrayed me."

"Stop being so dramatic," said Adam, continually rolling his eyes at Ronan. "Just sit down and talk to each other, would you? You're unbearable otherwise. Everyone thinks so."

Ronan was at a loss of words at that. He looked between Gansey and Adam, and after a few seconds of pouting and showing more of his displeasure with the situation, he sat down.

"Great. I'll see you after dinner," said Adam, and he started his exit. Ronan grabbed his wrist. 

"What? You're not staying?" Ronan looked genuinely hurt by this.

"Just talk to him." He ever so gently touched a hand to Ronan's cheek and turned him round to face Gansey again. Ronan groaned, but sat his plate down onto the table, clearly staying.

Finally Adam made his way over to the other table and sat next to Jake across from Blue. His back was to Ronan and Gansey intentionally, unsure if he could handle seeing them awkwardly eat in silence, which was probably what was happening. He wanted Ronan to be happy again, and while when they were alone he was fine, but in group activities he always clammed up or made an excuse to leave early. Gansey and he were better after their little tennis match, but they still weren't great. Adam wasn't asking for miracles, just progress.

"What talent are you and Lynch over there doing together?" Blue asked, as Adam started in on his food.

He looked up from his plate. "It's a secret," he said.

Noah whined across from him next to Blue. "That's no fun."

Adam shrugged. "Ronan wants it to be a surprise," he said. He didn't ask why, but he suspected it was because Ronan couldn't catch on to any of the tricks, and he laughed into his lasagna when he remembered earlier.

"What's so funny?"

Blue was staring at him peculiarly and he stopped laughing.

"Nothing." He then eyed both her and Noah across from him, as well as Opal on Blue's other side, who was busy talking to Jake about Batman. "What are you two doing for your talents?"

"Mine's a secret too," said Blue, dropping her head to stare down at her place. He rolled his eyes.

"She's going to sing!" Opal interjected. Blue gasped.

"Hey!" She frowned down at Opal who was beaming back up at her. Opal's giggles got her out of most situations with Ronan, and it appeared to work with Blue too, who sighed and caved into her anger, looking back at Adam.

"Well now you know," she said bitterly.

"What are you going to sing?" he asked, and Blue smiled again, impishly.

"Now _that_ is a secret," she said proudly, and she shot a look Opal's way, who sealed her lips and turned back to Jake.

Before Adam had the opportunity to ask Noah what his talent was, Henry dropped by and waved at them all. He wasn't holding his infamous clipboard this time, as he sat down next to Noah. Noah gaped.

"Whoa!" he said. "You're actually taking a break to eat?"

"Yeah," said Henry sheepishly. "I actually have a moment to breathe today."

He looked frazzled with his unkept hair and dark circles under his eyes. He needed more than just a moment to chill, overworked and overextended, both Adam was familiar with. Luckily he had Noah as a friend, who pushed his food toward him.

"Eat before that moment is over," he said.

Henry nodded, appreciative of him with a small smile. He leaned into him while he stole some fries. Their friendship was comforting to see, especially since Ronan spent more time with Adam these days than Noah.

When he turned to look back at Blue, he found her attention was elsewhere, somewhere behind him. He followed her gaze, to find her staring at Ronan and Gansey. His brow rose.

"What are you staring at?" he said, his question thick with playful accusation.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Makes sense they're friends," she muttered, still ignoring the fact that since Gansey got to camp she was a little preoccupied.

"They're getting there," Adam replied, taking another look for himself. Gansey and Ronan looked to be talking, perhaps civilly he couldn't really tell from this far away. All he knew was nothing was being thrown and no voices were raised. That was a good sign. "Wait," he looked back at Blue, "why do you say that?"

"He's an annoying rich boy, too," Blue muttered.

"Hey!" both Henry and Noah called out. "Blue," Noah added, shaking his head.

"What?"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Swim lessons were cancelled that night, but only because the counselors were hosting a campfire together once the kids all went to sleep. Henry didn't think it was a good idea, but the others soon convinced him. He needed it most of all.

Ronan and Adam were starting to make real progress at him teaching him to swim, and he liked when they were alone, even though it wasn't good for him trying to curb his feelings. But Adam really wanted to go hang out with everyone, as he tugged on Ronan's hand to get him off his bed.

"Do we have to go?" he whined.

"Aren't you getting sick of me?" Adam said, still yanking on his hand. To be honest, he decided to go about two minutes ago, but he still argued against it at this point so Adam kept having to hold his hand trying to drag him from bed. He almost smiled at Adam's effort.

"Getting there," he answered.

Adam rolled his eyes but smiled. Ronan would suffer through any group activity set forth before him for that smile.

The campfire was already in motion when the pair of them arrived. Upon delivery, Adam left Ronan's side to talk to some of the other counselors. He was so good at making friends, being friendly, being flirted with by girls. Ronan scowled at them all as he walked over to Noah, who was sitting looking rather suspicious by himself.

"Why you over here alone?" he said. "You look creepy."

Noah smacked his arm. "Rude," he said. "I brought... my stash out. But I don't know if anyone's going to be weird about it."

Ronan shook his head when he realized Noah's hands were nonchalantly stuffed into his pockets. "Are you planning on flashing everybody?"

"No." Noah's leg was jittery, eyes darting to every person that walked relatively close to them. It was like he was high already. "My-my _weed_."

"Weed?" Henry said all too loudly. Others turned to them, as Noah ducked his head shyly, red as a tomato. Ronan sat back, almost laughing. "You brought _weed_?"

Noah turned to Henry and shrugged hesitantly. He grimaced when Henry gasped again.

"Oh my god Noah." Henry was visibly disappointed, and he looked even more so as Noah pulled out a small bag of joints he rolled up himself. Henry's eyes went large as he pointed dramatically. "That is highly inappropriate! Irresponsible! These kids are our responsibility-"

"You want one?" Noah offered.

"I...." He looked around, and seemed to be made aware no one was paying them any attention other than Ronan, and he shrugged. "Maybe just one hit."

"I'll be right back," said Noah over his shoulder. "Unless you...?" He then offered to him, but Ronan shook his head.

"You go enjoy for the both of us," he said, watching as the pair of them sauntered off into the dark of the wood.

Across the fire Adam was still being caught up by some of the others, and they laughed at something he said, but he didn't appear as amused as they all were. He could understand why these girls were obsessed with him same as he was obsessed with him, but he hated it. He sat there grumpily and alone as Noah and Henry were off getting high, and even as Blue and Gansey showed up together to the campfire a little later.

Gansey was talking to her, and she was consistently rolling her eyes. Upon their arrival Adam peeled away from the others to go talk to her, and Ronan proceeded to get even grumpier as they talked. Gansey acknowledged Ronan with a smile and a wave, and Ronan tried not to let his frustration affect their temporary achievement, so he waved a little back and looked away.

Of course, he wasn't surprised to see Gansey sit down at the log beside him.

"Why are you sitting here by yourself?" Gansey asked.

Ronan huffed. "You seem to be getting along with Sargent," he muttered.

Fortunately Gansey didn't seem to mind or notice the tone in which he spoke, and he jumped off the sentence as a talking point. He nodded giddily. "Did you know her aunts are all psychic? Including her mother and cousin? Oh, what a fascinating home life that must be."

There was an ache in Ronan's heart for his own home. The one that didn't exist anymore. The fictionalized one he built up in his head of what used to be. He was having a great time. As his jaw clenched, Adam and Blue came over and joined them, and Gansey said something that made Blue groan and say "Of course you would think that," but he didn't pay enough attention as to what that was.

Adam sat beside Ronan on his free side, and he bumped knees as a way of saying hello.

"I can see someone's having the time of his life," Adam said affectionately, poking fun at Ronan's sporty attitude. Ronan shuffled through several responses but couldn't think of a clever enough one, so he resigned to silence.

Adam bumped their knees again. Ronan grumbled.

"Watch where your legs are going," he said. "This isn't bumper cars."

"You mean bumper legs?"

"Whatever," Ronan said, a little less upset than before. Adam could see he didn't want to talk, and so they didn't. His knees kept a safe distance away, but his shoulder was the one to rest gently against Ronan's instead. He softened from the feeling, almost to a point of resting his head against Adam's shoulder. That would be inappropriate, he reminded himself, and so he kept his head where it was.

They sat like this a while as Gansey and Blue more or less bickered next to them, bringing them into the conversation every so often as backup. Adam and Ronan kept exchanging looks at the absurdity of them, until Henry and Noah came back visibly different and giggly.

"Where were you guys?" Blue asked, while Gansey stood up to move so Noah could sit down next to Ronan.

"Nowhere," said Noah, who then looked back at Henry and started laughing again.

"Boys," Blue groaned, and she walked to the other side of the campfire where her cabin mate and some of the other girls were hanging out.

After playing a little music and eating stolen desserts from the cafeteria, the group of counselors all gathered around in a circle for party games. This being still high school in a lot of ways, they debated what games to play.

"Spin the bottle?" someone suggested. Ronan perked up at the sound of that.

"No bottle," Adam reasoned. He looked over at Ronan, who did his best not to look mildly disappointed. He turned away and mumbled.

"Good," he said.

"There's always seven minutes in heaven!" said one of the girls. Several other people agreed in their delight for the idea, until Blue shot this one down.

"There isn't anywhere to go make out," she said. Several people groaned in displeasure, including Noah.

"There's the crafts house!" someone else then suggested, a little all too eagerly.

Adam leaned into Ronan as Henry started explaining the health hazards of making out in there.

"You can tell there's a theme here," Adam whispered, close enough into Ronan's ear he got a shiver.

"Yeah, horny teenagers with no parental guidance," Ronan remarked.

Adam chuckled close to his face, and he was shivering again. "They're too chicken to act on their hormones so they hope a dumb party game will do the trick," he quipped. Ronan nodded, while other games were shouted out in suggestion like truth or dare. He shivered a third time when Adam put his hand on his shoulder and whispered close, "Its almost painful to watch."

Ronan muttered something under his breath sounding vaguely like "yeah" and then turned away.

"You cold or something?" Adam asked, as their arms pressed tight together. He must have felt all his shivering. God how embarrassing.

"I'm fine," he said. "Mm. Fire." He awkwardly stretched his arms out toward the fire, and Henry who had risen from his seat next to Noah at some point, motioned to him.

"Okay, that's another vote. Oddly enough."

"What?" Ronan put his hands down and ignored the snicker coming from his Adam side. "I'm not voting."

Noah kicked him in the ankle. It hurt, and he winced.

"Ow. What the fuck, Noah?"

"You're voting," he hissed under his breath. "He's voting," he then said a little louder. He looked up at Henry, both still a little high, and he waved his hand to continue.

Then Adam next to him raised his hand as well. Noah grinned wide.

"Another vote! Henry, take note."

"Okay, okay. Noah, chill out."

"You don't even know what we're voting for either," Ronan remarked. Adam shrugged at him and said nothing. He seemed to want to see what it was Noah was so excited about, and perhaps cause a little drama because no matter what it was it went against what Ronan would rather do.

Eventually they had reached a majority, and that meant Noah's suggestion won. They were going to play never have I ever. When Ronan realized that's what was happening he made his displeasure known with a huge groan, until Adam elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

"Pipe down, we all know you're secretly excited."

"As if." Ronan knew he was kidding but he tensed anyway. Adam gave him a smile, but not even that could unravel his nerves. He was freaking.

Party games sucked. They either led to awkward kissing, none of which he enjoyed because so often he was stuck with girls and then he was left with making up dumb excuses about why he wasn't going to make out with them; or they were games like this, where he was reminded of how little action he's gotten compared to everyone else. And by little he meant no action.

He hunkered down in his seat, trying not to visibly sulk, as the game started.

"Okay," Noah said, all too eager. He was a menace. "Raise both hands. Whoever has all their fingers go down first loses."

"Or _wins_ , if you think about it," said one of the other counselors. When everyone looked at him he frowned at their confusion. "You know, at having fun."

Blue rolled her eyes and said something that made Gansey chortle. Noah continued explaining the game, for those who didn't know how to play. The person whose turn it is says 'never have I ever' and then an action. Those who have done that action put a finger down, and those who haven't keep their current amount of fingers up. It could be whatever they wanted, but ideally original. Normally there was drinking involved, but there wasn't any alcohol.

Ronan was dreading the game already. He could feel the embarrassment hitting him before it had reason to.

To make it more interesting a new rule was implemented that if someone put their finger down they had to give a short answer as to why.

Ronan really hated this.

The game started out rather tame. It started with Noah, who said, "Never have I ever been slapped in the face."

Most people didn't put their finger down, except two of the other guy counselors and Gansey. Blue snorted.

"Oh, well I'll have you know it was a misunderstanding," he said.

"Yeah, that girl misunderstood your insult as flirting."

Gansey tamely glared at Noah as a few people laughed at his joke. The other two guys were also slapped for being an ass to a girl at some point. The game moved on.

It was Ronan's turn and he looked at Noah incredulously. He didn't know what to say. Everyone was looking. He could feel Adam's eyes on him most of all, their arms still touching.

"Never have I ever..." He looked over at Adam. Adam looked back at him, supportive but expectant. "Gotten glitter in my underwear."

Adam shoved at his shoulder. "You ass." His finger went down. Ronan hummed with delight that he was the only one. "I told you that in confidence."

"What...." Blue, as well as everyone else except Noah, was confused.

"He dumped a thing of glitter on me last week," Adam explained, rolling his eyes as Ronan snickered. He recalled it so vividly, the shade of light pink on Adam's face from his frustration as the waterfall of glitter and color ran down from his head to elsewhere. "Some of it somehow got... there. It was extremely uncomfortable."

"But funny."

"Shut up." Adam knocked their knees together like before. They were practically glued to each other. Ronan was very hot and not from the fire.

"Never have I ever gotten a tattoo," he said, shooting a look at Ronan as he put a finger down. So did a few other people, to Ronan's delight. They got bored of the answers by the time it got to him to explain, so he just gestured to his back area as to where it was and they moved on.

And so it went on. Someone said they had never been in love, and only a quarter of the teens put a finger down. Gansey was one of them, who when Noah caught him do it, pointed him out and cackled.

"Oh, Gansey," he said. "Your obsession with that Danish king doesn't count."

"He's Welsh, and it does."

Noah and Ronan gave each other a look. This was their best friend.

One of the girls said she had never watched porn, and all the guys put a finger down, and several of the girls. Blue grumbled "Gross" under her breath, as there was no need for an explanation on what people were doing watching porn. Ronan, however, was intrigued but not surprised Adam had watched. The both of them noted the other put a finger down, and for some reason both snickered. Ronan could feel himself dying inside, the thought of Adam like that now something he had in his head.

Someone else then said "Never have I ever broken any part of my body" and several fingers went down. Noah was one, as was Ronan, and when Ronan looked over and saw Adam's went down he felt ill. He could see it on his face he wasn't going to talk about why, which Ronan could understand completely, and so he went on for a number about the time he broke his arm the first time in middle school until everyone forgot Adam put his finger down too.

It wasn't hard to be aware that if Ronan talked at length about anything it was out of the ordinary, and Adam stared at him with an expression Ronan couldn't decipher. He got so lost in Adam's eyes that he missed the next never have I ever. Noah had to nudge him with his foot.

"Put a finger down," he said. "You've done this one."

Ronan obeyed, but he didn't look away. He stared at Adam as Adam stared at him, until eventually the rest of the counselors all laughed at something and Adam looked away. His face was redder when he did, pretending he heard what the others said and nodding along like he understood.

Then there was one that was driving drunk and Ronan closed up. He didn't want to put a finger down and explain why he did. But he knew if he didn't Gansey was going to be conspicuously staring at him until he did, and so a finger went down. There were eyes shifting around to see who just put a finger down and Ronan shied his fingers as eyes scanned over his. Then next to Adam on his other side Blue wagged a finger at him. He shrank in his seat behind Adam, who was already well aware of his idiotic incident so he knew why he was shrinking.

"You've driven drunk, Adam?" Blue gaped. Ronan looked at Adam whip quick and saw a new finger had gone down on his hand and he was overwhelmed. Adam drove drunk once too? He caught a look from Adam, and then became aware he was lying.

"No," he said, calm as ever. "I just wanted to catch up with everybody, so I put one down."

"That's not how you play!" said Noah, taking this game way too seriously. "You're supposed to want to have the most fingers up by the end. Come on, Adam. Keep up."

"Sorry." Adam's finger went back up, and he glanced at Noah and then at Ronan, who gave him an appreciative expression before sitting upright again. "I'll remember next round."

Then started coming the sexual questions, of which Ronan did his best not to squirm at. It turned out a lot of people in this group weren't very sexually experienced, which wasn't all that surprising since they were all at camp this summer. He laughed when someone said they've ever given a blowjob and no one's finger went down except Henry. He looked around surprised.

"Oh, come on," he mumbled under his breath. He then looked to Noah. "I need more weed."

But through every question asked, Ronan none too subtly looked Adam's way to see if he put a new finger down, which Adam visibly noticed and smirked at him when he did put a finger down at "touched a boob."

"Why you checking out my fingers, Lynch?" he teased. He then came to realize Ronan didn't put his down. He promptly shut up, and Ronan wanted to bury his head in the dirt or jump into the fire or drown in the lake.

Adam elbowed him and tried to get his attention, but Ronan was losing it in this game. This sealed his fate in the most embarrassed person here. He could feel his skin prickling with the flush of his humility.

Then came the next one. It was Blue's turn. She said, "Never have I ever been kissed."

She said it so matter of factly, without the hint of shame or self-consciousness. Ronan was almost impressed, but he watched as every single other person put their finger down except for him and her.

"Really?" said Henry, before Noah could elbow him. He quickly fixed that after, but it was too late.

Ronan wanted to hide, and he ignored Adam's push into him, avoided looking his way or any other way. While the game continued around him, Ronan got up and left without saying anything.

Without thinking, he stormed off into the trees in the dark, and after a short walk couldn't see anything and so he stopped moving.

Logically he shouldn't have given a shit what anyone there thought of him, but there was Adam and there was him now knowing things and his lack of experience. It really didn't matter in the long run, because in what world was he going to get to do anything with Adam beyond what they were doing now. He needed to get a grip of himself and let it go.

He was flustered with feelings and dreamed of disappearing from the camp. No one seemed to be coming to talk to him, least of all the one he wanted. So he made the decision of ditching this place, at least for a little while. He started his trek away, but then heard the sound of footsteps in the trees.

Hopeful, he stopped. But it was Blue.

At once, he shied his gaze and turned his back to her. 

"Hey," she said, hesitantly. There was a little tremor in her voice. The thought of her being nervous to talk to him was strange, as she was fully capable on more than one occasion of ripping him a new one. Not that he would admit that aloud.

"Not now Sargent," he said. He picked at the bark on a tree. Something for his hands. "I'm sure you're missed."

"So are you," she said.

"Don't bullshit me."

Blue groaned, and he glanced back to see her lift one hand up and then start knocking fingers down.

"There's Adam," she said, "and Noah and-"Stop."

Facing her, he was still hit with the reminder that he was the least experienced person here. Except maybe Blue.

"Don't feel embarrassed, dude," she said. "These losers all probably suck at kissing anyway. You and I? We'll be champs when we get around to it. It's not a race. They don't win anything because they were first. Maybe herpes."

Ronan said nothing as Blue reached out for a fist bump. He stared at it for a length, and then awkwardly came in closer to her and returned it, bumping their fists together softly. She smiled as she put her hand down.

"I can totally understand if you don't want to come back," she said, "because it's totally lame, but I know without your little comments it'll be really boring for the rest of us. Please consider."

She put her hands together under her chin like she were praying, and then she separated them and let them down by her waist.

"Why are you being nice to me?" he asked.

She frowned. "Sometimes I can be nice. Don't let it get to your head. It's just this once."

He almost said something, but she walked away, leaving him there to decide for himself if he would come back.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam sat there waiting on the shared log he had with Ronan. Without him there, he felt strange. He meant to go after him when he ran off, but he wasn't entirely sure why he was upset, only that he was upset. And when he moved to go after him, Blue beat him to it and left after him first. He wasn't sure what to do in the meantime. The game continued on, but he wasn't having any more fun. He put all his fingers down at once and waited, hoping Ronan would come back. The longer it was since he left, the more anxious Adam was getting. Maybe Blue wasn't the best person to talk to him, and maybe he should go find him himself.

After another round, he saw Blue come back and he eyed her until she looked his way. With a look, he asked if he was coming back, and she shrugged as she went to sit down.

He frowned and sank a little. The thought about leaving for Ronan still stuck in his mind. No one else seemed to be doing it, and he didn't want him to have to walk back to their cabin by himself. He didn't want him to stay upset over a stupid game.

When he started to stand, he saw Ronan come back through the darkness. Adam breathed, thankful. Ronan sat down, awkward and quiet, and Adam sensed the only reasonable option was from the no kissing thing. He didn't understand why he was so embarrassed about it though. There was nothing embarrassing about it to him. So what if he hadn't kissed anyone yet? Adam only kissed two people and both of them weren't anything serious.

He nudged Ronan with his shoulder and finally Ronan looked over at him. Adam didn't know what to say. He looked so upset.

Without thinking, he rested his chin on Ronan's shoulder, smiling a little timidly up at him until Ronan looked away and smiled a little.

"I caught you," he said.

"You didn't." Ronan tried to roll his eyes, but they only went halfway and then he dropped his gaze.

"You're smiling."

"Am not." Ronan stopped smiling. Then he looked over at Adam again and rolled his eyes completely, looking away smiling a little again. Adam removed his chin from Ronan's shoulder, as finally someone dropped all their fingers and the game was finally over. It was Henry.

"Ugh", he groaned. "I can't believe I lost."

"Or _won_ ," said Noah beside him. "As Simon said earlier."

The rest of the night was spent playing Charades and then Would You Rather, until it was a mutual consensus that everyone needed to go to sleep.

Ronan and Adam walked back to their cabin together quiet and chill, but it was still weird. Ronan was still being weird. He didn't know what to say, looking over at Ronan who really took that game to heart. He brushed his arm against Ronan's in a quiet way of understanding and talking, but when they reached the cabin and had to break apart Ronan just continued to look upset as he went to sleep. Adam didn't know what to do. This was new for him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At breakfast the next morning, when Adam was still in line, Ronan asked Blue to switch their morning activities, and she agreed without even asking a single question. So after breakfast, Ronan was hanging out with Noah instead, watching all the kids dancing around in the cafeteria after the tables were put away. It was supposed to be more organized than this, but neither Noah or Ronan knew the first thing about dancing and so they just turned on the music and let the kids run wild.

"It's nice to have some time with you for once," Noah mused, as they stood in the sideline watching the kids fumble around. "I know why, though. It has nothing to do with me."

Ronan tried not to grind his teeth. "Shut up," he said.

Opal was still with him, having followed him over when he switched. He wasn't sure how this was more fun than making tie dye shirts, but he didn't argue when she said she wanted to come with him.

Though she appeared bummed she couldn't hang out with Jake, to which he replied, "Yeah, well you'll see him later, maggot." It was a poor attempt at cheering her up, and it worked well enough that she appeared to have fun with the other kids. She was dancing to her own beat on the edge of the group, but she was having fun.

"How's your secret swim dates going?" Noah asked. He looked up at Ronan, who scowled back down at him.

"They're not dates, and they're secret for a reason," he said. He didn't tell Noah he was teaching Adam to swim, and the only reason he said anything at all was because he needed to tell someone about it. 

"Keeping a lot of secrets from me lately," said Noah. He wiped at his cheek as if he had shed a tear. "Starting to think I'm not your best friend anymore."

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Can't I have a new friend?" he said.

"Is he?" Noah turned his body toward him. "A friend? Or a _friend_?" He wiggles his eyebrows and Ronan did his very best not to react.

"I don't want to hit you in front of these children," he said.

Noah chuckled low, and resumed watching after the kids. As they returned to a comfortable silence beyond the sounds of music and kids, Opal came around to them and yanked at Ronan's hand.

"Hey, pay attention to me," she demanded.

"Relax, squirt." He took her tiny hand in his and started pulling gently at her fingers. She giggled and grabbed her hand back. "Go back in there and have fun with the other kids."

"Come dance with me," she said.

"I'm not dancing." He shot a look at Noah before he could add onto the pressure.

Opal pouted and then started waving her arms as if she was somehow enticing Ronan to the dance floor with her very child-like moves. "You're never gonna get Adam with that attitude," she said.

Ronan blushed and then felt rage rattle his bones. "Does _everyone_ need to get into my business?" he grunted. Noah was laughing as Opal went back onto the dance floor.

This was unbearable.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Blue and Adam's hands were covered in colors. They were helping make tie dye shirts with the kids, who were messy and not very good at this. But neither were they, so they were grateful that the activity was held outside on the grass. Grass didn't stain like hardwood floors.

Adam didn't understand why Ronan switched with Blue. Blue tried to pass it off like she was the one who suggested it, but he knew Ronan wouldn't have agreed if it were her idea. He was thinking he did something wrong, which only irritated him because he knew he didn't. Ronan seemed to get upset with him once a week now, and he didn't like it. Ronan and he were finally getting to a good place, and then he did this. If it was still about the kissing thing, then he really didn't understand.

They were helping make a young girl's shirt pink and purple when Blue went on and on about Gansey. Gansey this and Gansey that.

"He's so annoying," she said, for the eleventh time that morning.

Adam nodded along as if he cared. "Sounds like a personal problem," he muttered.

"He is!" Blue shouted. She nearly startled the young girl, who took her shirt and went to one of the other counselors helping out.

"Don't you agree?" said Blue, voice creaking it went so high. It would have been amusing hearing her complain about him, if it weren't all the time. It was all they talked about now. Adam was kind of exhausted.

"He's alright I guess," he said. He moved to a different color bucket to help out another kid who wanted green.

"God." Blue rolled her eyes. "With the way he's like 'oh you look pretty today Blue". Like bitch. I look good every day."

Adam laughed

"What?"

"You like him," he said.

Her mouth was quick to close up and her nose crinkled. "Ew." She gagged. "No I don't. That much pretension?"

Adam was amused. "You _like_ him," he teased.

She looked to almost throw one of the bowls of color at him.

"No I don't," she said, more firmly.

"Then why are you always staring at him when he's around, and talking to him or about him all the time?" Adam quipped.

"Because he gets on my nerves," she said. They stared at one another, Adam knowing she was clearly crushing hard, and Blue still in denial. Finally she gave up and she looked away, jaw clenching. "Whatever. You and Prince of Darkness are practically married."

Adam frowned. "No."

Blue noted his expression shift and she smirked. "Oh, come on. It was a joke."

"It wasn't funny."

"You two are like tweedledum and tweedledee."

"I'm insulted," Adam said flatly. He turned his attention to the kids for a while, until they had a momentary pause, and then he turned back to Blue. "We're clearly the two eels from The Little Mermaid."

Blue made a throttling laughter sound, like she was fighting back the laugh but it came out anyway.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Despite changing activities with Blue, Ronan still met up with Adam for their talent show practice. They had it again at the tennis courts, which were private enough and just enough out of the way for others not to peek. Not that Adam thought it mattered if anyone spied. Ronan was the weird one about that.

Ronan was still being quiet and reserved, which for him was an alarm going off that something wasn't right. Adam was in the middle of practicing a new trick with a scarf when he noticed Ronan wasn't even paying attention.

"Hey," he said. He waved the scarf uncomfortably close to Ronan's face, forcing him to respond to it. He didn't.

"You've been acting weird since the campfire," Adam said, moving to sit down across from him.

"I'm always weird," Ronan muttered.

"That's true," and he scoffed. Adam grinned at his scoff. "I mean weirder than usual."

"I, well..." Ronan looked to have trouble talking today, and he didn't want to pressure him to say anything he didn't feel comfortable talking about. He waved the scarf in his face again, forcing Ronan to finally look up at him.

"You don't have to say what it is, but you can talk to me about it," he said. Ronan's face twisted into a softer expression. Adam was the one to look away. "Seeing as you're my assistant and all..."

He felt the deck of cards hit him in the face gently, each loose card tickling his skin. He groaned when he saw them all spread out on the ground before him, a mess he suspected he would have to clean up.

"Help me with this, would you?" he said, motioning to what Ronan had done out of humor or spite. "You made a mess."

To his surprise, Ronan actually bent down with him and started picking cards up off the ground. He then flicked one at Adam's face, hitting him right in the nose. Despite himself, Adam chuckled.

"Asshole," he said. He looked up to see Ronan smile, which was enough for him to know they were okay.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night during swimming practice, Adam was learning to float in the water a bit on his own, hands wading as his feet kicked around to keep him afloat. Ronan stayed close in case he fucked up, but so far he was doing pretty good.

Their conversation of choice for the better half of the evening was about how Blue and Gansey were clearly going to get together. Their constant talk about the other made it obvious.

"Speaking of people liking other people," said Adam, and Ronan got suspicious. He removed his hands from Adam.

"Does Noah like guys?" Adam asked.

Ronan was uncomfortable. Why was he asking him?

"Why....?" he said. He was glaring at the lake water between them. "You thinking of asking for his hand, Parrish?"

"No." Adam splashed water at him, but it didn't make him feel any less uncomfortable. "I think him and Cheng might be.... together."

Ronan almost laughed. "I don't think so," he said. "He would tell me."

"Okay." Adam continued to wade in the water, drifting a little as he kicked. He didn't seem at all perturbed by his thought process, but now Ronan couldn't stop thinking about it. They were awfully chummy. But they were also better friends than he was with Henry. That didn't mean... He was in the middle of a very strange string of thoughts when Adam added, "He's not my type anyway. I like taller guys."

Suddenly Ronan couldn't breathe. He stilled in the water, almost dunking underneath as a result. "You what?" His words came out a little squeakier than intended.

"What?" Adam didn't seem to see what was surprising about what he said.

"I...." Ronan was going to have a breakdown in the lake. "I I thought you liked girls." He then lowered himself enough his mouth was engulfed by water, so he couldn't say anything else so stupid.

Adam shrugged. "I like both," he said, so casually and plainly it was like this was something they talked about all the time.

He was having a mild heart attack, he could feel it.

"Oh, I see." Ronan was staring hard down at the water. His eyes were bulging out of his head and inside he was screaming. "Me too." He winced. He was not bi. "I mean. No girls."

That was it. That was it. He came out as gay. He told his crush he was _gay_. He was gay.

Adam waved his arms around in the water. "Cool," he said.

Adam seemed so calm and collected about it he wondered how. He wanted to study his chill behavior about this, but then again Adam wasn't the one who had a huge crush on a boy who he know knew to be bisexual. Somehow knowing he was attainable made this worse. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

He was beet red, he could tell, but thankfully it was dark and everything had a hint of blue in it at this time of night.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They were silent a while, and Adam let it be. Inside, Adam was elated. Other than to Persephone, he hadn't come out to anyone before. Certainly not his parents. Now Ronan knew he was bisexual, and on top of that now he knew Ronan was gay. To feel comfortable enough to share that meant a lot to him. He never felt so happy. He almost smiled. Sharing was nice.

They continued to just wade in the water a while longer, Adam feeling powerful after that. He didn't care that they weren't doing much in tonight's lesson. It was enough to just feel like he could float.

There was a sound of someone else nearby. A giggle. Adam jerked at the sound, afraid someone was watching them. Ronan must have heard it too because he reached for his arm.

There were two shadows that broke out from the tree line, laughing and kissing. Two other camp counselors.

Both Adam and Ronan ducked, although Adam still couldn't quite swim well enough on his own for this. He leaned back into Ronan, who reached and held him to him to make sure he didn't drown. They tried to be inconspicuous as the couple passed, clinging tight together in an effort not to drown or be discovered.

Eventually the others left, and Adam still hadn't moved. Ronan's arms were still around him, and he admitted it was kind of nice. It was nice to be touched, even if he was very aware they were two half naked people in water. Ronan's hand grazed his chest as he let go, and Adam was almost a little disappointed.

He was warm, and Adam felt like he was really swimming for a second there. 

"We should go before they come back," Ronan suggested, starting to swim back already. Adam touched at his shoulder as he not as gracefully followed him. "Don't want to give them any ideas."

"Yeah," Adam agreed, "that I can't swim and you suck as a teaching instructor."

Ronan paused and turned to him. He looked a little upset. Adam was only joking.

"I'm trying not to drown you," he said, and he sighed, "but if you want to go faster we can go faster."

Adam nodded, accepting. "I would like that very much thank you," he said.

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Your funeral, Einstein."

"Just make sure I don't drown, Asshole," he snapped back at him.

Ronan pointed a finger at him, but said nothing else.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The next day they were doing more gardening with the kids. Jake and Opal were hanging out together with their plants, checking them out in the greenhouse. Adam stood on the sidelines for some of the activity, watching as Ronan taught the kids about killing weeds properly without disrupting the other plants.

He had become so aware of Ronan now, in just a short amount of time. It was a little frightening, how close he was to him. He sometimes worried something would happen, but every time he worried about that Ronan seemed to sense it and made a point that they were stuck together. Adam didn't know why it warmed him so much.

Ronan was just as aware of him, and it was a sign of how close their friendship was when later that afternoon towards the end of their gardening time Ronan reached for something and Adam instinctively knew what he was reaching for. He grabbed the little gardening tool, and silently exchanged it with Ronan, who gave him a soft appreciative look back.

He was still on a high from last night. Coming out. He suspected Ronan would be accepting if he said anything, but he didn't realize how much.

He smiled at Ronan as he thought back on it, and Ronan faltered and awkwardly smiled back. He was a soft dork and Adam liked him very much for it.

"You going to stand there the whole time, or you going to help out?" Ronan asked.

Adam realized he got distracted and he pulled forward through the horde of kids.

"I thought you were highly capable of handling the kids all by yourself," he said.

Ronan snorted. "You were trying to get out of it," he said. "Admit it."

"Maybe I just like watching."

This was nice. Ronan was back to being Ronan.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gansey's history lessons were not shockingly going over poorly with most of the kids, and so he asked for Ronan to help him figure out what it was he could do instead.

All of Ronan's suggestions of course were poorly thought out, but he was bored and it was fun seeing Gansey get flustered with each inappropriate idea he came up with.

The last one, a health class, made Gansey blush.

"Be serious, Ronan," Gansey pleaded. "I don't want the kids to think I'm boring."

"Too late for that," Ronan said, but Gansey was not amused.

"All that effort I put into trying to apologize, only to get made fun of again." Gansey shook his head.

"The price you pay for friendship," Ronan replied. "I'm still a little mad at you though."

"I know, and I...." His attention was averted as someone walked past them. It was Blue "casually" walking by with one of the other girls.

Ronan took in an exchange of a look between the two of them. Gansey smiled and waved nervously, and Blue smiled back. Hers lasted only a few seconds before she glared and stormed away, as if she remembered he got on her nerves.

He wished it was that easy for him, to be so open about liking Adam.

As Gansey turned back to him, Ronan felt the need to get something off his chest. To release something.

"I'm gay, Gansey," he said.

Gansey paused, and Ronan expected that. He watched as he studied him, even going so far as to take off his glasses and clean them, then place them back on his face.

"I kind of knew that already," he said.

Ronan flinched.

"You _what_?" He balked. "Why didn't you-? How did you-?"

He felt himself blushing as he became overwhelmed and flustered.

"I don't know," said Gansey, shrugging a lot. "I just caught on to little things. Over time I just was like 'oh. Okay. Cool.'"

"You tried to set me up with a girl once," Ronan said, in an accusing tone. This was unbelievable.

"Yeah that was sort of when I caught on that they weren't your type." Ronan rolled his eyes at that. "I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't know if you wanted me to know. I didn't want to be like 'hey. I know you're gay.' I don't think that would've gone over well."

Ronan could see where he was coming from, but he was all sorts of confused. He didn't know what he expected as a response, but it wasn't this. "Maybe, I dunno.... I guess."

"I'm sorry." Gansey genuinely did look apologetic. "What I should've said just now was 'that's great news. I support you.'"

"It's... whatever." Ronan unclenched. "You know now," he said.

Gansey nodded, and then looked like he had more to say. It took him a little while to getting around to it. Ronan was only patient because he was still thinking of a lot, himself. Now he was out to his three closest friends. That was something.

"Is there any particular reason you're telling me...?" Gansey asked. Ronan soured again when he said, "Say, because of a certain.... boy?"

He shot daggers at him with his eyes. "Stop while you're ahead, Gansey."

"Okay."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At their next swim lesson, Ronan was trying to teach Adam to float on his back. It was a couple days since their last lesson, sneaking out not always easy every night. Adam kept slipping out of Ronan's hands and dropping into the water. Ronan was holding him a little too delicately, and Adam had to tell him it was okay to hold him firmer. He felt safe in Ronan's arms, as his head was just above water, legs gently kicking to try to keep him afloat. Together they were getting better about this. It was awkward for both of them.

Earlier, Ronan's hand accidentally moved from where it held firmly at Adam's bare back to his ass, and when Adam felt that he snorted and touched at Ronan's chest.

"You know you're touching my ass right now."

Ronan dropped him and Adam tipped over face first in the water, but caught himself before anything serious happened. Luckily they were practicing this closer to the shore, so when this sort of thing happened Adam was less likely to drown.

They were practicing again, and Adam could almost pretend he was floating all by himself. He had grown so used to Ronan's hands under him they were almost unnoticeable at this point. He closed his eyes to the starry sky above as he felt light and free and unburdened.

"Everything's okay with Gansey now," Ronan said. Adam almost didn't hear it, since his ears were underwater. He pulled up, and Ronan's hands fell.

"That's good," said Adam. He noted Ronan's lack of enthusiasm in his face. "Isn't it?"

"There's still a lot to work on," said Ronan. "He so often treats me like a kid. Ever since...."

Adam's brow lifted. "Since your car accident?"

Ronan started to fidget with the leather bands around his wrist. He went to put them to his mouth like he always did when anxious or agitated, but Adam stopped him before he could.

"It took a long time to accept my dad's death, and to accept that I'm...."

"Prematurely bald?"

Ronan tried not to look amused, but he couldn't help it and scoffed, staring out at the water beyond where they've swam.

"That's when I got into drag racing and all my other bad habits."

"Including biting your bracelets?" Adam turned Ronan's wrist over to take a look at the bracelets. He fingered then with one of his pruned fingertips, and noticed underneath the soft skin not tanned like the rest. For some reason, with the way Ronan was talking, he expected to find something else there.

"I thought about it," said Ronan, as if Adam had spoken aloud. "And when I confided in Gansey he panicked. He's been extra annoying ever since."

Ronan's hand pulled out from Adam's touch. He ran a thumb over where Adam's fingers had grazed, and then his hands both disappeared under water.

Adam didn't know what else to say. He reached and touched at Ronan's hand under the water. They were becoming so close so quick. Living together like this helped a lot in that aspect, and he felt that Ronan putting trust in him like this he should be trust in him too.

"I'm half deaf," he said. He touched at his good ear, his other hand still preoccupied with feeling Ronan's bracelets under the water. "It happened at the start of summer. It's been weird and hard adjusting."

Adam didn't need to explain to Ronan why it was he could no longer hear out of one ear. Ronan seemed to understand perfectly, visible in his shifting expressions as it came to light in his head why and how and likely who.

His lips turned into a jagged frown, and Adam removed his hand so he could turn away a little from Ronan.

"So, because of that, I'm moving to the dorms at school," he said. "When summer's over."

"Me too."

Adam jerked around. "Haven't you been telling me about-?"

Ronan shrugged. "I haven't made up my mind yet," he said. He ran a finger over the water, watching the tiny ripples in the surface. "I don't know."

Adam found it in himself to smile a little at that.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At the end of the swim lesson, instead of immediately heading back to the cabin, they stayed out and sat at the edge of the dock. It was dark and late and they were both a little cold. Adam was wearing his hoodie, but he had yet to put on his shirt, so Ronan could still see his bare chest and stomach through the opening of the zip, wet and dripping. He was struggling really hard to think of anti-sexy things to combat his feelings as he watched Adam breathe in and out. His hands still felt like they were on fire from earlier when he held him.

Neither wanted to go back to their room yet, and Adam suggested this. Ronan couldn't say no, even though the longer they were out here the more he wished he had.

"Jake and Opal are getting really close," he noted, trying to keep from letting his impure thoughts fog his mind.

"Are you jealous of a child, Lynch?" Adam must have heard his trying restraint and mistook it for jealousy. "You know she adores you more than anything, right? In her strange very Lynch-like way."

Ronan was warmed by that, to hear that. He liked the sound of it, when three weeks ago he wasn't looking forward to being here.

"I can't believe our talent show is in two weeks," he muttered, switching subjects in time to Adam bending down for something on the water's surface. He had spent all evening with him shirtless, and yet the sneaks of the peeks of it from within the hoodie were rattling his brain.

Adam was chuckling softly as he retrieved a leaf from the water. "I think we've got it..." His eyes drifted to Ronan. "Assistant."

Still not enthused he had been relegated to that position, Ronan side eyed him. Adam chuckled again, a hearty little sound that made Ronan's belly hot. His hair was dripping into his shoulders as he played with the leaf in his hands, so soft and pure. His freckles were distinct against his cheeks.

Before he realized what he was doing, Ronan reached and pushed some of the hair from out of Adam's face. Upon the touch, Adam stilled, his eyes all that moved as they shifted to stare at him. Ronan's fingers squeezed some of the water out as they moved down the lock of hair between his fingers. He looked Adam in the eye, whose voice appeared to be strangled in his throat. Ronan took the opportunity to say something instead.

"You're soaked, Parrish," he said.

His fingers fell from Adam's hair, and Adam touched almost self consciously where he had.

"I could make a joke about that, but it's probably not appropriate," he said quietly.

Ronan smiled a little, unashamed he stole that touch. Adam's cheeks went a little pink as he looked away. Ronan felt bold and brave and he liked it, if only for s second.

"You know," Adam returned his hands to his lap, "the others think we spend too much time together."

Ronan snorted, and he could feel heat trickle into his skin, at his face and neck, burning what he suspected was a very soft red.

"They're just jealous we're the cool ones," he remarked.

Adam gave him a scorching look. Ronan scoffed again and looked out at the water as the moonlight ran streaks across it. It was so tranquil here when the kids were asleep. All he could hear were the sounds of nature and Adam's breathing beside him.

"Do you... think we do?" Ronan asked. He looked up at him and saw Adam already staring at him in turn.

"Maybe," said Adam. Ronan could feel his joints ache with hostility. "But I can't honestly think of anyone else here I would prefer to spend time with."

That answer had him stunned. He balked, and he could feel himself blushing even harder. In an effort to disappear, he pulled his hoodie up, and he could hear Adam's distinct laugh as a hand came to the base of his skull. His hood was pulled back down.

"I take it you don't agree?" Adam asked.

Ronan looked at him and in that moment he never wanted to kiss him more. The way the moonlight hit his face, the way he sat there without a shirt on, the way his hoodie sat unzipped. The way he smiled and the way he laughed. He was ethereal.

"You've grown on me, I guess," Ronan admitted. He wondered if he sounded as breathless as he thought he did.

"Like a wart?" Adam teased

"Something like that."

They were still staring at one another. Ronan wasn't sure what Adam was feeling, but he was completely overwhelmed in emotions. He got to spend every day with the boy he liked, making him laugh and smile, touching him under the guise of teaching him to swim and pot plants. He was lucky in a lot of ways, but still he craved for more. Adam started touching at his leather wristbands again. Ronan almost shuddered.

"You know, you're kind of my best friend, Lynch," Adam confessed.

"I am?"

"Yeah, even though you can be really annoying."

Ronan shoved gently at his shoulder. Adam smiled wickedly. He was surprised, and became more so as Adam gave him a hug. Ronan made a tiny squeak noise as Adam's bare chest pressed into him.

"What was that?" Adam said against his shoulder.

"I dunno." Ronan looked off to the side. "I think it was a squirrel or something."

After a while of silence and Adam hopefully accepting his lie, Adam tugged on his shirt.

"Aren't you going to hug me back, asshole?" he said.

"God, if you insist."

Ronan's arms were practically shaking as he hugged him back. When the embrace was complete, he squeezed him tighter to him, his head falling effortlessly into the crook of Adam's neck. He breathed in. Adam smelled so nice.

"Ditto," he said, to everything Ronan voice. They pulled apart.

"That's a Pokemon," said Adam.

"Adam."

There he stared at Ronan, confused, until eventually his brow shifted from not understanding to understanding. He knew the difficulty of him saying it loud, and then he only hugged harder.

Riding on this high, Ronan pulled back again. He looked at Adam, staring directly into his very nice and blue and open eyes. Ronan's slowly drifted down to Adam's lips. He felt a yearning. Adam had yet to let go of his hoodie at his shoulder, and the possibilities of what this was becoming to him made him wheeze.

"I have to go take a piss."

Ronan broke from him and ran from the dock.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After returning from their swim lesson, the both of them were trying to finally get to sleep, neither all that successful. Adam's mind was full of thoughts. He was thinking about how scary it was to trust and care for someone as much as he did Ronan, and so fast too. It was nice that Ronan seemed to reciprocate these feelings, as this friendship meant a lot to him, but it didn't make it any less terrifying.

Even if Ronan sometimes randomly shouted out I have to pee. This was the fifth time this has happened by his calculations. Like, no need to shout it, Lynch.

He looked over at Ronan trying to sleep too and he watched him try. Rolling over onto different sides, sighing in frustration. He closed his eyes to the sight, trying to get at least a few hours in before the morning.

Not long after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he opened his eyes to find Opal standing next to him.

He sat up.

"Opal what's wrong?" he said.

She rubbed her tired eyes. "Can I sleep in here tonight?"

Ronan rolled over and opened his eyes. He sat up, too, quick like a bullet. "Opal, this isn't your cabin."

She frowned at him. "I know that."

"We don't have a bed for you, sweetie," said Adam. He gently rubbed at her arm, not knowing what else to say.

"That's... fine." It was clear that to Opal that wasn't fine.

"What's wrong with your other cabin?" Ronan grunted.

Opal didn't take his grumpy attitude into consideration with how she responded. "I had a nightmare," she said.

"Oh." His voice softened as he got up and came to her side, to Adam's bed. He ran his hand through her hair and she leaned into him.

"Parrish, scoot over."

Adam was perturbed. "I beg your pardon?" he hissed.

"Scoot over," Ronan repeated. "We're sharing a bed tonight."

Adam tried to sputter out words and came out at a loss in complete astonishment at what he was suggesting.

"She'll take my bed," Ronan continued, as if Adam was speechless because of _that_ part.

"I--" He curled his legs together and pulled his sleeping bag higher on him. "My sleeping bag isn't big enough for two," he argued.

Ronan nudged at his shoulder. "Come on, Parrish," he said.

Adam looked between him and Opal and saw Opal really needed this. Ronan had a good reason to ask of this, but Adam wanted to be selfish and say no. He wasn't sure sharing a bed with Ronan was a good idea. He saw how he slept, squirming and rolling around. Adam didn't want to be elbowed in the face in the middle of the night.

Opal looked rejected with his silence, and Adam caved. He scooted over and let Ronan have some space on the bed.

Before Ronan joined him, he helped Opal snuggle up in his sleeping bag, then kissed her on the forehead goodnight.

When he crawled into bed with Adam, Adam was made very aware how small these beds really were. They were cramped together, limbs clashing and sleeping bag stuck.

"This isn't weird in the slightest," Adam said dryly.

"You're taking up more space than I am," Ronan hissed.

"That's - That's not true," Adam argued. He was flushed as it became unbearably warm in his bed suddenly, and he had to whisper all his words. "You are."

"Scoot over," Ronan said, and he pushed at Adam's arm.

"There's a wall here," said Adam, as he was being pushed into the wall. For someone who was sharing someone else's bed, Ronan sure was inconsiderate in his manners while doing so. That shouldn't have been a surprise.

"Turn on your side then," Ronan reasoned. He kept pushing. Adam kept resisting.

"I'm _not_ doing that."

"I will. Jesus."

Ronan talked as if he was the one being put out, which Adam found laughable. He watched as Ronan rolled over so his back was facing Adam.

After a while of this, Adam knew neither of them were getting any sleep this way. He could see and feel Ronan shivering. Ronan was cold. Adam lay there a moment still a little bitter, but he didn't want Ronan dying of pneumonia. So he rolled over onto his side and moved so the sleeping bag went over Ronan as well, enveloping them together in its warmth. Due to the little space the bed offered, he was pressed against him.

"What the fu-" Ronan tried to resist. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to suffocate you," Adam said casually. "Hold still."

Ronan seemed to register now what it was he was doing. His shivering ceased as the sleeping bag started to do its job. "You didn't have to share the sleeping bag," he said.

Adam almost rolled his eyes. "I don't want to wake up to a frozen corpse in my bed, thank you," he replied.

He had to scoot a little closer to Ronan to share the sleeping bag enough. His front pressed into Ronan's back. This was very weird but they were mature enough not to let it get weird. Or at least one of them was.

From this position he could see a little of Ronan's tattoo peek out from his shirt. His fingers gently stroked at it, and at first Ronan flinched, but soon he said nothing and let it happen. Adam was always fascinated with tattoos. This one was so unique and intricate and large.

"You never told me what the tattoo means," he said, still touching at it. His fingers ran along the lines of the feathers and claws poking out.

Ronan's breathing was quiet. He was very still. For a moment there he thought he fell asleep, which would've been annoying since now Adam was wide awake.

"Lynch?" His fingers stopped moving.

"I got it after my dad died," he heard Ronan whisper. "It's how I feel inside. I don't know how else to explain it."

Adam resumed touching at it, what was visible from under his shirt.

"It's really nice," he said. "Did you design it yourself?"

Ronan glanced back. "Yeah, I did."

Adam still ran a finger over what he could see. He was constantly impressed by Ronan Lynch. Every time he opened up Adam became more and more aware of who he really was.

"Are you trying to feel me up?" Ronan asked.

"What? No." Adam pulled his hand away. The moment was ruined.

"First you offer to share your sleeping bag, now you're touching me, what next?" Ronan said teasingly over his shoulder. "You gonna kiss me?"

Ronan laughed thinly and Adam was upset with him. That wasn't funny.

"You should be so lucky, Lynch," he snarled.

He rolled over onto his other side and folded his arms all upset and grumpy. He wanted to move further away from Ronan, but he couldn't. This was a small bed and there was a wall there and they were two grown almost adults stuck in it together.

Behind him, he felt the bed move, squeaking and moaning as Ronan shifted about. When the movement stopped, he could feel breathing against his neck. It tickled.

"Why didn't you laugh?" asked Ronan.

"It wasn't funny."

"You sound upset."

"I'm not upset," Adam argued, to a wall.

"Why are you so upset by it?" Every time Ronan spoke Adam struggled not to giggle from the tickling of his breath on his skin. He jerked his shoulders up to hide his neck.

Adam didn't know why he was upset, but Ronan's tease unnerved him.

"I don't have to give you an explanation," he said.

"Fine." Ronan sounded annoyed with him now, too.

"Good," he replied back, tersely.

They went quiet. Adam shut his eyes and tried to sleep. He still felt Ronan behind him. He was hard to ignore pressed into him tight, knees touching the back of Adam's, chest against his back, other things touching other things.

Eventually through his pouting, Ronan moved back again so their backs touched instead. Adam was very aware of Ronan's every body part that touched him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was having a mini panic as he lay next to Adam. He was shocked he came out so effortless and cool about sharing a bed even though Adam didn't seem as excited. When he pressed into Adam from behind he had a lot of impure thoughts, and Adam's annoyance with him was all that kept him from thinking too hard about them. When Adam was pressed into his back, he felt the same way.

This was more awkward than he was expecting. The bed was too tiny. The sleeping bag was broken and he was cold.

Then through the course of the night Adam had rolled over into him, as he fell asleep. He draped an arm over him head buried at his back. His breathing was so soft. Ronan didn't want to move. He wasn't sure how he was going to sleep. This was agonizing. Agony of his own making.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam felt very soft when he woke up; warm and safe. That was the nicest sleep he had in, well, ever. He didn't want to open his eyes or have to get up from it, it was so nice.

It didn't take long for that feeling to be run over when he remembered he was sharing a bed with Ronan. Quick, he opened his eyes to find himself pressed into Ronan's back. He pulled off when he realized, and sat up noiselessly.

Ronan was asleep, as was Opal when he looked over at Ronan's bed.

He realized by now Blue was probably going to wake up in a panic if she hadn't done so already. He should really wake Ronan up to something about that before it was too late, but Ronan looked so peaceful.

Adam admittedly didn't want to wake him up, and he didn't want to move either. After not long enough debating internally, he lay back down and returned his arm where it was before, his face pressing into the nape of Ronan's neck. Ronan made a soft sound in his sleep and Adam smiled, pushing in. This was nice. This was really nice.

He froze when he realized what he was doing. He sat up again.

_What was happening?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week on camp au: somebody's got a birthday comin' up. whoever could it be
> 
> thanks again for reading! comments and feedback are welcome as always :)
> 
> this one's getting long af OOPS. jfc.
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.cabeswatergreywaren.tumblr.com)


	7. Adam's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What time is it?" He realized something, and the thought of it churned around in his stomach.
> 
> Ronan did a very Ronan thing and took his mind off it a little with his answer. "Do I look like a clock?"
> 
> Adam rolled his eyes endearingly, and started picking at a scab on his arm from one of the times he and Ronan did something stupid while playing some lawn activity or another.
> 
> "It's probably past midnight, isn't it?" he noted, to which Adam shrugged.
> 
> "I guess."
> 
> Adam nodded. It was his birthday.

That same morning Adam and Ronan shared a bed, Blue came storming into their cabin wearing baggy pajama pants and an old softball jersey and a look that could kill a million people. She was enraged, until she found Opal alive and well and asleep, and then she was just angry at Adam and Ronan for letting her stay over.

"You two are so irresponsible!" she screamed. "Gabriella and I were looking everywhere for her in a panic this morning! If I didn't remember her fascination with Jackass number two, I don't know what I would have done. We were worried sick!"

She didn't even seem to register that Ronan and Adam were both lying in the same bed, in the same sleeping bag, close knit and a little bit still sprawled over each other. Ronan was barely awake, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his palms. He looked so sleepy and soft and - _stop_ it.

Adam sat further up and away from him as Blue continued on with her yelling. Eventually she got bored or tired, and so she nodded once and grabbed Opal's hand and dragged her off.

Slowly the other kids trickled in and then back out when they saw that the yelling girl had left. They were talking amongst themselves about the drama, confused, but they were all wise enough not to ask Adam or Ronan about it, both of whom were still lying together in bed.

Adam pushed Ronan off him when he tried to lie back down.

"You think she's upset?" Ronan said, yawning into the back of his hand. Adam smacked him upside the head for that. It was too early for his humor.

"Get out of my bed," he said.

"Jeez. Someone's in a mood this morning." Ronan rolled his eyes as he started to roll out of the bed, quite literally, as that's all the sleeping bag offered him as escape.

As he was almost free Adam could hear stomping again from outside and the door swung open again, and then there Blue was. She pointed at them wide eyed and gaped.

"Whoa!" she said. "What? What? _What_?"

Ronan stood upright and started to stretch. He didn't seem at all bothered by Blue's second arrival. Adam put a hand up to avoid even being tempted to look his way. This was a very weird morning, and a very strange start to their fourth week of camp.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was very much aware of his self destructive behavior, but somehow he didn't care. He shared a bed with the boy he liked, had some of the best sleep of his life, and woke up feeling refreshed and energized and downright happy. This wasn't going to last long, he knew that, but honestly he didn't care.

Adam was being a little weird about it though. Killjoy.

That morning in the bathrooms, Ronan was brushing his teeth after his shower, and Adam was staring at him weird.

"Take a picture it'll last longer," Ronan mused.

Adam grumbled something that sounded slightly obscene in nature under his breath and walked into a shower stall. Ronan didn't know what to do with that information, so he finished putting his shirt on and went outside to wait for him.

At breakfast Adam sat with Opal between them, almost purposefully, which he really didn't understand. Ronan was on a high that was noticed by the others, who they willingly joined tables with that morning.

Noah squinted at him from across the table and said, "Something's odd about you today."

Adam ducked his head as if he was the one being spoken too. From out the corner of his eye Ronan caught Blue smirking at them, and Ronan shot her a death stare. She wasn't going to ruin this, not that there was anything to ruin. Not that last night meant anything! Not that she even knew that he was gay!

Fuck. He threw his piece of bacon down onto his plate. High ruined.

"Oh, nope. There's you again," said Noah. Ronan picked up the piece of bacon again and instead threw it at his face.

Down the table a few people away was Henry, who sat away from Noah like normal people often did. He almost nudged Adam to motion to it, to say _see_ there's nothing going on. But then he realized he was about to nudge Opal instead, who was half asleep trying to eat her eggs.

"Hey, kid. Want me to sneak you coffee? You're drooling."

Opal scowled up at him with a haggard look, but at the same time she seemed a little eager for coffee. Adam, however, was shaking his head a firm no when he caught his eye.

"You guys excited for the talent show next week?" Henry's enthusiasm was not matched by anyone else at their table. He didn't seem the least bit put out by it. "It's really getting the kids excited, and I think if anyone wants to invite anyone-"

"Please god no," begged Blue, same as when Noah shook his head and made a noise of disagreement. Adam moaned into his hands and Ronan laughed one laugh. Gansey, however, looked mildly enthused.

"Maybe I'll invite my mom," he said.

"Do you love your mother?" asked Blue.

"Yes, I do," he said.

"Why would you do that to her then?"

Henry frowned. "Very funny, blue bird. But I'm serious. If anyone wants, you're more than welcome. I'm going to spread the word."

He got up from their table and Noah grabbed him before he walked away. "Don't do that," he begged. "Don't torture us more than you have."

Henry didn't look the least bit amused and pulled from him at once. Ronan was trying really hard to see what Adam could see, but he couldn't, and he looked Adam's way to suggest as much. He was surprised to find him already looking at him, and he started to gesture his disbelief in Adam's theory, but then Adam looked swiftly away.

Well, fine. Be that way. Ronan huffed as he stole one of Noah's pieces of bacon, ignoring his voiced disapproval, and he stuffed the cooked meat in his mouth.

"Where's my coffee?" Opal whispered.

"You're shit out of luck, kid," he said.

"That'll be a dollar," she replied almost immediately, and yawned into his side. She rested her face there and basically went to sleep. His mood was lifted again, but only slightly. He couldn't get attached to her. They were almost halfway through camp.

The reminder wore at him like a bad cold. His mood was gone again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam was not going to let that morning dictate the rest of his day or his week. He was not. He was _not_. It was just a weird morning. It was a momentary lapse of judgment. Ronan was soft and warm and comfortable, but it wasn't about Ronan specifically. Adam was so touch starved it could've been anyone. Right? Yeah, sure.

It wasn't like he had been having these feelings for a while and that was the boiling point.

He and Ronan were just friends. Touchy friends sometimes, sure. Friends who admired the athleticism of their friends. Friends who sometimes stared a little long at the back tattoos of other friends. Friends who wanted to- Oh, no. What was happening?

These weren't very friendly feelings. Shit.

He spent most of breakfast avoiding looking his way, as he wore a tank top today of all days, arms blazing in the sun and tattoo peeking out on his back. His hair was a little thicker lately, since he hadn't shaved it since before camp started.

Thankfully that morning was a camp wide activity, so Adam didn't have to be alone with Ronan for a while, but unfortunately it was at the lake. Adam thought of getting out of it, but that would have been suspicious, since he would've been the only one.

As they were getting ready back at the cabin, he purposefully watched Ronan take off his shirt, as a study for what exactly what he was currently experiencing. He watched him put sunscreen on, and do his best at getting the edges of his back. The curls of his muscles at his shoulder blades and arms as he bent to get his bare legs were noticeable and shifting, and his tattoo shined in the light of the sun trickling in from outside. No, Adam felt fine. He felt _completely_ fine. Normal. Okay.

When Ronan straightened out he turned to him and offered him the sunscreen.

"You're looking a little pale there," he said.

Adam grabbed the container and made sure to avoid touching him.

"Nothing a little sun can't fix," he said. "You're a hopeless case, though."

Ronan looked to mock him under his breath, which deterred Adam slightly from his study. This was just a weird day, he thought.

He then whimpered internally when Ronan bent down again, and was quick to look away.

Dear god, what was happening?

"Come on," Ronan said, passing by him. "I'm sure half the kids snuck off to the lake without us. Are you going to change?"

Adam ran a hand down his shirtfront. He forgot to.

"Oh, uh..." He bit down on his lower lip. "Maybe later."

"We're going to the lake now," Ronan countered. He was looking at him with those blue eyes and those sharp features and that stupid smirk. Adam frowned at him.

"I know," he replied. When Ronan opened his mouth and said dumb things they were still just friends. That's all they were. He could keep control of anything else.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

For the next several days after Ronan and Adam had to share a bed, Adam was acting strange. Ronan was unsure how to approach it, if he was uncomfortable with having shared the bed, if it was something else entirely.

Their talent show practice sessions were fine but they were also kind of boring now. Adam didn't let him goof off as much as he did before. When Ronan asked what got up his ass, Adam said he just didn't want to mess up in front of the kids and they didn't have much more time to practice.

Then during all their other activities he was being weird still, too. When they were alone Adam barely looked him in the eye, or when he did he stared at him as if Ronan said something confusing and he was trying to make sense of it. Most of the time he didn't even say anything, he just found him staring.

Something was definitely off, and Ronan wanted to confront him, but he didn't exactly know how.

Blue hadn't told any of the others that she found them sharing a bed, even though she constantly and subtly made reference to it whenever she could.

He caught her on the way to lunch the third day since the whole thing, when Adam already went ahead with the kids to get food. Opal for once didn't hover around him, and so he took her by the arm and walked her away from the cafeteria.

"What?" Blue punched him in the arm. "Hey! Let me go. If this is some weird sacrificial satanist thing-"

"I'm Catholic," he argued.

"Then some weird sacrificial Catholic thing," she corrected.

He stopped when they were far enough away from the others, and then let go of her arm. She snarled at him as she touched where he held, when he knew he didn't hurt her, although her punch to his arm really hurt.

"What is this?" she said. "Please, don't confess you love me. I can't handle that today."

Ronan brought his two eyebrows together as he looked down at her, appalled. "What?"

Blue seemed to realize this was a little more serious than she initially thought and she frowned back at him. "Well, then what did you drag me over here for? I haven't told anyone about your tryst."

"Don't be that way," Ronan grunted. "Don't call it that."

"Sorry." Blue could tell she hit a nerve.

It took him a while to get around to it, but finally it came out and he breathed, letting it out.

"Adam hasn't.... said anything about it has he?" Ronan asked, staring hard at the ground.

"No, nothing," she said earnestly. "Why?"

Ronan could only shrug. There was no definitive answer to give, which was the problem. Maybe Adam wasn't being weird, but since that point Ronan was and Adam was reflecting off that. Ronan put his hands to his face and groaned into them. He didn't know how to work through this. His crush on Gansey was never this bad, and his fleeting feelings for boys in the past were left untouched and unexplored because they were either someone he met only briefly or someone he didn't know at all. This was a windstorm and a volcanic eruption of feelings, and he was melting in the lava more each day he knew him.

"So are you two-?"

Ronan looked through the space between his fingers and saw Blue's raised brow and widening eyes. Same as before when she realized they were in bed together, she was guffawed.

"No," he said, the word prickled.

"Oh my god." Blue gasped. She was getting nonsensical ideas in her head.

" _No_ ," he said, a little louder. She wasn't going to get this idea in her head. He wasn't going to allow her to have these thoughts. This wasn't going to get back to Adam. That wasn't going to happen. He was starting to panic.

"I was _kidding_ about the tryst," she said.

"We're just friends," he said defensively. The word tasted funny in his mouth when he said it. She must have noticed, too.

"Oh wow."

"I just." He jerked. She was impossible. "He's not. We aren't. Never mind. I regret this. Fuck you."

He stormed off, but Blue followed him.

"Oh, don't be that way!" she said. "I won't say anything. Jesus."

He paused, then turned to her. "You swear?"

Blue made an x over her heart. He didn't know what that meant, but he could tell that was all he was getting.

After the pair of them settled in at lunch with the others, Ronan half anticipated Blue to break her chest crossing promise and say something suggestive to Adam. But at least for the first fifteen minutes of lunch, she said nothing.

Adam was sitting next to Ronan, having saved him the seat. He said nothing to him when they arrived, which wasn't all that out of the ordinary. He was quiet as he ate, not joined in on the conversation at hand. They were discussing... something. He wasn't a part of the conversation either, overly aware that Adam didn't have Opal as a barrier for the first time in three days, and because of this their forearms were touching. He was very aware of the soft hair on Adam's freckled arm, the warmth of skin against skin. It was just a casual thing, two arms touching on the table, but Ronan went without it for three days, and so he was getting a bit overstimulated.

Thankfully, Adam briefly moved his arm to use it to eat, and Ronan was without the contact long enough that when Adam's hand went back down his mind had been cleared.

Through the better part of lunch, Ronan ignored everyone else except Adam, who he made eye contact with fleetingly when Gansey laughed over exaggeratedly at something Blue said. Adam rolled his eyes at them, and then offered Ronan his greatest gift he kept on giving, one of his true but small smiles that were only for him. Ronan could melt in those smiles.

Whatever it was Adam had been going through before, he seemed over it now, and Ronan couldn't have been more grateful. He wasn't sure how he was going to broach the subject with him, and now it appeared he didn't have to.

The last few days should have been a learning experience for him, for when eventually Adam could no longer be the boy Ronan crushed on in secret who he somehow tricked into spending all his time with. He should be learning self control and ration out his touches and glances and smiles, so when the inevitable happened at the end of summer Ronan wouldn't be as heartbroken as he could tell he was going to be.

In the meantime, he allowed himself the masochism of feeling Adam's fingers effortlessly find his wristbands on the table. Nonchalantly, he ran his fingers through them, grazing skin against bare skin it tingled, and when Ronan looked up at Adam he appeared to be listening to something Noah was saying, chin resting against his other hand.

This wasn't just causal touches, this was casual and almost habitual, like he was doing it without thinking. There was a slight chance Ronan almost bit into his fist. Oh, sweet Jesus.

Adam's fingers were gracing his skin like a god offering their mere presence to their followers. His fingertips ran hot trails on Ronan's wrist, and he looked completely unaware of what he was doing to him.

Ronan avoided looking at him as he enjoyed the simple pleasure.

His eyes caught Blue's across the table, who had been staring at what Adam was doing, her eyes drifting back down as he flushed. She ruined it. His hand pulled back.

Blue looked guiltily away, and so did he. Adam's arm moved off the table when Ronan's did, and it dawned on him what the action said to Adam.

He didn't know what to say to him, or how to better the situation, and he ignored everyone else again as he nudged Adam shoulder to shoulder, to gain his attention.

"Yes, Lynch?" were the first words he spoke to him all day.

"Got a kink for leather or something?"

Adam's expression turned into a withered stare. He almost rolled his eyes but seemed to think better of it by holding eye contact instead.

"Charming," he replied, dry. "I didn't even realize I was doing it," he said, turning to offer his cheek to Ronan instead of his eyes. Ronan so very badly wanted to kiss that cheek, littered in freckles and a little bit of stubble. Adam didn't shave this morning.

Now was not the time for those thoughts.

"I don't care if you do," he mumbled, returning his own gaze to his plate. "It just tickled is all."

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Adam chew his lip. "You ticklish, Lynch?"

Ronan blushed. "No." He needed help out of this situation. In his head it was flirty, and he knew it really wasn't. He panicked and locked eyes with Noah, who had been talking to Blue.

"I need to talk to Noah for a bit," he said. He eyed everyone else at the table who looked at him. "Alone. Without all of you freaking eavesdropping."

The others all stared blankly at him, even Noah.

Adam touched his chin to Ronan's shoulder, for just a second. Ronan made a point of not looking in Blue's direction for this. He gazed up at Ronan through his floppy hair, his bottom lip risking context with Ronan's shirt. All of this was making him lightheaded.

"Are your legs broken, Lynch?" Adam asked.

"No."

Adam didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows and let Ronan make the connection. He looked at Noah and then back at Adam and grunted.

"Yeah, whatever," he said, and he picked up his plate to move. Noah followed silently after him, confused. Ronan wasn't surprised to see Opal came along as well as he sat down.

"So why did you need to talk privately?" asked Noah. His eyes drifted back toward their old table, and Ronan let his drift as well. Adam was looking over, but turned away when he did. "Things not going so smoothly in Lovers Paradise?"

Ronan didn't want to say what was really on his mind, and so he jabbed his fork into one of Noah's chicken tenders and moved it to his plate as revenge.

"That's cruel," Noah gaped. "Even for you."

"I know what I'm going to do," said Ronan, ignoring Noah and eating his piece of chicken, "to get Declan to give me my car back, and maybe stop Declan from selling the Barns."

Below the table, Ronan could feel Opal climbing around, clearly thinking she was being sneaky tying the laces of his boots together. He could feel her tiny mischievous hands on his shoes but it was too exhausting to tell her to stop. She was having fun and it wasn't hurting anyone so why ruin it.

"You're still on that?" Noah sighed heavily, putting his fork down to give Ronan a once over. This was the first time Ronan spoke of Declan. "Why can't you let it go?" Noah asked, and Ronan was quick to grow defensive.

"Why would I want to let it go?" he snapped. "No one seems to understand. I thought least of all you would."

"Don't do that," Noah said, frowning at him. "Don't make it out like I don't understand you. That i don't care. I do. But I thought maybe being here was helping you have closure with that part of your life. You need to move on, Ronan. It's healthier."

Ronan didn't think the conversation would go this way, and his jaw ached from jutting it out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam's hand was still hot from touching so tenderly at Ronan's wrist. He never thought for a second he would let him get away with it, and he didn't mean to do it in the first place, but it just sort of happened without him thinking about it. Like a habit.

He had his hands tucked at his lap, the one that hadn't touched Ronan's skin feeling the fingertips of the other as if trying to commit to skin the sensation of before.

Things were getting better the last few days since they shared the bed. He was still processing these new feelings he was experiencing, but he was better at handling them. He could look Ronan in the eye now and believed he was capable of withstanding his thousand watt smile should he offered it. He could handle his bumps and his grumps and his littler smiles. When their eyes met he could control himself and not as easily fall into the depths of the blue as he did before.... Okay, that one still needed work.

This was very new and he was overwhelmed by everything. Every touch. Every smile. Every laugh.

Ugh.

Blue and Gansey were still sitting at the table with him, although Jake had left sometime ago to talk to some of the other campers. He was making more friends his own age, which had gave Adam a sense of pride.

Blue was eyeing Adam bizarrely across the table as Gansey was talking her ear off, and he suspected it had been going on for a while. He was in his own head for a while. When he finally noticed, she put a had to Gansey's arm and.

"Can you go get me a slice of pie?" she said.

Gansey looked absolutely beside himself with the question and the touch. He went silent and started fiddling with his glasses.

"They don't deserve that here," he said, concerned.

Blue shrugged. Adam wondered what was she playing at.

"I'm sure you could manage," she said. With the way she talked to him and the way she then soft punched him in the arm, he half expected her to add _champ_ to the end of that sentence.

"I..." He was downright mute.

"Please?" she said.

Gansey looked between them, brow furrowed and lips parted from the inability to make reason with Blue. Then, against what was likely his instinct, he got up and went in pursuit of Blue's pie.

Once he was gone, Adam was snickering. That was a sight to see, and he quite enjoyed watching Gansey made speechless. They were friendlier since he first arrived, but they were not close.

"You like him," he said to Blue.

Blue was not amused. She gave him a look that offered several insults through just eye contact.

"He makes me want to stab a fork in my eye sometimes," she rebutted. 

"And the other times?" said Adam.

She glared harder at him, which he didn't think was possible. "Don't."

Across the dining hall, Adam could see Gansey trying to talk to the staff, which reeked of money, but he still found impressive all the time.

"He's really doing it." He wasn't sure if it were bravery or stupidity.

"Of course," Blue said. She was trying not to sound flattered. "I want a slice of pie."

Adam shook his head, finding her absurd. He chuckled as his eyes went back to Gansey, who wasn't appearing to make leeway with the staff. He almost snorted seeing that.

"How are things with the Prince of Darkness?" said Blue on his right. He turned his head toward her, eyes still trying to stay on Gansey.

"Can you stop calling him that, please?" he asked.

"When he stops befitting the title," she replied. Finally, he looked at her. "You two haven't been hanging out as heavily this week, since well, you know...."

Adam was the one glaring now. "I told you, we only shared the bed so Opal could sleep in Ronan's," he said bitterly. "Sometimes we don't hang out. There isn't anything happening."

"Me thinks he doth protest too much."

Adam cursed her in Latin under his breath, but somehow she caught it. She groaned. "Okay, that's not fair," she said. "I don't speak Latin."

"You should learn," he replied smugly "It's highly informative."

She was about to say something more, but was interrupted when Gansey came back. He was shaking his head solemnly.

"They won't do it," he said. He sounded rejected. "I tried. I'm sorry, Blue."

"Eh." Blue really didn't care. "I lost the craving anyway."

"You-?"

Blue just smiled at him and he shut up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After lunch Adam and Ronan were teaching tennis again, and this time Adam was expected to actually play. Some of the kids asked him to play against them as Ronan was teaching someone else.

Adam kept dropping the ball, or not making it back, and just generally not getting it. Off to his side somewhere in the chaos of kids, he heard Ronan groan.

"You're not swinging correctly," he said.

"I'm not trying to win any tournaments," Adam grunted. "Just trying not to drop the ball so often."

"Here."

Ronan stomped over, and before Adam could say anything he had his hands on Adam's arms and his chest up against Adam's back. He reached with one leg and swooped out his right foot to widen his stance. He got right up behind Adam with his whole body. This was worse than in the bed. They were closer, upright, and Ronan's hands were delicately guiding his arms.

"What are you doing?" He was stiffening up. This was undoing all his efforts this week. He couldn't breathe without shuddering.

"Showing you how to hit a fucking tennis ball," Ronan finally replied. It had only been a couple seconds but it felt like minutes. "You swing up, like this." His hands moved Adam's arm back, and with that his torso was turned by Ronan's suggestion, but his lower half was held tight by Ronan's not moving. Oh dear god.

"Trying to hit it straight on is just going to fu-dging knock it flat," he kept going. "You're not going to get any air like that. Here. Swing with me."

Adam let his shoulder lax when he could feel Ronan's breath at his neck. His cheek pressed into the back of Adam's head, and he was dying.

He was talking into Adam's good ear, and he wondered if he remembered of it was fortune instead.

He then realized just how close Ronan was pressed against him, so tight Adam hadn't a single word Ronan said.

"Are you even listening, Parrish?" said Adam. He was in fact not listening. He was too preoccupied with the way Ronan's breath trickled down into his shirt collar, how it made all the hair on his neck stand up. He had goosebumps all over, chills in the hot humid summer. His body was reacting to Ronan so close, the feeling of him up against him impossible to ignore or put aside. There it was. There he was.

"Not really, Lynch," he finally said. He tried to motion for Ronan to get off him. "You're sort of cramping me."

"Tough shit," but as he said it, he offered him more space. Adam should have appreciated it, but he wanted the closeness. Ronan's arms were still at his, face still close to his. That was something. "You're terrible," Ronan grunted. Adam wanted to say something clever back at him but his mind was in a bit of a haze right now. "Swing your arms like that, and when you do you move your hips like that."

His hands switched to Adam's hips, and Adam felt a tremor as they moved his hips in a swinging motion. On the second one, his fingers graced the skin there, and Adam was on fire. He jolted forward and out of Ronan's arms.

"Jesus, Parrish. You okay?"

When he looked back at him, he found him staring quizzically. Ronan and the kids were all staring strangely at him. While they resumed their fun as Adam stood there feeling downright foolish, Ronan kept staring at him with mild concern. His sharp brow was pointed in, eyebrows knitted together, the skin between them lined. His lips were pursed, chapped. He needed chapstick, which Adam knew they sold at the little shop and-

"There was," he paused, thinking of something to say, "a bug. In my hair."

Somehow Ronan believed it and he came forward. Adam almost jolted back again, but he caught himself this time.

"Is it still there?" he said. "Let me see."

"No, I think it's gone."

Ronan rolled his eyes and looked around Adam's head of hair. He didn't touch until Adam shut his eyes and leaned into him a bit. His fingers ran through, and Adam's scalp was singing. This was a bad, bad idea.

He almost let slip a noise as Ronan continued feeling around, but when he opened his eyes he could see that there was nothing on Ronan's face but focused boredom.

"Lynch, are you combing my hair?" he said, finally, pulling back to disappear the sensation on his scalp. His own fingers ran through until there was only memory of Ronan's.

"Fuck you," Ronan said casually. "I was trying to be nice and find the bug."

"I said I think it's left," said Adam. His heart was racing a little.

"I didn't hear that," Ronan grumbled.

The longer they were separated the more sense came back to Adam.

"You should get your hearing checked then," he said.

Ronan looked like he wasn't sure if he could laugh or not, which made Adam feel something even stranger inside. He offered a smile to Ronan to let him know it was just a joke, and Ronan smiled back while rolling his eyes.

"Okay." Ronan slapped at Adam's elbow. His mind was a disaster again. "Come on. I still have a few things to teach you about tennis. Your swing is fucking terrible."

"Not all of us were fortunate enough to get lessons, Lynch," he said, a little more prickly than he meant.

"Even the kids are better than you," said Ronan, ignoring his tone. He smirked up at him as he retrieved the racquet Adam threw upon panic. "That's no excuse."

"Speaking of..." Adam wasn't sure he could handle being touched so intimately again. This was a process and he had lost all of it in the feeling of Ronan's skin against his. "We should maybe get back to teaching _them_ tennis."

"Nah, they're fine." He swung the racquet on his way back to Adam. Adam wasn't sure how he was going to survive this. Swimming was one thing. It was wet and cold and dark. Here he could smell Ronan's sweat and see his shining eyes and tantalizing smirks and _feel_ things. "Freaking maggots aren't even paying attention to us."

"Freaking, huh?" Adam grabbed at anything to deter Ronan's mind. "Wow Opal's really tamed you, hasn't she?"

"She hasn't tamed anything," Ronan responded flatly. He handed Adam back his racquet, which he took carefully, avoiding any physical contact. "I'm still a wild beast," he said, and he looked to think he was. Adam knew he wasn't.

"Sure, Lynch," he said, rolling his eyes. He held the racquet tight, it was leaving imprints on his arm. "I freaking believe you."

Ronan flicked his nose. Adam almost released a noise again. He swallowed it down as Ronan smiled at him. It was almost his thousand watt smile. Maybe 997. Still, Adam had to look away. God damn it this was hard. Ronan privileged him with so many touches and smiles, and he didn't know how to handle them. Each one was special.

A tennis ball came flying in between them and hit Ronan in the chest. He didn't even need to turn to see who threw it.

"Hey!" Ronan shouted, looking straight at Opal. "You little shit."

Opal giggled and waved her racquet.

"That was actually a really good hit," Ronan huffed. He started for her across the court. "Did you use your racquet for that?"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

There was another campfire for the kids that night. More smores and games, but the main event was karaoke. Ronan was pretty sure Henry somehow was doing all these activities to spite him. At least it was voluntary, which meant he could sit at the back with Adam and not sing. Adam didn't look to want to sing either. The thought made him wince. Ronan wondered if that had anything to do with his hearing, or if it was just because singing karaoke like this was awkward as hell. Either way, he appreciated the time to spend mocking in the back with him whenever a counselor came on. Blue had to kick them to shut them up.

Today had become a good idea, mostly. He was still a little upset with Noah, although he was sure by tomorrow he wouldn't be anymore. It was Noah after all. And with Adam, his day couldn't have gone better. Every time he stole an opportunity to touch him, and Adam let him, was a moment well earned. His attention returned to the memory of teaching him to swing the racquet right earlier, pressed almost too closely against him, which when Adam pointed it out he made his heart rate spike.

It was unfair to himself what he was doing, and yet he didn't want to stop. It almost felt worth it.

The kids were pretty awful, but they were kids so it was expected their singing. It be so great. It was the other counselors that made Ronan and Adam snicker in the back row, collectively being shits; but that was what he liked about Adam. He understood Ronan, and he liked to think he understood Adam.

Noah went up to sing next, and he dragged Henry along with him. The counselors howled and hollered in support of getting Henry to chill out again. They sang "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie, which Ronan found very apt and ironic.

They were actually pretty decent, although Adam still found a reason to give Ronan _the eyes_ , that said this was killing him. Ronan agreed, giving him the eyes back. There were strings of light above them that crisscrossed over the rows of benches that sat as an audience to the stage. They caught on Adam's eyes, creating a little white circle at the dead center of each of his irises, making it feel like he could see right through Ronan, and he wanted to die each time he looked his way.

Then Adam bent forward and tapped at Blue, who sat in front of them. When Noah and Henry finished singing, he motioned to the stage.

"You should go up there and sing," he said.

Prickling jealousy ruptured inside him. He didn't know why, and he hated it.

Blue seemed bored with the suggestion. "I'm saving my voice for the talent show," she said. She then turned to look at both of them, smirking when Henry asked who was next.

"Adam and Ronan should go," she said.

He was pretty sure he saw her wink at him. Either that or dust got in her eye. For suggesting them, he hoped so.

"Why don't you sing together?"

The thought was overwhelming, and had Ronan dizzy. Singing was something he was good at once, in choir, in church. This was different. In front of people as a spectacle, with the boy he crushed on being asked to sing with him.

Adam looked about as appalled at the idea as he did.

"Pass," he said, politer than Ronan felt was owed. Ronan gave Blue a damaging glare, but she wasn't paying him any attention. She was riling everyone else up to get them to the stage.

The kids started cheering, and once they started it was always fucking hard to get them to stop. He unthinkingly touched at Adam's knee, thoughtful of what were his own fears. Adam was still adjusting to his new hearing situation, but when he looked over at him, Adam was shrugging like there was no choice but to go up. His hand rested on top of Ronan's, and then he stood, letting both their hands fall.

"Come on, punk," he said, and he touched carefully at Ronan's scalp as he passed him to walk toward the stage. Ronan could only follow.

Reluctantly, he went, making it known this was not something he willingly did. His walk was sluggish and slouched, lips turned downward. Adam grabbed one of the microphones and handed it off to Ronan, while simultaneously searching through a booklet of songs.

Someone sharply cheered with a _woo_ amongst the audience that was dying down, and Ronan instantly knew it was Blue, who he focused his roughened energy at with a grimace. She cheered again.

"What do you want to sing?" Adam asked. "Any preferences?" His fingers were nimbly moving through the pages. He pointed to one line. "This one screams you."

Ronan inclined his head to see. "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence. He grumbled under his breath when Adam started to laugh a little.

"You think you're so funny," Ronan mused. "You're not."

"I know for a fact I'm hilarious," Adam replied coolly. "You just have a terrible sense of humor."

Ronan's face prickled with heat before he could reply. They went back to searching, although neither could be serious about the decision. Every one Adam chose he did with the purpose of lightly poking fun at Ronan, and every one Ronan picked he did so to poke fun at him in turn. But after a while the crowd of kids and counselors was getting restless, and someone shouted to just pick a song.

"What about this one?" He pointed blindly at the page, which he immediately regretted. Adam startled at where his finger had fallen, he was blushing, the coloring filled around his freckles. Ronan looked to see where he had touched, and he could see why Adam was blushing, because now so was he. He tore his finger away.

"This is stupid," he hissed. "There's nothing."

"Okay, there's literally thousands of songs in this book," Adam replied sharply. His skin was still pinker. His eyes did not lift from the book anymore. "I'm sure we could find something appropriate and enjoyable. How about a kid song?"

Ronan scoffed. "We're not kids," he said.

"Yes, but they are," Adam said darkly. Something upset him, and Ronan wished heavily to know what it was. Maybe it was the song, but that was an accident. He did _not_ intentionally pick "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston. Adam must have known that. This was something else.

"This," said Adam finally, assertive and definitive. Ronan groaned but finally Adam met his gaze and he frowned at his indecision. "This," he repeated.

Ronan knew he would've sung anything if Adam asked.

When the song started, the kids all immediately knew what it was, and most of the counselors. It didn't take long for everyone to sing along, not just Adam and Ronan, which Ronan admitted made it a little easier to sing at all. When they both started, each appeared surprised by the other. He never told Adam about his singing past, mainly because he just never shared it with anyone unless it somehow came up, which it never did. Adam had a nice singing voice, too, although he shouldn't have been surprised. Adam was practically good at everything, he was even getting better at tennis.

"I'll Make A Man Out Of You" sung in Mulan played on, and Ronan allowed himself to enjoy it. Enjoy something wholly and completely outside of the privacy of the bubble he built around his and Adam's time here.

Adam was smiling at him obscenely, only obscene to him because of how bright and pure it was and the constricting feeling in his chest it caused. He was the one being obscene, smiling back and losing himself in Adam's singing.

When the song was over, people applauded and Blue looked genuinely surprised. So did the rest of the counselors.

"What?" Ronan barked, as he stepped down from the stage. "I can be fun."

"I wanna sing," Opal said, jumping up before anyone else could. She rushed to the stage, past Ronan. "I wanna sing."

"I'm not singing again for thirty years, kid," said Ronan, as she passed him.

She turned on her heel and stuck her tongue out. "Who said anything about you?"

Behind him, Adam cackled. "Oh, burn," he said.

Ronan sighed heavily as he continued moving to their seats at the back. "No one says burn anymore, Parrish," he said.

"I do," said Adam. When they sat, he could see the amusement spread out Adam's face. His smile was toothy and wide. "And that was a burn."

Ronan settled into the fact this was killing him, but he kept telling himself he didn't care.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A hot summer night, perhaps the hottest since the camp session began, and Ronan's skin was burning. Every touch Adam privileged him with, every smile, every breath, all sent Ronan's skin aflame. He was so far down the rabbit hole he couldn't see the top anymore and wasn't sure he wanted to. Crickets were chirping softly nearby like an audience to Ronan's staring. Every time their eyes made contact, Ronan felt a thunderbolt run through him, tearing him apart with the electricity in Adam's glances. The boy probably had no idea what he was capable of, how his true smile quite literally made Ronan weak in the knees.

They were swimming again, and Ronan was dying at every touch he was allowed on Adam's bare skin. A hand went to Adam's abdomen as he helped him to practice swimming in place with his face down in the water. He had his other hand at Adam's lower back, and he was positively never going to forget this feeling.

Adam was doing really well at their lessons. He was a quick learner and fast at taking on new challenges. Since Adam asked him to go a little faster, they were hurdling through the lessons, and he was sure they would be finished before camp's end. It was a little saddening in ways. He hated that he was going to miss it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam was starving for every touch Ronan gave him. Every part of his skin Ronan touched became its own living thing and came to life with wild ferocity, begging for more. He was gentle but firm every time he touched him, a perfect balance every time. Adam was pretty sure he would have made several embarrassing noises at their touches during several swim lessons, had it not been for his face being underwater.

He was getting good at holding his breath underwater, and making the motions of the front crawl while held in place by Ronan's soft hands.

He regretted having rushed their lessons, before he registered what it was he was feeling every time they touched. Now they were getting into the real swimming part, and soon there wouldn't be a need for lessons anymore.

Ronan was a really good instructor, and he liked learning from him. Perhaps a bit too much. He liked Ronan teaching him things.

This was becoming a bit of a problem.

After the lesson that night, the both of them took their time getting dressed again. Adam enjoyed the tranquil moments after, cooled down from the lake, sitting and enjoying the summer night. He couldn't think of anyone else he would rather be with than with Ronan.

As they sat on the dock, Adam watched out of the corner of his eye Ronan leaned back and resting on his elbows, head tilted up to the sky, eyes fixed shut. His sharp jaw was within reach, and he wished to run a finger along it, extend the finger past his jaw and to his parted lips. He might have even wanted... Adam turned toward the lake. He wasn't sure what he wanted.

"What time is it?" He realized something, and the thought of it churned around in his stomach.

Ronan did a very Ronan thing and took his mind off it a little with his answer. "Do I look like a clock?"

Adam rolled his eyes endearingly, and started picking at a scab on his arm from one of the times he and Ronan did something stupid while playing some lawn activity or another.

"It's probably past midnight, isn't it?" he noted, to which Adam shrugged.

"I guess."

Adam nodded. It was his birthday. He was eighteen. Legal. Free, fully. He breathed with relief, like something that had weighed down on him all this time was finally lifted. It was strange to think about, after all this time of thinking of only other things. The real world was creeping up on them inch by inch, and this was another of those inches. Getting older. Being a technical adult. It was strange.

Ronan was staring at him, cross with a peaked brow and thoughtful lip pursing.

"Why's it matter what time it is?" he said, inquisitive.

"No reason." Adam wanted the subject dropped. Ronan knew enough about him already.

"There isn't 'no reason' with you," said Ronan.

It did something inside him every time Ronan proved how much he knew him. It filled him up, settled his nerves. But Adam didn't want to be known tonight. He shot him a look that was meant to silence him, but Ronan was Ronan and he ignored it. He only stared, quiet and patient, but it was enough for Adam to break.

"It's my birthday, okay?" He tensed a second, half expecting something else as a response, but instead he received a tiny and casual touch of bare shoulders.

"The fuck, Parrish. Why didn't you say anything?"

When he looked over at Ronan, he knew Ronan was already made aware as to why. Adam didn't like the reminder of his birthday for so long. It held no substance for him. No one celebrated it with him. It was just another year of being alive, of getting older.

"It's not a big deal," he finally said.

"Happy birthday, asshole," said Ronan. He didn't look his direction. He could feel the weight of his stare and he knew if he looked he would probably cry.

Instead, Adam almost smiled, thanking him with another brush of skin against skin at their elbows.

To spend this birthday with Ronan was more than enough. It made all the rest a faint memory.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

July 3rd. Nearly halfway through camp. Adam was going to treat today as any other day, because every other year that's what he did. It was just the day he was born.

At breakfast, it was clear Ronan said nothing to the others. They talked of nothing of importance as Jake and Opal tried to instigate a cafeteria wide food fight. It was unsuccessful, if only because Henry stopped it. He told them to scold Jake and Opal however they saw fit, gracious enough not to take away their opportunity to see the fireworks tomorrow. Outside of Henry's line of sight, Ronan only high fived them both instead. Adam couldn't help but find it amusing and expected.

After, the kids were playing tag and frisbee and a few other activities on the lawns in the shade of the trees. It was another expected humid and hot day, and Adam relished it when Ronan wore one of his tank tops in lieu of a regular t-shirt. His bare arms were exceptionally nice to stare at today.

Halfway toward lunch, Adam lost Ronan in the chaos of activity changes. Blue snagged him to hang out with her instead, while Ronan disappeared off to somewhere unknown. Strangely, it bummed him out, to disappear like that. If it were any other day it wouldn't have mattered as much, he wouldn't have minded hanging out with Blue without Ronan around. Instead, he... He wouldn't say it.

"So, listen," said Blue. They were making bracelets with the kids. She was really good at braiding the bands together tight. "I've got to ask...."

Adam clenched. He didn't like all the pausing. His hands paused mid fold on the bracelet in his hand, and he looked at her across the table.

"Did you have singing lessons or something, because honestly what the fu-dgesical..." She awkwardly looked around to see if any of the kids noticed her almost slip.

Adam laughed with the relief the question wasn't something else. He wondered what he would have said if it were something related to what he expected.

"Thank you," he said. "I've never taken lessons, no...."

Blue looked impressed. "You've got to sing with me at the talent show," she said. "Ditch Darkness and sing with me."

Adam shook his head and looked back down at his bracelet. "I don't think so," he said.

But Blue was persisting and pushy and she asked again, and then again as they were walking to lunch. Adam told her no both times. He already committed to Ronan, and the activity they picked out required Adam's contribution, and not to mention Blue wasn't Ronan. But he said none of this when she asked why not. He simply said because he asked first. She groaned.

They caught up with Gansey and Ronan on their way to the mess hall, which when Adam saw them together made sense to him why Ronan disappeared. Okay, only a little bit. Okay, not at all.

Gansey and Blue of course fell in line ahead of them to talk, leaving Ronan with Adam, who was trying very hard not to flat out ask where it is Ronan went and why he didn't say anything. They didn't have to do every activity together, Adam knew this, since neither Blue or Noah did activities with their cabin mate, but they always did things together. It had become a habit. Adam shouldn't have let it form, but it was too late.

He was perturbed, and for a little while they walked together in silence. Adam wasn't sure why it was Ronan was silent, and that made him even more irritated with him. In front of them, Gansey and Blue were chatting away, Blue fondly groaning at something Gansey said and then allowing herself to laugh a little at something else. It bristled him, their ease.

Adam became so preoccupied with them he almost didn't catch Ronan falling behind him and the others, having stopped a bit ago. He caught on quick, though, and doubled back around. Their presence wasn't missed by the others.

Before he could speak, he noticed something was hidden behind Ronan's back, one hand pinned back there. His eyes shifted from it up to Ronan's face, who looked beyond flustered, eyes darting this way and that. His cheeks were pink and his ears were too, and Adam was no longer upset. He was confused.

Then Ronan's hand moved out from behind him, and in it was a bouquet of beautiful wild flowers. A soft chill ran up Adam's spine.

"Opal got these stupid flowers for you, or whatever," he said.

A gift. For him. Adam was overwhelmed with words and feelings at the sight of these flowers Ronan so passively offered to him. They were yellow and blue, and he probably spent a while walking around and gathering each and every one of them by Adam's estimations. There weren't all that many flowers just growing easily nearby, that he could recall.

Even if it were true that these came from Opal, which Adam very much doubted, Ronan likely still would've picked them for her. He was beet red as he gently took them from Ronan's offered hand. His heart was a staccato in his chest, fast and furious.

"Thank you," he said quietly. Any tension in his body from being annoyed with Ronan went away as he held the rather decent sized bouquet delicately in both hands.

"No need to thank me." Ronan was painstakingly trying not to react. Adam wondered why he wouldn't admit the flowers were from him. Boys could get boys flowers. Or maybe.... No, he wouldn't think it. They were friends. Maybe it was pride. "They're not from me," Ronan added gruffly.

"Mm." Adam smiled into them, hiding his reaction behind their blooms.

Ronan's ears were redder still, and he was clearly trying not to be obvious. Adam was so heavily endeared it was painful. Never once did he see it in Ronan to get him flowers. He almost offered him something in return, but he didn't know what. And if Ronan was to go on pretending these were actually from Opal, well, he wouldn't have accepted anything in return.

When Ronan started walking again towards the mess hall, Adam fell into step beside him. He casually lifted the flowers to his nose, taking in their delicate scent. No one ever got him flowers before. He wasn't sure what they meant to Ronan, but he was positively flattered and obsessed with them.

They were at lunch, with the flowers tuck securely in Adam's lap. The others asked where the flowers were from and Adam quickly said Opal before Ronan could. It probably sounded more realistic coming from him. Opal was eating elsewhere today, so she wasn't there to either thank or discredit the story. Lucky Ronan.

"They're going to die," Adam noted sourly, when he realized he had nothing to put them in. They looked delicate, like they weren't going to last anyway, but he wanted to try. This was such a pure gift, one that he knew came from a place where here was no expectation of anything in return, one where it was only for his enjoyment and happiness. One that smelled like everything else around her, clean and crisp. He didn't want it to die sooner than it needed.

"They're already dead, Parrish," Ronan replied, as eloquent as ever.

" _Wilt_ , then, Lynch," he said bitterly. "I don't have a vase to put them in, or anything."

Ronan sensed something off in his tone and his hand paused as it raised to his mouth with a fry. He set the fry down and rolled his eyes, knocking shoulders. Adam was careful not to let a single flower fall out of his lap when he did. "I'm sure we could get the kids to make one," Ronan said, earnest.

Adam gave him a tired look. "I'm not going to have the kids craft me a vase," he said. Ronan rolled his eyes and went back to eating. Adam's eyes fell to his lap again. Every time he saw them there he had to force down a smile so big it would take over his whole face. He didn't need the others at lunch to see it and question him. He had a hard enough time explaining to Blue they were only friends.

"I can probably use a water bottle or something," he said, running a thumb along the stem of one of the flowers on top. He spent the rest of lunch that way, staring down, mind a million miles away in space. Thinking. Feeling. Dreaming.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After lunch everyone headed over to the lake, stomachs full, sun blistering hot, sunscreen out and bathing suits on. Gansey figured out his new activity, which was canoeing. It was almost the same as rowing, but somehow Henry agreed to it. Probably little else for him to do, and they did have the canoe bits just sitting in the boathouse further down the lake.

So some of the kids were going to swim, some were going to still learn through Noah's lessons, and some were going canoeing.

Ronan sequestered one of the canoes as people filtered into them. There weren't many, but enough. He sat down and looked up at Adam expectant. Adam wanted so very much to be alone with him out on the water, but he was also terrified that his teenager hormones were going to get the best of him out there if Ronan produced anything else for his birthday. He was interested in the turn of events if he did. They were overriding him more each passing day, and he was almost on the cusp of allowing them. To completely let loose. The way Ronan was staring at him from the canoe was practically the match that lit the torch, and he moved to get into the canoe.

A little human was faster and made a beeline for the canoe, cutting Adam off and jumping into it before he could.

"Me me me."

It was Opal.

Adam should've known. He should've been swifter. He couldn't believe that he was disappointed. It was only a canoe ride. There were other opportunities. In Ronan's face, he caught a brief sight of the same sentiments he felt, as Ronan looked between Adam and Opal. He looked about ready to tip the boat over.

"Opal, manners," he hissed. "You little brat."

"Me _please_ ," she said. She found nothing wrong with what she had done, and to be honest, Adam didn't either. She was a kid. She loved Ronan. He could wait for a moment alone.

"I guess you're spoken for, Lynch," he said, taking a step away from the edge of the dock. Their lessons were going well, but he still feared swimming without Ronan there beside him.

Ronan didn't say anything clever back. He said nothing, in fact, merely stared at him with a twist of his lips and a wringing of his hands on the paddle. Adam could feel something brewing behind his blue eyes, but he forced himself to look away. He wasn't sure what was happening today. Whatever it was, it was over when he heard Ronan clear his threat and tell Opal to push them from the dock.

"Better luck next time, Parrish," he said. When Adam looked at him again, that intensity in his stare was gone. Perhaps it had been imagined. He wasn't sure anymore.

"Oh." He remembered his flowers, which he took back to their cabin straight after lunch. "Opal," he called out. She turned her head quick his way. "Thank you for the flowers."

Her whole face scrunched up. "What flowers-? Oh, yeah!" She tried to shadow her previous expression with a smile. It wasn't a very good cover. "You're welcome."

Adam's eyes shifted over to Ronan beside her, who was positively pink. He challenged him with a smirk to dispute the flowers were really from Opal now.

He turned away to leave, allowing the smile he had held in most of the afternoon to spread ear to ear. Behind him, he could still hear Ronan and Opal, not very far yet from the shore.

"I thought we practiced this," he said in a heated whisper that wasn't very whisper-like.

"Whatever," Opal moaned. "Can we just go? I want to go around the lake."

"I'll throw you overboard if you'd like," Ronan snapped.

"What, are you a pirate now?" Opal laughed.

Adam let slip a chuckle, but he didn't turn around to see if Ronan or Opal heard him. Instead, he was quick to walk away from any future conversation they may have had.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Eventually those in the canoes were called back to shore. Adam spent the time between then finding a water bottle for his flowers and filling it with water. He set it on the windowsill in the room he shared with Ronan. After, he hung out with Jake who was learning the backstroke from Noah, along with a group of other kids. He watched them learn, and thought on when Ronan accidentally touched his ass that one time when he was learning something similar. It was not an appropriate thought to hand at the moment and he quickly swept the memory away.

Once Ronan and Opal came back to shore, Opal came running straight at Adam, who barely noticed in time before she barreled into him like a bottle rocket.

"Hey," she said, so casually as she squeezed her arms around him.

"Hi," he said. He looked behind her at Ronan, confused. Ronan was making a slower approach to him as he hugged Opal in return. "What's this about? Something wrong?"

"Happy birthday," she whispered, and she then ran off before he could react. His arms were still held out in the shape of her as he realized Ronan told her it was his birthday. But why would he?

He stood up, finding Ronan dodging his gaze.

"Shouldn't tell me secret things," Ronan muttered. "I'm a huge gossip, didn't you know?"

Adam rolled his eyes. "It wasn't a secret thing," he said. Private and secret were two separate things in his mind. He thought he would be annoyed with Ronan if he told someone, but instead he was just... nothing. The surge of emotion and warmth that spiked through his chest as she said those two words was nice. Unexpected. Beyond Ronan last night, he couldn't remember the last time someone said it to him genuinely.

"Okay," and Ronan paused, eyes still landing everywhere but on Adam. "Okay, come on."

He started to walk past Adam toward the rest of camp again, playfully knocking shoulders as he passed him. Adam followed after him, curious where they were going. The kids were supposed to be heading to the mess hall for dinner, and so were they. 

Instead he followed Ronan back toward the cabins, partially from curiosity, partially from his chronic desire, and partially because he knew he would anyway. They walked past the cabins and up the small incline of a hill to the crafts hut. There was no one else around as they went inside.

"This is where you murder me?" Adam said, walking in anyway.

"You caught me," Ronan replied. "Thought I was being slick about it."

"Where's all the plastic wrap?" Adam didn't see why they were here. He turned back to Ronan when he heard the door shut behind them. "It's gonna be a messy cleanup without it."

"Nerd." Ronan snorted as he flipped on the switch, and the room lit up slowly and then all at once.

Adam turned back to the rest of the room, and there it was. He almost lost his breath when he saw it. There was a large poster board leaning against the wall that said in glittered letters "Happy Birthday Adam!"

Upon closer inspection, Adam could see that underneath were pictures of him with the kids and some were with the counselors. He registered some of these photos were taken by Blue because he posed for them, but others weren't. There was one of him and Ronan in the bottom right corner not quite glued on right, and he picked it off to take a better look at it.

"You've just destroyed a work of art, you know," Ronan quipped. Adam gave him an unimpressed look. "You're right, it's a piece of crap."

"Don't." Adam didn't want funny right now. He was fighting back the heavy desire to cry. This was a lot.

As if reading his mind, Ronan motioned to the board, then to the photo in his hand. "Cheng's been taking them," he said. "For once he's proven useful, and I had him print them off his phone."

Adam ran a finger over the picture, printed on photo stock paper and glossy even under his touch. He and Ronan were staring at one another, smirking mischievously by the campfire, probably being assholes about something together.

He was overwhelmed, even as Ronan explained to him that he told the kids it was his birthday, and that it was his idea they make him something. He sounded apologetic as he spoke, but Adam could only hear the sweetness in his voice and the friendship in his words. He cared for him a lot. Adam wasn't used to this. He wasn't used to this much kindness from someone. Persephone was different, and when he asked himself why he felt she was different he came up with the same answer he had been coming up with for a week.

Because he liked Ronan. He had feelings for Ronan. His best friend, who he very much wanted to kiss right now, and forced himself not to. This was. A lot. To handle.

He could almost cry, and actually started to a little when he turned around to see Ronan with a handful of cards. From the kids, he said. About half, if only because the other half was doing other crap.

"You look terrible," Ronan said.

Adam gently shoved at his chest, and then stepped into him to give him a hug. He swallowed back tears, even though they were happy he wasn't about to cry in front of the boy he liked. Ugh, and there it was. _The boy he liked._

"It's just a bunch of crap kids made," Ronan said. "I know it's ugly but...."

Adam pressed his leaking eyes and his snot riddled nose against Ronan's shoulder, strategically so it was on the part where he had a shirt. He tipped his head to one side to feel his warm skin against his cheek, and Ronan's arms awkwardly wrapped around him.

"You're getting snot all over me," he felt him say, because he felt the vibration of it in his head more than he heard it. Adam sniffled a laugh in response, and he raised a hand to Ronan's chest, a fist that lightly pounded on it.

"You're an asshole," he said, but Ronan knew he meant the opposite. His arms moved tighter around Adam, and then one came to the back of his neck, his cool fingers touching at the skin there above his collar, fingertips disappearing into his hair. The other stayed around his waist, and Adam just stood there and finished his silent cry.

The release of all the tension and anger and sadness in his body through the tears was cathartic, and he stood there in the silence feeling Ronan hold him close. He still couldn't believe Ronan did this for him, had the kids make these for him. Adam sniffled against his shoulder as he started to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I won't tell the kids you cried at how ugly everything was," Ronan joked, and Adam swatted at him again. He smiled under all those tears, even as Ronan showed him the cards again. He would read them later, and he tucked them under his arm instead.

"Thank you," he said, genuinely.

Ronan shrugged. "Their little hearts would break if they knew you thought it was ugly," he said.

Adam didn't have to do anything but give him a disappointed look, and Ronan shrugged again.

"You're welcome," he said.

Adam very much wanted to kiss him. He had half a mind to do it, to kiss him. Something told him Ronan wouldn't mind.

But if he kissed him, and Ronan didn't accept, he was risking this friendship for nothing. He very much didn't want to do that. Losing Ronan's friendship would break his heart.

"You didn't have to do this, you know."

Adam gestured to everything. In particular, he motioned to the poster. He wasn't sure where that was going to fit in their cabin. Maybe under his bed.

"I know I didn't have to," Ronan replied. "I wanted to. You just kept going on and on and on about it being your birthday, and I was like alright I'll get you something."

Adam smiled despite his best intentions not to. He was inevitably amused. "I'll make sure to tone it down a notch," he said.

"Don't do that on my account," said Ronan.

His thumb came and swiped across the skin under Adam's right eye, his other fingers gently cupping his cheek but for a second. Adam went very still and very quiet, and then out of instinct he gently shoved at Ronan's shoulder.

Ronan was intrigued by the gesture, and he leaned back from the push, then forward again when Adam's hand fell away.

"What was that for?" he said. "I didn't even do anything."

But he did. He did so much. Adam didn't know how to show him how grateful he was, and so he pushed ever so little at Ronan's shoulder again.

"Yes you did," he said. He hoped Ronan understood what he meant, and what he meant to him. He really, really did.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night, they swam again, but it was different. Adam kept Ronan at bay with his touching and he tried to swim a little on his own without his help. He was relatively fine at it, although he wasn't the best.

Soon he would be swimming on his own completely. The thought both excited and terrified him.

When they dressed, Adam went to the dock to sit like they did every night now, and he was surprised to not find Ronan so eagerly coming to sit beside him. In fact, when he turned to see where he went, he saw him starting to sneak away.

"You look suspicious," he said. "Rendezvousing with someone?"

"Yes," Ronan said, monotone. His back straightened out as a result of having been caught. "I'm rendezvousing with one of the cafeteria ladies. We're having a torrid affair."

"That's odd," and Adam spun around on the dock so he didn't have to stretch his back anymore. "You told me you were gay."

He loved how flustered Ronan got sometimes, and Ronan scratched at where there was definitely hair now on his head and not just soft fuzz. Finally, he dropped his hand.

"Just shut up and sit there a minute, alright? I'll be right back."

"With your betrothed?"

Ronan gave him the middle finger before he stomped off into the dark, leaving Adam cackling loud on the dock. He fell over onto his back he was too amused with his own stupid joke. Soon the laughter went out and he was alone out there in the hot summer night, staring up at the stars in the sky. Without Ronan there, he was allowed to sprawl out, and so his arms and legs moved out every which direction, feeling the cool mist of the water from under the wooden boards brush up against his back.

Soon Ronan was coming back, and Adam could hear him, so he sat up to look toward the dark. His silhouette was visible in motion, and the closer he came to be the more Adam could make out. He saw he held something in his hands, and if it were another gift from the kids he was going to cry again. Once was enough.

No, he realized, it wasn't another gift from the kids. It was a small two person sized cake on a paper plate with two forks.

"Wow, sleeping with the staff has really spoiled you," Adam noted. He didn't know what to say. He never had a birthday cake before. This was another first. Ronan needed to stop being so nice. He was going to do something inappropriate otherwise.

"It's for you," Ronan said.

"Thought it was for someone else with a birthday," Adam teased. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"I saw Gansey try to get the staff to make Blue a pie," said Adam, staring down at the cake. There was a thin layer of icing, chocolate. "He couldn't sway them. Did you really sleep with one of them for me? It's the only explanation."

Ronan made a disapproving noise. "Oh, and it couldn't have just been because I asked nicely and was nice?"

"No, that couldn't be it."

Adam smiled down at the cake as Ronan groaned at him. He then looked up and let his eyes fall on Ronan's face, finding his gaze in the dark.

"I don't know what to say." A few weeks ago Adam would've been annoyed with him for this, insulted almost perhaps. But the more he knew Ronan the more he could feel the sincerity in the offer, the lack of expectation for a favor returned. He very much wanted to kiss him.

No, stop it. Chill out. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Don't kiss him.

"Make a wish, why don't you?" Ronan pushed the cake closer to him. "Some of us want to eat the cake instead of make eyes at it. I know it's a pretty cake but it ain't that pretty."

Adam didn't laugh, but he did give him an annoyed look before motioning to the cake with one hand.

"There's no candles," he said. While this may have been his first cake, it in no way was his first time becoming familiar with the tradition. He knew about the candles, about the blowing them out and making a wish while he did it.

As Adam expected, Ronan groaned again. He pushed the plate even closer.

"I could light a leaf on fire and you could blow that out," he offered, sarcasm dripping from his words.

Adam snorted anyway. "My very own birthday leaf?" He put both hands to his heart. "You shouldn't have."

Ronan started picking up his fork and playing with the prongs.

"I was going to get you a birthday twig, but they're too pretentious," he said.

"Thank you," and Adam meant it. He kept himself safely on his side of the cake and Ronan on the other. With this between them, as small as it was, it was enough to keep him held apart. Ronan's eyes trickled up again to meet with his, and his eyebrows were raised in curiosity. "For the leaf," he went on, "the cake. Everything. I didn't think I would want this, but I..." He closed his eyes and pushed back more tears. This was a perfect birthday for him. "I appreciate what you did. Thank you for not making a huge deal of it."

"I only deal in minor deals," Ronan shrugged.

Adam rolled his eyes. His birthday wish was simply this, more of this. He retrieved his fork off the plate too, and began to poke and prod a little at his side of the cake. It was soft and separated like butter under his hand, and he pulled his fork back out.

"Is it real birthday cake if you don't sing me happy birthday beforehand?" he asked, sincere.

"I'm not singing you happy birthday," Ronan replied curtly.

Now that's what he wanted more than anything, and he grinned.

"That's my one birthday wish," he said, hopeful.

"They say don't share those or they won't happen," he remarked. "So, you shared it, so it can't happen now."

Adam set his fork down. This has become a game, and he wanted to win it.

"Yeah, well." He sighed. "I'm not eating the cake until you sing."

Ronan glared at him across the cake, and for a moment he almost thought he was going to dig into the cake anyway. Instead, he poked at it on his side but didn't pull any of it off onto his fork. His lips were pursed as he was thinking, his eyes crinkling like he was mad, and then he shut them completely.

He started to sing, and for the second time that week Adam heard his nice voice. It was soft and deep even as he sang the ridiculous happy birthday song.

When he finished, Adam reached around and hugged him, squeezing him. He was quick to pull away as soon as he started to feel Ronan reciprocate. If they hugged too long, he wasn't sure he would let go.

The cake was soft and still a little warm inside, and Adam never tasted such fresh cake before. He was used to store bought or from the box, but he could tell this was from scratch and god damn it was good.

Across from him, Ronan reached for a bite and Adam pulled it away playfully. Ronan stilled.

"I don't remember it being your birthday, too," he joked.

Before he realized it, they were wrestling. At first, Adam didn't know what he was doing, but he always felt safe with Ronan he didn't question himself when Ronan reached for the cake and Adam jerked it away again and then Adam practically pounced. He nearly knocked the cake into the lake, and they wrestled for control. Adam was breathless as he won, his joints aching if only from the hardness of the wood. He somehow ended up on top of Ronan, half straddling him with his weight holding him down by the chest. He stared down at him, the moonlight bouncing back as it caught in his eyes.

Ronan was breathing hard under him, even though they barely did anything. They rolled around the dock until they hit the dirt and then Adam gained the upper hand.

Ronan stared up at him, quiet, mouth spread open. He breathed in through his mouth then out through his nostrils, which flared a little the longer he gazed down at him. His features were harsher with the shadows of night, but he still couldn't see the same angry snake he first met, instead the boy inside that anger who was much gentler and sweet. He bent down to kiss him.

"I gotta pee."

Ronan flung himself out from under Adam and made a dash for a bathroom, leaving Adam lying on the ground staring at his upside down shape disappear.

Jesus. Christ.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next day was the Fourth of July. Henry made it all themed around the day, and focused on activities that he felt fit with the holiday. Originally they were supposed to go to a water park nearby, but it was too packed that day he didn't want to lose any of the kids. So it was rescheduled, and instead they stayed there again.

They spent the morning watching a movie, Henry having bought a projector and set it up in the mess hall. It was something about animated dinosaurs. It was dark and sad and emotional, and all the kids were on the verge of tears. Jake and Opal were extremely sad, and buried themselves in both Adam and Ronan. Adam comforted Jake and Ronan comforted Opal, who he noticed looked to maybe need some comforting too.

"What?" Adam hissed when he caught Ronan staring. "The movie's that way, Lynch."

He quickly looked away and the reflection of the screen illuminated his wet cheeks. Adam so badly wanted to wipe them away, but after last night's awkward display as Ronan eventually came back and they ate the cake quietly and never spoke of the wrestling again, he made a promise to himself to stop touching Ronan so much. He was giving himself ideas he shouldn't.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After lunch, the camp split up into two main activities, with kids who didn't want to do either splitting off to do other minor things if they so wished. Half the kids were to go on a hike that led up a small mountain nearby with a pretty view, and half the kids were to hang out by the lake.

Opal and Jake wanted to go to the lake, but Ronan didn't want to. It was _hiking_. Healthy, sure, but he was not a fan. He didn't bring the right shoes, or a hat, and all these excuses just added up to simply he wanted to be alone with Adam again. He wanted to be selfish.

At lunch that day, he was explaining to Opal and Jake they could go if they wanted. He sure as hell wasn't, no matter how much Opal begged. She balked. She wasn't begging, she said.

"Okay, wrong choice of word there then, brat," he groaned. "But you get my drift?"

She shrugged. "I might be," she said. She was a spunky little thing, and had become more talkative as the weeks went on. Coming out of her shell. It was nice to see her make friends with those her own age, even though sometimes he wanted to spend time with her and she was busy. If she kept asking, he was pretty sure he would have gone on the hike with her, even though he wanted to also spend time with Adam somewhere. After yesterday, when Adam hugged him twice and cried into his arms, he had reached the floor of the rabbit hole he fell into. There was no way out. This was serious level feelings shit.

Adam was mindlessly playing with his wristbands on the table, picking at them as he sat there silently. It was just them at the table today. The others were too much to handle so he sat them away here instead. Their own little private space, where Blue couldn't stare at Adam touching him and making him uncomfortably pull away.

"If you're not going hiking, I don't want to," said Opal.

Ronan set his cup down. "Kid," he said, to grab her attention. She looked up. "Go enjoy your hike. Go enjoy your age appropriate friends. I'll be here when you get back. You probably won't even realize I'm not there in five minutes, you'll be having so much fun without me."

Opal looked to be taking in the idea, and then she picked up her lunch tray and grinned.

"Okay, bye," she said. She and Jake ran off to go sit with their friends, and Ronan felt a little like a parent watching his kid grow up.

"That was easy," he mused. They were relatively alone now.

"You're really good with her," Adam said, his fingertips gracing the skin under his wristbands.

"Nah," Ronan said, shrugging.

"You are."

Adam was looking at him already when he turned to him. Every time that happened Ronan felt a spike in his heart rate.

Because they were alone properly for the first time in ages in the sunlight, not counting yesterday when Adam cried, Ronan wasn't sure what to do. Technically they were meant to go to the lake, but Ronan really didn't feel like going there. He didn't want to waste this.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked.

Adam's hand paused at his wrist. His brow rose. "Didn't you just turn down hiking?"

Ronan faced forward at his plate. "Yeah, because hiking sucks," he said. "Walking's different."

Adam smirked discreetly, but not discreetly enough. "How is it different?" he said, teasing him.

Ronan had half a mind to say never mind let's go to the lake instead. He chewed he inside of his cheek.

"It just-" He cut himself off to pinch at the bridge of his nose. He heard Adam make a small sound beside him, almost a chuckle. "They're two different words," he said. "Hiking is premeditated. Walking is like, leisurely."

Adam let out the rest of the chuckle with a hand to his mouth to stifle most of its sound. He felt dumb around him sometimes. This was hard.

"Fine." Adam pushed back from him and then slid down the rest of the row of the bench, sliding out at the end instead of just swirling his legs out like Ronan did. "A short walk."

Adam seemed to agree if only to put Ronan out of his misery. He did his very best not to smile too much.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They were alone again, and Adam couldn't believe how terrible he was at following through with his plan from last night to maintain boundaries. Instead he was touching at his wrist again, walking alone with him through the camp and into the wooded area across the lake from everyone else. His brain and his hormones weren't on the same page.

They were talking about nothing in particular, getting jabs in at one another, and Adam only had one thought in his mind. Why did Ronan lie about the flowers?

"Why did you get me the flowers?" he asked, as they were swallowed up by trees and couldn't even see the lake anymore. He hoped they wouldn't get lost, but he did sneak a compass in his pocket in case they did.

Next to him, Ronan got all flustered and quiet, and Adam wondered how well he thought he was getting away with this lie. Just because he said it enough didn't make it any more true.

"They're from Opal," he said.

Adam didn't know why he was lying, but he allowed it, sensing there was something else behind his motivation.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "That's right. Why did she?"

Ronan looked as if he got away with it, both pretending Adam had no idea.

"She cares a lot about you," he said. "She likes when you're happy. She wanted you to know that. The blue flowers match your eyes."

"Wow." Adam tried not to visibly react. It was difficult. He was on the cusp of pinning Ronan against a tree and kissing him so hard they would both become breathless. "Opal's very astute," he said. A hand went and touched at the skin under his eyes.

Ronan went silent again, and he started to touch at every tree trunk as they passed. He walked a little ahead, arms extended out. Adam watched him, and wondered if these woods reminded him of home.

"When's your birthday?"

"November."

Adam carefully touched at the trees in a similar fashion to Ronan. They were rough underhand, and he pressed his palm hard into one, imprinting its pattern onto his skin.

"We'll have to do something for your birthday then, in November," he said. "Maybe Opal'll get you flowers, too."

They both looked at one another, and Adam challenged him to say something, anything. Ronan looked to almost be aching, and he walked further ahead into the trees instead of responding. He zigzagged around them, changing up his pattern after each tree. Adam followed after him in a straighter line, keeping him in his line of sight.

They found a place to stop walking after a while. Without realizing it, they ascended a small hill and there was a tiny lookout out at the green and brown of summer.

Adam sat and leaned against a tree, the hardness of the bark digging into his back. Quietly, Ronan joined him. They sat there talking more about nothing. Ronan talked of school and this annoying kid named Tad Adam was probably going to hate as well. Adam wondered what it would be like with him at school. Would they still be the same? He hoped so. He wanted this past the summer. He wanted more than this.

"I'm inviting my brother to the talent show," said Ronan.

Adam looked away from the view to stare at him. "Why?"

"I want him to see I'm not the fuck up he thinks I am," said Ronan. He sounded almost desperate for it.

Without meaning to, Adam leaned his entire side into Ronan's, and offered his hand onto his. He cupped Ronan's fingers, who didn't recoil from the touch.

"You don't have anything to prove to him, you know," he said. "You know you aren't that person, and that's all that really matters."

Ronan looked to understand, but there was still sadness in his eyes when he finally looked at him.

"But I would like it if he could see it too," he said.

"I get that." Adam knew better than to put hope on certain people. If his happiness solely depended on someone else, it would only lead to disappointment. Ronan needed to believe in himself, and he shouldn't care what Declan's perception of him was, because he was wonderful without it. "But if he doesn't?"

Ronan didn't speak. It was clear he didn't think about that option. They sat there a while longer, taking in the sounds of the leaves shifting in the wind, the birds chirping, the bugs buzzing. It was so nice here, and Adam realized after a while he forgot to let go of Ronan's hand.

"You want to practice some Latin while we're out here?" Ronan didn't sound as sad as before. "I'm getting bored."

Adam rolled his eyes and sighed. "Sure," he said. He would have preferred the quiet, although Ronan knew Latin would perk his interest.

They practiced Latin a while, until Ronan got bored again. Adam then rested his head on Ronan's shoulder. Resting it against the tree only hurt.

Adam felt very still inside. Like for once he could breathe and just be in the moment. He was at peace. He was still holding Ronan's hand.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The kids played with sparklers as the sun began to set. Adam and Ronan were among the counselors that ran around with them, making sure none of the kids hurt themselves as they played.

The fireworks happened over the lake, with Henry and some fireworks expert sitting in a boat at the center. Everyone sprawled out on blankets on the lawn, and they watched the fireworks with wonder.

After a while, Adam lost interest in them, and turned to look at Ronan instead. The colors and lights danced off his face, reflected in his eyes as they continued to point upward toward the show. The little smile he expressed staring up at them made Adam twitch with a hunger he never felt before. Ronan was handsome, but he was even more so every time he smiled. The happiness spread out and up into his eyes, which were glued to the sky.

Even so, he leaned into Adam, and on the blanket between them, Adam felt their fingers lightly touch. His almost curled around Ronan's as before, but he kept that to himself and left their fingers as they were. An accidental meeting no one noticed, he told himself.

When the kids all cheered as a firework ran across the sky like a shooting star, Ronan looked down from them and turned to him. His smile extended out. Adam smiled too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time on obstacle of you: talent show. declan comes (maybe?). things happen.
> 
> love any feedback and comments <3
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.cabeswatergreywaren.tumblr.com)


	8. Talent Show Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday was chaos. The stage was being done up with a banner. Henry was adding a little booth for himself to stand at. There were guests coming in to say hello. Everyone was running around, the kids and the counselors and the guests. Everything felt haphazard.
> 
> Ronan hadn't stopped fidgeting since breakfast, and Adam could tell it wasn't because of he show. All he was going to have to do for the show was sit there and look pretty for most of it. He was nervous about Declan.

The counselors' talent show was Friday, and starting Monday every counselor began to be in a bit of a panic, and that included Adam. Ronan had never seen Adam like this before. He cancelled their swimming lessons for the rest of the week so they could practice for the show.

"I don't see what the big deal is," he said. "It's not like this actually matters."

Adam flung a card at his face. It poked Ronan directly in the cheek.

On Tuesday, they had another lesson in the morning, although Ronan being the assistant had little to practice. If anything, he was moral support, to tell Adam he didn't need to worry so much. The kids were in love with him to the point he could stand up on stage and do nothing and they would still probably applaud. Adam rolled his eyes at that, but he knew the words sat with him because he cooled down his freakout and they spent the rest of their morning alone playing cards rather than practicing magic with them.

During free time after lunch Ronan and Noah were walking the lake's shore, Ronan trying not to be heavily distracted by Adam actually standing waist deep in the water alone while the kids swam around him. Opal and Jake were trying to coax him deeper, but thankfully Adam could be stubborn and wasn't about to risk drowning to appease them. His swimming was better lately, but still not enough he felt he could swim alone.

Or maybe that was Ronan projecting. He wanted their swim lessons back.

"Dude, are you even listening to me?"

Noah had been talking his ear off and he barely registered it, his voice a soft buzz like a bug flying by his ear.

"Yeah," Ronan said quick. He was red in the face and dropped his gaze from Adam. "Something about..." He could see it on Noah's face he knew he was lying. "No idea."

Noah rolled his eyes. "I asked how is your plan about Declan going?" he repeated.

That was not a topic that had him excited for conversation. He hesitated to almost look from Noah back to Adam, but he knew if he did he would only get distracted in watching him again.

"I'm not even sure if he's coming," he admitted. "I wrote him a letter yesterday and mailed it this morning, and I called him from Henry's phone when I had it last week."

"And?"

"He hasn't responded to either as far as I know." If Ronan sounded disappointed it was because he was. All he wanted was for Declan to recognize he was making an effort. Noah looked to sense this and he placed a hand to Ronan's shoulder.

"I'm sure he'll be here if you asked him to be," he said.

"This is Declan we're talking about here."

Noah backtracked. "Okay, there's a chance he won't," he said, "but even if he doesn't you can't say you didn't try." He smiled at him, sympathetic to a point Ronan glanced at something else for a moment. He felt pitied, which was precisely what he didn't want to be. "Look at the bright side, you're having tons of fun with Adam..."

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Shut up," he said, and he slammed shoulders together. Noah smile softened into a full grin.

Together, they looked out at the water at Adam, and Ronan realized he was already looking at them. Adam waved. Ronan waved back.

In that moment he remembered the feeling of Adam holding his hand, wondering what Adam's intention of that moment was meant to be. He knew what he hoped it would be, but he didn't sense that Adam wanted that. He was just a good friend. His closest. The one he wanted more from. He sighed and turned away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was Wednesday, and Adam's flowers were beginning to wilt. It was inevitable, the moment they were plucked from the ground and offered to him, but it still made him a little sad. He was tending to them in a grassy and shaded area with Blue, borrowing her pocket knife. Ronan said to put crushed advil in there. It was said to keep them longer. He also said to cut the end of the stems every few days, which was exactly what Adam was doing.

Blue was being antsy and weirder than usual, her hands fidgeting on her knees as they wobbled up and down. She looked around and over her shoulder again and again. Adam figured it was because the knife wasn't allowed by Henry's standards.

Though, frankly neither was weed, but he could clearly recall finding Noah and Henry smoking it again the other night. He swore something was going on between them. It had to be, he thought. At first it made sense, but over the weeks he was starting to feel less sure. It was highly possible he was projecting what he wished was going on between him and Ronan onto them. He didn't want to smoke pot, but he did want to make out with him like he thought Noah and Henry were doing in secret.

"I kissed Gansey," Blue blurted out. She made a small squealing sound as she realized two kids off in the distance heard her and turned. She covered her face with her unsettled hands.

Adam was continually being surprised, and he laughed out a, "What?" sounding as incredulous as he felt.

She slammed her hands against the grass and started picking it apart. "He's still so annoying," she groaned. "His boat shoes and his need to always have a comment about everything and his stupid little smile."

It was so obvious how gone she was for him, but he wouldn't make fun of her for that now. Not when she was clearly still coming to terms with their kiss. She took the pile of grass she picked and threw it into the small breeze that passed by. It hardly went anywhere.

"Was he a good kisser at least?" he asked.

She turned to him and gaped. "Why, Parrish, I never would've thought you would ask that...." She grinned and then shrugged. "Yeah, he's actually pretty good." She almost sounded annoyed by it, too.

It crept up on Adam what this meant, as his mind was filled with other kisses that had yet to happen, and then it hit him like a wave of water in his face.

"Wait, oh my god," he said. "That was your first kiss."

Blue beamed. "It was," she said proudly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That same afternoon across the campgrounds, Gansey was going on and on and on about Blue. He was clearly obsessed with her, but he was being annoying about it.

"She's so witty," he said, as they were walking through the grounds. The kids they were attached to were ahead of them skipping and jumping and trying to climb rocks and trees.

"Timmy, get your ass back on the ground," he shouted.

"A dollar!" he heard amongst the chaos of children. Opal was with them. He sighed, resigned to owing her a million dollars at this point probably.

"Did you hear me?" Gansey asked, almost pouting.

"Yeah, yeah. Witty. Check. She's also incredibly rude."

"You would know all about that, wouldn't you?" Gansey teased.

Ronan ignored him. "You know, you've been going on and on about her today. Why the fuck is that? You two official yet or what?"

"No, nothing like that," Gansey said, forlorn.

"Then I don't wanna hear it." Ronan fact checked himself. "Actually, I don't wanna hear it even when you are."

"We kissed though," said Gansey. The happy twang in his voice suddenly made absolute sense. He skipped ahead, leaving Ronan a few feet behind.

Ronan was the only one at camp who hasn't kissed anyone. He kicked at the ground.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Just before dinner, Adam was walking alone to the bathroom when Henry caught him halfway there. He was holding his infamous clipboard, but didn't stink of weed, which meant either Noah ran out or he hadn't been hanging out with him today. Yet. He was still suspect that they were together. He wasn't sure why it mattered to him so much. Maybe he wanted to understand how they managed the leap, between friend and something more. He wished he could ask him.

"Happy belated birthday!"

Adam looked around, but nobody else could have possibly heard him. He almost forgot Henry had to have known it was his birthday to let Ronan print all that he had. It was still tucked under his bed where he sometimes pulled it out when no one else was around, looking at one particular photo where he and Ronan were smiling at each other that Blue photographed.

"Thank you," Adam said.

"I forgot to say it earlier, but I've just been so caught up in work and everything."

"It's fine." Adam wouldn't have been upset if he never said anything. Ronan's birthday surprises for him were more than enough.

"How are you?" Henry asked.

Adam really had to pee and he started to walk forward, but slow enough Henry would know he could join. Wise as he was, Henry registered the offer immediately and moved with him.

"It feels like we haven't talked in ages," Henry went on. "You look happier."

"I am happier," Adam admitted. He liked saying it out loud. This summer was shaping him in ways he never would've thought. Week five and he felt like an entirely different person. "How are you?"

"I'm good," said Henry. His smile was telling. Adam betted he was good.

They talked the rest of the way to the bathroom about economics and engineering. Henry noticed Adam's books he brought with him and meant to bring it up sooner.

It was a nice, simple conversation that didn't lead him to internal thoughts about Ronan at all. He liked Henry.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was Thursday night and Adam was panicking still about the show tomorrow. They were practicing one last time down by the dock, all the kids asleep and sound. Ronan was watching Adam studying his tricks, so intensely staring down at the cards he was sure if he left Adam wouldn't even notice. His focus was impressive, brow folded and fingers fidgeting with his lips. But Ronan felt he owed it to his eyes and posture to practice something else for a while. He waved a hand between Adam's gaze and the cards and Adam looked up at him, brow still folded.

"What?" he said. His eyes then went wide as they shifted from him to something behind him. Ronan turned to look and saw Opal descending the small hill. She had her blanket draped around her shoulders like a cape, and slippers on her feet that kicked up dirt with each step as she scurried through the dark.

When he recognized her he leapt to his feet to make his way to her, afraid she could barely see.

"What are you doing up?" He knelt down before her as she sleepily rubbed her eyes.

"I want to sleep in your cabin again," she said.

He touched at her tiny shoulders, feeling her lean into him as she dipped her head.

"Opal, after last time that's probably not a good idea," he said. He could still remember how upset Blue got, but more importantly he could still remember how uncomfortable it made Adam. Thinking of him, he glanced back over his shoulder, to find Adam slowly getting up off the dock to join them.

"I told Blue already," said Opal.

Ronan turned back to her. "Did you really?" He didn't believe her.

"Yes," she said stubbornly. "You can go ask her yourself if you want, but I wouldn't. She's scary when she's sleepy"

"She's always scary," Ronan agreed.

There was a slap at the back of his head. When he looked up at Adam, Adam was already looking away at Opal.

"You can stay with us," he said to her. Ronan didn't understand him sometimes. There was something unrecognizable in his expression when their eyes met. Wasn't he the one who hated having to share a bed last time? Why was he the one offering up Ronan's bed this time?

"Wait," said Opal. She flung her arms up, in the process swinging her cape blanket around her and hitting Ronan in the face. He staggered back a step as a result. "I'm not tired. We can stay out here a while."

"Oh, well if _you_ say we can stay..." Ronan said drily. Adam only stared at him with his silent judgment. This wasn't a good idea, but neither seemed to want to say it out loud.

Adam brought her over to the dock, holding her hand and sitting her down away from the edge. Ronan sat beside them and observed their interactions. He was so loving with her, gentle but not coddling or babying. He tried to practice some of his tricks on her, but she remained unimpressed when the coin came out from behind her ear.

"Check your pocket," he instructed next. She reached into her pajama bottoms pocket and pulled out the coin from before. Even Ronan was impressed by that, and he saw it countless times as Adam practiced it for weeks. Watching it in action through Opal's eyes made him almost believe.

"How did you do that?" she gaped.

"It's magic," he said, like it was fact.

"Magic isn't real."

"Magic's very real," said Adam. He smiled at her. "You just have to know where to look."

His charged smile turned to Ronan, as Ronan was already looking at him. He was pretty sure this was more than a crush now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Together they tucked Opal into Ronan's bed, her small body fitting comfortably in his large sleeping bag. Adam knew the drill, as they changed into pajamas in the dark and climbed into his bed together all awkward and cold. He was cold. He was shaking. It was a combination of nerves and the wind, and the way his skin melted as Ronan's knees bumped into his inside his sleeping bag.

Since the last time they got into bed together, Adam felt differently about it, evident in the way he allowed Ronan to touch him all the accidental ways they did. He faced Ronan and Ronan faced him.

They were mutually quiet, hopeful Opal would go to sleep soon. Adam could feel Ronan's breath on his face. He was so close he could see the different shades of blue in his eyes. He touched at Ronan's chin.

"You should shave," he whispered.

"What if I'm trying to grow a beard?" Ronan remarked. His chin moved against Adam's fingers. Adam let loose a hissed cackle, trying to keep quiet but unable to hold in his reaction to the hilarity of Ronan with a beard. Not at seventeen. Ronan didn't seem to agree with his amusement, and he frumpily frowned.

"Well, if that's what you're going for, you should try a little harder," Adam commented. "Looks like you've been living on a deserted island right now." His fingers stroked along Ronan's cheek, who did not laugh at his joke at all.

Rather, he rolled his eyes instead and tried to roll away. Adam's hand then moved down to the logo on his shirt and Ronan stilled. Beneath his palm, he could feel Ronan's racing heart underhand. He was nervous. Why was he nervous? They shared a bed before.

In the quiet, Ronan moved and placed his hand over Adam's on his chest. His gaze was intense as he stared back at him, deeply and tenderly. There was something there being unsaid in his eyes, in the way his fingers traced Adam's hand.

Oh.

He felt blind before, but now he could see. Ronan's feelings for him were as clear as day, staring back at him in Ronan's ruined expression. The want in his eyes mirrored Adam's want for him. Ronan had been looking at him this whole time the same way Adam had been looking at him. How did he only notice now?

"We should get some rest," he said. He looked away before the intensity of Ronan's gaze killed him. "You're unbearable when you're tired."

Ronan scoffed. "You're not exactly a daisy, yourself."

Adam rolled his eyes and then rolled over, shaking. He didn't know what to do with himself. Ronan liked him. He smiled into his pillow. There were probably so many boys at Aglionby he could crush on, all of them in fact, but he crushed on him instead. Adam felt a sense of pride in that. To be liked by Ronan Lynch.

After he composed himself, he rolled over to him again. Ronan had fallen asleep at some point, his back to Adam. He pressed his face against Ronan's back, his cheek warm against his shoulder, which shifted with each breath. Adam was towing a dangerous line as he put his arm over Ronan, draping it there. Maybe he would think he was asleep when he did it. After all, Ronan was asleep too.

Then there was movement, and Ronan was very clearly awake. He began to shift around and Adam froze. He didn't intend for him to know he willingly tossed his hand where he had. He still needed time to process that he liked Ronan and Ronan liked him.

In the space of quiet and darkness, Ronan found his hand. Their fingers slipped into the spaces between. For a moment Adam didn't think. His mind was void of thoughts, only feelings. The feeling of the gaps between Ronan's fingers, how soft his hand was in contrast to how dry Adam felt his were. The way he gently stroked his thumb along the line of Adam's forefinger, down and up the side of it a few times before stopping. He was warm and soft and real.

Adam made sure not to smile directly against his back, which smelled so vigorously Ronan he felt dizzy when he breathed in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Friday was chaos. The stage was being done up with a banner. Henry was adding a little booth for himself to stand at. There were guests coming in to say hello. Everyone was running around, the kids and the counselors and the guests. Everything felt haphazard.

Ronan hadn't stopped fidgeting since breakfast, and Adam could tell it wasn't because of he show. All he was going to have to do for the show was sit there and look pretty for most of it. He was nervous about Declan. Adam didn't know how to offer any advice on the matter, or comfort him when he could barely sit still long enough to hear him. All he knew to do was lean into him, offer him touch as solace. He almost grabbed his hand, but that was a private thing they've only done a few times, and with so many witnesses around he didn't want to try it here.

Adam was still reeling from the realization that Ronan liked him. Although it was less obvious today, there were subtle hints that made him feel like a fool not having noticed until now. The way he wryly smiled at his jokes, and the way he held Adam's gaze a little too long, and the way he looked away when Adam walked out of his shower stall that morning shirtless. Adam was dizzy from all this information.

During gardening, Adam touched at his shoulder again when he could see he was getting distracted again.

"You're going to be fine," he said.

Ronan paused repotting a plant to look at him, and for a flash of a second he saw the heat in his eyes that Adam felt when Ronan touched him. Adam could feel himself leaning in.

Then it was gone again when Opal came and grabbed for his hand to take him away. Adam felt that was a good distraction, as his pulse slowed back down to normal.

He needed a distraction, himself.

At lunch more people started trickling in to come watch the counselors make asses of themselves for the talent show. One of the new arrivals was Blue's mom, who Blue forced him to meet.

"Mom, this is Adam!" she said. He wondered if they talked about him. By the way she smiled, that was a yes. "Adam, this is my mom, Maura."

He squirmed under her gentle eyes. They reminded him of-

"Persephone has mentioned you," said Maura. "She hopes you're doing well."

"How is she?" Adam received a couple letters from her, but he hadn't been able to write back. It was hard, and he missed her, but he didn't know what to even say. Thanks didn't seem like enough for all she has done for him.

"Oh, she's well," said Maura. "She understands you've been incredibly busy here."

Blue looked so incredibly happy it was rubbing off on him.

"When you two come back from camp, you should come over for dinner sometime. I know the girls would love to meet you, and I would love to have you. Blue's best friend."

Adam looked at her a little surprised and saw her blushing and glaring at her mom, heated with humility.

"Mom," she hissed.

"What I say?"

When he caught Blue's eye, he smiled. She was one of his best friends, too.

Ronan then came by and dragged Adam away to help him distract Opal, who was asking for more magic tricks he couldn't give her.

"You haven't taught me a damn thing," he said.

Adam rolled his eyes. "I tried, but you're terrible at the discreetness of it all."

"Eff you," said Ronan, but he was still pleading with his eyes for Adam to come with him.

"It was nice to meet you, ma'am," said Adam.

"Please. Call me Maura," she said.

And away he went with Ronan.

After lunch was over and Opal was satisfied with another coin trick, Adam went back over to Blue when he found her alone reading under a tree. Her mom was over talking to Gansey over by the mess hall and he nudged her with his shoe before he sat down next to her.

"Introducing the boyfriend to the parents so quickly?" he teased.

She frowned as she smacked him on the chest. 

"I'm not dating Gansey, and I'm definitely not introducing him to my mom."

"Well, I would fact check both of those, because isn't that him right there?"

Blue turned around so fast it was disorienting just to watch her do it. It was clear even from this distance Gansey was talking up a storm with Maura, and she squealed when she realized.

"Shit!" She jumped to her feet and ran off to stop him.

Adam laughed as he watched, until he allowed his gaze to drift to Ronan sitting under another tree with Opal. He hoped he was okay, but he knew if he kept asking Ronan was going to get agitated.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was trying not to panic. It was getting closer and closer to the time they were set to start and Declan still hadn't shown up.

He shouldn't care. Like Adam said, he shouldn't care. He was great even without Declan. But he did. He wanted to prove to him something. He became almost hopeful until today.

Opal was with him, as they moved to the art hut after he realized waiting by the entrance was unhealthy. She was trying to distract him by way of drawing on his hands and making him draw things she could color in on the array of papers she had on the table. It was working for the most part.

"What could my talent be?" she asked. "I don't know what I'm going to do for mine."

"Annoying me is a talent," he said.

She sighed dramatically, playing along. "I don't know how to show that on stage, though," she said.

He smiled at her. She smiled back.

"Draw me a dinosaur."

He was starting to sketch the head when Noah came into the room, gasping for breath.

"Ronan," he said. "Ronan."

Ronan was nervous all over again.

"Is he-?"

"Yeah." He motioned with his whole arm. "Just parked."

Ronan stood up so fast from the table he almost knocked it over. Opal slapped at his leg as all her drawings fell on the floor.

"You big oaf."

"I'll see you at the talent show, okay, squirt?" He already sounded as breathless at Noah.

"Yeah yeah." She waved him away. "Go on."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam got ensnared in a conversation with a few of the girl counselors. They were going on about something to do with beaches. He wasn't exactly listening. His mind was far off, wondering what Ronan was doing, wondering if he should go find him, wondering what it would be like if he kissed him.

_Stop it_ , he told himself.

He saw Noah race by earlier and wondered what that was about, if it had anything to do with Ronan. His question was somewhat answered as he then saw Ronan walking past him with Noah, quick pacing it was almost a jog.

He moved to talk to them, but Noah peeled away from Ronan and swiftly joined their conversation. He shook his head at Adam when their eyes met.

"Hello, ladies!" he said. "What are you all doing at tonight's show?"

His attention was still elsewhere as he watched Ronan approach someone coming from the parking lot, someone who looked like Ronan in parts and didn't in others. They were clearly brothers. His chest clenched. It was Declan.

He couldn't handle it, watching this so intensely while still being pulled into a conversation he didn't ask for. He left the group after making up an excuse they clearly didn't buy. Noah followed him.

"Do you think this is going to be a huge disaster?" he said. "Do they get along at all?"

"They used to, sort of." Noah shrugged. "But it's all been a rapid downhill motion since their dad."

Adam was aware of the pattern.

Declan and Ronan passed by them, talking almost causally it seemed. When Ronan's attention drifted to him, Adam offered him a small smile, sympathetic. Hopeful. He wanted him to be happy.

"Well they aren't yelling at each other so that's good at least," said Noah.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"This is my room, I guess." Ronan gestured to his and Adam's mess. Declan glanced around, taking it all in. He wasn't wearing a suit today which was shocking. For a while there Ronan thought he tattooed a suit on himself. "I don't know what's so exciting about seeing a fucking room."

Declan touched at Opal's blanket, and Ronan had a knee jerk reaction to hit his hand away, but he kept himself a foot's distance from his brother. He didn't know it was hers, and he left it like that.

"Do the kids like you?"

"They don't hate me," said Ronan.

"That's surprising."

Ronan flinched. "Hey fu-" Declan turned to him and he instantly collected himself, reminding himself why he invited Declan here in the first place. "I'm not the same person I was a month ago."

"I can see that." Declan motioned to his camp shirt and his barely there tan. "You didn't try to punch me when I said hi. You invited me here without me forcing myself to come."

Ronan couldn't tell if he was mocking him or not, and he kept his reactions reserved in case he was. They were both awkward, standing there not quite sure what to say, what to do, how to approach this. So much had changed in a month.

"It's great," and Declan sat down at Ronan's bed. "You look like you're actually enjoying it here."

"I am," he admitted. He couldn't explain to him the reasons why. Because he met a spirited little kid who he adored. Because he met a boy he was pretty sure he was falling into deeper feelings for than like. He had grown so attached to everything here, but Declan sitting on his bed was a reminder he had another life awaiting him once camp was over. The life he wanted to talk about.

"How's Mom?" Ronan asked. "Matthew?"

"They're fine. Matthew's loving New York, and Mom came out with me last week to dinner."

That was surprising. "Really?"

"She's lonely without either of you there," said Declan.

Everything was changing. Ronan felt older and yet not. He missed his mom, he missed his younger brother, but he knew he was going to miss camp just as much, and the people here maybe even more.

Suddenly he wasn't so sure he could do this, ask Declan for the things he invited him here for. They felt incomparable to what he had.

He watched, hovering, as Declan discovered the book peeking out from under his bed. Opal liked to read it, and he almost forgot she read a little of it last night before falling asleep. His stomach felt like it had been punched when Declan reached down and took it out to examine.

"Alice in Wonderland," he said, reading the old cover. He laughed, reminiscent. "Wow. I can't believe you still have this, and that you brought it here."

Ronan was reluctant to respond. He fished for answers, but could only answer genuinely.

"It's still my favorite story," he said.

Declan started going through the pages, pausing at illustrations and chapter breaks. 

"I remember as a kid you tried to chase all the rabbits to find out their hiding holes, hoping to go to Wonderland yourself." He sounded so sad about it. Ronan felt sad thinking about it. He didn't like remembering that. He took the book from Declan as a result, tossing it into Adam's bed. "That was a long time ago."

Declan's wistfulness dissipated as he gazed up at him. "Yeah. It was."

This was torture, and Ronan knew they were both aware of it. He couldn't be the only one who felt haunted by a life that felt so separate from this one. They were completely different people they used to be. He glared at the book as it remained a reminder of that. But it was his choice to ask Declan here, and he squeezed his eyes right when he reminded himself of this.

"The car," he said. "What did you do with it?"

Declan laughed, and it was less pleasant than the last time. He was laughing as if he was insulted. As he rolled his eyes he rose to his feet and walked toward the edge of the room towards the one adjacent.

"Why am I not surprised you asked about the car?" he said. "That's why you invited me here isn't it?"

"Not completely why," Ronan admitted.

Declan sighed, and his hands went to his hips as he turned back to him.

"Listen, Ronan, four weeks away at camp isn't going to change the fact you drunkenly crashed your car into a pole. You have a lot more growing up to do than this."

Hearing this, Ronan remembered what Adam said. That it didn't matter what Declan thought of him. He felt he was more grown up in the last month than he thought he would be coming here initially. So he fought the urge to yell at him or explain that that wasn't necessarily true. He bit his lip as he counted away the anger.

"Maybe," he said, his voice still rough from the frustration simmering in his veins. "But Dad left me the car. It's my car."

He made himself sound assertive but not defiant. Declan didn't retort like he would've before. He pinched at his nose but didn't look to be wrecking his jaw with anger.

"What are you going to do with a car while you're here?" he said. "Or are you leaving early if I give you the car?"

"I'm not leaving early." Ronan couldn't believe how quick he said that. It was true, though. He had no reason to leave now. "I just want what's mine."

Declan looked him square in the eye and looked to be searching for something. Ronan stared back, offering him the truth in his eyes. He wasn't the same angry kid he was a month ago. The issues were still prevalent, and his anger was still bubbling inside him, but he was starting to see the other end of the tunnel. Finally, he could see himself being a version of who he was before, maybe with an exhausting kid and overworked boy there beside him.

Declan didn't appear to find what he was looking for in Ronan's face, and he sighed. "Look," his hands fell from his hips, "when you come back home at the end of the summer, you can have the car back. But only at the end of the summer."

"Really?" Ronan allowed himself to light up just a little.

Declan nodded, resigned. He sounded defeated as he said, "Yes really."

Ronan grinned. Declan looked alarmed by the reaction.

"Fuck." He didn't know what to do with himself so he sat down on his bed. "That's great. Fixed?"

Declan scoffed, and Ronan soured a little. "With your money, sure," he conceded, rolling his eyes. Ronan wasn't sure if he was rolling them at himself or at him, but he stood back up and moved toward him. He almost hugged him, but he remembered that's not what they did. He nodded eagerly instead. He couldn't wait to take Adam around in the car. Just thinking about driving him around in it was ... a lot. The thought boosted his pride and his courage enough he finally got around to what he really asked him here for.

"Since I'm becoming more mature and wiser than you--"

Declan scoffed again.

"I want the house," he said, and he watched Declan's face fall. "The Barns. I want to fix them up. Take all my inheritance away if you have to. I don't care. That's our house. Don't sell it."

Declan shifted around uncomfortably, his gaze falling to the wayside to stare at the pine needles on the floor. Ronan's mood died instantly, watching his brother's behavior sink so quick.

"What?"

"I already sold it, Ronan," Declan said, reluctant and quiet.

Ronan felt the breath knocked out of him like Declan had kicked him in the chest. It was tight and painful. He recoiled.

"You- you sold _our house_?"

Declan looked around them. "Don't yell at me," he hissed.

"When did you sell it?" Ronan didn't care if he yelled. Who was even around to listen? Who even mattered enough he couldn't raise his voice?

"Not long after you came here." Declan shrugged. "It's still in escrow."

"I can't believe you!" Ronan could feel that rage bubbling to the surface like it used to. He didn't want it to. He didn't want to get so angry. But how could Declan not tell him? How could he not lead with that? "What, you just weren't going to tell me?"

"You knew it was for sale," Declan shot back. "Why did it matter if it finally sold? Ronan, stop idolizing that place. Move on. The rest of us did."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was almost time. The sun was setting, but the air was still sticky warm. Ronan was nowhere to be found. Adam was waiting nervous and twitchy at the stage area waiting for him. Everyone else was practically here. He was the only one not here. The whole thing was about to start soon and he hadn't seen him since Declan arrived.

He was getting worried. He didn't see Declan either, he realized, as he scanned the crowd.

Noah passed by where he had been standing, and he touched at his arm to halt him. He smelled like weed.

"Have you seen Ronan?" he asked.

"No," he said. "I'm sure he'll be here. He's not going to leave _you_ hanging."

He immediately heard what he said and he stammered a bye and walked away fast. Adam didn't know what to make of that but there were more important issues at hand, like finding Ronan.

"Gansey!" He walked over to him where he was sitting next to Blue and her mom, Maura. If he weren't so concerned for Ronan's wellbeing and attendance he could've easily poked fun at her for having her "not boyfriend" sitting with her mom, but now was not the time.

"Gansey, have you seen Ronan?" he asked.

"I saw him talking to Declan earlier." He searched for something unknown in Adam's face. "Are they finally getting along?"

"I don't know." And Adam hated not knowing. "So you didn't see where he went?"

"No, sorry."

He left the area just as Henry was starting to approach the microphone. He was highly concerned as he searched for him. First he went to their cabin and found nothing out of the ordinary. He noticed Ronan's book was on his bed, but it wasn't Ronan so it didn't matter. He went to the arts and crafts room. Ronan wasn't there, and he wasn't at the lake or the tennis court either. Adam tried to think of where else he could be, but it was difficult to consider when there were countless possibilities. This was a large campground.

Something clicked in him as he passed by the mess hall, and he remembered what it was Ronan invited Declan here for.

Adam found Ronan sitting in Noah's car in the parking lot. He thankfully hadn't taken off yet, but he did manage to take Noah's keys.

The door was shut and the engine was on, and he wasn't sure for how long he had been sitting here. He gently rapped his knuckles on the roof. Ronan started. He rolled down the window.

"Remind me not to use you as the getaway driver if we ever pull a heist," he said. "You're not very good at the getting away part."

Ronan scowled up at him. It was clear he had been crying. There were still lines of tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Fuck off Parrish," he said, his voice raspy from wear.

"Checking Noah's engine?" Adam said drily.

Ronan only blinked at him. "Aren't you missing the talent show?"

Adam tilted closer into the car door.

"Can't do it without my assistant," he said.

Ronan was shaking his head at him as he gripped the wheel with both hands. He looked like he was frozen there, unable to leave the car. Adam just wanted to understand what happened.

"You don't need me there," he said, and he hesitated on a breath, like if it completed he was going to fall apart. His eyes were worn red, puffy and dropping.

"Who would distract the crowd?" Adam almost reached to swipe the tears from his cheek, but he was scared of hurting him more if he gave him any form of overt comfort that was more than friendly. "Your incessant need to be snarky would be missed."

Ronan wiped a hand subtly at his cheek, but Adam still caught him out of the corner of his eye. He let the roar of the engine eat up the silence for a while, until Ronan's breathing began to break again from tears he didn't want Adam to see.

"Come back with me?" he said.

"No." Ronan's jaw clenched.

"We can skip the talent show," Adam proposed. It no longer mattered. "They won't care. You can teach me tennis while we wait for it all to blow over."

"I'm not going back, Parrish. Just leave." His voice broke at, "Please."

Adam moved around the back of the car and stepped into the passenger seat.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, assured.

"I don't want to fucking have an Oprah moment," Ronan snapped. He slammed his palms against the round of the wheel. His voice cracked again, but Adam wouldn't relent. He shouldn't be alone right now.

"I'm not even going to pretend to know what you mean by that, but we don't have to talk. I'm good with silence."

"You're getting on my nerves, Parrish," Ronan yelled. He was stubborn.

"So are you, Lynch," Adam shot back. He was stubborn, too. "You're my best friend. Stop pushing me away. I'm not going anywhere."

His sternness startled something awake in Ronan, who could hardly look at him. He crumbled, slinking down in the seat and breathing harshly as he fought back more tears.

"Please," he said gentler. "Please get out."

"If you're leaving, then so am I," said Adam. He made that decision the second he saw Ronan in the car.

Slow, Ronan sat up again in the seat. His face changed and shifted around, scanning through several different emotions as he stared forward, before landing on reluctant acceptance. He turned the emergency brakes off and then grumbled.

"Shut your fucking door then, Parrish," he said.

Adam did.

"Where are we going?" he asked, but Ronan didn't respond.

As they pulled out, the sign for Cabeswater Camp becoming smaller and smaller, Adam watched him quietly on his side of the car. Ronan's jaw was tight, his hands gripping the wheel so hard his knuckles were white. Adam didn't know what to say that could make this better. It seemed like Ronan needed to ride this one out, whatever it was, however long that took. He would be there every step.

They drove into the night, the sun having set a while ago and their headlights turned on. There were few cars on the road as they drove, and they drove fast enough it felt like they were the only car around.

It was hours into the drive, but what felt like only minutes, when Ronan pulled over to make a pit stop at a gas station. As he was filling up the car, he disappeared inside the station leaving Adam behind and alone.

He sat there with the heavy realization of what it is he just did. He had no wallet or jacket or anything, and it was becoming clear to him how stupid it was to have blindly followed Ronan like this with no plan. 

But if he were to make the decision again, he would've done it the same. Maybe brought a jacket though. It was starting to get colder as the sun went down. It was cooler here than camp.

Ronan startled him when he came back, with his silent approach contrasting the loud squeak of the door's metal as it opened. He shifted to catch him staring at him a length, before dumping a handful of items into Adam's lap. It was a mixture of food and drinks, which he was left to sift through as Ronan left the car again to finish with the gas. He sat there staring at it, unsure what to do with any of it. It was mostly junk except a couple of water bottles amongst the rest. He hesitated to take one, not sure if Ronan was offering. But when he came back into the car, Ronan eyed him with his form of an invitation to eat.

He started the car up when Adam took a water bottle and cracked the plastic rim open on the lid.

They started back off into the night, the trees that lined the highway dark ominous shadows against the moonlight.

"How much further?" he asked.

Ronan looked across the car at him, thoughtful but silent. He responded by grabbing a bag of crackers off Adam's lap and opening it with his teeth.

They turned on the radio after that. There weren't many stations that got signal out here, so they were listening to some news show, but it was something. It drowned out the resilient quiet that swallowed up the car. Adam knew Ronan didn't want to talk, and he didn't know what there was to even say anyway.

As the drive continued, Adam started to feel himself get colder. By the time they reached the third hour of the drive he was shivering. He turned the heater on, but found it wasn't quite enough.

Ronan reached behind them with one hand and started fishing around for something. It was pitch black out, and Adam began to get nervous he was doing to drive into something if he wasn't careful. He was driving so fast Adam's heart was racing from the adrenaline. The white and yellow lines on the road were blurs as they rushed past them, the trees distant memories now to empty fields.

"Ronan-" he started to say, and then Ronan's arm pulled back to the front. He was holding out a jacket, and dropped it in Adam's lap.

Adam stared at it.

Ronan took notice of his staring, and he watched him frown at him.

"It's a jacket," he said. "You generally put them on. One arm in one sleeve and the other-"

"I don't want it." Adam was cold but he didn't want it.

"You're fucking turning blue," Ronan retorted.

Adam didn't want it. He was mad at Ronan for being upset with him, for driving away when he should have stayed, for not kissing him when he was sitting right there, and for a half dozen other reasons he could easily find to be mad about. This was his way of defiance. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"Then freeze for all I care," he snapped.

"Why are you mad at me?" Adam countered.

"I'm not-" Ronan must have realized his voice had elevated and he took a deep sigh, long and quiet. His hands pinched at the wheel again. Their speed dipped just a little. "I'm not mad at you," he explained. "I'm mad around you."

"That doesn't make sense," said Adam.

"Yeah, well neither does someone who's freezing willingly refuse to wear a jacket," Ronan hissed.

"It's not mine."

"I doubt Noah would mind."

Adam sat there with the heavy cotton of the jacket weighing down his lap with his presence. He pondered the idea of wearing it, as his teeth clanged together in his mouth and his bones felt like they were rattling in his skin. Ronan looked to be ignoring him now, and he really didn't see the point in refusing the jacket. He pulled it on as best he could when in a moving vehicle with his seatbelt on. It didn't fit very well, as Noah was smaller than him, but it was something.

They were silent again, with only the news station to fill the void.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At some point Adam must have fallen asleep. He woke up to the jolting sound of the car door slamming shut, and he sat straight up at the sound. Both disoriented and sore, he wiped his face of drool and his eyes of blurriness. Sleeping in a car was a terrible idea, he thought, as he stretched as much he could. It was then he realized they were stopped.

He examined around and discovered Ronan wasn't with him inside the car anymore. He was in front of the car outside, fiddling with the padlock of a gate. Adam saw the sign next to him. Sold. It was his old house. They were at the Barns.

He scrambled out and tore off the jacket when he stepped outside. It was barely dawn but it was already getting hot.

"Good. You're awake." Ronan motioned him over. "Help me with this, would you?"

"What are we doing here?" Adam felt like they were being incredibly dumb. "Breaking and entering?"

"It's my house," Ronan argued. He released the padlock and let it bang against the metal of the gate. "It's not breaking and entering."

"It's been sold, Lynch," Adam corrected.

"Don't remind me," Ronan grunted. He motioned then to the car. "Grab the bolt cutters from the trunk, would you?"

"Why does Noah have bolt cutters?"

"Best not to ask."

Adam looked between him and the car and hesitated to move in either direction. This was careless and reckless and he could see the wildness in Ronan's eyes but could feel the sadness rolling off him.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Lynch," he finally said.

"Fine." Ronan threw him the car keys and moved to climb the fence instead. "I'll see you around then, Parrish."

Adam stared down at the keys and then up at Ronan who was halfway over now. Without having to think for long he threw the keys back at him. They hit him in the shoulder then fell in the dirt. He hadn't anticipated the action and didn't try to catch them.

"Hey - ow." He was elevated high above on the top of the gate, one leg on ether side. "What was that for?"

"Just stay there," he instructed.

He went to the trunk and pulled it open. Sitting there next to a sleeping bag and blankets were the bolt cutters. Ronan hadn't moved an inch when he came back to the front of the car and closer toward the gate. He came and went to the lock and used the bolt cutters himself to break it open in one go.

They didn't talk again the rest of the drive as they ascended into Ronan Lynch's past. The place was quiet and empty. It felt eerie being here, like it was haunted almost. It was beautiful but knowing its history it was sad too.

Adam looked at Ronan as he seemed to be taking it in for the first time in years. His lower lip quivered when the house came into view. It was a beautiful old house, with a barn just off to the side. He could see why Ronan loved it and didn't want to let it go.

When they stopped, Ronan just sat there, staring at it. Adam didn't know what to do. He was hurting and Adam didn't want him to. He reached for him and then Ronan got out of the car.

He followed after him, giving him some space as they moved. Ronan pulled out his own keys from his pocket. Adam realized he packed everything of his when he was in the car. Ronan had no intention of coming back.

Adam swallowed that news as he watched Ronan stare down at the keys in his hand. He then walked to the house and put the key into the lock. It went in and he turned it. It unlocked and then he opened it to nothing. He looked back at Adam and gestured for him to come inside. It was like he was staring at a completely different Ronan as he was shadowed by the doorway.

"Welcome to the Barns, Parrish," he said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we have reached the halfway mark of camp! sorry there was no actual talent show but it's a wild ride anyway! lol
> 
> this chapter's shorter than what i usually put out and originally was intended to go longer but i just wanted to post something at least so here you go!
> 
> let me know what you think in the comments. i love your feedback it really motivates me and i like hearing what you all think :)
> 
> thank you for reading!! xx
> 
> tumblr - cabeswatergreywaren


	9. The Barns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This place was my Wonderland." Suddenly Ronan's book made sense to Adam, and more things about him clicked into place as Ronan used the collar of his shirt to wipe at his face. "My dad and mom used to read me the book as a bedtime story. I used to think of this place as our Wonderland, hidden away for only us. Somewhere where magic was real."
> 
> Adam didn't have any of that. He didn't know what to say to him.
> 
> "Sorry." Ronan rubbed at his eyes and inhaled sharply. "I just miss what it was like."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm just fyi im terrible at writing fights LOL
> 
> also happy birthday to adam!! this is my form of a gift to him x

Inside the house was cool and dark, and when Adam tried for a switch it didn't turn on. No electricity. That would make sense.

All the windows were blocked by curtains, which kept it decent inside but impossible to see. Adam had to adjust his eyesight to the darkness, as he followed after Ronan around the house. It was stark and big, and each movement they made against the hardwood flooring echoed through the house like a hollow chamber.

Ronan said nothing, but moved around to every room. Adam followed him, as his behavior tarnished further with every new room they ventured in. Quietly he went up the stairs and Adam followed. They went into several rooms upstairs, until they reached the one at the end of the hall. It was likely where his parents once slept, the grand bedroom. They stood there a long time without speaking, Ronan's back to him. He allowed him to feel what he was feeling and observed like a fly on the wall. After a while he felt like maybe he should leave him to be alone for a little bit, but then he started shaking, shoulders heaving and head dipping forward. It was when he heard the soft pained breaths that he recognized Ronan was crying again. 

Wordlessly he walked to him and hugged him from behind. It was all he knew to do, and Ronan didn't recoil from him when he did. Rather, he cried fiercer and turned on his heel, pressing his face into Adam's shoulder. Adam hugged him tighter, and remained silent and strong so he could cry.

Adam never had a place like this. The closest to somewhere he considered home was Persephone's, but that wasn't his to call home. She was to good to him, as was Ronan, who pulled from his touch as he swept his hands across his cheeks to hide his tears. He sniffled a lot, fighting back more crying.

Unthinkingly Adam reached and ran his thumb across Ronan's cheekbone, sweeping away the tears still falling. His lips were trembling as he struggled to make eye contact, and Adam felt the insane urge to kiss him, but it would be wrong if he did. He was sad and crying and hurt. He still almost leaned in anyway.

He cleared his throat instead and dropped his hand. His wet fingers felt strange against his dry ones.

"So what's the plan?" he asked.

Ronan swung his arms around him as he spun on his heel to turn and face the rest of the room like before.

"You can take the car back to camp," he said. His voice was shaking. "I'm not leaving."

Adam became perturbed. "You're kidding, right?" He walked around to Ronan's front to make him look at him. Ronan did for only a second before looking away. "You'll be missed. By Gansey. By Noah. By Opal. By _me_."

Ronan flinched. He looked to be fighting back more tears as he turned his back to Adam again. Feeling like he was playing some childish game, Adam walked around him again to make him look him in the eye.

"Ronan, come back with me," he said. He touched soft at his hand. "Finish out camp. I'm sorry your childhood home was sold, but you've said goodbye to it. Don't let that spoil the rest of summer. Don't..." He didn't know how to say _Please don't leave me._

Finally, Ronan looked at him again. Adam searched his eyes for any glimmer of hope he was listening. There didn't appear to be any. He seemed set on staying.

"You're all better off," he said. "It was stupid for me to be there. I didn't even do anything."

"I really disagree," he said. This was his self hatred talking. Ronan had to know of all the good he had done since he got there. Opal adored him. All the other kids were learning so much from him. Everything he did for Adam. What did Declan even say to get him so upset? What sort of hold did this house have on him that that he couldn't let it go?

"I'm better off here," he said. "Where I belong."

"You're going to get arrested if you stay here," Adam argued. "Breaking and entering, not to mention squatting. I don't think Virginia has squatter's rights."

"I'm not leaving," Ronan said through clenched teeth.

"Well I'm not leaving either." Adam let go of Ronan's hand and started walking around the room, surveying it for no other reason than to avoid looking at Ronan. He was going to end up crying too if he did. Adam hated seeing him so sad. "Not until you do."

"You're a stubborn asshole," Ronan shot at him.

"Takes one to know one!" Adam shot back, without even pausing to think.

"Tell me why you won't go," Ronan yelled.

"Tell me why _you_ won't," Adam replied just as loudly.

Ronan was shaking, with anger or sadness he couldn't tell which. He shut his eyes, tight enough his eyebrows came together. "Because once I leave here I can never come back," Ronan said. "Because once I leave I will officially have left this part of my life behind. I know I can't go back and I know it's stupid to wish I could, but I don't want to forget what it was like to grow up here. I can't. I was happier then. I was whole then."

Adam's heart sank. His own chin quivered as he saw the hurt in Ronan's face.

"Oh. Ronan... I..." He reached for him, and Ronan cowered.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" he said, his voice creeping with tears again. His shoulders were sagging as he buried his face in his hands. He sounded angry about it and Adam didn't know what to do; but Ronan was pissing him off while simultaneously making him want to pull him into another embrace.

"Because you don't deserve to be alone right now," he said, and he almost yelled it. How did Ronan not see how much he meant to him? How could he not _see_ how obvious he felt he was being? "I _care about you_. Every god damn minute I've spent with you this whole summer, asshole. I want to make sure you're all right. You shouldn't have to go driving off into the middle of the night alone without someone there with you. You shouldn't have to break into a house by yourself. You shouldn't have to be alone right now. You have me. You _are_ whole, Ronan, and you are an amazing person now, and I'm sorry that this place was taken from you but the memories will never leave. In the end that's all that matters, isn't it? I've never had a home, I've just had places I've lived in, and you're so lucky you had this one at all. I envy that. But it's gone now. Your home is elsewhere now. You have to accept that."

Ronan was stunned silent, and Adam shuddered as he could tell he was looking at him the same way he looked at him two nights ago. He stared with a want so deep it was embedded in him. Adam had to look away from its intensity.

"Are you tired at all?" he said, all the anger released when he exhaled.

"No." Ronan sounded as stubborn as ever. He was clearly exhausted, emotionally and physically.

"Too bad." Adam was spent and he was the one who managed to get a little rest on the drive. He came to stand before Ronan and reached for him. When Ronan didn't cower from his hand he touched at his chin and tilted it up so their eyes met. "You're getting some sleep. I'll go get the sleeping bag."

With the gentlest push, Ronan requested for Adam to remove his hand from his face. "Whatever."

"I need the keys," said Adam.

"I didn't lock the door."

"Fine."

He sighed and walked out of the room. As soon as he was out he was shaking almost uncontrollably. He almost blurted out his feelings for him. In a way, he _did_. He couldn't believe he just did that.

In the trunk of Noah's car, Adam grabbed the blankets and the sleeping bag, as well as a skater hoodie he found to use as a pillow.

When he was back in the house he couldn't find Ronan anywhere, until he saw a window open that led out into the roof. He dumped everything on the floor and crawled out. This felt dangerous and dumb, which was precisely why he knew Ronan was out here.

He found him out on the roof sitting watching the sky. Up here Adam could see the summered fields, browned by the sun and dry from the heat. He sat next to Ronan, who barely registered his presence as he joined him. His gaze was held elsewhere, on the horizon as the sun was still rising.

"As a kid I idolized this place because I idolized my father in it," he said, without Adam so much as opening his mouth to breathe. "After he died it was all I really had left of him. Then when we moved I felt like I was losing grip on what was left of him. Of what was left of when I was last truly happy. I used to think this place would be my future. Even after we moved, I thought I would come back here someday and follow in my father's footsteps. Now I..." He bent his head down, staring at his own lap. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I had this plan, and I've lost it."

Adam knew what he meant. He almost lost his, but he worked hard to make sure he could still achieve it, even after obstacles were thrown in his way. He believed Ronan could do the same. They were entirely different situations, but he could sympathize with his pain.

"This place was my Wonderland." Suddenly Ronan's book made sense to Adam, and more things about him clicked into place as Ronan used the collar of his shirt to wipe at his face. "My dad and mom used to read me the book as a bedtime story. I used to think of this place as our Wonderland, hidden away for only us. Somewhere where magic was real."

Adam didn't have any of that. He didn't know what to say to him.

"Sorry." Ronan rubbed at his eyes and inhaled sharply. "I just miss what it was like."

"I'm sorry," Adam finally uttered. He touched at Ronan's back with tenderness, unable to think of what else he could do or say. Ronan pressed into him, and Adam found himself resting his head on his shoulder, looking up at him. Ronan looked down in turn. They were so close to kiss.

"It's okay," said Ronan. His breath was hot against Adam's face, yet it gave him chills.

"You really love this place a lot." Adam arched into him. His arm moved to rest at Ronan's knee. He didn't understand why he couldn't make those last few inches. There was something about them that haunted him.

"I do." Ronan didn't seem to realize at all what Adam was offering. If he only knew.

"That's nice, that you had somewhere to love like you do." Adam closed his eyes. "You've been so happy, though, I almost forgot how we met. You were so angry."

"You've made me happy." Adam opened his eyes to see Ronan staring back, who then registered what it was he said and panicked. "I mean, you and Opal and camp and everything."

At once he looked away. His ears were red. Adam felt dangerous reaching and touching at the one closer to him.

"You're blushing," he noted.

"Am not."

Adam smiled. "You make me happy, too," he said.

With the widest eyes he'd ever seen on Ronan, Ronan turned to look back at him and gaped. Adam closed his eyes again, inviting him to kiss him.

He yawned against his control as he waited.

"You're tired," said Ronan.

"No I'm not," Adam retorted. He opened his eyes to see Ronan having looked somewhere else. The moment passed. "Besides, I can't sleep now anyway. It'll mess up my sleeping schedule."

"Okay, Einstein." Ronan looked amused with his comment. A smile almost played at his lips. The tears were drying. "What do you suggest we do then to eat away the time?"

Adam shrugged. He licked his lips staring at Ronan's. He couldn't believe they were here, and that they were going to be here for who knew how long? There was angst building up inside him at the thought that Ronan wouldn't go back to camp. They owed the others an explanation. He wished he had a cell phone to tell one of them where they went. Ronan had one, but he was preoccupied. His one hand came to touch at Ronan's cheek, stroking the thick stubble building on his cheekbones and chin.

Like a hyena, Ronan let out a screeched laugh, awkward in its making. His gaze reverted to the view, of land and sky united.

"What?" Ronan made the sound again and shook his head at himself, alike he were embarrassed by a thought.

"Nothing," said Ronan.

Adam sat up. "What is it?"

He was flushed with the thought that Ronan was laughing at him. He was in a terrible enough mood it was possible. It couldn't have been so easy for Adam to make sense to Ronan's heartache.

"We could go swimming," said Ronan, and Adam couldn't process the words quick enough. "There's a lake not far from here. We would have to hike though."

Adam stood up before his brain caught up to what his body already heard. They were sweating sitting out here on the hot roof. "Let's go then," he said.

Ronan stared up at him, bewildered.

"You up for that?" he gaped.

Adam rolled his eyes. "You're the one who didn't want to hike the other week. Lazy ass." He took advantage of his position and ran his palm along Ronan's scalp, shiny and wet from the heat. "Are _you_ up for it?"

Ronan stood up too, almost too fast he slipped a little. Adam grabbed him quick, hands at his hips a little too easily and a little too long.

"Let's go," said Ronan, and he pulled away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan always knew this plan was stupid, but he still didn't want to face the music just yet. He wanted to dream one last time that this could be in. If by some miracle tomorrow it was, he would accept it. But he knew, deep down he knew, that was never going to happen. Tomorrow he would wake up and this place would still belong to someone else now.

He felt crushed.

He knew he would've felt worse if it hadn't been for Adam tagging along. Adam was always full of surprises. If someone could fall in love in five weeks, he was sure that's what he was feeling right now. Love for him. Something greater than anything he ever knew or felt before for anyone. He couldn't help himself. Adam made even the Barns feel trivial in comparison.

Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought that Adam Parrish standing in his parents' old room would make it hurt less. That his presence here would be a reminder of all he still had. Ronan came here to be angry or to be alone and to feel that hurt he felt when Declan said it sold.

Instead Adam wouldn't let him. He made him remember Opal and all the other kids, made him remember the progress he made since his car accident. He owed Adam so much for simple being Adam. He was quickly a staple in his life, and he wouldn't dare let him pull out of it.

It was an hour's hike to the lake, but the majority of the walk was in the shade of trees, and they each brought their waters with them to sate their thirst.

The walk brought back memories of the old times, of the before. He hoped that someday he would look back on these memories and feel something else beyond pain. Adam smiled at him as he was talking about dogs, and his smile made everything hurt less.

Dear god, why do you allow suffering?

He wanted to kiss Adam against a tree. He wanted to tell him how much he meant to him, how when he first got in the car his plan was much darker than this, and how he expected that by this time in the trip originally he would've been crying so much his body would've lost all its salt and water and he would've shriveled up.

The lake was smaller than he remembered. It was actually more of a pond, but it was clear and clean and inviting. He guided Adam to the other side, where there was a small dock to jump off of and leave their things.

It was then that he realized they didn't have swim trunks, and only their underwear. He held his breath as he watched Adam peel off his jeans to reveal his briefs underneath. Briefs clung to bodies differently thank swim trunks; tighter.

"We should skinny dip," Adam suggested. Ronan lost consciousness for a second when he heard that.

"You-? HUH?"

"I don't want to get my underwear wet. That does not sound like fun to me."

Ronan sputtered out replies after replies but all that he really said was _what_ \- _you_ \- _I_ - _huh_.

And then Adam peeled off his underwear and _there he was_. He was _naked_. Holy shit. Holy _shit_. This was better than his dreams. This was something else. He was literally perfect in every way. Ronan found himself staring, and then he realized he was staring and he looked up to see Adam staring back.

Ronan quickly closed his eyes.

"It's just a penis, Lynch." Adam could be heard walking into the water. It splashed around as he waded in.

"Yeah," Ronan found his voice and it was small, "but I wasn't expecting to see it."

"Excuse me for sweating and wanting to cool down," Adam replied snidely. "You coming in or what?"

Nervously he undid his own jeans, and then his briefs after that. When he opened his eyes he saw Adam wading in the water chest deep. He caught Adam stealing glances at him below the waist and he quickly put a hand there to cover himself.

"Don't ogle me, Parrish," he said, trying for aloof. "It's just a penis."

His entire body felt flushed with color as he stepped into the cold water. Chills ran up and down his spine until he was neck deep in the water, and had nothing to really hide anymore.

"I wasn't ogling you," Adam muttered, late. "I was just...." He dunked his head completely underwater. Ronan panicked for a second, and he swam forward toward him. He still worried he wasn't as great a swimmer as he could be.

When Adam came back to the surface he looked even more beautiful, his wet hair slicked back and his freckles prominent on his skin that glowed under the sun. The pond was covered in trees, but the sunlight that snuck through traced lines on his bare skin.

"I used to come here with Declan and Matthew." Ronan waded away a few feet. He was paranoid he was going to see Adam's penis again and _react_ and that Adam would see it. He punched at the water, what was once almost a dream it had been so long since last he was here. "We swam here a lot in the summers growing up."

"What do you do now?" Adam swam closer to him. Ronan was going to have a panic attack in the pond watching him.

"Our new house has a pool," said Ronan. He felt Adam's breath on his shoulder as he passed around him to swim around his front. "I don't use it much."

"Why's that?"

Ronan shrugged. "I don't hang out at my house much. My mom's sort of locked herself away there. She barely comes out of her room and never leaves the house."

That wasn't entirely true. Declan said she left the house last week, and the week before that. She was moving on. He needed to, too.

"That sucks." Adam looked to not know what else to say. He didn't mean to burden him with the expectation of words. That wasn't fair.

He wanted to thank him for coming, but he didn't know how.

Adam then kissed him on the cheek and then disappeared under the water. Ronan was melting.

He sunk down under the water too, a smile pulling hard on his lips as he slipped into the abyss.

The rest of the morning and afternoon was spent in the water. They talked about dogs and space and farming. How Adam once wanted to be an astronaut growing up, but now he wanted to work for NASA maybe. He was certain he wanted to be an engineer of some sort, but wasn't sure where that life would take him. Far away from Henrietta, he confessed.

Ronan wondered if there was room in this dream for him. He was starting to believe he was more than Henrietta, too.

They both exited the water roughly the same time, both being weird and looking at one another again as they dried off. Ronan knew why he was looking, but couldn't tell what Adam's fascination was. It didn't really matter. He was wide awake from seeing him fully unclothed. That was the first time he ever saw another boy naked before in real life, outside of his family and the one time he walked in on Gansey in the shower. It made him feel fuzzy inside like the static on a television set. He lay down on the dock and stared up at the sky, as birds crossed ahead. Adam rested beside him, the sides of their faces grazing each other. Adam was laying opposite him, his body going the other way than Ronan's. He wanted him so much it hurt. It hurt less when Adam turned his head to Ronan's, nuzzling his nose against his. He felt him breathe into his mouth.

Suddenly there were happy memories here again.

They stayed until golden hour, at which point they grabbed the rest of their things and headed back to the Barns. When it started to get dark he took Adam's hand, using it as an excuse to feel his fingers in between his own.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan introduced Adam to what was once his old bedroom. The room felt like Ronan's, even though there weren't any identifiable things in here to tell him that.

They set up the blankets and sleeping bag on the floor, and Ronan sat down on it to press his back against the wall. Adam sat beside him, but he first took a long look at him.

He couldn't believe that they swam naked, that he saw Ronan naked, that he _saw_ _everything_. Jesus Christ. He really did that. There was no real explanation for it other than Adam was hot and sweaty and he wanted to, wanted to see what Ronan would do. This wasn't a game, he was aware of that, but every time he felt himself on the edge of that something more he panicked and stepped back.

It was now twenty four hours since they left camp, which meant Ronan had been awake for even longer than that. He was being stupid, not resting, but he didn't look as tired  as he probably felt inside. Ronan looked at peace. Adam hoped that meant he was ready to leave soon. He knew the others were worrying.

"I wish we didn't eat all the snacks on the drive in," Adam noted, and he touched at his stomach as it gurgled for food. It had been a long time since he went without a meal. Camp was too good to him.

Ronan peeled his head off the wall and turned to him. "We could go grab something," he suggested.

"I don't want to get up," Adam admitted. "I don't think my legs would let me."

Ronan snorted in amusement and returned staring forward, head against the wall. His eyes closed and Adam allowed himself the pleasure of watching him. He watched his neck, long and stretched, and how his throat bobbed when he swallowed. He watched as his lips moved at every breath, and how he licked his lips twice in the course of his staring.

Adam yawned again while observing him, and Ronan opened his eyes to look him over.

"You should go to sleep," he said. "Before you get annoying."

"Only if you sleep," said Adam. "Even though it's too late for you on the annoying front."

"I'm not sleeping in here," Ronan declared.

"What?" Adam was a little disappointed. Was he going to take a blanket and find another room? Why? "Where are you sleeping?"

He realized he sounded needy but Ronan didn't seem to notice.

"I don't know." Ronan shrugged, still back against the wall. "Maybe the car."

"Lynch, don't be an idiot." He placed both palms flat on the floor. "We've shared a bed before. Stay here."

At once, Ronan was staring into his eyes with heavy assumptions and requests. He hadn't cried since that morning but it looked almost as if he would again right now.

"You sure?" His voice sounded soft, and Adam held himself back before he grabbed him and kissed him.

"I wouldn't suggest it if I wasn't sure," said Adam.

Even with the curtains closed all day it was still muggy in the house, and Adam peeled off his shirt while Ronan moved to fluff the bedding. Ronan paused in his efforts to stare, and Adam noted the heavy bedroom eyes he wore.

"Aren't you hot?"

Ronan cleared his throat and resumed his duties, saying nothing. Adam almost put his shirt back on, but he really was sweating in here. There wasn't much air circulating in the house, and it felt stifling after a while. It was more stifling sitting next to the boy he liked and unable to tell him.

They lay down facing one another, Adam getting the hoodie for his pillow while Ronan used a hand.

"I wonder how the talent show went," Adam murmured, as if they were back at camp and needed to talk quiet for the kids' sakes. He half expected Opal to appear and ask to sleep with them.

"Horribly, I bet," Ronan mused.

"Don't say that." Although it was probably half true, if only because of whatever the talents were, which he doubted many had any talent.

"Without the main event I doubt it had anything else going for it," Ronan added.

Adam snorted. "We were not the main event."

Hearing that somehow triggered something, and Ronan was sad again, his lips pulled down and his gaze finding solace in somewhere else other than Adam's face.

"You would've been terrific," he whispered.

Adam accidentally grazed their noses as he shifted around to get more comfortable. He smiled a little, heart warmed. "No thanks to my assistant," he said.

Ronan rolled his eyes and then closed them. While Adam knew he should be allowed some rest, Adam couldn't help himself and touched at his face. His fingertips ran down the length of it, from his forehead downward. When they passed by his lips Ronan shivered, parting them to let Adam's fingers pull a little at his lower one. It was so kissable.

"How long do you expect to stay here?" said Adam. "Realistically?"

"I don't know," and Ronan shied from his touch.

"You'll always have it in here." Adam reached and put his hand at Ronan's chest. It was fluttering madly. Tears lined Ronan's cheeks once again, staining the sleeping bag between them.

"I know that," he said. "I just don't know if I'm ready to accept it though."

"Well when you do, I'll be here." Adam kissed his cheek again, willing all his feelings and thoughts and hopes into that kiss. Ronan moved and cried against his wet shoulder, sobbing being the more appropriate word. His tears were cold as they ran down his bare skin, as he reached and enveloped Ronan in his arms, both stroking at his back as he let him cry.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a soft morning, cold and drafty when Ronan awoke. He was up earlier than Adam, no longer exhausted but definitely sore. When he took note of Adam still asleep he ran a finger over the air above Adam's sleeping face, not touching but almost. He counted the freckles there, until Adam moved and he lost count.

Ronan discovered that the plumbing still worked when he went to pee, which would've been a good find if he were staying.

After, he went out into the fields where there were once cows, remembering his youth spent taking care of them long after his other siblings bored of the activity. He stared at the barn where he used to hang out growing up. Where his dad.... He breathed through his clenched teeth. This was harder than he thought it would be, but Adam was right. He needed to say goodbye. He hated that he was right.

The sun was still rising, and for now it was still a decent temperature, being so early. He missed this. He missed the feeling he got living here. But he could find another farm to live at someday. It didn't have to be this one. He still had the memories. In the end that's all that mattered. Like Adam said.

He spent a couple hours exploring the same spots he once did long ago. It felt like a lifetime ago, like another person's life. In a way it was. He had shaped into another person because of what happened, and he needed to accept that. Since he started camp he was liking who he was again, who he was growing up to be. He didn't want to go backwards anymore.

Goodbye, home. Goodbye, Dad.

Adam was sleepily ambling about when he went back into the house. His shirt was riding up his stomach as he stretched. He was wearing only boxers and no pants and Ronan watched him longingly. He remembered yesterday afternoon and felt wistful about it. Somehow Adam looked like he belonged here. He belonged anywhere and everywhere.

Adam caught him looking and Ronan smiled at him, as he came over and touched at a lock of hair that stuck straight up away from the rest. Adam said nothing, allowing the touch. He was touching him more and more, he noticed. He liked it, even though he didn't understand why it was happening.

"You hungry?" Ronan asked.

"I'm sure the fridge is fully stocked," Adam remarked.

Ronan laughed. There wasn't even a fridge.

"We can pick something up in town on the way back to camp," Ronan said, knowing shoulders with him.

Adam lit up at the suggestion.

"You're coming back with me?" Adam beamed.

"Where else would I fucking go?" The hand that was still in his hair trailed down the side of Adam's face until it ran along the length below Adam's mouth. "Besides, I can't let you survive there alone. All those kids would kill you without any backup. And who would teach you to swim?"

Adam gave him a strange look, one he was unsure of. His eyes were staring through him, and he felt open and bare as he stared back.

"Let's go get our stuff," said Ronan.

"Yeah," Adam agreed.

As they were packing up the car, Ronan looked around one last time. He took a deep breath, and then another, and allowed himself to miss the house and the barn and the fields and the pond, but it strangely hurt less than before.

Adam drove this time, so he could get one last look goodbye as they drove away. He promised himself not to cry.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Can we make a stop on the way out?" Adam asked as they passed the gate and shut it again. "Before we get food. It wouldn't take long. Ten minutes at most."

Ronan felt unwound. He sat up, stretching his hands to the roof of the car. He couldn't do the same with his legs, which were already aching and they barely drove anywhere.

"If this is some rendezvous with some boyfriend or girlfriend I want no part of it," he said. "Bad enough I have to see Gansey being all gooey with Blue, and according to you Noah and Henry are probably doing it."

"I said nothing about doing it," Adam said, a little aggressively than he anticipated him to. "And would you shut up? I don't have- I'm not dating. Subtle way of fishing for if I am, though."

Ronan went white. "I wasn't fishing," he spat out. "I don't fish."

Adam rolled his eyes. "They're just a friend," he said. "And before you say _anything_ else, she's older."

Ronan sat up in his seat, curious. He almost grinned mockingly. His eyes suggested it enough alone.

"So Parrish likes older women, huh?" he said, teasing.

"You are unbelievable," Adam growled.

"Thank you." Ronan smiled a little. Adam rolled his eyes again and made a noise of disgust.

Where they were going wasn't far from where he lived, by a house he probably passed growing up but didn't remember. They pulled into the driveway and Adam appeared grateful to find another car there already.

"What, this like your aunt or something?" he said. He took in the view of the house, small and simple with a tiny yard and a thousand wind chimes on the front porch.

Adam shook his head. "No, she's better than family," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt.

An ethereal woman with long blonde hair and a thousand bangle bracelets came walking out the front door and straight to the car. They both got out as she ventured over. Her eyes went wide and she smiled in delight.

"Oh, Adam."

Her voice was like a lullaby. Ronan watched as Adam came over to her and gave her a hug. Adam didn't really talk about his home life much. But it was evident she was someone important. To bring out that smile he rarely received himself. He buried his face into her shoulder.

"Who is this?" she said, taking note of Ronan for only a second as they ended their embrace. "What are you doing here, sweet child?"

"Uh, we're doing something for camp," Adam muttered, shyly glancing at Ronan and then back at her.

"Oh. Lovely." The woman spoke in a way Ronan wasn't entirely sure this was reality. "Is that going well?"

"It's going very well." Adam smiled again and gestured to Ronan, who felt self conscious as he was motioned to. "Persephone I want you to meet Ronan. Ronan, Persephone."

Persephone came and clasped his hands in both of hers. She held them rather than shook them, and he allowed her to if only because Adam looked pleased by it.

"Hi," he said.

"Would you like to come in for tea?" Persephone looked between them, hopeful. Adam looked disturbed as he started to shake his head. It was so obvious he wanted to, that it unnerved Ronan he intentionally wasn't staying.

"Uh, we can't stay long," he said. He looked disappointed. "We just came to-"

"I'd like some tea, Parrish," Ronan counter acted.

Adam looked at him inquisitively. "You would?" He sounded perplexed.

"Yeah. I fucking love tea."

Adam's lips twitched at a smile. "You do?" He looked to almost want to laugh.

"Oh, good." Persephone twirled around to head back toward the front door which she left wide open. Her long and flowing dress flew about her as she moved. "Come come. I will make it."

"What, uh, is it that you do Persephone?" Ronan slowly followed after her. Adam stayed in step with him, staring at him. He wanted to tell him that he was going to get his face stuck that way if he didn't stop, but he allowed himself the pleasure of being leered at.

"I am a psychic," said Persephone.

He exchanged a look with Adam. Adam looked amused more at his reaction, continually staring at him curiously.

"Well, don't go reading my fortune," he said. "I want to be surprised."

Adam elbowed him. Ronan shrugged. "What?" he said low.

"I don't do fortunes anyway," said Persephone before slipping inside her house.

Inside it was an eclectic chaotic mess, as if whenever Persephone found something she liked she bought four of it. There were four of practically everything.

Standing in the center of the living room, Adam looked at home here. Ronan could see why he asked to visit here, if only for a little while. This was his Wonderland.

The pair of them went into the kitchen after Persephone, who was filling a kettle with water at the sink.

"So, Ronan, how are you liking camp?" she asked.

As if she were floating she moved across the kitchen to her stove and put the tea on, and then she moved and grabbed a box of tea biscuits from above the fridge. She set them down on the small dining room table in the corner as Adam sat down. Ronan followed him, feeling a little out of place here and definitely out of sorts. She moved again across the kitchen to look for mugs.

To both her and Ronan's surprise, Adam took one of the tea biscuits and ate it in two bites.

"I was hungry," he said when he caught them both watching. His skin deepened with crimson as he swallowed the dry cookie.

"I'm liking it a lot," said Ronan, after realizing he never answered. "How do you two know each other?"

Adam opened his mouth to talk but he still had some of the cookie in it.

"Volunteer work at the animal shelter," Persephone answered for the both of them. "Adam is a very kind soul. I can see why it is you two get along."

"Huh?"

"It's best you just go along with what she says," Adam whispered. "She sometimes says stuff that only makes sense to her. "

"Ah, the psychic crap?" Ronan muttered.

"It's not... crap." Adam seemed to be offended on her behalf. "Don't be a dick, Lynch."

Ronan's brow lifted, but he said nothing else. In silence he watched as Adam ate another cookie, and then he allowed himself one as well. It tasted buttery, and it practically melted into his mouth.

When the tea was done, Persephone finally sat down with them, handing them each a cup of it and sipping at a third one for herself. The tea smelled funny, but when he allowed himself to taste it it was pretty good. He ate another cookie as Adam and Persephone caught up about camp, him retelling some of their adventures. He could tell they hadn't talked much over the summer, which was curious when he and her were so visibly close.

"And he's teaching me to swim," Adam noted.

Ronan was surprised he announced it so easily to her, when he was the one who wanted it to be a private thing.

Persephone smiled at him. "That's very thoughtful of you, Ronan," she said. "Do you have any younger siblings?"

"Yeah," he said, apprehensive. "A brother. Why?"

But her attention reverted to Adam, as she gestured at his hair. "You need a haircut," she said.

Ronan disagreed. He liked its length.

Adam fidgeted at the suggestion, picking at pieces down by his ears. "I'm fine, Persephone," he said gently. "Really. Look, I'm sorry for not writing-"

"Nonsense." Her hands waved about as she swept away the apology. "You've been busy." For only a second her eyes found Ronan's as she glanced in his direction. Then her eyes went back to Adam. He didn't understand the look.

Adam followed it up with a look of his own, and then quickly looked away. Ronan curiously watched him blush. Weird. This was a new side to Adam he hadn't seen before.

"Uh, could you give us a minute?" Adam said.

Ronan realized a little late he was talking to him.

"Oh." He grabbed his tea to down the rest, which there wasn't much of. "Sure. Yeah. Whatever."

Outside he played with the wind chimes, stroking his finger through the chimes and listening to them react to his movement, banging together to make a melody. From where he stood he could see into the kitchen through the window. Though he tried not to spy, he couldn't help himself to see Adam looking so relaxed and comfortable with her. They hugged, and then she touched at his cheek as she said something to him. He shrugged then shook his head.

He looked away when he felt like the creeper that he was, knowing if Adam saw him spying he would get upset, and rightfully so.

After a while longer, Adam came back out with Persephone trailing behind him.

"I promise I'll be better at writing," he said, and he turned to face her again as they paused by the doorway.

"Only promise me you will visit when camp has ended," she said.

"Of course." Adam smiled at her. "You've done so much for me."

"Anything, Adam, for you."

She hugged him again and then came and surprised Ronan with a hug of his own. He almost felt almost like crying when she did. He missed his mom.

"It is okay to cry," she said against his head. "You are still strong inside. It was so very lovely to meet you, Ronan."

Ronan said nothing but awkwardly followed Adam back to the car. When he was inside he looked out at her as she waved them away.

Adam looked more peaceful as they drove. And for a while he stayed silent, compliant. Curiosity was building in him though, and it got the best of him.

"What did you two talk about?"

Adam didn't give him a withered look or roll his eyes or anything. He smiled as he spoke.

"You," he said.

Ronan paled.

" _Me_?" Even he could hear how his voice reached shrill levels. It was uncontrollable, and worse as he said again, "What _about_ me?"

"I asked advice on how to handle someone so incredibly stubborn and a pain in my ass," Adam said with a gleeful turn in his words.

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Fuck you"

Adam grinned freely.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was night when they reached camp. The drive was stale of conversation after a while. They didn't put on the radio the whole drive, but at one point Adam reached and took his hand. He didn't know what to make of it, but he liked it. He watched him drive and felt a stirring of something, seeing him so comfortable and so comforting.

He was his best friend.

"We should go tell everyone we're back," Adam said as they started their trek from the parking lot.

Ronan hesitated a moment, and fell back behind Adam as a result.

"What's wrong?" Adam turned around to him. "I have the keys now, and I'm not giving them back to you," he said more sternly.

"It's not..." He sighed. "What do you think they told Opal?"

Adam understood his hesitancy and he came closer, touching gently at his shoulder. "Oh. Well, whatever they told her, you can correct it," he said. "You're here. It's all that matters. Now come on, car thief. It's time to face the music."

As they started to walk again, he unthinkingly grabbed for Adam's hand. Adam looked down between them, visibly surprised with his widened eyes and heightened brow, but he said nothing. His fingers held onto Ronan's, squeezing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The reactions from their return were varied.

"Do you have _any idea_ how worried _sick_ I was about you two?" Henry held both hands to his chest and nearly had a heart attack when he saw them approach from the entry. He ran to them and dumped his clipboard on the way and hugged them. Then after a few seconds he shoved them both and slapped at both their hands.

After berating them, and them explaining what happened, they were sentenced to duty in the laundry room for the foreseeable future.

"Until you get your heads out of your asses!" he said. "Next time tell someone you're leaving! I almost called my mom on you bozos to help find you."

Adam kind of liked this side of Henry, truly taking charge. He smiled even as Ronan pointed it out.

"What are you smiling for? We got in trouble."

"Yeah, because of your stubborn ass," said Adam. "Come on. Let's go give the keys back to Noah."

Noah was in his cabin with Gansey. The moment they both saw them approaching Gansey rose to his feet and looked relieved to see them, while Noah was the one who looked upset.

"It still in one piece?" he said, as Ronan was the one to hand over his car keys.

"It's missing the windshield and a door and has a few dents and bruises, but that's fine, right?"

Noah scowled at him half a second as he sat there, and then he rose to his feet and slammed into Ronan with the most intense hug Adam ever witnessed. Gansey leaned to the left to appear from behind them and he waved at Adam.

"Hi," he mouthed. "Is he okay?"

Adam glanced at Ronan getting heatedly whispered to by Noah, and then back at Gansey who looked so incredibly concerned for him. He nodded. He was going to be okay.

On their walk to their cabin, they ran into Blue, her roommate, and a collective of kids.

"Oh, and where were _you two_?" she said. She had a mischievous smile as she looked between them. He was so blind to her teasing before. She knew about them long before he did.

Opal was with her, who glared at the both of them before storming off. Ronan went after her, and he could see the repercussions of Ronan's actions play out in real time. She pushed him away as he approached her, and he moved to kneel beside her, hands off but very much keeping close. They stood there a while, talking, and she shoved at his shoulder again before moving to hug him. He hugged her back, tight and strict.

"Adaaaaaaaam."

Adam barely had time to turn into the sound of his name before Jake came barreling into him. He knocked into his legs as he hugged him, just as tight as Opal and Ronan were hugging. Adam moved to kneel to return the hug, laughing his hello to him. He missed him.

"Will you do your magic tricks for us? Opal said they were awesome."

"Not tonight," said Adam, and Jake's mood sunk. "But soon, though. When I'm not so tired."

"Okay." Jake hadn't let go yet. "Where did you guys go? Everyone was worried."

He looked to Blue who nodded. "We thought Ronan joined a biker gang and you were stolen as the dowry."

Adam rolled his eyes.

"You missed the most hilarious talent show in the history of talent shows," she continued. Jake was still hugging him, and he allowed him to hug him as long as he wanted. Opal seemed to be doing the same with Ronan off in the distance.

"That bad huh?"

"It wasn't bad." Gabriella, Blue's roommate, motioned for the other kids to follow her. She allowed them their privacy, the three of them: Blue, Jake, and Adam. He waved his hi to her as she walked away with everyone else. "It was good actually," Blue went on. "But clearly no one put in any effort so it was also a mess. You should've been there."

"I needed to be with Ronan," Adam said. At the mention of him, Jake brightened and peeled off him, searching. When he spotted him with Opal he ran to say hello. Adam stood up as he witnessed Jake join their hug.

"I get it." Blue was watching too, and she turned to him again when they heard Opal laughing. "You two are...."

"Best friends," Adam filled in.

"Mm." Blue narrowed her eyes at him a little, teasing. "Not the word I was going to use, but okay."

Ronan approached them not long after with Opal and Jake at his sides. Opal immediately hugged Adam upon their arrival.

"Hi, Opal." He didn't know what else he could say. She took their absence harder than Jake had.

"Ronan told me you brought him back," she whispered. "Thank you."

He looked at Ronan as he hugged her tight, and he smiled. Ronan smiled back at him.

It wasn't long after that when they returned to their cabin. Adam handed off the book on his bed back to Ronan, who tucked it back under his own. Without an invitation to, Ronan sat on Adam's bed beside him, as they were both worn but unable to rest. Adam almost thought of studying his Latin, but he didn't want to suffer Ronan's jokes.

"I can't believe _I_ got laundry duty for trying to keep your sorry ass from running away," he admitted.

Ronan moaned beside him. "Tough job being the hero," he said drily. "I didn't even think about who had to wash all the laundry here. Now we have to do it."

Adam turned to him and stared. "Of course you didn't," he said. "You probably think fairies clean your room, too."

"No, I know for a fact those are elves," Ronan quipped.

Adam gave him a withered look, and thought back on what he really talked to Persephone about.

"You like him," she said.

"How did you-?" He remembered holding back the urge to turn and look at Ronan, who he knew was staring at them through the window. Subtle, he was not.

"You are incredibly obvious," said Persephone. This was the most genuine conversation they probably ever had. One he didn't want to run from, at least.

"Not obvious enough," he said, and he rested his face in his hands. "He doesn't have a clue."

"Do you wish for him to have a clue?" 

"Very," he confessed.

"Then what is the problem?"

"I'm scared." He ducked his head down and closed his eyes as he admitted it aloud. "I don't... want to ruin it."

"Oh, Adam." Persephone tilted his chin up and was smiling at him in the way she was always smiling. "You won't ruin it. You deserve to be happy."

"I know." He shut his eyes again anyway. "But I didn't mean to like him. I just came to camp to make money and maybe friends if I was lucky enough. This isn't what I asked for at all. He's like this big obstacle in my way."

"An obstacle to what?"

She was always asking the right questions, and he sighed. He stole a look in the reflection of the mirror behind Persephone, where he could visibly see Ronan touching at the wind chimes. His fingers were moving through them and creating music.

"I don't know," Adam said. "I just can never get him out of my head. He's the only thing I think about and dream about, and suddenly I'm daydreaming of what my first and only year at Aglionby would be like if we...."

He startled himself silent. Adam looked to stare down at his emptied mug of tea.

"I think the obstacle here, darling, is you," said Persephone. "Don't be afraid of being happy. You deserve it and much more."

"Fuck, I'm tired." Ronan stretched his arms above his head and kicked his legs out to stretch them too. "Goodnight."

Ronan pulled away from the wall, and more importantly, from Adam. His eyes cast downward to find his placing to shift off the bed, but Adam didn’t want the night to be over. Not yet. His hand went up and touched at Ronan’s chest, feeling the racing of his heart under his palm. It was like striking a match, his own instantly rushing to match Ronan’s pace.

“Ronan,” he said softly. His voice caught as he said his name, nervous of all things around this boy he grew so familiar with in such a short time.

Ronan turned his head slowly, eyes widening ever so little. Then Adam leaned in, just enough to let Ronan know what it was he was doing. Under his hand he could feel Ronan’s heart racing even faster, but he didn’t move away, and so Adam took the plunge and kissed him.

It was a simple and small kiss, as he held himself back, even though the minute their lips touched he wanted so much more. He felt electric and alive. This is what he had been missing.

Ronan went pliant under his touch, barely kissing him back he seemed almost overwhelmed by the kiss. So Adam pulled back. Ronan's eyes were still closed. He was sitting very still.

Adam worried it was wrong, that he should've talked about it first or maybe not kissed him at all, or maybe even though it was less than what he wanted it was more than Ronan could afford half asleep and emotionally raw.

Then Ronan inclined forward again, and Adam kissed him again. This time, he kissed with a little more passion and vigor. Ronan moaned a little, shaking, as he reached and kissed him back. A hand went and pulled at Adam's hair. Adam moaned, too. This was new. This was so great. He wanted more. He grinned against Ronan's mouth as he offered his tongue to deepen the kiss even more.

Ronan broke away at that. He gasped as if he hadn't been breathing this whole time. Slow, like a drunkard, he awkwardly climbed out of Adam's bed and into his own to lie down. Not even changing into his pajamas, he lay on top of his sleeping bag with his back to Adam. Adam didn't know what to make of that. Did he not like it?

"Goodnight," he said, testing the boundaries.

"Mhm. Good night." Ronan's voice cracked. He was shy. Adam smiled a little.

"See you in the morning."

"Mhm. Yeah." He heard Ronan sigh.

Adam was no longer tired, and he sat there with his head against the wall, grinning toward the ceiling.

That happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> realistically he would've been sadder longer at the barns but let's pretend he could've handled it all in a day yeah! ok! lol  
> i hope the fight wasn't ridiculous~ but moving on~
> 
> tell me what you think :) i love comments so much!! any feedback is great you all are so great :)
> 
> tumblr - cabeswatergreywaren


	10. The Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're not a spy!" Opal said. "Don't be a weirdo and lie. Lying is bad."
> 
> "It's true," said Adam. Ronan looked at him appreciatively for a second, until he grinned and said, "Lying is bad."
> 
> "Parrish, you ass-" He glanced at Opal and Jake and went pink in the ears. "Asset to my tennis lessons.... I need to talk to him for a second." Neither kid looked determined to leave. "Alone, preferably. This is adult stuff."

The sky was a thin, faint blue when Ronan woke up. The sun hadn't yet risen but it was light enough out Ronan could see without the guidance of a flashlight. It was cold, the air fresh and biting, leaving goosebumps on his skin when he sat up. He woke up completely awake and before anyone else, and realized this as he went to the bathroom to pee. He gave up halfway and ended up peeing in the woods, and as he was out there he wondered if last night was a dream.

In the delirium of emotional and mental exhaustion he imagined kissing Adam. No. Of Adam kissing _him_. _Twice_.

It wasn't a dream was it? It couldn't be. It was too vivid. All the times he dreamt of it before didn't have the awkward feeling of Adam's stubble on his chin, or the feeling of chapped hands reaching for him, and especially not the way his heart beat fast like an edm song afterward for ages until he could fall asleep.

It was real.

Ronan yelled out into the air, screamed really. Until his lungs gave out. He felt alive as he shouted as loud and long as he could, startling birds and waking trees and genuinely feeling like he could be him again. Like he maybe already was.

When the sun was just peeking above the horizon, Ronan came back to the cabin to find Adam having just woken up. His hair was a mess, sticking out in odd directions, as he yawned and stretched, generally looking sleepy and cute and very Adam.

When he saw him come in he looked his way and smiled, a new smile that was soft at the edges and made his belly warm.

"Morning, Parrish," he said, wondering if he was going to comment on the kiss. What did it mean to Adam? What did he want out of it?

Adam stretched some more, revealing the lining of skin between shirt and shorts. Ronan had seen that line a dozen times, but it never got old.

"Are there wild dogs hanging out anywhere around here or was that you howling earlier?" Adam asked. He propositioned him with a brow raise that made Ronan shiver.

"What makes you think it was me?" But Ronan was smiling as he came and sat down on Adam's bed beside him.

"Just a guess," Adam noted, and he yawned again. He covered his mouth with the back of a hand, his thumb jutting out like always as he stretched out his fingers to possibly wake them up.

Ronan wanted to test a theory, as Adam looked at him confused. He noted his presence in his bed with interest, inching a little closer. Ronan's breath caught in his throat.

"You look like you're constipated, Lynch," said Adam. "What is it?"

The teasing was same as always, but somehow Ronan felt affected by it differently today. He shied instantly. What if it was a one time thing? What if he hallucinated it? What if Adam just felt like kissing him and it meant nothing?

"You in there, Lynch?"

Adam knocked on Ronan's head. The discomfort he already felt was multiplied as he gently pushed Adam's hand away, and then he found Adam not letting go of his, holding his fingers in his own. His eyes fell to where Adam's hands rested on the sleeping bag, his bony thumb stroking at Ronan's fingers, and then his eyes followed up the length of his arm to meet Adam's intense stare. He was looking at him with a want he hadn't seen in him before, not until last night.

"You kissed me," he said.

"I did," Adam replied. He smiled, almost proud.

"You were my first kiss," said Ronan.

"I'm aware of that." Adam's brow furrowed slightly and he squeezed at Ronan's hand. "Did you not want me to be?"

"I did." Ronan's voice came out shaky and soft, but that was only because he was terrified, excited, complete and whole. Fuck, he was staring at Adam's lips that looked softer since he started using chapstick, which were on his lips less than twelve hours ago. His skin was buzzing. 

"Good." Adam grinned wide and elastic, like a rubber band expanding, but it didn't look like it was going to break. "I liked kissing you. Kind of want to do it again."

"Jesus."

"No, it's Adam," he replied drily. "But I guess you can call me Jesus if you want to."

If Ronan weren't so fucking nervous he would have cracked a response back at him but he couldn't.

Instead his eyes were closing as Adam came forward into him and brushed his second hand at Ronan's neck. The backs of his fingers were tenderly feeling around the side until they found their place at his nape, and then he was being leaned into and he almost leaned away this was terrifying. Amazing but terrifying. It was happening again, as Adam nosed his cheek, and then their lips were touching. He nearly squeaked as Adam very gently kissed him.

It was only one two three seconds, and then there was a floorboard creaking and they both turned their heads to the sound, to find several of the kids standing in the doorway between their rooms.

"Uh, are we interrupting?" said Evan, one of the boys from their cabin. 

Adam stood up first. It was like they weren't just about to have the second best kiss of his life just then. He was sweating and not from the heat. "You guys ready?" Adam said.

They awkwardly gathered their things and went to shower. At some point in the walk Adam got swallowed up by the kids talking to him about his magic tricks. They all heard about them and they wanted him to perform.  Through the chaos of it all, Adam still managed to look back at Ronan and he smiled, a miracle experience that nothing could even compare to.

Fuck, he was so far gone for him. To think he almost didn't come back to camp for this. To think just two days ago he didn't think he was allowed this.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam wanted to steal away at breakfast and drag Ronan with him so he could make out with him alone, but instead Ronan had the indecency of sitting with the others and not recognizing when he tried to gesture to leave. Only just two days ago Ronan was sad and crying and hurt, and now he was healing and happy and stealing glances at Adam any chance he had.

Their second kiss was disrupted by kids, but those seconds it happened were glorious and memorable. The nervous way Ronan tried to kiss him back before they realized they weren't alone. It was endearing.

But god damn it he wanted to make out. Or _something_. Anything. Ronan seemed to be further from him after it, by some horrible twist of fate. The kids were extra needy since they left, and he felt terrible for leaving, but he also wanted to be selfish and drag Ronan away somewhere they couldn't reach them. If only for a minute. Maybe fifteen.

He had a taste for it and he didn't want to let it go. What true, pure happiness could be like.

At tennis after breakfast, Adam tried to take what he could get. Opal and Jake were both asking Ronan questions about where they went, what they did when they were away, and why they left. Ronan was struggling to answer, coming up with terribly dumb excuses that even kids of their age could see through.

"You're not a spy!" Opal said. "Don't be a weirdo and lie. Lying is bad."

"It's true," said Adam. Ronan looked at him appreciatively for a second, until he grinned and said, "Lying _is_ bad."

"Parrish, you ass-" He glanced at Opal and Jake and went pink in the ears. "Asset to my tennis lessons.... I need to talk to him for a second." Neither kid looked determined to leave. "Alone, preferably. This is adult stuff."

"You aren't an adult!" Opal laughed, but Jake managed to drag her away regardless.

When they were somewhat alone, with the chaos of kids enough to the side they could withstand a minute or so without them monitoring, Adam inched into Ronan who still looked surprised by everything. He knew to take it slow with him, whatever this was, and he didn't even touch him as he felt his smile broaden into his cheeks.

"Hi," he said.

"I've been talking to you for the last hour, Parrish," Ronan said, squinting his eyes as the sun appeared in the sky out from behind a cloud.

Adam rolled his eyes and stepped even closer. He stared up at him the few inches he had on Adam, and breathed into his space, the space they shared together. Ronan's gaze softened immediately, and he looked to relax a little, shoulders shifting downward.

"Fuck," Ronan whispered. "In front of the kids?"

Adam rolled his eyes. "Is that so horrible?"

"There's a bunch of tattle tails in there," Ronan noted, glancing their direction. Adam wanted to run a finger down the stretch of skin along his jaw and neck. It pinkened as he stared at it, ignoring whatever it was Ronan said. He was a very touch starved teenage boy that wanted to kiss his crush. Why was this so difficult?

"Tattle tails," Adam repeated, snorting at the words. "You worry people will learn we're standing together talking?"

"No, that we're....."

Adam blinked at him, making him have to say it.

"We're kissing."

"I don't see us kissing right now," said Adam. Though he wished they were.

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Obviously," he replied. "We're supposed to be paying attention to the kids. That's not very good chaperoning if we're making out instead."

"Who says?"

Adam ignored his basic instincts of no touching and allowed himself to feel at Ronan's shirt, feeling his shoulder through the cotton. He gripped him there with his whole hand, and then let his fingers splay out and drift toward his neck. Ronan shuddered, then visibly swallowed. Adam's fingers were hovering over his throat when he did.

"This isn't funny," Ronan said.

"I'm not laughing." He poked at Ronan's chest. "Hey, show me the correct way to stand when you swing again. I've forgotten."

He really did forget, but he also wanted Ronan's hands on his hips again, and he felt sinful when he saw a similar interest expressed in Ronan's hungry eyes.

"Okay," Ronan replied, and his eyes fell to Adam's hips, and his hands came up to touch them, but then of course another kid was coming up and asking for their help with something, and there were hands pulling on theirs that weren't each other's. Again Adam had to be good, and keep his hands to himself.

It didn't help that they hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet. That morning didn't count. He wanted to know where Ronan stood on this, if he hadn't scared him away yet with all the suggestions.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Blue caught Adam off guard during a group activity where they switched partners. She dragged him away from Ronan, which was probably for the better since he couldn't focus anymore with him so close and yet out of reach.

When Blue explained she wanted to know what Gansey's intentions were with her, Adam felt like laughing. The parallels were almost surreal. He wanted to talk about that with Ronan, except to explain to him what his intentions were with _him_ , because as the day grew longer he was suspecting Ronan wanted to know and was internally freaking out.

"I want you to ask him for me," said Blue, and for a moment there Adam thought she was asking him to talk to Ronan. But that didn't make sense.

"Can't you just ask him yourself?" 

"Um, no." Blue looked absolutely offended. "That gives _him_ the power. I want you to snoop for me."

"Blue, seriously?"

But somehow she convinced him, and he found himself at lunch sitting across from Gansey while the others were whisked away. Ronan came later than the others, so Blue had to come back over to their table and take him from him. He almost told her to let him stay, but fishing was more awkward with a third party member involved unaware of what he was doing.

"Ronan!" Blue flashed him a smile and he understandably was hesitant to respond to it. "Look at these birds outside."

She kept him from sitting down, which made him shoot Adam a silent plea to be saved. Adam was aware he couldn't really do anything, so he offered him a sympathetic expression and shrugged his shoulders at him. Ronan narrowed his eyes and looked at Blue scrupulously as she pulled on his arm.

"The fuck makes you think I want to look at birds with- Ow. Stop pinching me. I'm being attacked!"

Opal could be heard laughing somewhere in the cafeteria.

When Gansey and Adam were truly alone, it dawned on Adam that they hadn't ever been alone before like this. Gansey was oblivious to this fact, eating his food blissfully unaware. Adam couldn't eat until he asked him, and it was hard to go right into it without being obvious.

Eventually he felt he just had to. Blue owed him.

"So, you dating anyone right now, Gansey?" he said. Gansey nearly choked on his rice.

"Uh, no," he said, after clearing his throat and not dying. "Not really." He stared quizzically at him, and Adam felt as if he was caught already.

"Oh." He glanced over at Blue who was watching them, very unsubtly he might add. "Are you the commitment type or are you..." He tried to think back to what Blue wanted him to ask him. "Are you into labels at all?"

Gansey tilted his head a little. "Are you hitting on me?"

Adam laughed. "What?" He started shaking his head. "No. No no no no no no no no no no. I'm not-"

"I'm very flattered, Adam," Gansey said, sitting straighter and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "But I'm afraid I'm not interested in you in that way. Maybe in another life-"

Adam's stomach was hurting he was laughing so much. Gansey appeared to look at him as if he were embarrassed. He was embarrassed for Gansey, not himself.

"I'm not-" He wheezed. "I don't."

He continued to try to save face, but Gansey was somehow settled with the idea he liked him, and he admitted it was better than outing Blue's plan to him. Ronan was looking over at them same as Blue when he glanced their way, still laughing as Gansey tried to explain a time freshman year he and Henry went fishing or rowing or something. He wasn't paying any attention to him anymore, staring at Ronan across the cafeteria and acknowledging him with a smile.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The camp broke up into a cluster of activities spread out across the campgrounds after lunch. The kids mingled with different counselors and picked what they could. Henry allowed this little bit of chaos today because, well, Adam couldn't really tell why but he was pretty sure it was because he was spending more time with Noah as a result, who he watched him walk away with after lunch toward the art hut and a collective of kids.

Adam wanted to steal this opportunity to whisk Ronan away, but then he saw him waiting in line for one of the canoes, as he and Gansey were only just making their way over to the lake, and he booked it.

"Bye, Gansey."

"Uh-huh. See you later, Adam...."

Adam rushed at a fast walking pace through campers and counselors alike, zigging and zagging and avoiding conversations that tried to start. He was hardly at the dock when Ronan got into one of the canoes, and then he saw Opal moving ahead of him to join him. He touched at her hand to get her attention and she turned to him, brightening when she registered who it was."

"Oh, hi, Adam," she said. "You going in?"

"Can I go in with Ronan today?" He eyed ahead as Ronan was looking around at the line for the canoes. Opal turned to see what he was staring at, and then back at Adam. She whipped out a smile that could rival Ronan's and she shrugged.

"Sure," she said. "If you promise to do a magic show tonight."

"You..." He couldn't believe it, but he wasn't surprised either. "Sneaky."

She shrugged again. "Beggars can't be choosers," she said.

"Fine." He offered her a hand. "Let's shake on it."

"He's getting away, you know."

And Adam realized he was. He kissed her cheek for good measure before moving quick to catch the tail end of the boat. He nearly leapt into it, and then nearly tipped overboard, but Ronan noticed him jump and he was quick to catch him before he fell out.

"What are you-?"

Adam sighed, finally alone with him, save for everyone staring and rowing by them in their canoes. Adam sat down opposite him in the seat closer, feeling Ronan's hands still on his hips.

"Finally," he said out loud. "I've been trying to have this moment all day."

Something clicked in Ronan, and it was then he realized how alone they were compared to the entirety of the day since that morning. His face lit up and his expression was so open and earnest. It was cute watching him realize, as they drifted slowly out toward the center of the lake. Ronan had stopped rowing a bit back.

Ronan then moved into him, but Adam had a list planned out for this. He moved away enough to disrupt the kiss from happening.

"Before we get to that," he said, and god he wanted to get to it quick, "I just want to talk."

"Talk?" Ronan's brow curled.

"Nothing bad," Adam added quickly. Then he just as quickly chickened out. "Gansey thinks I'm into him," he said.

Ronan's expression twisted darkly. "Are you?"

"No," Adam laughed. "God, no. Use that brain of yours. I know it's rusty, but it works."

Ronan frowned at him, as Adam eyed him intensely.

"I only like one person at this camp," he said, and made Ronan silent. His eyes were starting to grow wide, when god wasn't it obvious it was him after they kissed three times? Well, two and a half.

"It's the janitor," he said, and Ronan rolled his eyes. "Is he single?"

He laughed as Ronan shoved at his shoulder, shoving back and keeping his hand there after. Ronan was wearing one of the camp shirts today, and he could feel Ronan's collarbone through the thin lining. Jesus.

"I like you." Adam finally felt he could breathe when he said it. Relief washed over him as the words came out, and he felt lighter when he said them. "I like you quite a bit. You've become someone important to me."

Ronan smiled at him, a small one full of tentative hope.

"I like you, too," he said, and a flush of color was rising to the surface of his skin. "If it weren't obvious." His words came out breathy like he was trying not to cry. Adam touched at his face because he wanted to and because he could. He almost ignored the rest of what he wanted to say just to kiss him.

"I've never, uh- I mean I'm not sure..." Adam winced at his lack of sentence structure. This was becoming unbearably difficult again as he struggled on what to say. Ronan moved to press his forehead to his, almost like an offering, and it did calm his nerves a little. "This is new to me. Feeling this strongly. It," Adam sighed, unable to find his words still.

"It's new for me too," said Ronan. "Obviously."

"Wouldn't have guessed."

Ronan gently shoved at Adam's shoulder, who smiled so bright as he caught Ronan's hand and held it in his. Their fingers fit together awkward and sweaty.

"I've shared parts of myself with you I don't like to share," he said, and he learned that staring down at their hands was enough to keep him guided. "Parts I haven't even shared with Persephone. I don't want to fuck this up."

"What don't you want to fuck up?"

And Adam was looking at him like he's been looking at him for weeks. Ronan's expression twisted with the realization of just _how_ much Adam liked him, and then he was staring back at him the way he's been staring back for weeks.

"Don't worry," said Ronan. "I'll probably fuck it up before you."

Adam doubted that. He shook his head. "Don't say things like that," he said. "I'm serious."

"So am I."

"This isn't a competition," Adam countered.

"It'd be a pretty fucked up one if it were," Ronan agreed. "Just know you... you can't fuck it up. Okay?"

"Okay...." There was undoubtedly more to say but suddenly Adam couldn't think of another word. He reached hungrily for Ronan at his nape and pulled him into him. Ronan's backside came up from his seat and his knees moved into Adam's as he crouched into him, hands resting at his sides to keep himself balanced. Ronan made a sound that seemed to originate from deep within him as he pressed into Adam, and again their lips were softly touching when someone else came and fucked it all up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was splashed with water coming in from the lake and jerked from the shock of cold and wet, turning to see Gansey surfacing from the lake and gripping at the side of the canoe with both hands. He was fully clothed and very wet.

At once Ronan recoiled from Adam, not in the mood to hear Gansey give him an earful about them yet.

"Gansey, what the fuck?"

Across from him Adam looked just as surprised. 

"Hello, gentlemen." Gansey was breathing rough, pushing up his wet glasses. "Good day for a swim, huh?"

"In all your clothes?" Adam looked like he wanted to laugh but he didn't.

"Oh, yes." Gansey was putting on a good front but he looked embarrassed in the way Gansey did, which was often subtle. "I admit I wasn't expecting to swim today, but it's nice. Cool in here. Perfect day for it."

"Why are you swimming with all your clothes on?" Adam was asking all the good questions. Ronan much preferred the idea of his tongue being put to better uses. When Adam glanced his direction Ronan shied at having the thought, and looked down in humility.

"Well, I seem to have insulted Blue in some way and so she threw me out of the boat we were in together," Gansey answered. He didn't sound the least bit upset about it. "I've made the most of it since then, but it's rather difficult swimming in all these clothes. Heavy. Could you be of some help and let me into your boat?"

Together both Adam and Ronan helped ease Gansey into the canoe without tilting it over and risking all three fall in. Ronan wouldn't have minded the cold and wet, but he knew Adam still did. Suddenly he got a chill down his spine at the thought of what their swimming lessons could be like now that he could..... Gansey cut his thought off by stepping into view of Adam and Ronan wanted to upheave the whole canoe.

As a result of Gansey's wetness, Ronan moved to sit next to Adam. They could barely fit on the same seat, but they managed. He wanted to manage. They squeezed together as Gansey tried to ring out his ears over the edge of the canoe. He was soaking wet head to toe, filling the canoe up with water as he sat there. Half the lake filled the raft, and Ronan could feel his feet getting soaked. Adam must have felt it too because he grimaced a little. His entire left side was aching to press a little harder into Adam's. Just a little more contact. But there was no more pressing required. They were squished together, their knees touching. He became very aware of his entire body. How leaner Adam was to him. How he sat with his shoulders up straight and Ronan hunched. How Ronan felt he was built like razor blades pieced together, each line sharp edged, but Adam was pulling every single one of them out, leaving him a vulnerable thing that so badly wanted to show any sign of affection here. Adam leaned a little more into him, and he smiled a little, privately just for Ronan to see. Ronan's grin hurt his face.

"What were you two up to?" Gansey asked.

He so badly wanted to tell Gansey the truth. _I was about to kiss the boy of my dreams again but you ruined it._

He noticed him looking strangely at Adam and almost laughed as he followed his eyes to Adam's comically humiliated expression. He really did think Adam was into him. He _wished_. For once he was the one that someone liked.

"Whale watching," Ronan replied. "What the fuck does it look like we were doing?"

He heard Adam quietly snort at his side. God, he couldn't believe this.

"Gansey," and Ronan felt Adam's chin near his shoulder. All the times he did it before Ronan was so unaware as to why. He thought it was a sign of comfort, but holy shit it felt nice to feel him breathe against his neck, so close and intimate in a way people didn't think twice. "I'm a little more curious why Sargent would throw you out of a boat."

"Don't get mad at her," Gansey replied. Ronan's lips twisted into a devilish smile.

"Mad? I'm impressed." He gestured with both hands to his best friend. "Sargent deserves a reward for this."

Gansey was flustered by that, which was Ronan's intent. He didn't mean to cockblock him, but that's exactly what he did.

They were literally _this close_  to finally kissing again, to finally releasing all the tension that built up in them since this morning. Ronan almost wanted to shove Gansey back into the lake so he could just get one moment of peace with Adam to where he could kiss him until they were sated for a while. Now that he knew he could it was all he wanted. One kiss wasn't enough. He wanted more. He was impatient. He'd waited seventeen and a half years for this moment, to feel this way and have someone feel it in return. It was impossible and crazy and yet it was real, and no one was letting him experience it right! Assholes.

Discreetly as Gansey yammered on about something, he touched at Adam's hand, and felt Adam turn his hand over so they were palm against palm. He almost smiled again but Gansey would've asked what he was smiling at.

Eventually they reached back at the dock, and Gansey sloshed out, his clothes making noise each time he moved. He started to waddle away and called out back to them as he left, pausing several feet away.

"Good day, gentlemen," he said. "I'm going to head back to my cabin and dry off for a bit. See you at the mess hall later?"

Ronan and Adam exchanged a look and then Adam nodded for them. "Yeah, we'll be there."

Gansey looked incredibly pleased by this, as if he had any idea what was on their minds. They were still holding hands, he realized, as there was barely anyone else around to notice. It wasn't that he wanted to keep this a secret, because god he was definitely not embarrassed of Adam wanting him. But this was camp. They were stuck here with these same people for four more weeks. He didn't need them in his business, asking things they undoubtedly would ask. He could see Noah's face now, a helicopter parent if there ever was one when he thought Ronan needed it.

He gave a small tug at the front of Adam's shirt, and he could feel his racing heart rap against his knuckles like a drum solo. He couldn't believe he stirred this sort of emotion from Adam, that he was doing to Adam what Adam was doing to him. What the fuck.

"Where were we?" He leaned in.

"In a canoe on the lake," Adam replied, aware of his smartass remark already as he grinned. "You really need to get your head checked."

Adam pulled his hand free so he could knock again at Ronan's skull. The temptation to snag his mouth into a kiss irregardless of who was around was palpable.

"This is hell," he confessed, as he could feel Adam's breath on his face but not his lips.

"No, this is Camp Cabeswater," said Adam. "Honestly, Lynch. I'm worried about you."

Without thinking, Ronan was tickling him at the stomach in an effort of payback. Adam screeched out a laugh as he recoiled, and Ronan gave chase down the hill to catch him again. He managed to move quite fast, but Ronan was quicker. Adam looked determined to avoid him, but playful at the same time. Ronan didn't know how he could do it, express so much sometimes in his face. He was expressing more as the weeks went on, allowing Ronan more inside. Ronan grinned as he almost caught him, grabbing for his arm, but watching it slip out of reach as he was separated by a tree trunk.

"Too slow!" said Adam. His head popped out around the other side of it.

"Just like your driving," Ronan replied. Adam scoffed and disappeared again.

After evading him through the trees, and several campers at one point, eventually Ronan caught him with a wicked smile and tickled at his stomach until they were both falling over into the grass. Adam was laughing uncontrollably as they lay there, even long after he stopped when Adam asked. He was having trouble breathing through the effort of running and laughter, and Ronan was panting a little too. He was above him, as he was on his side and Adam lay flat on the grass. Adam swallowed as Ronan reached down and touched his face, a stroke to his cheek where he was allowed now.

"You're a menace," Adam said, fighting for breath. He smiled up at him anyway, eyes sparkling in the low light.

Ronan bent down and kissed his cheek, and felt Adam incline into him with his whole body. That was a lot to process, but first he reacted to Adam's hand at his chest, pulling him further down to touch his lips. He arched down, and heard Adam breathing slower, steadier. He sighed with relief when Ronan's lips started to move.

"You losers are missing dinner."

Ronan groaned. This was some cosmic joke. Don't let Ronan make out with Adam. Big funny joke ha ha. He hated this.

"Opal, we'll be there in a minute." He looked over his shoulder to find her standing there staring quizzically at them. She was a kid but she wasn't clueless. This was obviously not very discreet.

"What are you doing?" But Opal's tone made it clear she already knew. Adam was staring up at him with such vibrant thirst, and Ronan had to close his eyes. He balked, snorting a little.

"What are you doing, Lynch?" He smiled loosely as he tried to move Ronan's hand away. "I need to see."

Ronan wanted to say, _and I need to not get a boner right now. We both have problems._

"Listen, I wouldn't be out here right now if I could help it," Opal went on. Ronan grunted like he understood and he sat up, wiping the grass off his clothes. "But it's pizza night, and I don't want you two bozos missing out."

"Thank you, Opal, for thinking of us," he said sarcastically.

"Anytime." She grinned and turned fast on her heel. "Come on. Hurry up. Adam's gotta be ready for tonight."

As Ronan was standing to his feet, he looked back at Adam who was still at his knees. He helped him stand, letting their hands stay together long after it was necessary. Adam was sheepishly looking down.

"What's tonight?"

"Uh...."

"A magic show," said Opal. "Duh."

"You're fucking _kidding_ me." He winced after he already said it. Opal looked at him expectantly for money added to this long long list he owed her. Frankly he didn't know why he didn't just sign over his bank account to her at this point. Adam on the other hand was smirking when he returned his eyes to him.

"That excited, huh?"

"Shut up." Ronan's skin was prickling with heat. He held Adam's hand but he said nothing the rest of the walk to the mess hall.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After dinner, the coerced magic show quickly escalated into the entire camp coming to the stage to watch Adam and his tricks.

"I didn't expect everyone to want to watch," Adam said, and he looked visibly nervous, fidgeting and agitated. He had his supplies in a small bag that he went back to their cabin to get. Alone. But Ronan wasn't allowed to follow, per his request.

"You'll be fine," said Ronan, and he gently tugged at Adam's shoulders. "You've been practicing so fucking much it's gotten boring." Adam gave him a look. "I mean for me. I mean, you're really good at it all. Is. _They_ haven't seen you whip that scarf out your arm a million times. They'll love it."

"Will you still be my assistant?" Adam said it like it was a teasing question, but he knew deep down he was sincere. It was in his eyes. He could still see Adam was nervous and he moved to squeeze his hand as support.

"Of course. Who would make your performance look good?" he quipped. Adam rolled his eyes and peeked out from behind the stage at the ever growing, bustling crowd. Ronan turned him back to look his way. "You're a great magician," he said.

Adam smiled at him, the edges of his lips turning up just enough. Ronan wanted to kiss him so badly, and he could see that was currently on Adam's mind too, but he also knew they would never leave behind the stage if that was what they were doing instead. He slapped him on the shoulder and sent him on his way.

It went great, better than great actually. At first Adam's nerves almost got the best of him, but then Ronan came out and collected everyone's attention toward him. He said a few jokes, all terrible and inappropriate. The counselors looked appalled, sans Noah who laughed, but the kids enjoyed it. When Adam did his first trick all the kids shut up in wonder. Somehow he made magic tricks cool again, when Ronan thought they were boring to kids now, but he was glad for Adam that they weren't boring to these kids.

Ronan assisted in distraction and demonstration when needed, but for the most part it was all Adam, and he glowed when he was the star of the show. He looked effortless as he stood there, shining.

When that smile was directed to him, he needed to take a step back, overwhelmed by the way he looked at him. He was happy, and fuck fuck fuck so was Ronan.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When it was over most of the kids came and took Adam away from him to talk more about the magic. Blue came and told him it was definitely worth its own special show, and he could see Adam getting flustered and overwhelmed by all the praise. He tried to pull him away, but Adam asked to talk to Blue alone, and he was left with the cluster of kids to entertain while he watched Blue and Adam walk off to chat. They weren't that far, but he stared after them anyway, mumbling responses to the kids until Opal gave him a nice kick.

"Ow." He glared at her and she glared back. She gestured to everyone else and he realized he was ignoring them. "Uh.... What was the question?"

After a while of answering questions about magic, most of which he made up because he couldn't answer them honestly since he didn't know, Adam came back and slid his hand casually into Ronan's.

"Kids, we gotta go," he said, and they all made sounds of disappointment. "We'll see you all tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Yeah, uh, night," Ronan muttered, before finding himself being pulled away. "Where are we going?" he then asked, following him along through the darker parts of the campground. He looked back at the diminishing horde of children and counselors. "Shouldn't we watch the kids?"

"They're fine with the others for a while," Adam replied.

Ronan went silent after that. This spiked his intrigue and he followed him through the woods, after a while following him close behind because he couldn't see. Adam whacked at low tree branches and kicked at fallen ones, until they were somehow somewhere where he wanted to be.

This felt like a scene in a horror movie. He prayed the killer at least let him make out before he died.

Then Adam's hands were at his shoulders, and even in this terrible lighting he could make out the expression in his face, the same one he had on all day. Want.

He was pinning him to a tree and Ronan struggled not to wince. The bark hurt against his back but he said nothing about it. He instead let the pulsing ache die as Adam's hands were on his waist.

"I like you a lot," Adam whispered. Why was he whispering? There wasn't anyone else around.

"We established this earlier didn't we?" he said. He arched his brow even though he doubted Adam could see. "Weren't you there?"

Even in this poor light, he could still see him roll his eyes. "And you like me," Adam concluded.

Ronan nodded heavily, and his head knocked back into the tree trunk, which hurt enough he felt his hearing swell a second.

"Do you maybe want to date?"

"What?" Ronan didn't quite catch it. He inclined his head a little, ears still ringing.

"Do _you_ ," Adam ran a hand down the center of Ronan's chest, which twitched at the feeling, "want to date _me_?" Adam's same finger moved to rest on his own chest.

Ronan was dry mouthed. This wasn't where he was expecting this to go. He struggled out, "Fuck. Yeah." And then he found himself grinning, heart racing and palms sweating. "Fuck yeah."

Then there it was, no disturbances of any kind. No campers or counselors or Gansey or axe murderers. They were alone, and allowed, and Adam was on him before he could mentally prepare. Adam was kissing him again, and Ronan hummed, feeling relief and glee. So this is what kissing was like without hundreds of miles of exhaustion wearing him down. This is what he had been missing all this time. Adam slipped in his tongue and Ronan became dizzy. He quivered and felt the kiss everywhere in his body. He was reaching forward and letting his hands go into Adam's hair same as when Adam's hands were playing with his waist.

Kissing him was like kissing a storm, wild and unpredictable. He didn't think kissing him would go like this. Adam was so contained the rest of the time, he expected a quieter connection. But he would risk the lightning for the rain, every drop of it as Adam hurled himself closer, hands grasping at Ronan's neck, lips bruising like a race was to be won. A swipe of tongue appeared again and Ronan let go, disappearing into teeth and hands and skin.

"Fuck," he mumbled against Adam's fast moving lips, "we have to do laundry."

Adam laughed and shut him up by pushing him harder against the tree.

"It can wait," he said.

That was true. This was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter but wanted to give you guys something xx we are not more than halfway through the fic (i planned to do at least a chapter a week so moving right along~)
> 
> let me know what you think as always xx all your feedback and comments have been so wonderful thank you so much
> 
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	11. Sneaking Around When Neither of You is Stealthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His fingers found a belt loop at the front of Ronan's jeans, hooking around it and stealthily yanking Ronan forward inch by inch. This was the most forward Adam had been in front of other people, it startled Ronan silent. Simply, he allowed Adam to explore whatever it was he was doing, pulling him inward while chaos occurred all around them. Their eyes didn't leave each other as he felt himself stumble a little forward into him, nearly knocking over the planters at their side.
> 
> "If I didn't know any better," he said, and he then lowered his voice to a faint whisper, "I'd think you were flirting."
> 
> Watching Adam's lips quirk up into a loose, carefree smile set Ronan's skin on fire and his heart to race.

"Here." Opal handed off a small yellow flower to Ronan in the middle of dinner one night, distracting him from watching the entrance of the mess hall. She sounded annoyed, and when he stole his eyes from the doorway, he could see it in her little face. She rolled her eyes as she pushed the flower into his chest, clearly not a fan of holding it.

Ronan was put off by her mood. If she didn't want to give him a flower, she didn't have to. This wasn't _give a flower to a counselor day_.

And now she was taking his attention awayfrom the door. He was watching it, waiting for Adam to come through. They were split today, as they had been for days now, as one of their many punishments for ditching camp. Today Ronan had been partnered with Noah and Blue, while Adam had Gansey and Henry. He probably died from boredom.

"What's with the attitude?" Ronan asked, but his eyes were on the door. When he caught sight of Henry and Gansey coming in alone, he was confused. Where was Adam?

"I'm not your messenger," Opal said.

Ronan turned to her.

"Huh?"

"This is for you, from someone else," she said. She rolled her eyes like he wasn't getting it. But when he finally took proper notice of the flower, at its similarity to what he picked for Adam for his birthday, suddenly it all clicked. He smiled, knowing immediately who they were from and what they meant.

"Oh," he said.

"Stop being so weird," Opal groaned, before walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fifteen minutes went by since Adam motioned for Opal to head inside the mess hall and give Ronan the flower. He hoped he got the message loud and clear, knew to come here. It wasn't that difficult of a task.

He was waiting at the boat house by the lake. It was known amongst the counselors to be a good make out spot, and frankly he wanted to know what it would be like to makeout at an actual makeout spot. This was for research. But Ronan was taking too goddamn long. He was getting impatient out here, awkward and alone and without dinner.

Then he heard someone outside, and he froze, anticipating it to be Henry or a couple coming to make out and steal the spot from him.

The door creaked open and Adam stood straight, brightening when he saw it was Ronan coming through. He was sneaking inside like this was dangerous, but really it was just reckless not eating.

"Hello stranger," Ronan said. He tried to look suave as he stepped in, but he tripped on the bottom edge of the door frame and stumbled inside. Adam had to catch him, laughing wildly at his lack of elegance.

It was dark in the boat house, the sun setting and the boats hanging along the walls blocking the windows. The ground was wet and a little slippery as Adam helped keep Ronan aloft, holding him close to feel his racing heart beat as he still laughed. Even in the dark he could tell he was blushing, mumbling curses at him as he pushed him off to stand straight by himself.

"It's only been five hours," he said, teasing him with a touch to his boot with a light tap of his sneaker. Ronan ever so tactfully stepped on his foot in return, then bumped foreheads together with his hands coming up to Adam's arms.

They were two teenage boys in a boat house at camp, hiding away unstealthily while feeling out their hormones. It was a mess, but Adam couldn't stop smiling lazily at him. He reached and touched his palm to the center of Ronan's chest, missing this closeness all day.

"You say that like it hasn't been like this since we came back from our trip," Ronan murmured, slowly quieting down to his softer voice.

It was true, what he said. Since they came back from their time at the Barns, Ronan and Adam were purposefully split in most of their usual activities. Henry pretended it wasn't solely about them by switching everyone's schedules, but it was obvious they were the cause of it. Camp had become chaos because of this, and so did Adam's patience.

"I think it might be punishment for running away together," Adam said. They were swaying in the dark, not kissing but close enough to, familiarizing themselves with each other again as if it had been weeks and not hours since they last saw each other. Adam's hands ran over Ronan's arms, feeling his breath on his face. He tilted his chin up into the sensation, reaching for that kiss he came here for.

"Running away together?" Ronan's brow lifted and Adam grunted jerking back. With a playful smile, Ronan followed him across the small space between boats. "If I knew that's how you saw it.... "

Adam glanced over his shoulder, annoyed as he reached and grabbed a wooden support beam, using it to swing back around into Ronan.

"If you came here to talk we could've done this in the cafeteria," he said. He poked at Ronan in the chest. "I wasted a good flower on you for this."

While Ronan rolled his eyes, Adam moved swiftly into him, using his free hand to feel at Ronan's nape, fingers nimbly pushing into his skin to gesture him forward.

At once they were kissing, and Ronan's hands came to his waist, delicately placed there with uncertainty on if they were allowed. Adam pushed into him, allowing them, feeling him relax responsively and grip a little tighter.

They were good at this, the kissing thing. Adam was in favor of the way Ronan rolled his tongue like a crook of a finger, pulling him in every time. He learned early on Ronan liked the use of tongue, and they practiced speaking the language of it, Ronan eager to learn, which Adam admired fondly. He also liked the way Ronan sighed every so often after a good swipe of _his_ tongue, or a gentle move of his hand into Adam's hair.

They were good about the angles, though still learning which ones the other liked, Adam appreciating Ronan's willingness to adapt. He's had kissing partners before that didn't. But Ronan seemed to want this to be special every time, and every time it was. There was something about him that made Adam feel like every kiss was meant to be memorable, like he was being gifted with something uniquely crafted for him.

Ronan's hands moved to the small of his back, pushing at him to come closer, until they were flush against each other and Adam's arms were trapped between them.

And they kissed and kissed and kissed. Ronan made a soft moaning sound, expressing his gratefulness for the kiss. Adam's jaw was starting to ache, and his skin was tingling from Ronan's noise. Satisfied, he flicked his tongue one last time against Ronan's then pulled away. Ronan chased after his lips unconsciously, eyes still closed as Adam started to leave his arms. He was visibly wrecked, and Adam could understand why. His head was spinning a bit as he staggered a step away, touching at his forehead to tame his responses. They could easily get lost in their kissing. Their second kiss lasted nearly an hour before they realized.

For good measure, Adam pecked his lips once more and then started to leave. His stomach was ferociously growling at him in hunger, and he didn't want to miss a meal if he didn't have to.

"That can't be it," Ronan said, voice imitating the sounds from Adam's stomach. He was following him to the exit.

"I got what I came for," Adam said, lifting his chin up and smirking back at Ronan triumphantly. He watched as Ronan's yearning expression twisted into annoyance as he grabbed him by the waist.

"Well I sure as fuck didn't," he said, and Adam laughed at his reluctance to stop so easily.

They were kissing again before he could say otherwise, and this time Adam couldn't help but ignore his grumbling stomach. He allowed himself to disappear properly into the feeling, hands moving to wrap around Ronan's neck, their bodies pressed tight. Ronan's hands still sat on his waist, immobile for the most part. They never ventured further down than this, still learning their boundaries and pacing. The two had made a pact not to kiss in the cabin, and so this is what they allowed themselves.

A snap of a branch startled Adam, and he pushed Ronan off again. As Ronan came back into him, they could hear voices outside, and he froze before his lips made contact with Adam's.

"We should go out the back," Adam whispered.

Beside him, Ronan groaned, low and long. "I'm going to kill whoever that is," he said.

"Another time," Adam proposed, and he dragged him out the back before whoever was outside could catch them.

They made their way around to the front just as the others stepped in, sneaking away in the dark before they were spotted or heard.

As they walked back to the mess hall together, Ronan proved how stubborn he could be. Despite them keeping a low profile, he snaked his hand into Adam's. Adam couldn't judge him for it, allowing their hands to grip the other even for a little while. Something special and private between them.

They walked the rest of the way holding hands, and then their hands separated when they opened the door to head in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Now that camp was past the halfway mark, Henry was beginning to panic about the campers' talent show. It was looming in on them, and now everyone had to start getting serious about it. But while camp was taking new shapes, new relationships were on the rise, and not just Ronan and Adam's.

Blue and Gansey hadn't done much talking since they kissed and she threw him overboard from a boat. Somehow Ronan and Adam had become the more mature ones about their relationship, which when Adam brought it up to Ronan, made him laugh a good few minutes straight.

They were still taking things extremely slowly. In the days since their first and second kisses, Ronan was conscious that if he wanted this to work he had to be mindful that Adam didn't seem to like everyone knowing all of his business. He shared what he wanted to with who he wanted to, based on security and self preservation, and Ronan respected that. He didn't want the entire camp to know about them either. Not yet. The camp oftentimes felt claustrophobic, and it was hard enough getting a moment alone. As evidenced that that was only their sixth and seventh kisses since they started dating three days ago. He counted.

But because of them keeping a low profile on their developing relationship, Ronan had to keep his antics in check. It was hard, when now that he could all he wanted to do was touch Adam. Stare at him. Smile at him. Some of that wasn't necessarily different than before, but now he was allowed, now he could stare and smile and touch at him in new ways. It had him eager to try them out.

He wasn't used to this, being allowed to act out parts of his fantasies and desires, having someone reciprocate them. Every night before bed since they started this, he or Adam would make some dumb joke to the other, which tended to escalate into them using it as an excuse to climb into the other's bed, to talk more quietly and reserved. They wouldn't kiss, not in the cabin, but they would often sit there, quiet and touching in the simplest of ways. Relaxing to a point Ronan fell asleep on Adam's shoulder two nights ago and woke up to Adam drawing on his face with a washable marker he'd found. They woke the whole cabin up wrestling for it, laughing loudly.

That night, they went out and sat at the dock, not in the mood to swim but certainly in the mood to be alone. They sat there talking about what their summers would've been like if they hadn't come to camp, and Ronan realizing how much better for it he was to have come here, for so many reasons. Because of Opal, because of his relationships with Noah and Gansey, because of Adam. Because otherwise he would still be at home, hurting over the loss of something he couldn't do anything about. Instead he was here, fantasizing for the first time in years, of a future he could actually have and actually achieve. Something attainable. His fingers spread to let Adam's find their space between, and he kissed him with enough energy he rode the wave of it until they broke apart gasping for breath.

Parts of him were still hurt, still healing, still a little angry at the path he had to take to get there. But for the most part? He felt pretty fucking good, kissing a cute boy by the lake at night with crickets singing in the dark.

They hadn't discussed what they were doing further than that first night, but they didn't really have to. Ronan was pretty sure he and Adam were on the same page, like they sort of always were since they met.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next morning they were finally reunited by way of Blue and Noah, who decided to unite their collective hordes of children and go to the greenhouse together. The moment Ronan heard Adam's lilt of an accent as he appeared behind him, he brightened and had to force himself not to smile as he turned around to find him and Blue walking in.

"Hey, losers," Blue said, beaming as the kids ran around her and Adam to join those that were there with Ronan and Noah. "Thought you guys could use an extra pair of hands."

"Aw, you missed me!" Noah said, coming to hug her before she could pretend to disagree. As they had their mini reunion, Adam walked over to Ronan, looking smug as he came and touched shoulders together.

"Couldn't keep away from me long, could you, Parrish?" Ronan said. They'd been apart for only an hour now. He craved the familiarity of Adam's smile, the way his eyes would warm when they found Ronan's to stare into.

"Wanted to make sure the kids weren't being taught anything inappropriate," Adam remarked. His fingers found a belt loop at the front of Ronan's jeans, hooking around it and stealthily yanking Ronan forward inch by inch. This was the most forward Adam had been in front of other people, it startled Ronan silent. Simply, he allowed Adam to explore whatever it was he was doing, pulling him inward while chaos occurred all around them. Their eyes didn't leave each other as he felt himself stumble a little forward into him, nearly knocking over the planters at their side.

"If I didn't know any better," he said, and he then lowered his voice to a faint whisper, "I'd think you were flirting."

Watching Adam's lips quirk up into a loose, carefree smile set Ronan's skin on fire and his heart to race.

"Maybe I-"

"Adam!" Opal separated them like they were curtains, standing between them in seconds, like they hadn't been on the verge of making out in front of everyone. This whole secret thing was fucking hard to do when they were around people like this. "Yay! I missed you. Ronan's boring without you."

Adam's smile softened as he looked down at her, touching at her head and the blonde poking out of her hat. His eyes caught on Ronan's again as he briefly looked up.

"I'm so glad someone else said it and not me," he said. Ronan pretended they weren't tag teaming on him like this and expressed nothing.

"Did you bring Jake?" Opal asked, all excited to the point she was hopping.

"He's outside playing with some frogs," Adam replied.

"Frogs? And I wasn't invited?" Opal looked exasperated, and then she placed her hands on her hips and looked between them. "I'll be back. I know you'll be lost without me."

"Yeah yeah," he said, watching her diminishing figure leave for the door. "Don't stray too far!" he shouted out last minute.

She was gone before he even finished his sentence, lost amongst all the kids crowded outside in the garden. It was understandable. The greenhouse was humid and small, and it could never fit all the kids even when it was just one group. Now it barely fit the four counselors and the few kids sporadically examining their plants growing in pots lining the walls. Ronan was on the verge of being too tall for in here. Some of the wooden beams bumped his head if he got too close to the sides of the walls, and just from that he owed Opal roughly $20. Blue and Noah stepped outside to check on the kids out there, leaving Adam and Ronan alone with the select few that lingered back in here.

Just then, two other kids started chasing each other through the greenhouse, pushing at each other as one held a frog and the other didn't. They shoved past Adam and then Ronan, knocking them into each other. Ronan was exhausted having to yell at them so often. He felt like Declan.

"Hey, no running in the-"

One of the kids knocked over a pot onto the ground. It cracked on the side, soil splitting out and onto the ground. The small plant that once sat inside was falling off the edge of the soil mound.

"Oh, shit," Ronan said. Having heard him curse, Adam knocked shoulders in a scolding manner, to which he ignored.

The kids that knocked over the pot, Mark and Wren, stood there horrified at what they had done. The frog jumped out of Wren's hand and hopped away, as they both looked embarrassed by their antics.

Adam was down on his knees next to them and the broken pot before anyone could say anything. He had a hand to Wren's shoulder and another to Mark's.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Adam," Wren said. Ronan bent down next to Adam, leaning against him a little even though now wasn't the time for it.

"Sorry Ronan," said Mark.

"It's fine," Ronan said, and he ruffled at Mark's hair, then Wren's. Both kids loosened up a little, as Adam then smiled at them with his smile that was often reserved and sacred.

"You two should be more careful," he said. "For your sakes."

"Yeah. The pot doesn't matter," Ronan added. "Let us take care of it."

As he said that, Wren tried to bend down to grab a chunk, and Ronan stilled his hand like lightning.

"No, no. You'll cut yourself."

The two boys looked between them.

"You sure?" said Mark.

"Yeah. Go play outside with the others," said Adam. "Be kids."

They didn't need much more pressing than that, smiling at the little scolding they had. Maybe they needed more, Ronan wouldn't know. It was just a fucking pot.

"Check the tomato plants while you're at it," Ronan called out, the most he could think of for them to do as response to this.

"Tomato plants?" Adam snickered as he started picking up the pieces, starting with the big chunks because they were more visible against the dirt.

His bony, boyish hands were delicate as they fished out the pieces, placing them on top of the wooden table above their heads where the pot had fallen.

Ronan wanted to take his hand, dirty as it was, and kiss it. Kiss him. That's all his mind was full of these days, the sole desire to kiss him, like he was making up for lost time, for all the years others their age had kissed people and he didn't.

"You just going to sit there and watch me, Lynch?"

The mention of his name startled him out of his stupor, and he angrily blushed as he started helping out, fishing out chunks too. Their fingers grazed as they each reached in the dirt. Ronan felt Adam's fingers wrap around his, feeling at his knuckles that pushed out at his skin, Adam's veins stretching out down to his wrist in visible blue lines.

He leaned in to Ronan, who mistook him leaning forward for another piece of broken clay. But he was leaning in to kiss him, and the surprise revelation of it had him startle back and jerk his head into the underside of the table. It hurt, and Adam immediately looked unimpressed but concerned at the same time. He touched at where he hit, the same time Noah and Blue came walking back in.

Adam's hand fell.

"What are you two bozos doing over here?" Blue said, noticing their proximity, eyes falling to the floor. "Did you break a pot?"

"No. A kid did," Ronan grumbled.

"Don't blame the children, Ronan," Noah said.

"It's true," Adam said, not quite defending him but not quite letting the others patronize him either. He briefly made eye contact with Ronan, and then motioned to him with an indecipherable expression. "But Lynch here did hit his head."

At once, Noah started forward, protective as he walked to him. "Let me see," he said, as he stationed himself behind Ronan to investigate. The back of his head was throbbing with a dull ache, but it wasn't that bad. He didn't need Noah examining him like he was.

"I don't need to be looked after, Noah," he hissed. "I'm not a fucking child."

"You sure act like one," said Blue.

As Adam rose to his feet, Ronan was still being examined by Noah; but that didn't stop him from glowering at Blue, even as Adam looked at him with such annoyance himself. Noah touched where it was sore and he winced. When Blue laughed, he glared at her again. She gave him the pinky finger.

"Did you just give Ronan the pinky finger?" Adam said, slowly settling in on the reality of it. He looked between them as if questioning everything. Blue snorted as Ronan returned the favor with his own pinky finger, then glanced to Adam to finally catch his confusion.

"Yeah," she said, and she motioned to Ronan sitting there still getting picked at by Noah. "We agreed on it being what we gave each other in front of the kids."

Adam stood there, arms beginning to fold over his chest, eyeing the whole situation suspiciously. "You... agreed...." He turned to Ronan, silently asking him to clarify on this. Ronan and Blue didn't hate each other, but they constantly bickered. But he didn't mind her, especially not after she pushed Gansey in the lake.

"What else are we expected to do when we have to hang out with each other for hours around a bunch of kids?" Ronan shrugged, still on the ground staring up at Adam. It briefly incited a very inappropriate image in his mind, which he quickly combatted when Noah kept examining his head.

"You made a kid-safe vulgar gesture," Adam said slowly, still needing to clarify this apparently.

"For a smart guy, you aren't really using your brain right now," Ronan said. "Don't sound so shocked, Parrish."

"It's like you don't even know us," said Blue.

Adam frowned at them both.

Behind him at his head, Ronan felt Noah finally remove his fingers. He then patted on top of his head like he were one of the many kids outside.

"You're fine, Ronan," he said. Ronan already knew that, and he shrugged him off. "Just gonna have a bruise, probably."

"I told you I was fine," he grumbled. There was a flick of a finger to the back of his ear.

"Yeah, but you also think you're funny, so there's reason to worry," Adam said.

"Hey."

At once, Adam grinned, cheery and full of teeth. Ronan tried not to grin back. It was one of the hardest things he had to do.

"Okay," said Noah, and he stepped back from Ronan toward Blue. "Well, I'm going outside to make sure the kids don't get hurt out there," he said.

"On what?" Ronan snorted. "A tomato bush?"

"It's nature, Ronan," Blue interjected. "There's a bunch of shit to get hurt on - _stuff_. Stuff to get hurt on."

"You're worse at this than me," Ronan teased. Blue gave him the pinky again before heading outside after Noah. Once Adam and Ronan were alone again, Ronan returned to finishing up on the ground, his knees starting to hurt from kneeling so long. Adam came to stand before him, not quite looking like he was going to rejoin him.

"Should we go outside too?" he thought to ask.

"You can." Ronan turned his attention down to the broken pot. "I need to fix this pot before some dumbass hurts themselves."

"You mean you?"

Ronan feigned a glare at him. Taking his response in stride, Adam knelt down same as before, smirking a little as he continued helping fish out the last of the shards.

"Someone should make sure you don't hurt yourself again," he said.

"I've been pretty clumsy lately," Ronan said, forgetting about the pot, staring at Adam with selfish eyes, allowing himself the joy of catching the way the sunlight came in through the glass paned walls and shined in his freckled cheekbone.

"Wonder why," Adam said, sounding very aware of the why. He caught him smiling to himself, and took pride in the sight of it.

As they were cleaning up the soil into a new pot, Ronan watched Adam working in the silence. He was beautiful in everything he did, which Ronan used to find annoying but now he was allowed to admire him. The way his eyebrows furrowed when he found something unsatisfactory in the dirt, the way he licked his lips unthinkingly as he worked, the way his muscles twitched at his neck as he lifted it to look up in response to a sound from outside.

"Adam," Ronan felt himself say out loud.

Hearing his name, Adam turned to him, visibly confused by the wrinkle in his forehead.

"Hmm?"

While Ronan's instinct was to crack a joke, or say nothing of substance, he fought that urge long and hard to say what was really on his mind. In his heart.

"Did I ever thank you for what you did?" he said.

"What did I do?" Adam looked down at their hands as if this was what he was referencing.

"Don't be coy." He stilled Adam's hand in the dirt, and a rush of color spread across Adam's cheeks and the bridge of his nose. "For being there for me when no one else was," he said, and he could _hear_ the strain he felt trying to say this straight faced. "For guiding me back here. For everything."

"I....." They still were terrible about communication that wasn't riddled with teasing and lighthearted banter. This was real, emotional, and Ronan shivered when Adam squeezed at his hand. "Of course, Lynch," he said. "Camp would be boring without you."

Not wanting to linger on the moment too long, for fear of revealing more personal things than he intended, Ronan snorted and dropped his gaze. He was noticing the tentative way Adam was picking up the dirt, and decided to play off that. To alter the shape of the conversation.

He threw a small clump of dirt at Adam, to detract from the moment as much as he could. He didn't want to be overly sentimental. Adam swept the dirt that had fallen on his shoulder, ignoring him like he often did when he was childish.

They finished finding all the shards they could, and most of the soil was in the new pot. When they found the growing plant amongst the dirt, Ronan carefully retrieved it and made sure it hadn't been killed or broken. It appeared to be fine, as they stood up, Ronan carefully cradling the little thing in his hands like it were an animal.

"So now what?" Adam squinted. He stared down at the plant with a critical eye.

Ronan almost laughed. "You repot it," he said.

Adam rolled his eyes. "I need more clarification than that, Lynch," he said sourly.

It was appreciated how quick they went back to their ribbing.

"Parrish, how are you ever going to learn if at first you do not try?" he said, boyishly.

Adam ignored him again.

The comfortability of it all had Ronan grinning, toothy and wide. Before Adam looked at him, he grabbed a small clump of dirt and smeared it straight across Adam's cheek.

Alarmed by it, Adam flinched and slapped Ronan's hand away, his cheeks burning red underneath the smudged dirt on them.

"Dick!" There was no malice in his voice, just annoyance hitting the edge of frustration. "Don't get me all dirty. I don't need a second shower today. Unlike you."

Ronan laughed heartily, until Adam grabbed a larger handful of dirt and smacked it into his face, rubbing it into his cheek.

"That's more than I smeared on you!" Ronan shouted.

He almost laughed again, but Adam probably would've found it initiative to smear more dirt into his face. So he looked ever the part of annoyed too, as Adam proudly lifted his chin and a smile started to spread across his face.

"Fucking smug asshole," he said, shaking the dirt out of his shirt. Adam started to laugh, body shaking, head tilting back. His eyes closed, and Ronan let the dirt shift uncomfortably in his shirt as he leaned forward.

With his thumb, he swept most of the dirt off Adam's cheek, quieting him for the most part. There was still a rumbling of laughter under his breath, a shaking in his shoulders. He looked up at Ronan's intense gaze, searching in him for something. Ronan leaned and pressed his forehead to Adam's, hearing the sounds of the kids outside being chased or harassed at by Blue and Noah. He wanted to kiss him, and for half a second he moved to, but then he heard a laugh close to the door and pulled back, aware where they were.

Adam grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him into that kiss, not worried in the slightest, starving and aching in ways that felt so familiar. This was their ninth kiss, but every kiss felt like the first. That rush of adrenaline, the startling pinch in his chest from the surprise, the instant warm heat that followed from the reminder that this was okay. This was allowed.

They were kissing up against the bench of potted plants, Ronan’s hip digging into the edge of the wood, as Adam kissed him hard and long. He felt mischievous as he could hear those still outside while Adam’s tongue and mouth were doing very inappropriate things to him. Adam seemed to sense the tone of his feelings, too, because he was smiling against his lips, fervently gripping his hips in a way that felt like breaching their boundary of keeping this low-key.

Someone cleared their throat off to their side, and they broke apart simultaneously. It was Opal. Of fucking course it was.

She had her arms crossed over her chest, staring at them with a tilted head and curious gaze.

“What were you guys doing?”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see the flush building in Adam’s face as he dodged the question and both their gazes. His hands slipped off Ronan, making him feel cold.

“Nothing,” said Adam, as he turned so he wasn't looking at anyone anymore.

Still feeling the heat of his mouth and his chest and his hands, Ronan didn't like this. He twitched at his jaw muscles, hands flattening against his thighs. Opal obviously saw them making out. They couldn't deny that.

He then turned to her, an idea flashing into his head. With a twist of a smile he bent forward to her, looking her square in the eye.

"I'll pay you $10 if you didn't see anything."

He felt a smack at the base of his skull. It wasn't anything that hurt, but he still flinched from the surprise. Ignoring Adam, he continued to look at Opal. She was thinking it over, mulling over her options clearly. He didn't mind that she knew, although he suspected she knew before this with the way she teased and commented on their separation.

She shrugged then, and smiled a little.

"See what?"

Ronan grinned as he watched her skip back out, shutting the door to the greenhouse behind her. As soon as she was out, there was another slap to his head and then a small punch to his arm, harmless but showcasing Adam's disapproval.

"Don't bribe a kid!" he said.

"Ow." Ronan theatrically reacted to the punch, rubbing at his arm when it didn't even hurt. Behind him, Adam looked ever so irritated with him, brow come together and lips pursed. He scooped him closer by the waist, hugging him with his whole frame and kissing at his cheek. "I didn't bribe a kid," he explained. Adam sighed, and Ronan couldn't quite tell if it was an annoyed sigh or an agreeable sound to his lips at his throat. "I bribed Opal," Ronan continued.

"She's a kid," Adam grunted. He didn't move. His voice softened a little around the edges, and his body was noticeably becoming less tense.

"Yeah, but she's like a cool kid," Ronan mumbled. Adam's skin tasted salty from his sweat. As his lips trailed further along the line of his throat, Adam slowly melted in his arms. He smelled like his shampoo, which he supposed was to be expected.

Adam snorted as he squirmed out from under his touch. "That makes zero sense," he said.

"Ah, what do you know?" Ronan let his hands fall and slip back down toward the pot that still needed tending to. He shifted around as Adam then rolled his eyes. Together they returned their attention to the plant.

They went quiet a while, fixing what was once broken, making sure the plant could survive in its new home before finishing the job. At some point, Adam's hand brushed against Ronan's, his fingers curving around several of Ronan's. They stayed like that a while, working with their free hands instead.

As they were finishing up, Adam inclined into his side, and wordlessly pressed his head to rest on Ronan's shoulder. His hand fully slid into Adam's, turning it right side up so their fingers would slip in together in the empty spaces.

This was the cheesiest fucking thing in the goddamn world, yet Ronan couldn't stop himself. He wanted it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After separating with Ronan and Noah after lunch, Adam and Blue went with their handful of kids to help them with preparing for the talent show in just a few weeks. Normally they would be taking them to the lake, or some other outdoors activity in the afternoon, but Henry’s paranoia about the kids not being prepared enough for the event was bleeding into everyone else’s behaviors through the camp. Some of the kids in their group wanted to make outfits, and so they were held up in Blue’s cabin sitting around on the floor sewing and cutting out new outfits; copying half of Blue’s wardrobe basically.

While watching her work with the kids, carefully cutting up edges of old worn shirts they got from Henry to play around with, Adam mentally commented on their relationship with one another. They bonded so much over such a short period, become so close. He appreciated their friendship, something else he would cherish once he left camp. He wanted to tell her about him and Ronan so badly, like an ache that wouldn’t quit. While he knew he could trust her, he still preferred his privacy, something sacred and valued to him. Something earned. Blue certainly earned it, but he admitted he kind of liked the sneaking around with Ronan. It was still something that was just theirs, even though Opal knew now. Like Ronan said, she didn’t count. She was someone special that stood out from the rest.

Instead of talking about Ronan and his heavy make out sessions, instead Adam sat there listening to Blue talk on and on about Gansey. It was the better option. He’d tell her eventually.

His expression must have given away he was deep in thought, because Blue paused her sentence in the middle of it, talking about Gansey’s preference for glasses that didn’t sit perfectly on his nose. She curled her brow inward and then back outward, shaking her head same as her hands came and slapped at her knees.

“God, I sound like such a lovesick teenager,” she groaned.

Adam almost smirked. “Newsflash, Blue,” he said. “We _are_ teenagers.”

She leaned forward to rest on her knees, and she came and pushed at his shoulder. Finally he broke out a smile, just for her, as she leaned back onto her butt to sit down again.

"Is it weird not hanging out with the Prince of Darkness all the time?" she asked, taking scissors to an old camp shirt from a different camp that used to be here, turning it inside out to likely decorate it for the kid she was cutting it up for.

Truthfully, Adam wanted to answer. He wanted to be honest with her and tell her about his relationship with Ronan, about how things had changed dramatically since they left for the Barns last week.

He knew she would laugh at his reaction to seeing Adam naked before skinny dipping, that she would admire how happy Ronan made him feel, if it weren't obvious already. A larger part of him enjoyed the lack of eyes and whispers, the ability to touch him without anyone knowing what for, to feel this out without the worry someone would come and spoil it before it really began.

So he held his tongue, and he shrugged.

"Not exactly," he said.

They went quiet, tending to the kids a while. Jake wanted a cape for his costume, which they started to make out of a sheet they would eventually dye black. Blue eventually moved on to teaching some of the kids the basic fundamentals of sewing, having them stitch patches into stray pieces of cloth; while Adam only knew the fundamentals and couldn't help beyond that.

After, on their walk to meet up with some of the others, Blue held him back while the kids knew where they were going. They slipped to the back of the group, Adam confused what it was she wanted to talk about this way.

"You still haven't told me everything about when you two ran off," she said.

On instinct, he replied quick and casual.

"Not much to tell," he said.

She gave him a look.

"Blue, it's not some conspiracy against you or anything," he argued. "There's nothing to tell."

It was hard to lie to her, but he was doing it anyway. Her brow furrowed as she squinted her eyes, suspicious of his answers. She wasn't buying any of this.

"So I'm reading it wrong that you're happier since you've been back, despite being separated from His Royal Pain in the Ass?" she asked.

He twitched. 

"Blue," he said, stepping back to take a moment and groan. "Stop it. Seriously."

"Fine," Blue groaned back. She pouted in a similar way to when Ronan didn't get his way, and she started to walk away with a heightened pace.

Adam rolled his eyes as he followed after her again. She said nothing as he fell back into step with her, said nothing when he gently bent his shoulder to bump into hers.

"How many nicknames do you have for him, anyway?"

"Eleven," she said. His reaction caught her eye and she glanced upward at his face. "He's annoyed me enough."

"How many does Gansey have?"

She groaned. "Too many," she replied.

"You know Gansey thinks I'm in love with him," he said.

Blue barked out a laugh. "He what?"

When he didn't respond with another quip, she began to look annoyed again. He couldn't tell where her annoyance was directed this time, just that it was there.

"You picked quite the man," he teased.

"Shut up." She pushed him away at the shoulder.

"Still haven't talked to him about the kiss have you?" It was owed he got some questions in about her love life since she spent so much of the afternoon asking about his. She seemed to sense as much, and so she didn't growl and talk over his question with something else.

Reluctantly, she shook her head.

"No, he tried," she said. "But I got so annoyed with him. He kept calling me Jane."

"Jane?"

"Don't ask." Blue rolled her eyes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

On their way back to the mess hall for dinner, Noah and Ronan were escaping the bugs as quick they could. The kids were running to dinner, late by the event of getting lost on a walk. Neither boy was good about direction.

"Do you want me to talk to Henry about switching us back?" Noah asked. He had a walking stick he found in the woods, and was using it to swing at the taller blades of grass as they strolled far behind the kids, not quite as energized as the group of children.

"You getting tired of me, Noah?" Ronan remarked. When he didn't answer, Ronan snatched the stick out of his hand and playfully smacked him in the ass with its tail end.

He jolted a step forward, then glared back over his shoulder. Ronan snickered, handing back the stick.

"No, but I'm getting tired of hearing about Adam," Noah hissed, grabbing the stick from him. His voice tilted up into a mocking representation of Ronan's. "Adam said this funny thing. Adam did that." His voice then dropped back down. "I get you have a crush, but goddamn, Lynch."

"I...." Ronan could feel his cheeks burn as he glowered back. "Well you're no better about Henry."

Noah faltered in his steps. If his expression weren't giving enough away, that certainly did. Adam was right. There was something going on between them. In a poor attempt to fix his reaction, Noah swung the stick high and turned so his back was to Ronan.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about," he said.

"Ad-" He caught Noah scowling. " _I've_ seen you two walking off together a lot," he corrected.

"Same could be said about us," Noah replied. He looked so sour, something was obviously happening between him and Henry. Even though he was keeping things about his relationship with Adam, he felt hurt Noah was doing the same.

"This is what the experts call deflecting," Ronan crowed.

Noah snorted. "Parrish's rubbing off on you a lot."

"So is Henry on you," said Ronan. He ignored the phrasing and continued. "You usually tell me everything."

Mutually they paused, and it was then that Noah realized Ronan wasn't kidding or being his sarcastic shit little self. He was genuinely annoyed, and he took the stick to poke at Ronan in the shoulder, deflecting still.

"I'll tell you my secret if you tell me yours," he said.

Hearing that, Ronan faltered in his thinking. He wasn't expecting that, though granted he and Adam weren't very good at the discreet thing. Before Opal, there were countless times they were almost caught kissing or touching when they had the moment alone.

But telling Noah anything broke his promise to Adam.

"What secret?" he said, grunting like Noah had made something up and pissed him off.

This was Noah, however. He knew Ronan well, to a fault, and he knew his own forms of deflection. He lifted a challenging eyebrow to Ronan, who chewed his lip trying to think of a new course of dialogue. Something that didn't risk outing his relationship with Adam.

"There's nothing to tell," he argued.

Noah opened his mouth to reply, but he was swiftly cut off.

"What are you two fine gentlemen doing out here?"

Gansey approached them with the same level of interest he held for when Ronan was doing something usually unseemly. He smiled fondly like a parental figure, and Noah shrunk back from it.

"Nothing," Noah grumbled. "Boy talk."

"I-" Gansey made a face. He didn't understand the statement, that much was clear. "You know, I'm also a boy," he said, like they needed reminding.

Noah snorted, and Ronan registered what he was saying before Gansey did.

"Talking _about_ boys," he said.

"Oh." That somehow confused him more. He pursed his lips a moment, until everything shifted around in his head and he realized what it was they meant. Both Ronan and Noah laughed at the surprise in Gansey's face, betraying his cool response to it all. "Why am I kept out of the loop!" he said, hurt like a kid not allowed to play with something on the playground.

Ronan came and draped his arm across Gansey's shoulders, never thinking he'd have this, the casual response and banter. He caught himself smiling, but there wasn't a point to hide it.

"Didn't know you'd want to be a part of the conversation," Noah said. "Besides, you weren't over here. We do have conversations without you, you know."

Gansey continued to frown. "Yes, I know that," he rebutted. He then eyed them both with intrigue. "Which boys were we talking about?" he asked.

"None of your-"

"Adam." Noah shot Ronan a flash of a cheeky grin. Ronan gave him the middle finger.

"Oh." Gansey didn't look as enthused about the topic as either of the other boys clearly anticipated. Instead he looked a little uncomfortable about it. His hand went to push back his hair from his eyes, a mess out here at camp when otherwise it was perfectly positioned. "Is it about his crush on me?"

He sounded so perfunctory about it.

Quick, Noah and Ronan exchanged a glance, and then both burst out laughing simultaneously, the sound of which echoed out into the early evening.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Hey, dorks, do you want to do something cool?”

Adam scrunched up his face real hard when he heard Ronan shout that across the cabin at the kids. It was time for bed, but none of the kids in their cabin were likely sleeping, riled up on the cake they had at dinner earlier. He could hear them through the door running about, giggling and yelling at each other.

“They should be sleeping, Lynch.” He chucked a pillow at Ronan from across the room, but it missed and fell on the floor.

“Don’t be such a sourpuss.” The kids were starting to collect in their room like Ronan’s minions, eager and loud about their interest in whatever inappropriate thing he was likely currently conjuring up in his head. Ignoring the childish name calling, Adam was worn out from evading Blue’s incessant questions all day and having to then listen on and on about Gansey instead. He just wanted to sleep, but instead of course he was dating Ronan, very much a child in his own right.

With a wicked grin flashed in his general direction, the aches in Adam’s body and the wear in his mind were mildly eased. But he was still annoyed.

“I don’t like that look on your face,” he said. “It speaks of hooligan sh-stuff.”

Ronan’s grin only widened further.

“Grab your sleeping bags, boys,” he said, eyes still charged on Adam. “We’re sleeping outside tonight.”

The cabin erupted in cheers. Adam was shaking his head. He couldn’t believe he willingly made out multiple times with this guy, and planned to try again tonight once the kids were asleep. Fucking ridiculous.

“You, too, Parrish,” he said, and he reached for the pillow on the floor and promptly threw it at Adam’s face. “Grab your shit.”

“You owe Opal another dollar,” Adam mused.

“She’s not here.”

“No, but I am.” He smiled at Ronan’s glare. “I’m keeping track for her now.”

“Fuck you,” Ronan whispered.

When the kids all disappeared into the room one over to pack, he stole a small kiss from Adam that Adam could only describe as familiar. Foundational.

As they trekked outside in a quiet, stealthy collective of not very quiet and stealthy people, Adam wondered if Ronan didn’t want to sleep yet because of how little they saw one another today.

It felt like a selfish thing, to wonder that. To wish it was something else, something he didn’t used to believe he was allowed to wish for, for a cute boy such as Ronan to want to spend time with him like this. This was privilege, to have this, to ache for Ronan and to be ached for. He knew to not take it for granted, this tender little thing they had. It meant so much to him, and he was afraid of losing it by the time summer camp was over. He knew he would see Ronan in school, and a part of him had to be reminded how ridiculous he was to think this wouldn’t go beyond camp.

But that part of him still had to unlearn so much, and it was hard to know which parts of his life he could dream about. If he could allow himself to dream. Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell anyone else at camp about this, afraid it would slip through his fingers like blades of grass in the wind. Afraid of giving it more power than it already had in case the inevitable should arise.

When he looked over at Ronan smiling, at the way his eyes softened when they met with his, he felt himself nudged in the direction of forgetting all that. To believe that he truly and wholly deserved this. That he could have this, as well as his dream school, his dream life. Something achievable for Adam Parrish.

"What brought this on?" he asked, as they started to head toward the patches of grass by the lake, furthest place from the cabins they could be and not be spotted or heard until morning.

Ronan flashed him a look that said a million things in it, all of which forced Adam to quickly shy his eyes. Sometimes the way Ronan looked at him, like he were a wonder to be seen, something to be adored, challenged his ability to stay nonchalant when he looked back at him. He often failed.

"Bored of sleeping in the cabin," Ronan remarked casually. He flung out his sleeping bag on the ground flat, kneeling to untwist the end. "Suffocating in there."

Adam followed suit, kneeling beside him to tend to his own, older and more worn sleeping bag. It was possible he placed his a little too close for a wandering eye's perspective.

"You don’t sleep," he said.

"I do," Ronan crowed. With a tilt of Adam's brow, the boy faltered in his defense. "Sometimes." His hands were a little rougher at his sleeping bag's zipper. "Least I’m not purposefully keeping myself awake reading a goddamn book that isn’t even assigned to me yet," he said, voice twisting as he teased.

Adam lifted his head and ignored Ronan's smirk.

"I’m getting ahead of the homework," he said.

"You nerd."

To think that Ronan could make Adam smile with just the way he called him a nerd or an asshole, it twisted at something inside his chest in the best way possible. He chewed his lower lip and bent closer into him, a hand coming to touch at the top of Ronan's, thumbing over the skin between his fingers.

They weren't sleeping tonight.

"Okay dorks, now I don't know if you know anything about the stars,but if you have any questions Parrish'll answer them."

It took Adam a moment to realize what he said, and when he did he elbowed him, citing a laugh that could startle trees awake and birds into flight. It made him warm inside, rolling his eyes a little more endearingly than usual, although he wouldn't let Ronan see that.

But Ronan smiled at him like he knew.

After, they all quietly started to lie down on their sleeping bags. Adam took his shoes off and set them to the side, lying on his as it was too muggy to fully enjoy sleeping inside it. He used his old hoodie as a pillow, while Ronan seemed to be using his hands. They were starting to get comfortable, lying close to one another but not quite doing anything beyond that, when they heard someone running through the dark.

It wasn't a surprise to see it was Opal.

"What are you all doing?" she said. She was in her pajamas, hands on her hips, glaring at Ronan and Adam like they purposefully kept her from this.

"Sleeping," Ronan said.

"Thanks for the invite!"

"Like I'm going to wake up Sargent and suffer her wrath," Ronan replied, rolling his eyes.

Opal pouted, like she genuinely felt excluded. Her expression made Adam feel slightly guilty, but this was Ronan’s doing, his ridiculous excuse of not sleeping tonight.

“I’m going to grab my sleeping bag, too,” she then said, and she started to storm off back into the darkness of the camp.

Catching on to what she was suggesting, Ronan jumped to his feet to deter her.

“Opal-“ he started, but she rolled her eyes.

“You can’t say no to me,” she said, calling over her shoulder.

Ronan rolled his eyes back at her, and then glanced at Adam when he heard him start to laugh under his breath.

“Shut up,” he said, as together they both watched Opal disappear into the dark of the trees.

“I didn’t say anything,” Adam replied coolly.

“It’s the fucking way you’re looking at me,” Ronan grumbled. He then caught what he said, and for a moment looked at him with surprise and not quite guilt but something like it. Then he sighed, resigned, accepting that he cursed again. “I know, I know. One dollar.”

Feeling a little more awake than he should this late, he was also overwhelmed with an energy unmatched because of how much he enjoyed pushing Ronan and being pushed by him. He leaned forward, grinning, and quietly whispered to him, “I’ll let that one slide.”

Surprised again, but for a completely different reason, Ronan met his eyes and for some strange and unmentionable reason his cheeks burned a little redder. Adam pecked him on the cheek, a little longer than a friendly peck, and then pulled back to lie down on his sleeping bag. It took Ronan a few long moments to move after that, and when he did it was to tell a kid not to be running around in the dark like he was or he was going to fall and hurt himself. He liked to pretend they all annoyed him, and maybe they did a little bit. But they must not annoy him completely, if when one was doing something risky and potentially terrible he would jump at the chance to keep them from getting hurt.

Eventually Ronan rounded all the kids up again and told them to lie down or he was dragging them back to the cabin, and then he came back and lay down again next to Adam. Feeling daring, Adam reached over and touched at Ronan’s cheek, tracing the lining of his cheekbone toward his brow. The boy lay very still under his hand, allowing him just this, just something small and spontaneous and only theirs.

“I’m back!”

Opal was promptly shushed by several of the young boys. She decidedly ignored them and trotted closer to the group with her sleeping bag and pillow bundled in her small arms. Spotting her, Ronan moved to help and move her things, but she jerked her arms from his reach.

“Uh uh,” she said. “I don’t wanna hang out with you all the time,” she said.

Adam almost laughed.

“I beg your fucking pardon?” Ronan looked downright appalled.

“A dollar,” Opal replied.

Ronan chewed his lower lip for a few seconds, and then grumbled out, “You wanted to come, but didn’t want to come and hang with me?”

She pulled a Ronan Lynch and rolled her eyes at him.

“Don’t you two want to be _alone_?” she asked.

“What?”

Finally, Adam laughed a little. This was absurd. Ronan turned to him, glaring mildly, then looked back toward Opal with the same frown as before. He wasn’t getting it. As he continued not to get it, Jake approached and helped Opal with her things.

“I’m trying to be a, what did you call it Jake?”

He looked between the three of them with mild interest, like he didn’t want to be a part of this conversation. “Wing man,” he said reluctantly.

“Ah, yeah,” she said. “Wing woman.”

Adam couldn’t stop laughing.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Some time later the kids, including Opal, were all dozing off and quiet. Star gazing was often a quiet activity, and for the most part that seemed to be what the kids were doing, restless enough on their bags Adam could tell at least half of them weren’t quite yet asleep. Neither was Ronan by his side, not quite touching but not that far apart either. They were quiet also, content in their silence as Adam could focus on nothing and everything at the same time. Between them, their knuckles were grazing, daring to touch but not too much.

“You know,” Ronan said, nearly startling Adam with the surprise of the sound. His voice bellowed even in its whisper, low and deep beside him. “I can pinpoint the different constellations in the sky.”

Adam didn’t believe him for a second. He lifted himself up on his elbows, turning to face Ronan enough to show off his disbelieving smirk. When Ronan caught it, his smirk widened and he shook his head.

“Oh yeah?” he said. His eyes then drifted back up to the stars. “Show me one right now.”

Ronan scoffed. “I can’t do it on the spot,” he crowed. “That’s too much pressure.”

Adam laughed. He contained it to be something small and quiet, but it was enough to make Ronan groan at him.

“You talk yourself a good game, but I don’t see any results, Lynch,” he said. “Do you even know the names of the constellations?”

“Fuck you, Parrish.” Ronan pointed upward. “That one is the the Big Dipper.”

“Which one?” Adam followed where Ronan pointed and did his best not to laugh again, because he knew for a fact the Big Dipper was in a different part of the sky. Again, Ronan pointed vehemently at the same place, and Adam leaned in to his hand, reaching up for it. He closed one eye to follow Ronan’s pointed finger carefully, then took it and moved it to where the Big Dipper really was.

For a moment Ronan was made speechless, and then all too quickly he narrowed his eyes and elbowed Adam out of annoyance. To smother the sound, Adam snickered against his shoulder, while Ronan’s hand came down.

“Shut up,” Ronan groaned. His hand slipped into Adam’s, counteracting his annoyed tone.

“You weren’t even pointing at anything,” Adam replied, face still pressed into his shoulder. He smelled nice, like he always did, and he inhaled his scent at where his shoulder connected with his arm, lips catching a moment on his cotton shirt. His eyes drifted up to find Ronan’s already staring back at him, who insisted he still look annoyed, even though Adam could tell he wasn’t really.

“Asshole always upstaging me with your smartness,” he mumbled.

Adam’s smile broadened against Ronan’s sleeve. “That’s not hard to do.”

Forgetting where they were, or maybe not caring at the moment, Ronan reached over with his second hand and swept the hair back from the side of Adam’s face to behind his ear. His hot fingers left a tingling trail behind where they touched, and where they lingered at the shell of his ear.

“I don’t think they’ll notice,” Ronan then whispered.

“Notice what?”

And Ronan responded by pressing their foreheads together, inviting him to lean just a little more. Adam certainly wondered what it would be like to kiss him in front of others, to just give in to that temptation and forgo the secrecy and the hiding. But there was a reason for it, a reason for their privacy. Although, Adam couldn’t quite remember any of it right now as he felt himself inclining into Ronan, starved of him for nearly a whole day. Ronan’s hand moved downward to feel gently at the nape of his neck, gesturing him forward. His other hand slipped up his thigh to his waist, kneading into the skin there through his shirt. Adam pushed forward to where their noses touched, his own hands coming to rest at Ronan’s chest. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, dragging Ronan in. Just as Ronan inclined more, their lips touched, and it felt as if there was an electric current running between them when they kissed. Ronan’s fingers gripped tighter at where they rested, and Adam almost insisted to lie down, but then he heard the loud stomping of feet on the grass.

“Adam,” came Jake’s voice from behind Ronan’s head.

Their kiss was over, and Adam didn’t even need to see Ronan’s face to know he was as disappointed as he felt. Ronan groaned against his shoulder, where he moved to press his head to out of frustration.

“There there,” Adam said to him with little enthusiasm. He was distracting him from tending to whatever it was Jake needed, his hands both now at his waist in a very distracting way. “Yes, Jake?”

“It’s Opal.”

At once, Ronan was off him and turning his head quick to give Jake his undivided attention.

“What about Opal?”

Jake nervously pulled on his shirt. “Uh, she’s, uh. She’s run off?” He sounded scared bringing it up. “I don’t think she’s feeling well.”

Ronan was on his feet and running off after her before Adam could even comprehend his movement.

 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

“Opal?”

Ronan didn’t have to walk far to find Opal hiding out behind some large trees, hearing her before he saw her. She was heaving, and when he found her she was on her knees throwing up in the woods. When he bent down to her she scowled up at him like this was his fault or something, and he rolled his eyes.

“I might throw up on you,” she warned.

“I don’t fucking care,” he said. “Come here.”

She hesitated, but when he offered again with a wave of his hand, she fell into him and pressed her face to his chest. His hand went around her to feel at her forehead, finding it sticky with sweat.

“Got a fever, kiddo,” he said.

“What a detective,” she remarked. “I’m dying.”

“You aren’t dying,” he replied. “Don’t be so dramatic. You just have the flu.”

“Ugh. Even worse.”

“Come here,” he said, and he motioned to stand up.

“No.” Opal’s voice was quieter, pleading him as she gripped at his shirtfront not to move. “I’m not ready.”

“Come on, I’ll carry you,” Ronan insisted. He moved to rise again, and she slapped at his arm.

“I’m not a baby,” she said. Her voice waved from perhaps dizziness. Even in the dark of the woods he could tell she looked bad. It must have come on quick, or else he was too obsessed with the thought earlier of making out with Adam to notice her looking as poorly as she did now. Pale, clammy, and gross.

“You’re acting like one. Come on.”

Finally, she gave in and let him stand up. She didn’t follow, but that was fine. He bent back down to scoop her up into his arms, cradling her like she weighed nothing. She was lighter than he thought, and then she was squirming again.

“Put me down!”

“Why?”

I’m gonna puke.”

“Oh. Gross.”

He set her down in time for her to puke, and then scooped her back up again before walking back to the others. Opal had her eyes closed and her face pressed tight to his chest when he came back out of the woods to see the kids still all lying down staring up at the stars. Quietly he tiptoed around them all, half of them asleep, to Jake and Adam who were the only two giving them any sort of attention.

“Is she okay?” Adam asked. He looked at Ronan with concern, then looked at Opal who was trying very hard not to vomit again. She groaned.

“She’s just got the flu,” he said. “I’m going to take her to the nurse’s cabin.”

“Can I come?” Jake asked.

“I don’t think she’s there, is she?” Adam asked.

“No, you stay here,” Ronan replied to Jake. To Adam, he shrugged as best he could with the weight of Opal in his arms. “I don’t know. I’m waking her up. I don’t care. Opal’s throwing up.”

“Ew,” said Jake. He moved so he could better see Opal’s face, who frowned at him. “You going to throw up on me?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said.

He smiled at her. What weird kids.

“I think I’m going to stay with her there,” Ronan then said, and Adam frowned.

“Oh.” He dropped his gaze a little. “I mean, that makes sense, but-“

Ronan ignored his better instincts not to do it, but he leaned in and kissed Adam anyway. Something small, but something long. Probably not the best time to do it, with a nauseous kid with the flu in his arms, but he felt desperate. Besides, Jake probably knew about them anyway since Opal certainly did. Adam reacted with a surprised sound, and after a second didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, a hand to his cheek as he tilted in around Opal’s shoulder.

“I’ll see you in the morning, I guess,” Adam said, pulling back. His hand remained at Ronan’s cheek a little longer than their kiss lasted, thumbing the space beside his eye. Ronan almost kissed him again, but knew better than that. His attention diverted to Opal groaning, then to the array of kids lying on the ground around them.

“Okay bye,” he said, and he hurried off to walk Opal over to the nurse’s. He felt bad for leaving Adam to get all the kids back into their cabin in the morning, but Opal’s health was his main priority, and he knew she needed a nurse more than anything.

“Sorry,” Opal groaned as they were halfway there. She still had her face protectively against his shoulder to keep herself from hurling.

“What are you sorry for, kiddo?” he said.

“For being a bad wing woman,” she said, voice a little hoarse.

For a moment Ronan almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but he held himself together to not shake her about more than he already was. 

“I don’t care about that,” he said. “You’re fine, dork.”

“I might throw up on you.”

“Well, then we’ll have a problem,” Ronan said, only sort of joking. He could see her smiling a little up at him, and bent down and kissed her forehead. She promptly grimaced.

“Ew. Gross. I’m sick.”

“Tough it out, loser. It’s the only time you’re getting a forehead kiss.”

She frowned. “That’s not entirely fair.” 

This time, he did laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello thank you for reading. next chapter will feature sick ronan, someone blowing a kiss to the other, and MAYBE gansey and blue will actually talk about their feelings???? 
> 
> thank you for reading as always <3 please feel free to leave feedback <3
> 
> if you want, please tell me what you liked about this chapter and what you're excited to see in future chapters :)


	12. Sick Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You trying to get the whole camp sick?" Ronan asked him. Adam frowned, looking very kissable right now.
> 
> "No," he said grumpily. "They berated me as soon as I woke up, and I couldn't do anything about it without you there."
> 
> "You can't say no to kids, can you?" Ronan laughed.

After waking up the nurse and having a loud and unfulfilled argument about children’s safety and Ronan’s priorities and blah blah blah blah, Opal was finally settled in at the nurse’s cabin. With an IV in her arm because she was so dehydrated and dizzy from all the puking. Which, she was still doing. It was pretty gross.

Opal was bent over the toilet in the bathroom, and Ronan was exhausted and kind of wanted to make out with Adam some more, but he was also worried for Opal even if it was disgusting seeing a child throwing up.

“You going to punk out?” she said between sessions, leaning away and staring up at Ronan from the floor.

“What’s that even mean, kid?” he said, hands across his chest in a defensive position, though he was mainly trying not to look where Opal was.

“You going to leave?” Opal clarified, and Ronan then looked to her. Under the pale complexion and clammy forehead and very sick face, Opal looked angry. Angry at herself for being sick. Angry at him for maybe mulling over the idea of leaving. Angry at a lot of things, probably.

He took a long hard look at her and realized that she was scared, and leaving her alone with a cranky old nurse wasn’t going to make her any less so. Being sick at camp was probably not great to begin with, even less so when you were suffering it alone. He settled down on the floor at the doorway, an arm’s length away from her. Her eyes followed his movement curiously, confused.

“Where would I go?” he asked.

She looked to want to be sincere in her reply, mulling it over in her head, but instead of course Opal was as bad at communicating genuinely as he was. “You could be kissing your boyyyy friennnnnd,” she said, snickering a little before turning her face into the toilet. Nausea looked to be ripping through her again, and after a moment of hesitation, she started to laugh again.

Ronan was pretty sure he was going to barf too if she kept this up and he had to stay through it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbled angrily. He wondered what Adam was doing right now, what they would be doing together if Opal hadn’t gotten sick.

“Mmhmm,” said Opal. She smirked again. “Okay. If you say so. Oh no.”

Opal turned into the toilet and wretched all over again. This was disgusting. But Ronan felt some form of responsibility for it, if only because he was here and no one else really was. He reached to touch his shoe to hers, unsure what else to do.

“There there,” he said, patting her in the laziest possible way.

“You suck at this,” Opal said, glaring over the rim of the porcelain.

“I’m doing my goddamn best,” he growled.

“You know what?” Opal wiped at her forehead with the back of her hand. “You can have that one.”

He rolled his eyes. “So kind of you,” he said, removing his foot from hers and tucking it under him. She looked pleased with herself, even though she didn’t actually do anything, but he let her have this one seeing as she was sick. “Are you done pu- Nope.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a long, long night like this. Eventually Opal was too tired to throw up anymore, and there was nothing left in her tiny little body anyway. He scooped her and her IV up, and he carried her to one of the cots that the nurse kindly set up for them. He sat in the other one, but could barely find it in him to rest. There was the concern that Opal would need him, and so he waited until she did. Staying up the whole night wasn’t his plan, it just sort of happened. While watching her to make sure she got enough sleep, he found himself unable to get even a minute of rest in himself.

Next thing he knew the sun was out and the nurse was awake again, checking Opal’s vitals while she was still passed out half on the cot and half hanging over a bucket he found in the broom closet.

She looked so much smaller now, without her hat so her small blonde curls rounded her face. He reached to touch her cheek when there was a small rapping of knuckles at the door.

It was Adam, who looked better rested than he did, the sunlight silhouetting him as it lit up his back.

For a moment Ronan thought he was dreaming, but what would be the point of that when he could admire him openly now outside of a dream? Sometimes he forgot that.

He was so sleep deprived he wasn't making sense even in his head.

"You look terrible," Adam noted, and Ronan hesitated to give him the finger. Instead he scowled, sitting up in the bed he had taken for his own but did not use.

"Eff you, Parrish," he groaned. "You try taking care of a sick kid." The nurse shot him a look and he slumped back against the wall a bit. "Well, I mean, I watched over her."

She rolled her eyes and walked off, leaving the two of them relatively alone. Opal was still out as Adam rounded the bed to sit next to Ronan, a hand touching his face.

"Did you get any sleep?" he asked.

"No, all thanks to this one here." Ronan motioned to Opal, and felt dizzy afterward. He was exhausted to the point sudden movements made him ill. "She kept puking all night."

"Bet she liked the company though."

Ronan looked up to Adam's soft gaze, and wondered how he got so lucky. They only had a few weeks left here, and then after that they had to face reality.

"Yeah, whatever," Ronan mumbled.

Adam smiled, even as he was being moody and tired. A hand came to touch his across the bed. "I missed you last night," he confessed. "All the kids did, as well."

Ronan sheepishly looked down at their hands as they joined together. Lucky lucky lucky. Adam's hands were a sight to be seen, so boyish and boney but so very Adam Parrish that they were perfect in their way. He ran his thumb along the line of his forefinger, wishing he wasn't so tired for this. "I kind of missed you, too," he said.

It was strange to confess these things, like they had been a part for days and not hours. But last night Ronan had been so excited to sleep next to Adam, to hold him close under the guise of star gazing, to kiss him in the dark while attentions were averted. If they woke up like that they could explain it to be something that just happened in the night, nothing to be made of it. He thought it all out and then the universe shit on his plans.

"We were so deprived of your poor constellation knowledge," Adam added, tauntingly. Even tired, Ronan could give a good shove, and he did as Adam snickered quietly. He thought he was funny. "When asked where the Little Dipper was, I had to point to it correctly, instead of off to the left."

"Asshole," Ronan grunted, shoving again. This time, Adam caught his hand before it pulled away and held it in his, leaning into him carefully. He seemed so awake and so happy this morning, the utter opposite of Ronan. While Ronan was happy, too, he was grumpier than he ought to be because of everything.

"You look so tired," Adam said. His smile waned a little, like a cloud had come and blocked part of the sun.

"Yeah, well, haven't slept." Ronan yawned. "Like I said. Were you even paying attention?"

"Not really."

Ronan rolled his eyes and Adam smiled wider then. He looked so dreamy. His freckles were extra visible today, sparked by the flush in his face from a good night's rest he supposed. His hand slipped back out of Ronan's to then touch at his cheek, a delicate little touch that sent chills down his spine.

"You should get some rest," he said, his voice slow and tender. Ronan kind of wished he was more awake to admire it, to memorialize it. "I can watch the kids without you today. Managed to handle them fine last night and this morning. Half the time you're just standing there staring at me anyway."

"Eff you," but Ronan said it with a smile. With little effort, he moved into him, pushing himself off the wall and into Adam. "You're too good to me," he mumbled, uncaring now for what he said. Words came out and he couldn't feel embarrassed because his brain was slowing from lack of sleep.

"I know," Adam said with a grin.

Opal was still out in the bed next to them, which allowed Ronan the courage to not care at all. The nurse was absent, and even if she weren't he wasn't sure he'd care then either. He was sleepy enough he was brave. His hands touched at Adam's chest, moved down to his stomach, just feeling him through his shirt. What felt like minutes was likely seconds, because Adam blushed and pushed him off like it had only started.

Ronan laughed a little. "Dick," he said in response to something that felt like ages past, but really hadn't been.

He needed to sleep, and so he inclined into Adam and dropped his face there at his shoulder. Ronan felt the little jolt that tore through Adam's body in surprise, but when he didn't push him off he dipped in closer, slinking in until his whole front was pressed to Adam's.

Adam cradled him, his hands moving to touch sympathetically at his nape. Any other time he would have felt shy from this, but for now he liked being held. It made him more comfortable than this shitty little bed could. He was so dead tired.

In silence they sat there a bit. Adam held his weight aloft, hands moving about his back soothingly. He breathed soft against his cheek, kissing it a little. Slowly Ronan laxed against him, and found himself drifting into that place one went before disappearing into dreams. His breathing slowed and evened. Adam smelled nice against him.

Then he felt Adam gently lowering him down on the bed, and Ronan clung to him like a koala. His eyes drifted back open to Adam's face staring pointedly back.

"Mm, no," he said. "Don't go."

"Okay. I'll stay here and you go watch the kids try archery," Adam offered.

"No." Ronan shook his head lazily. "Let them run wild. It'll toughen them up. Stay here with me."

"Would if I could."

There was something odd about Adam's voice, a restraint in it he hadn't heard in a while. For a brief moment Ronan assumed he went too far, scared him away, but perhaps there was something else going on in that beautiful boy's mind. He couldn't exactly tell when Adam was a blur in his vision.

Still, he grumpily held onto Adam's arm. His grip was loose and poor, and Adam slithered out of it like a snake recoiling. When he tried to stretch up for him again, his hand came only into contact with air. Then he felt Adam's hand, resting ever so gently at his cheek. The sensation stilled him.

"I'd kiss you, but your breath stinks," Adam jested.

Ronan snorted. "You're such an asshole."

Adam hummed with humor. "I'll see you later, okay? Get some sleep."

Ronan pouted but could hardly keep his eyes open. "No," he mumbled. "I'm going to protest this by staying awake."

"You're doing a terrible job already." Adam was becoming more and more a hazy blur. "I think you should call it quits now while you're ahead."

"You beautiful bastard," Ronan growled. "I was fine before you came in here."

"Clearly."

There was a kiss at his cheek then, and he turned to try to catch his lips, but failed and instead felt another kiss on his other cheek. He was drifting more and more away from reality.

"I'll be back before you know it," Adam murmured. "To check on both you dorks."

"I'll dream of you," he mumbled. "I like you so much.... boyfriend...."

He could barely register he said anything before he fell asleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Boyfriend. He did it. He said it out loud. He uttered the word.

Adam was replaying the moment over and over in his head.

_I'll dream of you. I like you so much. Boyfriend._

Adam left the nurse's cabin jittery and cold. He was trying to wrap his head around the fact that this was really happening, wasn't it? Boyfriend.

God, sleepy Ronan was kind of adorable even though he was clingy and stubborn. That's usually how Ronan was awake anyway.

He was going to kiss him a hell of a lot when Opal was feeling better and Ronan wasn't around the flu anymore. He mouthed the word to himself over and over on his walk back to the others. There was a time this would've terrified him, even though he'd been boyfriend to someone else before. But it was different with Ronan. Everything felt different with Ronan. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

"Hidy ho, dickwad."

Ronan bolted straight up to the sound of Blue's booming voice above him. On the bed next to him Opal was awake and sitting, with a tray table in front of her. She was eating a bowl of soup off it, giggling when Ronan reacted with a start.

"What-?" Ronan registered Blue's presence with disappointment and confusion. Where did Adam go? Why was it so unpleasantly warm out now? "How long was I asleep?"

"Dunno when you fell asleep," Blue said, and she sat down on Ronan's cot beside him. "But it's two pm now."

Ronan collapsed back down. "Fantastic." It took him a moment to register the change, that he slept at least six hours. "Did you come alone?" 

The question sat with her differently than he intended, and her shoulders jerked up with a quick, strange laugh.

“Why?” she said, glaring at him with only half the intent she would’ve a few weeks ago. God, were they becoming friends? With a little more than two and a half weeks left in this place? “Do you think I need a chaperone to see you two?” Blue’s brow furrowed, calculating the intent behind his question.

He struggled not to let her find out he was really wondering if Adam was here.

“No,” he said, frowning back.

She rolled her eyes. “He’s with Noah.”

His skin was a little warmer as he received her knowing look. Jesus, he was unbearably transparent wasn’t he.

“Who?” he said, glancing in Opal’s direction who was staring back at him with the same expression of awareness that he was not subtle.

“ _Who_?” Blue parroted. Her and Opal then exchanged a look that couldn’t have made Ronan feel any less embarrassed. He shifted around, feeling bullied. “God, could his crush be any more obvious?” Blue said to Opal, who giggled with more ferocity in her than she had last night.

“Says the one who won’t stop talking about hers,” Ronan shot back, sitting completely upright as Blue turned her gaze back to him. Her brow folded more, into a scowl that definitely still held some proper anger inside it.

“Hey,” she said, then pointed at him. “At least I kissed mine,” she said.

He caught Opal smirking out of the corner of his eye, and he twisted to give her a frown. She turned her smile downward when Blue looked back at her, and she drank from her soup with it obscured by the spoon.

“You look like shit,” Blue then noted, taking Ronan’s silence better than he expected. To her it must have seemed like he was accepting defeat in comparison in their crushes, when in reality he couldn’t begin to compare what they had. Adam was Adam, as radiant as the sun.

Speaking of.

“Adam already beat you to saying that this morning,” Ronan muttered. He couldn’t believe he missed him.

Blue snorted, before Ronan could realize and regret he just confessed they saw Adam. Oh, it didn’t really matter. He was as much Opal’s caretaker as Ronan was, it made sense he came to check on her.

“Not surprised he dropped by,” Blue said. “Are you sick, too?”

“No.” Ronan shook his head. “Just stayed.”

It was clear she didn't need to ask any more questions beyond that. She knew why he stayed, and he knew too. Opal was important to him. He was important to her. Together they looked to the kid, who was still downing her soup all too eagerly. Already he could sense that her happy soup eating was going to backfire, because she still looked fucking terrible, and he remembered having the stomach flu once. It wasn’t fun.

“Sometimes it feels more like you're her cabin's counselor instead of me,” Blue said, and he noted the absence of sarcasm or teasing in her voice. Instead it was full of sadness, although Ronan couldn’t explain it away in his mind why. Opal must have noted it too, because she stopped eating her soup, looked up from it with a plain look.

‘I like their cabin,” she said. “It's closer to the bathroom.”

Both Blue and Ronan laughed together, clearly neither entirely sure if she was joking or not.

“You can't keep leaving in the middle of the night, you know,” Blue said, a hand to her stomach to try to quell her amusement. It seemed to only slightly working. “As fun as Ronan and Adam may be, it's not safe and it's not smart.”

“I don't care,” Opal said, shrugging.

“Opal, she's right.” Her eyes refocused on him, and she looked to be insulted. “What if you started throwing up and there wasn't anyone around?”

She was quiet, moving the spoon around in her bowl, the metal making clinking sounds with the glass. She looked to be mulling over the idea, or maybe she was just hoping they would drop the subject. He knew so soon after throwing up like she did probably wasn’t the best time to talk about this, but it had to be talked about regardless. She couldn’t keep leaving like she did.

“In the future, if you want to hang out at the boys' cabin, wake me up,” Blue said. “No, better yet, suggest it before bedtime or else you can't do it at all. Okay? Or next time Henry might send you home.”

Opal dropped her spoon in the bowl and sat up, angry.

“That's not fair!” she shouted.

“It's the rules, Opal.” Blue folded her arms over her chest, not looking any happier about this than he felt. “It's not safe alone out in the dark like that. You could get hurt or lost.”

“I know my way around the dark at night,” Opal argued. “I’ve done it loads of times.”

“Not exactly boosting confidence admitting you've done this a lot,” Ronan said, rolling his eyes.

She scowled, her little brow managing to fold in with just the right level of bitterness.

“You both suck,” she snapped.

“Hey.” Ronan scowled right back at her. “Don't be like that, dork. Now she didn't say you couldn't come over at all, just not in the middle of the night.”

She still pouted, but her forehead eased, her lips turning into a thin line rather than twisted completely upside down. Her eyes darted to Blue a second, then back to him.

“But half the time I try to come over before than, you and Adam aren't there,” she said.

Blue looked to him in that moment, and Ronan really regretted ever letting this conversation happen in the first place. He should have known it was going to backfire. He felt himself getting red in the face as he glared at Opal, seeing her glare right back.

“What?” Blue was not impressed.

“I don't know what she's talking about,” he said. Even if she didn’t believe him, there wasn’t any proof, and hell it still wasn’t his fault Opal left like she did. He wasn't sure why she was fighting with him like this, but he supposed he probably deserved it. But to out their relationship was a whole other thing. Just because she was a kid didn't make it okay.

“You two leave your cabin of kids?” Blue gaped.

This was not going well.

“Only a couple times,” he admitted. “When we've had to do laundry and forgot.”

It sounded mildly plausible, and Blue looked to ponder on its realism. As she considered its possibility, he mouthed to Opal _no money for you._

Her eyes narrowed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
After spending the better part of the day with Noah and Henry, it was more than obvious they were together to Adam. They had all the same tell tale signs that he and Ronan probably had, that were unnoticeable to someone who also wasn’t in a secret relationship. When they touched their faces went red for a second, thinking somehow someone would catch it and think _ah, they’re together_ ; but of course no one would except for the blush. That sort of gave it away. When they were helping the kids practice on stage, some fully prepared already with their talent for the show and some still wading through the process, they stood closely together, the way Adam knew he and Ronan sometimes did when they felt it was allowed. When no one was really looking, so why not. He stared longingly at their hands brushing before a kid tripped climbing up the stage, forcing Noah to jump up to comfort him.

And all this really told Adam was that he missed Ronan. He missed him a hell of a lot.

At dinner he took two trays full of food, balancing them with ease from a year at food service, and snaked through the mess hall out the back door. Without any prying eyes he walked fast across the camp to the nurse’s cabin, to find Ronan and Opal arguing over something that stopped the second he walked in.

“Hey,” he said, standing awkwardly in the doorway with two trays of food. Ronan turned his head fast, and he smiled when he saw him.

“One of those for me?” Ronan said.

“No, they’re both for me.” Adam noted Opal wiping her eyes and wondered if Ronan made her cry. He frowned at him. “What were you two arguing about?”

Registering he couldn’t weasel his way out of this one, Ronan sighed, lifting himself off the bed. He passed by Opal, who ever so gently punched him in the leg. “I think she’s just grouchy about everything because she’s sick,” he groaned. “She’s been picking fights with me all day. Hey, I’m going to go outside for a bit, okay?”

Opal nodded sleepily, and it was then Adam registered she was touching her eyes out of exhaustion not of sadness. She started to lie down when Ronan put his hand at the small of Adam’s back, where he pushed with little effort for Adam to start walking outside.

They sat on the porch while Opal slept, eating in the somewhat cool of the summer night. Adam didn’t dare think to bring up the B word, mainly because he suspected if Ronan remembered saying it he wouldn’t have been acting as relaxed about it as he was. When he was in between bites, his hands would touch at Adam’s, at his waist and his frayed shirt sleeve and his hair. Like they’d been apart for days and not hours, they refamiliarzed themselves again of one another, while trying to eat their dinners before they got cold.

“She feeling any better?” Adam asked when they were done. He set the trays off to one side behind them on the porch, sitting at the steps with his one side against the railing and his other warm against Ronan’s.

“Sort of.” Ronan took a sip of his water, what was left of it anyway, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His other took Adam’s in it, picking at a scab on his wrist from when he banged it against something last week that he couldn’t remember the story of anymore. “She threw up her lunch and still looks gross.”

Even as he played it off, Adam could still hear the heavy concern in Ronan’s voice, the way it caught at the mention of her appearance, the way his gaze was drifting to somewhere else and unknown.

“You sleeping here again?”

Finally Ronan met his gaze, and he held it same as he held his hand, and Adam knew the answer long before Ronan said the words. “I think so,” he said, shrugging a little, measly in the physical expression. He looked guilty, but Adam didn’t think he should be.

While he nodded, he admitted to himself he was mildly sad. The thought of what it would be like after camp came to mind as he missed him during the hours they were apart today. It was absurd, when they had spent so much time together already, but Adam liked every minute of it. He craved every minute of it, and wished only for more. But there was only so many hours in the day. Soon there would be school and work and life separating them both, and even though they went to the same school it wasn't like here. He was going to miss a lot about camp. For a brief moment he was just a teenager, with teenager problems, and not the real world problems he was going to face again as soon as he was out. He squeezed Ronan’s hand, who squeezed back.

“Can I kiss you now?” Ronan groaned.

“No,” Adam said plainly. “Don't think so.”

Huffing, Ronan turned into him, and knocked their knees together. He wasn’t enjoying this, that much was evident.

“Is this punishment of some kind?” he asked.

Adam snorted. “No.” He reached and nudged him, shoulder to shoulder. “Hey, do you remember what you said before you fell asleep earlier?”

Ronan's brow folded. “Vaguely,” he said. He didn't look the least bit aware, but he seemed to be playing it off like he remembered. “Why?”

“No reason.” Adam shrugged it off and continued holding his hand. It was nice out tonight, quiet and reasonably temperatured. “You said some nice things before you fell asleep. Which was so unlike you.”

“Hey.”

His laugh echoed into the night as Ronan swiftly pouted, wrinkles formed at the space between his eyebrows. In his annoyance he then grunted and pushed their shoulders tightly together. There was something to be said about the beauty in Ronan's frown, how his sharp jaw was shaped differently than when he smiled. Both were beautiful. Both were Ronan. The boy made him feel so soft and sweet and-

"Don't stay up reading your nerdy books while I'm away," Ronan said. "You use your brain too much."

Adam rolled his eyes. "And you don't use it enough. There's probably cobwebs in there," he argued. He touched Ronan's skull with his knuckles, raking them across his forehead.

"I'm the one that taught you how to have fun this summer," Ronan said. "But I worry with my absence, you'll go right back to your terrible habits."

"Terrible-?" Adam laughed. He turned from him to stare out toward the campgrounds. "You're such a jackass. I hope you're not going to be this bad when school starts."

"I'll be worse."

Adam frowned. "Good to know."

Ronan's grin was cheeky and wide. He leaned in for a kiss, and despite Adam's suspicions he was going to get sick too, he couldn't help himself and he caved. Allowing Ronan to kiss him, he inclined into him, tilting his chin just so. There was no one around.

Ronan's hot hand held his cheek with the fingers spread wide to grasp everything, thumbing his ear with a stroke back and forth. He opened his mouth for Ronan, and felt him slide in his tongue. Just like every time. They were good at this.

In an eagerness for contact, Adam's hand then came up to Ronan's bare knee, still wearing his shorts from yesterday. In this, he felt Ronan invite himself closer, and he pushed Adam a little against the railing at his side.

They kissed a while, in the quiet and the dark. There were crickets chirping in the distance, someone laughing somewhere far away, and then just the two of them. 

When Adam eventually had to leave, as people started pooling out of the mess hall, Ronan hugged him goodnight. It was something small and sparing, not as clingy as he was half asleep.

"One more for the road?" Ronan asked, inching toward him a step when they were already a couple feet apart again. He was itching for another kiss, teething his lower lip in a way that was very distracting.

Adam rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"No, you should check on Opal," he said.

"She's got Anne for that."

Adam almost laughed at the fact he was on a first name basis now with the nurse, but he said nothing. Ronan somehow heard it himself, the amusement in his situation, and blushed.

Falling onto something he'd seen several of the girl counselors do to poor Johnny of the cabin next door to theirs, he kissed his palm and then blew on it towards Ronan. _He blew Ronan a kiss_. He thought it was funny and annoying, and received the response he was expecting when Ronan's eyes rolled back into his head. His cheeks were boyishly red, in an adoring way as he was unexpectedly charmed. Though he didn't want to appear that way, slouching and scowling like he did.

"Tease," he hissed. He then reciprocated with one of his own, but as he blew the "kiss" Adam's way, all but his middle finger fell away into his palm.

"Goodnight, Lynch."

"Night, Parrish. Don't miss me too much."

"No chance of that."

Adam chuckled under his breath as he turned away, scampering off into the woods towards their cabin. He heard Ronan call out for him for one last time, but he knew he was never going to leave if he didn't leave now.

"Night, Lynch," he repeated louder, walking away. He already maybe sort of missed him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the morning, Adam was awoken by the sound of ten boys surrounding him in the wee hours. He hadn't anticipated this, and for a brief moment half asleep thought it was Ronan come to share his bed. But when he opened his eyes he was met with all the boys in his cabin staring back at him.

"Oh, god." He sat up at the start of the surprise, awakened instantly by the jolt to his heart.

"We want to see Opal."

This felt like the beginning of a prison breakout scene, only Opal wasn't in prison. She was sick.

"You guys'll catch what she has," Adam reasoned. "It's better to let her rest until she feels better."

"Nah man," said Steve in the back. "I take my vitamins."

It dawned on him they weren't going to take no for an answer, and he didn't have Ronan to help wrangle in ten upset children at the thought of no.

It surprised and yet didn't surprise him that they wanted to see her, and missed her to the point they wanted to visit while she was still sick. She'd become friends with all of them, and of course they missed hanging out with her. Having her isolated like she was wasn't fun for anyone. Everything felt duller without her and Ronan around.

"We want to make her feel better," said Jake.

Adam sat there and wondered what Ronan would do, then immediately squashed that idea because Ronan shouldn't be his guidebook on how to handle kids. Except, he was a little better at it, Adam hated to admit. He was tender with them in unexpected ways.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Parrish?"

Ronan was completely bewildered to see Adam walk into the nurse's cabin again so early in the morning. Opal was only just waking up, and Ronan hadn't brushed his teeth yet (he went and grabbed some shit yesterday from their cabin).

Adam had his sleepy hair, sticking out at odd angles and overall a mess, and he was still in his pajamas which was adorable and distracting.

"What are you-?"

"Surprise!" Ten children barreled into the cabin after Adam, who was staring sheepishly at him with an apologetic gaze, while the boys scrambled to find space in the tight room. Opal giggled, the first smile she wore since Blue came by, as the boys all started talking to her at once, crowding her space.

"Okay, okay, all of you calm down and step back," Ronan shouted over the cacophony of noise. Anne was going to kill him. She already didn't like the idea of one visitor beyond him, that the sight of ten other children was probably going to give her a panic attack.

As the boys all awkwardly calmed down in a collective, stepping back a bit and lowering their voices, Ronan looked to Adam, catching him already looking back. Adam came to his bed, pushing through the sea of children to do so. His fingers casually trailed down Ronan's arm until they met with his.

"You trying to get the whole camp sick?" Ronan asked him. Adam frowned, looking very kissable right now.

"No," he said grumpily. "They berated me as soon as I woke up, and I couldn't do anything about it without you there."

"You can't say no to kids, can you?" Ronan laughed. He was immediately swatted at the shoulder by Adam's other hand, as Ronan was unwilling to let his fingers go on the one currently curled around his behind the bed. He was sitting while Adam was standing, standing between his legs to be exact. It was so blatantly obvious what they were, but the kids weren't paying any attention and Anne had gone to shower and eat so she was away for a while.

"I can say no," Adam argued.

"You just didn't want to?" Ronan snorted, feeling at Adam's pajama bottom strings, noting his sneakers which were only half on. "What was the emergency?"

"Huh?" Adam's second hand had moved to Ronan's shoulder, his fingertips teasingly touching under his collar. "No emergency."

"Then why do you look like that?" Ronan laughed, wheezed really, and Adam pushed his shoulder, every bit annoyed with him as he usually was.

"Jackass," Adam hissed quietly, fonder than he probably intended. Ronan laughed more as he pressed his face to Adam's torso, wanting to feel him closer.

"What are you wearing?" he heard Opal say behind him, talking to one of the other kids. He turned his head to see, and only just noticed Jake was dressed as Batman.

"I'm the smartest detective alive!"

The other kids laughed, but they weren't laughing at him, but rather with him, and Jake was smiling while Opal was rolling her eyes. She grabbed the mask off his face and put it on herself, before Ronan or Adam could reason that they shouldn't touch her.

"Well, we're fucked," Ronan sighed.

"I'll just make them drink a bunch of orange juice at breakfast. I hear vitamin D is good for your system."

Ronan wheezed out another laugh before he could say anything to that, and he squeezed Adam closer into him, pulling him down to sit next to him. Their hand holding was less discreet sitting like this, but he didn't really care anymore.

"You think if we went outside for five minutes they would be okay in here?" he asked.

Adam blew on Ronan's forehead, leaving a cold chill on his skin. It was unexplainable what he was doing, breathing on him like he was. He then brushed at his forehead, swiping away with the back of his hand.

"What are you doing?" Ronan laughed.

"Trying to dust off your brain," Adam replied. "No one who uses their brain very often would ask that sort of question."

"Hey-"

"Oh, good! You're both here."

Henry was walking up the steps into the open doorway of the cabin, and just like that Adam and Ronan split apart and slid to opposite ends of the bed.

"Morning," Adam said.

"Morning," Henry repeated back. It took him a second to assess what it was Adam was wearing, and when his eyes raked over him he paused, confused. "What an eccentric outfit choice."

Adam looked down at himself while Ronan began to snicker. He felt him pinch him before he saw his hand come across the bed, and he shimmied away with a tiny yelp and a laugh. The kids behind them weren't paying them any attention, as Henry sat between them.

"To what do we owe this dis- Ow."

Adam had reached around Henry's back and pinched Ronan again. This time it really hurt. He frowned across his backside to Adam, who wasn't even looking at him.

"I came to talk to you about the ban on you two doing activities together," Henry said, his clipboard held to his chest like a cherished object. "I'm lifting the ban, and I'm letting you two off the hook about the laundry too. You were terrible at it anyway."

"We can do activities together again?" Although he couldn't see him, what with Henry's head in his way, but he could hear his smile in his voice. Ronan was smiling, too.

"Yeah," Henry said, albeit a little reluctantly. "You were better together than you are with the others. More got done, ironically."

"Hey." Ronan frowned. "We get stuff done."

"I'm aware," Henry admitted. "Which is why, like I said, you can work together again."

"He's a little slow on the uptake sometimes," Adam said, and Ronan tried to reach around Henry to pinch him back. But Adam was swift, and he jerked away from Ronan's hand with a laugh.

"Did Noah ask you to do this?" Ronan asked, still reaching but not making any progress. He eventually had to give up when his face got too close to Henry's, who turned to him and flinched.

He recoiled, not before feeling Adam's hand hold his for a fleeting second. He was a mess, a puddle, a disaster. This secret keeping business was terrible.

"No." Henry's cheeks looked to be getting a bit red, and then he held his clipboard tighter and stood up. "Maybe. I can make my own decisions thank you very much."

He did not sound happy about Noah's addition to the conversation, and Ronan could almost laugh. They were in the same situation as Henry and Noah, if they indeed were in a situation at all. But they didn't know that, and Adam didn't seem inclined for them to.

Without thinking, he slid closer to Adam again, while watching after Henry's mess of emotions that he was not doing a very good job at hiding. His mask was poorly made, unlike theirs. Well, in comparison.

"How _are_ you and Noah by the way?" Adam thought to ask.

He shot a look at him, wondering what it was he knew. By that smirk, he knew something he didn't tel him yet. Henry was scowling at Adam over the top of his clipboard.

"Why?" he said defensively. "What's it to you?"

"No reason."

Adam was better at avoidance than he was.

"You two have been extra suspicious since you came back from wherever it is you went," Henry noted, with a hint of bitterness in his tone. Ronan could only assume he was projecting now to avoid confession of his own secret whatever with Noah. Ronan almost grabbed Adam's hand, which was sitting there enticingly between them on the cot.

He didn't like the way Henry eyed them, like he was reading their minds, or trying at least. With his gelled hair, he looked a little frantic with his raised brow, pointing at them accusingly.

"You've been suspicious with Noah since you smoked weed with-" he started, but Henry gaped and cut him off.

"I would never!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, come on, Cheng," Ronan replied. Adam beside him wasn't telling him to stop, which was surprising. Maybe it was because the kids weren't giving them any attention, still discussing Jake's costume or something. They should probably pay attention to what they were doing.

"Admit it," Adam added. He could be just as devilish as Ronan, who very much wanted to kiss him right now.

"There's children present," Henry said, which was true.

One of the kids looked to them as they all turned their heads.

"What's weed?" Steve asked.

Ronan blanked. Well, of course that happened.

"Uh, grass," Adam said, then turned back around. Ronan did the same, but not before Steve stuck out his tongue in disgust.

"Ew," he said.

"You want back on laundry duty?" Henry said. "Keep informing these children of... illegal drugs," he finished with a very heated whisper.

"I'm not the one that did them," Ronan replied. He didn't like weed very much.

Henry flushed and stammered out what was clearly meant to be another comment, but instead became too flustered for his own good and stormed out.

"You didn't have to tease him that much," Adam said, and Ronan felt him closer than before. He slid back into his side, his hand finding his between them like it wasn't separated at all.

"He can take it," Ronan said. Henry had been taking the brunt of his annoying comments for years now. "He probably has to, with Noah."

Adam was touching at Ronan's head, which needed to be shaved as hair was starting to grow back in. Little bits of it not yet curling. He liked the way Adam's fingers felt against his scalp. "Maybe Noah's sweet with him," Adam said. He leaned in a bit to add, "Like you should be with me."

Ronan gaped. "I'm sweet with you," he grumbled.

"Ha!" Adam raked his fingers down and over Ronan's neck. "A confession!"

"I-" Ronan was shocked, and his mouth fell open a moment in reply. "You're an asshole."

"A dollar!" Opal shouted from behind them.

"Oh, for fu-Pete's sake." He buried his face in Adam's shaking shoulder, who was laughing at him.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

It was late in the afternoon, or early in the evening if one wanted to argue, well past lunch and nearly lunch, when Opal looked to be feeling even better than before. Ronan was outside, while Anne was giving Opal another checkup. He was watching the kids in the distance playing, counselors talking, wishing that in two and a half weeks this wasn't all going to be over.

The irony. He spent the first week wanting it to end so swiftly, maybe even longer than that, and now here he was wishing for an endless summer.

He was going to have most of this in the fall, his friends and Adam and Opal if she kept her promise to write him back, but it was going to be different. It had to be. Camp was its own, special thing. Temporary. He wasn't going to miss the bugs, or waking up so goddamn early every day, or spending every waking second with someone else around. But he was going to miss seeing Adam when he woke up, when he went to sleep, every second in between. He was going to miss their swim lessons, because Adam wasn't going to need them anymore after just a couple more together. He was going to miss seeing Opal every day, although her foster home wasn't far from school. He checked.

There were still a couple weeks left, but already he could feel himself missing this place.

"Ronan!"

Inside, Opal was finished, and Anne had left to go to the back for a bit to give them some space. He wondered why.

"Sit," Opal instructed. Ronan sat across from her in his cot, confused by what was happening.

"I gotta ask you a question," she said.

"Okay...."

"Why did you and Adam really leave?" It hit him like a semi, and he very nearly reacted to the question, but after years of avoiding questions like this he nearly perfected the blank expression. "I know it wasn’t for all the excuses you’ve made up."

He twitched. "You mean you didn’t believe I temporarily joined the circus but Adam brought me to my senses?" he said.

"The last part sounds about right," Opal confessed, "but you didn’t join the circus. You have no skills for the circus."

He frowned. "I take offense to that."

"You should. I was insulting you."

Since this whole thing started, Opal was more sour than she usually was. Being sick made her grouchy, which he could relate to, but he didn't like that she targeted him with all her anger and anxiety. He didn't want to keep getting yelled at by her, which was all she was doing the last two days. It was exhausting.

"You hurt my feelings leaving like that," she said. He felt like this was deja vu.

"Didn’t we talk about this already?" he said.

"Doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt my feelings," Opal said, pouting.

He felt like an asshole again, aware his actions affected not just himself and Adam, but everyone at the camp. It had to take him leaving to realize that, to realize how connected everyone here was, how when one person wasn’t partaking in the system anymore it created a butterfly effect and shattered the system completely. That was Henry’s analogy, anyway.

"Hey, I’m sorry." He moved to sit on her bed, but she kicked her foot out so he couldn't. "I’m really sorry, Opal. It wasn’t about you. I had to say goodbye to someone."

"And you had to leave camp to do it, without telling anyone?" Opal shaded her eyes with her hat, bringing it down to hide behind.

“I didn’t intend to come back,” he admitted.

Opal recoiled from him as much as she could, already sitting so far away. She ducked her head at once and turned around, back offered to him instead. For the second she looked at him before this, she looked so heartbroken. “Then why did you?” she said, sounding as angry as Ronan felt for so long at himself. He already felt the regret; he didn’t want to relive this. “If you were so tired of this place? Why did you come back at all?”

“Because of Adam,” Ronan said, and he remembered how so long ago, and yet not long ago at all, part of the reason he left was because of him. Because of his fear of being rejected, which looking back now he could laugh at. “Because of you,” he added, and he swore he saw Opal’s interest peak, even though she barely moved, and her back was still to him. “You think I would leave you alone with all these dorks and nerds?”

“You’re a nerd, too, you know,” she mumbled.

Ronan gasped. “I am not.” He played along with her insult and pouted. “Take that back!”

“You’re a huge nerd.” Opal turned around, not smiling but looking like it was about to happen. There was a gentleness to her expression that wasn’t there before. “Biggest nerd there is.”

He could breathe again with comfort seeing that, seeing her ease. She was definitely feeling better. Thank god.

“Okay, that’s a flat out lie,” he said. “We both know that’s Henry.”

Opal seemed to mull it over. She shrugged, tipping a flat hand this way and that. “It’s a tie,” she concurred.

“I’d tickle you if you weren’t sick,” he reckoned.

“I’m kicking you out.”

Well, that was certainly a change in dialogue.

“What?” His lips pursed. “Out of camp? You can’t do that.”

She rolled her eyes like he wasn’t getting it, like she was being blatant and he was being obtuse.

“I want you to go hang out with your boyyyy friennnnnd.”

God, when she said that word that way it made him cringe, mocking him but admiring his affection for Adam simultaneously.

“He's not my boyfriend,” he countered.

Anne appeared from the shadows of her office in the back, and he startled realizing she had probably been eavesdropping. Well, shit.

“I think it’s a good idea to get some fresh air, some sunshine, Ronan,” she said.

“You’re in on this too?” He should have known. “Jeez, do I smell?”

“A little,” Opal admitted. Anne smiled in agreement.

“Fine.” Ronan could see he wasn’t wanted anymore, that he was probably burdening Opal now more than comforting her. He stood up, sighing with extended annoyance that was mostly for show. “I’ll come back and check on you tonight then,” he said.

“You do that,” said Anne, talking like she didn’t believe him.

“Say hi to Adam for me!” Opal said, and he could still hear her teasing in her voice. He playfully glared at her before leaving.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

With some regret, Ronan admitted he did smell a little, so he grabbed his toiletry bag from his cabin before hitting the showers. It was close to dinner time, and he had forgotten to eat lunch since he was too busy fretting over Opal to grab something to eat for himself.

There was no one else in the showers when he went, and having the place all to himself was surreal, not having to worry about anyone trying to come in (the doors did not _lock_ Henry). Having the place to himself, he may have taken a little longer than usual in there, enjoying the hot water work on the knots and aches in his muscles, helping his tired body wake back up. He scrubbed until he smelled alright, and then reached out of the shower for his towel on the hook, drying himself off still in the stall even though he was alone.

It was a good thing, though, because when he walked out to change Adam was there, leaning against the sinks, staring after him with a pointed look.

“Thought I’d never see you again,” Adam said, and Ronan did well to hold his towel tight around his waist.

“Bit dramatic, don’t you think?” he replied. Adam was so cool and effortless with his arms crossed in front of him and one leg sat on the sink’s edge. It was distracting. “Saw you this morning. Did you miss me?”

“Mm. Let me think about it.” Ronan moved into him. “No.” When he did, Adam shifted away from him as much he could with the bathroom mirror wall against his back. “Do you even know how to use a towel?”

“What’s the point?” Ronan grunted. He had a very terrible thought of letting the towel slide off, but jesus christ Lynch you’ve only been dating a week and a half. “It’s so hot out I’ll dry in ten seconds.”

Adam rolled his eyes at him, and he was fortunate enough he had him here like this, to enjoy alone for once. With a pink spreading across Adam’s freckled face, he was losing his aloof output tenfold, eyes drifting all over Ronan in hungry chunks of lengthened stares. A hand of his came and touched hesitantly at Ronan’s bare and wet chest, fingering the beads of water that Ronan didn’t wipe off earlier when he poorly dried himself. It was more of a gently pat down, really, and after nearly ten weeks of not shaving his head his hair was starting to drip water down onto his shoulders again like it once did. He hoped Adam couldn’t feel the staccato of his heartbeat under his fingers, which were trembling a little, or maybe that was him. He pressed into Adam’s forehead with his whole face, inhaling him with his nose, with his mouth. Adam’s fingers scraped across the center of his stomach, his nails scratching past his belly button. With a hard swallow, he moved in to kiss him, but then Adam was pushing him off with his other hand, holding him back by the shoulder.

“I’m concerned you’re going to get sick after hanging out with Opal for that long,” Adam reasoned. His voice sounded deeper, lustful. Shit goddamn fuck. He really wished he at least put pants on in the stall, because this was _a lot_.

“That’s not going to happen,” he said, swallowing again.

Adam scoffed at his confidence, and he felt him laugh a couple shakes against his face, which was still against Adam’s forehead.

“You don't know that,” he said. “You don't think.” The hand at his stomach moved and tapped him on the side of his head. He groaned.

“I won’t get sick,” he said, pulling back to look at him properly. The blush was still spread over his face in delicious shades of red and pink, but he was smirking at him challengingly. He loved when he wasn’t the one so obviously enamored by the other, though the acknowledgement that’s what Adam’s blush meant had Ronan feel a creeping feeling of heat in his own skin. Jeez, he hated his hormones.

“I have a high functioning immune system,” he argued still. “I never get sick.”

Adam coughed out a laugh. “Never say never, Lynch,” he said. “I’m not kissing you.”

“Really?” Ronan whined. Didn’t they kiss just yesterday? Though, that took some convincing too. “Can I still kiss you?”

“Do you think saliva wont travel because I didn’t initiate it?” Adam snorted. “That’s not how the body works.”

Well, if he couldn’t kiss him properly, he could find a workaround. He kissed Adam on the lining of his jaw, and Adam’s breath stuttered. There was a mutual shiver in them both, Ronan’s partially because he was getting cold all wet. Adam swallowed against his lips.

“You’re cold,” he huffed. His hands worked their way to his shoulders again, the heels of his palms digging into the boniness of his body, but not pushing him off, almost prepping for the job.

“I found a loophole to your theory, Parrish.” Ronan could laugh right here where his mouth was, but he wasn’t that much of a dick. He kissed again, a small delicate peck. It was enough to send more chills through Adam’s skin. He felt its migration, and then felt the goosebumps prickle at his forehead.

“So you did, Lynch.” Adam spoke between clenched teeth, and his palms then kneaded into Ronan’s shoulders. It was like they were struggling between pushing him off all the way or just letting him stay there. “They say, however, that even skin contact can contract-“

Without much thought, Ronan’s mouth went further down into Adam’s neckline, and he bit and sucked at just under his collar. Adam’s words turned into mumbles and then into a grunt. His hands slipped down Ronan’s bare torso, making Ronan very aware he was going to regret this with, as previously stated, just a towel on. He wasn’t thinking very brightly.

“You asshole,” Adam struggled to get out. His arms swooped up and around Ronan’s neck, hands feeling at his back. Already familiar with his tattoo, he seemed to have memorized where to touch where Ronan knew there were wings spreading at his shoulder blades. He gripped Adam harder, closer, and sank his teeth into his skin again to leave a bruise. Though he yelped a little, Adam didn’t push him off, and instead inclined into the feeling, his legs giving way as he settled on the basin of a sink to sit. Ronan could get used to this.

They were like this a while, Ronan leaving bites and kisses on his neck, while Adam clung to his wet back with all his effort. They were like this until eventually Adam accidentally turned a sink on with his backside, and soaked his shorts a good few seconds.

They parted in laughter, relief, humility. Both were red as cherries, as Ronan disappeared back into a stall to change. As they left back for their cabin, Adam awkwardly walked a couple steps behind him, trying to fix his wet shorts. Ronan couldn’t stop laughing.

It was becoming harder to hide their feelings from the others. Ronan only wanted to hold his hand, lean against him, kiss him when he allowed him to. Not being allowed made it doubly enticing, twice as difficult to resist. But they kept their distance, best they could. Though, he suspected their whole cabin knew about them by now. They weren’t very good at subtle.

Before bed that night Ronan checked on Opal again. She wasn’t going to let him spend a third night with her, so he read from his old copy of _Alice in Wonderland_ to her until she fell asleep.

Then the next morning he had breakfast with her, too, much to Adam’s chagrin. He really thought he was going to get sick hanging out with her so often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so all the stuff i said was going to happen in this chapter is ACTUALLY happening next chapter OOPS
> 
> thanks for reading! and thank you for leaving any comments and kudos and feedback <3 you can find me on [tumblr](http://www.cabeswatergreywaren.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/adam__parrish)!


	13. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the walk back to the kids they handed off to Noah and Henry, Ronan was living dangerously by insisting on holding Adam's hand. He was surprised Adam allowed this, but didn't make a note of it, happy Adam was comfortable enough to take that risk.
> 
> He couldn't stop smiling so much that his jaw was starting to hurt, after what turned into a very nice afternoon. Adam was unbelievably amazing with him, patient with his smart ass. How he lucked out with him he would never know, but he made a promise to go back to church every Sunday once camp was over. Just to be safe.

Settling back into old routines was easier than expected, if only because it was only a week since last they were together like this as counselors. Ronan and Adam were once again the terrible duo that were slightly more chaotic at controlling their kids than the other counselors, but they had the most fun and even now was no exception.

There were visible differences between now and before they left, things Ronan noticed but wasn't all too sure about, about Adam or the kids. It was the less reserved way Adam acted around him and the others, more playful than before. It had only been a short time since they were back to business, but Ronan memorialized every second in his head. The way Adam chased the kids around on the grass, the way he ran into the lake, though still stayed around the shallow end for now, and the way he grabbed a racquet an hour ago and tried to play tennis with the kids.

He was.... still pretty fucking terrible at the game, but it wasn't like Ronan was any good at giving him lessons. Before he was too nervous to touch him, and now when they touched he was overwhelmed by his senses, completely overloaded like a malfunctioning computer.

It didn't help that they hadn't kissed in a while. The activities they did instead were nice, overwhelming in their own right, but it wasn't the same. He quite liked the way Adam kissed him, the bubbly joy that built up from the pit of his stomach. It was more of a tingling under his skin when it was touches that replaced the kissing, lips that didn't quite meet, almosts that didn't hold the same satisfaction. He felt like a whining child that couldn't get what he wanted, and in a way that's exactly what he was.

He could tell it was torturing Adam just as much, even though he was the one who instigated the no kissing rule until it was certain Ronan was safe. Because of it, Adam was constantly stealing opportunities to touch him, both discreetly and not so much. He often walked past him and ran his hand up Ronan's arm, sometimes depending on the activity he let that hand start down at Ronan's and build up to his shoulder and sometimes his neck. He once stole a kiss at his cheek when no one was looking, and Ronan couldn't contain the blush that spilled from that surprise act.

On this particular afternoon Adam already touched him six times in the span of an hour. He was getting visibly desperate, on the cusp of breaking his own rule. Ronan was desperate enough himself he would let him, but wouldn't force it, aware Adam was also getting visibly annoyed with the whole situation. Practicality versus desire. He definitely didn't want to get sick, and he didn't want Adam to get sick either. Opal was still at the nurse's cabin, nearly better and getting impatient. Just like them.

Each touch that afternoon was a gift, even if it was simultaneously torture. He ran his hand over Ronan's arm twice, and once the hand ran along the bridge of his shoulders at the back. He snuck in a squeeze to Ronan's shoulder, which lasted far too long for anything remotely in the region of friendly. And finally, not five minutes ago, he came and rested his head at Ronan's shoulder as he was explaining something to the kids, and five minutes later it was still there.

"Okay, uh, go do something now," Ronan enforced gently, waving the kids away after he was done talking. They scattered like leaves in the wind.

Hands began to move and wrap around his waist from behind. This was the most forward Adam had been in front of anyone, which surprised Ronan. He wondered if perhaps the lack of formal touches left Adam to come out about their relationship in order to touch him at all. Starved enough for him, Ronan was willing to do anything he wanted. That sounded impractical, but he was a hormonal teenage boy. He just wanted to make out with him every chance he could get, and these damn kids and damn rules were driving him up a wall.

"You up for a swimming lesson tonight?" Adam suggested. Ronan got chills just from the tone in his voice alone. Shivering inelegantly, he hoped Adam didn't feel it against him, but he was moving in tighter from behind which didn't mask Ronan's second shiver any better. He was superbly easy to mess with, and Adam knew this.

"Swimming lessons?" Ronan asked under his breath. A couple kids were looking in their direction off the court, as they were swinging their racquets and throwing their balls. Adam's hands met at the front of his lower abdomen, one over the other right above his naval. He could feel Adam's lips ghosting at his neckline, subtly tucking his face against the curve of his jaw.

"Yeah, swimming lessons, Lynch. You forgetting there, Dreamer? It's where we get in our bathing suits and swim around in the water as you teach me how not to drown?"

Ronan closed his eyes to Adam's breathing on his skin. He felt it stutter as Adam chuckled quietly against him, arms wrapping around him tighter. He imprinted the feeling into his brain, memorized every bit of it, from the heat building low in his stomach from Adam's hands, the press of his body against his back, the tiny stubble on his chin that scratched just a little. He was overheating.

"I vaguely recall," he replied. "I think it's safe to say you won't drown now, though. You don't really need any more lessons."

Adam harrumphed, and Ronan felt a ghost of his teeth, the incisor digging in a little more than the rest. He shivered again.

"Maybe I need a refresher," Adam said, his words bubbling breath on Ronan's neck. Ronan nearly whined and pushed him away, if only to have a moment to collect himself and restart his brain.

"You _have_ been getting sloppy with your kicks," Ronan noted, playing along.

Again he felt the chill of Adam's chuckling against his sensitive skin. It was charging his brain like an electric shock, and he closed his eyes to the warm summer day before them, to feel the cold Adam's lips left on his skin. He pressed his mouth to Ronan's neck, not a kiss but just a soft sensation, like a comfort touch. His lips weren't puckered, flat against his neck to rest there.

To the feeling, Ronan inclined his head back a little, to feel more. He closed his eyes as he dreamt of what life was going to be like post-camp. To see Adam outside of this place, to see him in his element at school, to have a reason to attend school other than to appease Gansey. Senior year was going to be special, and he never thought he would be excited for school in his life.

He wondered, though, how long this would last. This hiding. While he knew Adam wasn't ashamed of him, he still had his concerns, the self-hatred he had to combat every day. Every day it was a little easier, and every day he could see a little more what it was Adam saw in him. Progress wasn't instantaneous, but it was there. It was happening.

He felt Adam's lips push against the side of his neck, and his pulse jumped.

"You're happy, right?" he asked aloud.

The corners of Adam's lips curled up into a small smile.

"Yeah, you jock," Adam replied, his voice low and throaty as he tried to whisper it with little success. "I'm extremely happy."

Ronan's heart soared, but he struggled to avoid Adam finding this discovery. He smiled a little anyway, especially as Adam squeezed him. "I am not a jock," he replied, snarling his words with no venom inside them. There was a soft snicker that rolled up from his neck to his ear, as Adam moved his mouth to speak into it.

"You play tennis," he said. "You own tennis shorts. You're a full on jock."

Ronan groaned. "I don't like that word," he said. "It makes it sound like I should be dunking nerds' heads into toilets and walking around like a full on dick in my team jacket with the head cheerleader."

"Okay, this isn't a cliched teen film," Adam laughed. "And I'm more likely to dunk your head into the toilet, because you _can_ be a full on dick."

Ronan could disappear into that Henrietta drawl, the way his mouth shaped vowels and tilted at the end of sentences.

"Uh, fuck you?" he said anyway, before breaking into a fit of laughter. Adam joined in, still holding him, still resting his face against the back of his head. He felt a peck at the shell of his ear, or maybe that was wishful thinking. They laughed as Ronan's eyes peeled open to the view of the kids on the court, the sunny day burning his eyes. He looked down and could see Adam's freckled hands against his stomach. As his laughter waned, it was replaced by something gentler, and Ronan felt really warm inside. There was a calm inside him he never experienced before this summer.

"I'm real happy," he said.

"I'm glad." Adam snuggled his face in closer. Any closer than that and he'd be shoving his nose through Ronan's neck. He wasn't laughing anymore, his voice sweetly thick as he spoke softly for only Ronan to hear.

"Shouldn't we be doing something right about now?" Ronan thought to ask.

"Nah," said Adam. His arms tightened around Ronan's waist, tugging him closer to him. "I like this too much."

Ronan couldn't complain. He liked it a lot, too.

"Uh, excuse me. Mr. Adam?" came a voice from their right. "Ronan? What are you two doing?"

Ronan jerked at the sound of a group of kids coming over to them. He moved to part, but felt Adam hold him close. His heart was beating fast at the thought that he was coming out about them.

"Uh, nothing," Ronan mumbled. He wanted to shoo them, but before he could do anything Adam grabbed at his arms and pushed them together.

"Teaching Lynch here how to swing!" Adam said, and he moved them together, bending into Ronan from behind. He proceeded to move Ronan like he was teaching him. Ronan snorted. He had everything about this wrong and the kids looked like they knew.

"Oh, uh, okay," said Joe. "When you're done, can he come teach _us_ how to play?"

Ronan couldn't stop laughing at Adam's flushed face as he turned to witness it. When Adam came back to his senses he slapped at his shoulder.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam swore off kissing Ronan, and for good reason. He kept forgetting it whenever he looked at him, when the light caught on the sharp lines of his face, or when his brow furrowed confused about something, or when he bit on his lower lip, or when he raised his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead and you could see a little of his stomach, hard and flat.

But for the most part he remembered it was because Ronan was likely infected with the same bug that hit Opal. She was getting better, and he barely showed any signs, but Adam was being cautious. Like hell was he going to get sick because he couldn't keep his mouth to himself.

Even though he wanted to kiss the ever present pout on Ronan's face, who was currently kicking him playfully under the table. Just yesterday he swore when Ronan stood up from lunch he got a little dizzy when he did. Adam couldn't prove it, but it only fueled the fire of his caution. He wanted to continue being careful. Just a few days more, at least. Unfortunately.

If Ronan stopped to think for one second, he would see it was frustrating for Adam just as much, if not more. He didn't like the idea of becoming so touch starved again, desperate for anything that he almost let Ronan give him a hickey the other night when the boy crawled into his bed to whisper converse until suddenly there were hands around him and lips at his neck. He didn't want to shut it down, banish Ronan back to his bed, but he had to. For both their sakes. If Ronan was sick and then Adam got sick, make outs would full stop for probably the rest of camp. Adam wasn't sure if he could be that patient.

It was easier to touch now though, familiar with each other's bodies almost fluently. There were parts they still didn't venture as this was new, that designated red zone below the waist. But Adam was completely comfortable now with touching Ronan when he could, at his shoulders or his hair or his hands, cup his face when he felt it was right, or rest his head against him in some way. There was no momentary pause to assess the situation. What was right? What wasn't? He knew now it was almost always fine, and it was enough for now without making out.

He was overthinking the whole thing. A whole week of no kissing wasn't the end of the world. Even though now that he could have it and was purposefully not, it felt a little like the end of the world.

He liked having such a mundane issue, such a teenage problem. It made him smile a little at the thought that his issues were so great and bold and real and adult at the beginning of summer, and now he worried about kissing his boyfriend and getting sick. Adam never had anything simple before, and it felt nice that for once he could. For once he was allowed something as trivial as this worry.

So they were at lunch. The night before they couldn’t get to a swim lesson due to Opal’s insistence Ronan read to her before bed, resulting in him crashing at the cabin with her instead of coming back to theirs.

Ronan was across from him, somewhat subtle in his staring across the table, while his gentle pushing of feet under it wasn't as much. He kept catching Ronan's eye and feeling his face relax, his shoulders lose their tension, and a smile would start to break out on both their faces, until someone either talked to Ronan or to him. Ronan's booted foot was becoming very familiar with his sneakered one, pressing the toes of their shoes together, like tug of war with legs.

Across the way, Ronan was talking to Noah and Gansey, mostly Noah, about something they did a couple summers back. Ronan had his elbow on the table as he leaned against it with his side, angled strangely with his feet still stretched out toward Adam's. Adam couldn't stop smiling into his fork full of mac and cheese.

Henry elbowed him very gently at his right side.

"So what are your plans the rest of summer?" he asked.

"The rest of summer?" Adam repeated. He didn't understand. "Doesn't Aglionby start back up a couple weeks after camp's over?"

"Yeah," Henry replied. He sat all straight and proper at the table, and Adam felt himself self-consciously check his own posture. "But so much can be done in just two weeks. Look at all we've done here!"

Adam shrugged a little, wondering if he was going to brag about what he planned to do his last two weeks before school. Henry was nice, but sometimes he was like the rest of them and unknowingly flouted his fortune in a way that made Adam want to ball his hands into fists until the knuckles hurt from the strain of skin. He began to boringly play with his food, having lost his appetite a little. There was a nudge of feet at his, which he ignored. The reminder that this was all over soon was hard to swallow, that he had to grow back up again as soon as everyone hugged goodbye. For ten whole weeks he got to be a regular teenager like everyone else.

"Well," Henry went on, not seeming to notice Adam's mood change, or maybe he was pretending he didn't. "I was thinking that when we were all free before summer was out we could meet up and go to the lake. It'll be fun!"

Adam didn't know what to say to that. The idea of them all hanging out again sounded nice, if not a little unexpected. He didn't know how much of his friendships here other than Blue and Ronan would continue into the school year. He found himself smiling again, about to agree when Blue stood up on Henry's other side and pointed at Gansey with a look of what appeared to be contempt. Her narrowed brow intrigued him.

"Gansey," she said, "let's talk outside."

He stilled, like he'd been struck and not simply addressed with words. Gansey then looked up at her with the widest eyes, flustered to a point his gaping mouth held open a bit with nothing coming out. The rest of them at their table looked on with twisted necks, curious what this was about. Really, they all knew, but they were pretending they didn't.

"I— Uh— What? Why? You aren't going to throw me in the lake again, are you?"

Blue rolled her eyes.

"No, don't be ridiculous," she said. "Follow me."

"I--"

Blue walked around the table and waved him along. She was annoyed he wasn't following, still seated with his hands gripping either side of the bench like it was his only salvation.

"Come on," she said. "Stop staring at them. They can't help you."

"Am I going to be murdered?" Gansey whispered.

"Oh, bluebird," Henry called out. "Don't murder him."

"That's enough from you," she said, pointing at him. She caught the tail end of Ronan and Noah's snickering, and pointed at them next. "And you."

Gansey rose from his seat slow, like a ceremonial rise to take the walk to the plank, or something equally as morbid and absurd. He glanced at every face at the table sheepishly, before turning around to follow Blue outside.

Once they were out of earshot, all four of them that were left turned to each other. Adam felt Ronan's hand brush past his on the table, fingers sneaking a squeeze at his pinky finger.

Adam quickly looked to Noah and Henry, but remembered they were in their own private relationship, oblivious to Adam and Ronan's gestures.

Ronan was looking at him with a thinly veiled grin, eyes softer than he tends to allow them to be around the others. He wanted to reach over the table and kiss him so badly.

"Hey, who's kicking me?" Henry jumped in his seat, and Ronan ducked his head.

As Henry looked to Noah, Ronan quickly stabilized a blush coming on. Adam suppressed a laugh at the same time, gently prodding Ronan's hand with his. Ronan seized it, and held it, even in front of their friends, even out in the open like this. He kept his hand there, feeling Ronan's boyishly long fingers spreading his part. He smiled soft, until he couldn't hold in his laugh any longer and burst with a fit of it, bowing his head until Henry and Noah exchanged a look and then looked to them.

Adam only laughed harder, unexplainably so.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Gansey and Blue didn't come back once lunch was over, forcing Noah to deal with the kids he watched with Blue on his own. Adam and Ronan didn't hear from them again for the rest of the day.

In the late afternoon, Adam and Ronan toed the line of disaster and delight by holding hands as they sat in a dark alcove of the trees while the kids were playing tag. Adam debated internally for a solid two minutes whether he could allow his head to rest on Ronan's shoulder, before he felt a hand at the side of his neck guiding him gently down. Then, Ronan rested his cheek on Adam's crown.

He could get used to this.

It was nice having their relationship still be just theirs for a little while longer, at least until camp was over was the discussion they had. It was nice getting to feel through the beginning without anyone putting their nose in the middle and possibly wrecking it. Adam didn't want this to get ruined by anyone, especially an outside source. But at the same time, he wanted to hold Ronan's hand properly, kiss him without worrying if anyone witnessed it.

"I like you a lot, Lynch," he whispered, over the cackling giggles of children running around in the soft light of a shaded summer day.

He could feel Ronan shifting around under him at his words, his response delayed. His hand slipped out from Adam's, to move and wrap his arm over Adam's shoulders. He pulled him in closer, his lips trailing Adam's hairline. A few kisses were left along his forehead, in placement of where they wanted to be left.

"Thank you," Ronan said.

Adam sat up and shoved at Ronan's closer knee, inviting laughter. The asshole. Amused by himself, Ronan pulled Adam back into him, moving for a regular kiss. Adam caved, and he allowed him this one. It had been long enough away from Ronan's lips that the sensation of them on his again sparked tingles in the nerve ends of his mouth, like being shocked by touching a bad outlet. He inclined into him, sighing, feeling delightedly buzzed. Ronan moved to open his mouth with a bite to Adam's lower lip, but he wouldn't let the kiss go deeper than this. He was still cautious, and remembered his head a few seconds late, pulling back feeling dizzy.

"Oh," Adam mumbled. He closed his eyes to Ronan's equally wrecked expression staring back at him. He couldn't handle it, afraid he'd only kiss him more. If he got sick from this, he was going to be so annoyed with himself.

"I like you a lot, too, Parrish," Ronan said, his voice throaty and cracking. "Obviously."

There was a thumb to his lips, spreading them apart by pulling ever so minimally at his lower one. His breath went ragged as he struggled not to lean in. Instead, he kept his eyes closed as Ronan's breath ran over his eyelids, kissing at one and then the other. He almost caved again, desperate for more, when a kid yelled out his name across the lawn.

His eyes shot open to first look back to Ronan, who looked smug as ever, and then to the kids goading him to join them. There was a swift kiss to his temple, and he warmed.

"Come on," he said, dragging himself up to his feet. Ronan looked reluctantly at him from below. "Let's go."

"I'll watch," said Ronan. He hadn't released Adam's hand yet, still holding it as their arms reached awkwardly for each other's. "I'm a little tired."

Adam touched at his mouth, aware of the repercussions of that kiss. He then moved down to his knees in front of Ronan, and leaned in between his to kiss him one more time. Health wasn't as much a priority as this. Ronan made a tiny little grunting sound from surprise as Adam pushed him into the tree his back was up against.

"What was that for?" Ronan asked, once they parted.

Adam grinned devilishly. "I'll let up the no kissing rule for good if you win the game."

Ronan's eyes sparked with life. Adam never saw him move so swift in the months he knew him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Okay, you cheated."

Adam stood there observing the situation twenty minutes after the game, the kids dispersed to play other things with other counselors keeping an eye on them. He and Ronan ran off to "use the bathroom" and instead found somewhere quiet to "talk." The second they were safely alone, Ronan's hands were on Adam's waist, his face at Adam's neck, and Adam was left to wonder how was it Ronan beat them all at a game of tag. 

"No," Ronan said roughly against his throat. Adam could scream this felt too nice to be real, to be a possible permanent thing. Ronan was leaving tiny little kisses along his skin like a hiker taking a scenic trail to the top of a hill. "I didn't. I won fair and square."

Adam had enough of the waiting, and he owed Ronan his prize. So he grabbed him by the collar of his tank top and dragged his mouth up the incline of his chin to kiss him. The second they made contact Ronan was all hands everywhere, like a desperate man hanging off the edge of a cliff trying to crawl back up. His shirt had holes at the shoulders, either from wear or because Ronan thought it looked cool. It showed off his tattoo from underneath, which was driving Adam up a wall all afternoon. He was obsessed with touching it, feeling his warm skin underneath the cotton, stroking at the markings of wings and beaks and claws.

So he did, selfishly fingering at Ronan's tattoo, while opening his mouth a little wider for Ronan to kiss him. They slid together like two halves making a whole, like they were always meant to find each other and work harmoniously. He nipped Ronan's bottom lip, who seemed to like it and grunted.

"God," he said.

Adam parted, to laugh, and reflexively he took a step away so he could breathe. His hand fell from Ronan's shoulder, an unfortunate sacrifice, as the boy looked like an absolute mess. He always appeared as if he had gone through a very strenuous exercise routine and come out the other end dehydrated and dazed. His lips were being constantly licked while abandoned, though Adam suspected he wasn’t going to let them remain abandoned for long.

“I’m flattered you think so, but I am just a humble human,” he remarked, to which Ronan snorted and shoved at him. His hand knocked gently at Adam’s shoulder, his eyes rolling reflexively as Adam wittily chuckled. His stomach loosened as the hand at his sleeve fisted in it, pulling him close again so they could complete the ritual of hungry teenagers. 

“You’re a shit, Parrish,” Ronan wheezed before finding his mouth and silencing himself. At once, Adam was yanked so close, to a point that their balance was off and Ronan slipped a step backward. This resulted in him lifting Adam off the ground enough he felt himself having to stabilize his footing by standing on his toes to reach Ronan’s lips. The newfound angle was… odd, to say the least. Yet they were too stubborn to untangle, a heap of limbs staggering together.

“And so Becky was going on about how George was, like, disgusted with the joke,” came a voice from somewhere close by. A voice from another counselor, either Monica or Bria. They were no longer alone.

Hesitantly, they separated, quick enough to be apart when Monica _and_ Bria both appeared from behind some trees, walking past nearly oblivious to them. Once they were spotted, both pairs jerked a moment. Adam did his part to look put together, though he suspected his hair was a bird’s nest and his lips were unnaturally pink. His cheeks felt bright, hurting as his eyes trickled from their faces to Ronan’s and back. With a short, awkward wave, he initiated recognition properly, and with that the two girls smiled at him despite him being visibly sheepish. At his side, Ronan wasn’t playing along. He had his hands running across his buzzed scalp, his eyebrows telling an entirely different story than Adam’s face. Quick, he caught the girls look unimpressed and annoyed, walking away a little quicker than they came. His eyes caught the tail end of a scowl on Ronan’s face when he looked to him.

His knuckles carefully rapped at Ronan’s shoulder, not a real hit, but real enough of contact Ronan got the point.

“Lynch, what the hell?” he groaned.

Under his breath, Ronan mumbled in Latin. “Et invenire te nibh.” _They find you attractive_.

Pushing down the initial reaction to having Ronan speak to him in Latin like this, Adam rolled his eyes and managed to control his expression to something less impressed. Good thing they weren’t touching, because his heart was rampant in his chest like a hummingbird. “Non esse,” he said, and then began to struggle to find the rest of the words in Latin. Their eyes locked, Ronan’s pout growing as Adam’s words continued to be hard to find. Finally, he gave in and finished the sentence in English. “Don’t be a jealous asshole.”

Quick to scoff, Ronan turned so his back was put to Adam. “Non sum zelus.”

Adam’s knuckles cracked as his hand wound tight into a fist. It was both infuriating and exciting that Ronan’s Latin was better than his, to which he replied, “In English.”

“I’m not jealous,” Ronan said, as he whipped back round with his arms cradled in front of his chest like protective armor. His jaw was tight and his gaze was drifting, and Adam couldn’t honestly believe they were arguing right now.

“You are,” he said.

“Don’t tell me what I am,” Ronan grunted. He moved to turn away again, and Adam finally stepped forward. They were still trapped somewhere private in the trees, but for all he knew Monica and Bria were eavesdropping, and he didn’t want to argue too loudly.

“Don’t be jealous,” he said. “It’s unbecoming.”

“You’re so full of yourself, aren’t you?” Ronan kicked at a pine cone on the ground. “I couldn’t give two shits what they think.”

Adam reached and touched at his bare arm, feeling the texture of hot skin and hair under his palm. “You could’ve fooled me,” he said softer, still incredibly irritated. He could kick a pine cone, too. Close, he could feel Ronan’s warm breath begin to fan his face, realizing it was strained a little, heavier than it usually was. His fingers glided along Ronan’s arm, noting old scars as bumps under his hand.

“Don’t be a prick,” he added.

Quiet, Ronan let the moment continue in this type of silence, with the sounds of bugs buzzing by them and the birds in the trees. The summer air was sticky and thick now, even in the shade, and especially in the thicket of trees. Sweat was trickling down the back of his neck into his shirt, following the line of his spine. They smelled like each other, heady and strong, like grass and dirt and happiness. He needed a shower, and so did Ronan, but right now he was more concerned with getting Ronan to talk to him. They were kind of still terrible at this part. They thought first with their mouths, not their minds.

His breath was still restrained, now coming out of his nostrils that flared as Adam’s hand picked at a bead of sweat that floated down his throat.

“When you look the way you do, people notice,” Ronan remarked. His throat vibrated against Adam’s fingertip. “So they flirt. It’s hard not to get annoyed when they flirt.”

Adam poorly controlled the urge to roll his eyes. “It’s really not.”

There was a growl under his breath, and then Ronan was inching into Adam until there was no space left between them. Swift, he took Adam’s mouth in his, dragging him into another kiss, another embrace. Adam worked fast to wrap his arms around Ronan’s neck, making him pliant with a bite at his lip.

Adam was still mad, but he could somewhat relate to Ronan’s predicament, albeit not entirely. Some of the others at camp looked at Ronan too, both boys and girls alike. They would never have this, he knew that, he _hoped_ that, but still when he watched the way they looked at him it made him feel something at the base of his stomach. He briefly had it at the beginning when Ronan hung out more with Noah, and again when he made good with Gansey. Now instead it was replaced with a subtler feeling, one he couldn’t quite describe, one he couldn’t quite understand. It remained long after he pulled from Ronan to breathe.

“You have nothing to be jealous of, Lynch,” he countered, watching as Ronan stepped away to wipe at his face with the bottom of his shirt. His head tilted to catch sight of what was underneath, until Ronan turned back and then he was the one to turn away. “I like _you_ , shithead.”

His hands reached and brushed along the edges of branches, catching on twigs and plucking out the leaves. This place felt so familiar now to him, somewhere he was going to miss deeply once he left. It gave him so much in these short weeks, the confidence to speak his mind, the resilience to handle his new circumstances, the joy of knowing what it felt like to be wanted.

There were hands around his waist and soft breathing at his neck, Ronan catching him from behind. He could almost consider this place a home.

“I like you, too," Ronan said into his collar. It tickled his skin. " Futue te ipsi."

"You think you're cute, don't you?" Adam replied. He almost forgot he was mad, hearing _fuck you_ whispered against his nape in Latin doing a pretty good job of distracting. Ronan seemed perturbed by the thought he was cute, and he bit at Adam's neck a little. It startled a reaction, where he jerked his shoulders up and snorted loud under the quiet trees.

"No, I don't," Ronan argued. "Interesting choice of word, though."

" Irrumator," he said back, moving to leave Ronan's grasp, only to find Ronan holding him closer. They were going to get caught at this rate, not quiet or discreet as Adam was whirled around to find his lips again. Under the shade of the trees he couldn't be mad for long, this place easing tension out of him as easily as it entered. A hand cupped at his jaw, his thumb brushing back and forth along his cheek. His other hand moved to the small of Adam's back and held him there to keep him balanced, and close. Adam was lost in a tornado of touch, smell, taste as Ronan was on him faster than a mosquito.

Gone was the argument that barely started, thrown to the wayside like shedding clothes before they would jump into the lake. At that thought, Adam's hands started to transfer to Ronan's shoulders, disappearing into sensation separate from thought.

"I shouldn't be jealous," Ronan muttered against his lips, somehow not as easily distracted as Adam appeared to be. "I'm the one that gets to kiss you whenever..." His voice trailed off as he made his mouth more accessible for kissing, and all Adam could hear was something about bragging.

He felt.... strange about that. Even with Ronan's tongue in his mouth, he couldn't keep his thoughts away. He pushed himself free, shimmying out from under Ronan's gentle touch, to sit down on the grass. It tickled the backs of his thighs, sticking to the sweaty skin behind his knees. His attention differed to the blades by his right, drying out under the hot sun. As he began to pick at them, a very confused Ronan sat beside him, awkward in following suit.

"What? You tired of making out already?" he asked. His shoulder gently knocked into Adam's, an attempt to incite some reaction, but it didn't work. Adam split a blade of grass down its middle, letting the two pieces disappear off into the short breeze that caught them.

"Adam?" There was a tiny knock at his temple. "You in there, buddy?"

Adam didn't like himself like this. He was swift to sweep Ronan's hand away before sprawling out on the ground. The grass dug into his neck in uncomfortable ways, as he squinted up at the rays of sun sneaking through the lines of leaves above. Everything was fine until a minute ago, and now his stomach was in knots and his sweat wasn't solely from the heat.

Ever persistent, Ronan grabbed for one of his hands, the closer one to him. Still sitting up, he blocked half the sun from Adam's face as he leaned over just enough to gain his attention. For a fleeting moment he thought he was going to dip down and try to kiss him, which he wasn't in the mood for, but instead he raised Adam's hand to his lips. The softest of kisses was offered to his palm, dirty and sweaty and gross. Ronan shouldn't be kissing that, but he didn't want to pull his hand free. Normally at this point he usually would bite at his bracelets, that nasty habit he didn't quite understand, but his anxiety was put into effect in other ways now. With Adam.

Quietly he allowed him this offering. Of all the things to trigger his fight or flight, it was the mention of bragging about him that did it. The summer heat was boosting his emotions like twists on a rollercoaster.

"You know, both my parents hurt me," he mumbled, fingering the loose shoulder of Ronan's shirt, the holes big enough his fingers could loop through them. "That's how I lost my hearing, but you knew that part already."

He waited quiet for Ronan to confirm that with a small nod, and when he did Adam sighed and pinched his eyes shut. The sun was warm against his eyelids. He forgot to put on sunscreen this morning. This was going to bite him in the ass later.

That wasn't the point, though.

"My dad hurt me physically, and my mom emotionally. I…" His eyes drifted open again, blurry eyed with a rim of small pain around his eyes. He couldn't be sure if it was because he was trying not to cry or because the sun burned his retinas. "I am relearning a lot of things about myself and about relationships that I never really had before. And it's so foreign to me for someone to want to brag about me. They never wanted to. They were ashamed of me in a lot of ways. I embarrassed them with my aspirations, my dreams, like I was insulting them for wanting more." Ronan squeezed his hand. That constant contact was a comfort in the brief silence. Parts of him wanted to sit up and lean into him. Parts of him wanted to melt into the grass where he lay, become one with the dirt and the worms and the ecosystem. Parts of him wanted to run.

"Persephone was the first thing I had to a healthy relationship, but with you it's like that... times ten. Sometimes I don't think about it, what was eating me up inside when we first met, and then sometimes that's all I think about. The ways in which I can fuck this up, the ways in which this can just slip through my fingers. Questions like do I really deserve this? Is this real? I'm not dreaming?"

Ronan sat there quiet. When he finally looked at him he saw him staring back, his eyebrows telling more than he likely wanted them to. They were wrapped in concern and empathy, but Adam didn't feel pitied staring back. He reached up for him, hesitant in his ascent. His fingers brushed over Ronan's flat line of a mouth, wondering what he did to deserve such a tender look from this boy.

Then Ronan bit at his fingertips and Adam pulled them back with a start, almost laughing. His heart jumped to his throat in the surprise, and he rolled his eyes. Ronan's lips split into a careful smile. His eyes were an ocean that Adam wouldn't mind getting lost in.

"Will you be like this when we aren't hiding?" he asked, almost a whisper. It hurt to get out, and he felt like a fool feeling the need to check. But sometimes these things needed check ups. Sometimes things changed in just a couple weeks. God knows Adam changed so much over this summer, it felt like years and not months. A lifetime for an eighteen year old boy.

Above him, Ronan stared a second longer, and then bent down into him. Anticipating a kiss, Adam tilted his chin and pursed his lips, but Ronan went north of them. His own met with Adam's eyelids, moving them to close so he could kiss there, from one eye and then onto the next.

"No shit, Parrish," Ronan said throatily. "I'm going to be worse probably."

Adam smiled a little, feeling a little dreamy amongst all the sad. He longed for what it was like not five minutes ago, but maybe it was for the best they had this talk. For his feelings to be laid out and open as this.

Between them, something caught Ronan's attention in the grass and he reached down there. For a moment Adam hoped he was taking his hand, to kiss it again or place it somewhere on Ronan for him. Instead, when he lifted his hand back up, there on his forefinger crawled a ladybug. He was grinning at it with such earnest glee, and Adam felt a large wave of softness for him. Together, quiet, they watched it crawl to the end of his finger, notice the ledge it had given itself, and then instead of turning back take out its wings and fly awake into the summer afternoon. When its tiny figure was no longer visible amongst the dust in the air, Ronan turned his gaze back to Adam, his hand slipping down to Adam's chest.

"I really like you," he said. "I can't explain how much, or the ways you make me so happy and shit. Meeting you this summer was the best thing to happen to me, you punk. I was so angry before, I didn't think I would ever feel this way again." His face inclined to Adam's cheek. "You make me quiet inside."

Adam swelled.

"If only that worked on the outside too-"

Ronan roared with a laugh. "Hey!" And above him he moved into his view completely, swallowing Adam up in every inch of him. The back of his hand stroked at Adam's cheek, knuckles grazing past his mouth. Adam swallowed hard as he allowed Ronan to stare into his eyes as long as he wanted. He never said any of this out loud in this way, and he felt like he was about to cry. The release of it all. He breathed through the sharp pain in his eyes and at the nostrils of his nose.

"I really like you, Ronan," he said, for what felt like the thousandth time but was never enough. "A hell of a lot. I can't explain it, but it's like I don't like this being a secret, but also I enjoy us having this to ourselves."

"Yeah." Ronan nosed his opposite cheek, his skin warm from the sun or a blush, maybe both. "I get that."

"I feel... safe with you." Finally, Adam closed his eyes.

"Cool," Ronan said, somewhat sarcastically but not enough Adam didn't know he genuinely meant it. "Me too..."

When they finally kissed again, Adam's aches were quelled, his stomach sated, his heart blooming.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

On the walk back to the kids they handed off to Noah and Henry, Ronan was living dangerously by insisting on holding Adam's hand. He was surprised Adam allowed this, but didn't make a note of it, happy Adam was comfortable enough to take that risk.

He couldn't stop smiling so much that his jaw was starting to hurt, after what turned into a very nice afternoon. Adam was unbelievably amazing with him, patient with his smart ass. How he lucked out with him he would never know, but he made a promise to go back to church every Sunday once camp was over. Just to be safe.

His lips were chapped from all their making out, Adam's too, and he was thirsty as fuck for some water. Had their kissing not begun to get a little dry mouthed they probably would've lost even more time out there, but there was a time to end everything, and really they should have gotten back to the kids a while ago.

A little less put together than before, they moved through camp back towards the lawn they last saw their cabin at. Ronan was breathing a little heavier, nearly a pant but not quite there yet. Adam looked more worse for wear, his hair showing most of the damage to his ensemble, and there was a rip in his camp shirt sleeve that he berated Ronan about for five minutes once he realized.

"We'll get the kids to sew it for you," he said.

"This isn't a sweat shop, Lynch," Adam replied with a curt tone. "I'm not forcing the kids to fix my clothes."

"Maybe Sargent then," Ronan said, not taking the bait to fight again. Adam had still been a little on edge after what was a complicated conversation, a mess of emotions on both ends that even now still swam around in his belly like a weird drunk feeling.

Even still, they held hands and Adam was leaning into him as if he also wasn't being a little mean when he talked. Ronan would get it out of him one way or another, at some point.

He wondered if he was going to break up with him, but that wouldn't make sense after everything. Discreetly he smelled himself. Maybe he just needed a shower.

"You said something the other night when you were sleepy," Adam noted. "When you were with Opal."

Ronan looked over to him, noting the present furrowed brow, which meant Adam was deep in thought while he was talking, his mind a little further along than his words. He was handsome in a whole new way when he was concentrating on something, that big brain of his kind of hot.

"What did I say?" Ronan could hardly remember most of the past week, it was all a rush of a blur. Poor Opal was still with Anne the nurse, isolated to keep the contagion down. The camp didn't need every kid sick, and Opal kept getting mad at Ronan for being sick like somehow it was his fault she caught it. He could only explain so many times--

"Are we...?" Adam was looking at him when Ronan turned his head. As soon as their eyes met, Adam's icy blues flickered forward to find somewhere else to focus their attention. "Never mind."

His voice gave way to some sort of emotion, not quite angry or annoyed but right on the cusp of either. 

"Are we never mind?" Ronan tilted into him, trying to make a joke. "Is that a new slang term for something?"

"No." With an eye roll, Adam added, "Forget I asked anything."

Ronan couldn't put his finger on what was wrong.

"I don't even know what you asked," he replied.

"Perfect."

"You confuse me," he said.

"You're easily confused," said Adam.

"Shit, Parrish." He nearly released Adam's hand, but he didn't want to, and if Adam hadn't let go then he didn't see the point either. "Do I have to make out with you again to get you to stop being mad at me?"

Adam frowned.

"I'm not mad at you," he said, and he sounded like he meant it.

"I -- I don't know how to take that," Ronan muttered.

They could begin to hear the screaming of the kids as they kept walking, and could even see a few running around on the grass. Adam's hand was still comfortably entwined with his, and there was a fleeting hope as he looked over that he wouldn't pull it away. But he knew why he would, why he needed to. The distant shapes of Noah and Henry reminded him of what they until now managed to avoid. They were getting bombarded with questions left and right now, yet they still haven't confirmed their relationship either, but they were less subtle than he and Adam were. Somehow. Sometimes he thought he was being so blunderingly conspicuous with his longing gazes, his half shied smiled, and the way he selfishly touched Adam whenever he could.

It was then as he was holding on to another of those long gazes that Ronan came to notice a twig at the base of Adam's skull, sticking out of his hair where he'd been pressed into the grass. With his free hand, he reached around and plucked it out, flicking it off into the distance.

"What was that?" Adam asked, a hand quick to touch where Ronan had.

"A twig," he replied. When he looked again, Adam's face was redder than before. His freckles were prominent and distracting under the flush. When the tips of his ears burned pink, Ronan couldn't help but want to kiss them.

"Oh, thanks," Adam muttered, and his hand slipped out from Ronan's to feel with both at the rest of his scalp.

"Don't need them asking why you have that there, do we?" Ronan grunted, resenting being the one who suggested they head back to civilization.

"Suppose not." Adam's face was still alarmingly bright. He forced himself to look elsewhere or else he was about to drag Adam back behind a building, or say some awful joke that was sure to piss Adam off.

"I don't have anything wrong with me, do I?" he inquired, glancing at where he could on his person, suspicious that he had something wrong that Adam didn't bring up.

Adam's fingers spread a hole at his sleeve, habitually touching at his skin with thinly veiled reasoning.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Adam said.

With a groan, he shoved Adam's shoulder, who loosened up at the interaction at once. A smile split across his face as Ronan tugged him back close, by way of an arm hooking around his neck.

"Asshole," he said, voice shaking with laughter.

There was almost the temptation to kiss him, but of course that's when their friends spotted them coming.

"Jesus, Ronan!" Noah shouted, and Ronan almost thought to comment about not using the lord's name in vain but he's been a hypocrite about it all summer and didn't think it was that funny a joke anyway.

As Noah stomped towards them, all five feet and five inches of him, he looked damn mad and ready to fight. Ronan was familiar with Noah in fights and it was amusing if not a little pathetic. He removed his arm from Adam slow, as Noah stormed through the kids running about in the hot afternoon. Henry was walking slower with less purpose, hanging back to let Noah take the charge.

Fleetingly as his hand fell to his side he felt Adam squeeze a few fingers, dangerous to do in front of them, but when he caught Adam's eye there was a tiny twitch of a smile hidden just for him.

There was so much adrenaline in him he could probably lift a car over his head.

Noah's eye was twitching when he reached them, close enough he poked hard at Ronan's ribs. This was his fighting face, and it made Ronan want to laugh, but it also made him feel like an asshole.

"If I knew you were going to be this flaky as a counselor I wouldn't have asked you to come," Noah snarled.

"Hey," Ronan turned down his brow. "I've been pretty fu-freaking good at this."

Henry scoffed.

Ronan couldn't believe he was defending himself, and especially when Adam and he were both gone for, shit, an hour. "Just because I've been slacking this past week-"

Noah scoffed this time.

"Adam, I expected better from you at least," Henry noted. His chin raised a little, unlike his voice which was as cool and contained as if he were asking them if they signed a petition at school. "Where the hell have two you been anyway? Troubles in the bathroom?"

Ronan opened his mouth to rebuff, but couldn't think of where to say they were.

"We were visiting Opal."

At once, Ronan glanced at Adam. He nearly forgot Opal was still at the nurse's cabin and that she was the perfect excuse. He made a silent reminder for himself to visit her for dinner. She was probably still bored out of her mind, reading the _Alice in Wonderland_ book he lent her with nothing else to do that didn't risk exhaustion.

The mention of Opal shut the two up real fast. Noah's shoulders slumped at once and Henry's hands moved reflexively to over his chest.

"Oh, well, sorry," Noah mumbled. "That's actually really nice of you."

Adam gave Ronan a look and Ronan almost smirked. They were the worst.

"Sorry you didn't get a chance to go off somewhere and make out," Ronan then teased, thinking about how Adam's mouth was presently responding to the words. When he unthinkingly licked his lips, Ronan wanted to die. "But you don't have to be jackasses. That’s my job.”

The drastic changes in their expressions said it all. Noah and Henry were sneaking around same as Adam and him, and on any other day Ronan may have felt a little insulted by Noah's lack of trust with him, the imbalance between them since summer started more obvious now than ever. But he had been doing the same thing, if not worse because he spent so long separate from Noah and Gansey, isolating himself emotionally and often times physically, and that was exactly why Noah didn't tell him he was dating Henry Cheng. In a fleeting moment he went from upset with Noah to upset with himself, and as he watched Noah and Henry's expressions alter drastically he felt a plummeting pinch in his gut he didn't like.

"Hey- that's not," Noah faltered. His face was ripe as a tomato, like he was overheated and would soon faint. "We are not-" He struggled to maintain some sort of defiance, anger riddling his tone but not enough under the threat of being caught. They were shit enough at this they should've realized they already were caught, like two deer spotted in headlights.

Ronan resisted the urge to glance at Adam and see his reaction, not wanting to spoil what he hoped it was, which was amusement, instead of what it likely was which he couldn't ascertain but it wasn't happy.

Henry sighed as Noah needed a reboot like a robot, his circuits fried from Ronan's accusation. Doing a little better than him, Henry gently patted at his shoulder out of comfort, something more familiar than friendly.

"We just have been stuck taking care of way more kids than we can handle," he argued. "I mean, there's you two, and then Gansey and Blue still haven't come back..."

"You're joking," Adam said, and at once Ronan's eyes were on him. Surprisingly, he was smirking Ronan's way already. "Where are they?"

"If I knew that, they would be here," Henry replied.

"I think she really did murder him," Ronan jested, to which Henry groaned like it was a genuine possibility.

Adam's lips twitched like he wanted to smile wider, only couldn't because that smile was reserved for him alone. For some reason that made his stomach pinch in a delightful way.

"Hopefully he stopped calling her Jane before she did," he said earnestly, his wit not lost on Ronan.

"Fucking doubt it," he replied. "He thought it was quirky."

"Very funny," Henry noted, as Noah was finally quelled into a civilized expression, something a little more relatable to how he suspected Adam would look if they were called out. "Now can you help quarantine the kids into one area? I think we lost a few through all the running around."

Adam laughed as Henry pushed past towards the lawn.

"It's not funny, Adam!" Noah's little voice screeched at the end as he moved away from them to follow

Ronan shrugged as he turned to continue his end of the conversation. "I mean, it's kind of funny," he said.

"You two are unbearable!" Noah replied.

Adam put a hand on his own chest, responsive with a smug look.

"Thank you."

 

~~~~~~~

 

The four corralled all the kids none too easily, after Noah and Henry apparently made the mistake of giving some of them sugar thinking the snack would settle them a while as they ate it. No kids had gone missing, only moved their playing to a secondary lawn behind a building. It really was a lot, Ronan agreed, to take care of three cabins full of kids. Even just between the four of them, they were extremely outnumbered.

Adam seemed to try to turn it into a little game for the kids, to find each other and move lawns in order to win — he couldn't figure out what. When Ronan tried to ask he was promptly scolded by the kids not to spoil it, and Adam only laughed while holding the side of his stomach when Ronan insisted he should be let in.

He had a sneaking suspicion the game was basically to follow Ronan around and copy what he was doing, but he couldn't prove it.

The afternoon dipped into evening and still there was no sight of Gansey or Blue anywhere. After dinner, which was another collective mess because of their absence, fueling the two not out couples to sit there awkwardly across from each other, Adam had to use the bathroom and Ronan found an excuse to join him, having no intention to use the bathroom himself.

It was a long, winding walk that didn't include any kissing but did involve some hand holding, maybe a couple jokes that made Adam laugh until his stomach seemed to hurt. His shirt was still torn but no one said anything about it, and after a while it seemed Adam forgot about it too. 

He smelled like dirt and grass and sweat when Ronan pressed his face into Adam's neck, taking a hit like a drug addict before they returned to civilization again after their lengthy walk for Adam to pee. 

The sun set on their walk back, the twinkling twilight illuminating the freckles scattered across Adam's tan skin. He would spend hours, days, weeks tracing each and every one of them across Adam's entire person if he could. There was no sensical pattern to them, as they sprawled in different directions, a variety of sizes. His floppy light brown hair was beginning to curl at the end, in need of a haircut he said, but Ronan didn't think so.

As the light bounced off his softened eyes, Ronan quirked a ridiculous smile that almost embarrassed him as he gave it. Adam snagged his lips into a kiss, hot mouthed and a mess with his limbs. And just as Ronan was getting into it, Adam broke away and walked over to the field where the kids were playing some sort of improv game that looked kind of dumb. 

But Ronan was running off that high of another kiss, his heart rate elevated to a point he felt like he was going to croak or something. If he did, well, at least he would die doing something he loved: making out with Adam.

A kid then threw up on his shoes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The trees were alive with the screaming sound of cicadas that night as Adam and Ronan were finishing up with their campers in the bathroom. Opal was asleep when he dropped by during dinner, after dealing with the aftermath of another kid being taken to the nurse’s.

The pair of them were moving their group along back to their cabin, sluggish in comparison to their usual time frame. After earlier, Ronan was forced to wear a worn out pair of sneakers he borrowed from Henry while his boots dried. They fit his feet, except their soles were worn through and stepping along the wooded ground was practically like walking barefoot.

"Try not to think about it so much, Lynch," Adam said, knocking shoulders with him in attempt for distraction. What really would do the trick was still a secret, the thought of which made his poor posture even worse as he slumped into Adam the few inches of height difference they had. He nearly kissed him on the temple, but when he remembered oh yeah that's a secret, he instead growled and kicked at a stick.

That was a bad idea, and it felt like kicking a rock.

"Fuck."

The kids within earshot giggled, but Adam didn't seem to find it so amusing. He gripped at Ronan's upper arm tight, and Ronan assumed he was annoyed.

"You're like a child, aren't you?" Adam clicked his tongue at the roof of his mouth, concern flickering in his gaze before it fell away. "No forethought before you act."

"You like it," Ronan remarked.

Adam rolled his eyes, but he swore he saw a tiny twitch of his mouth.

"Ewwwww!"

Both of them turned their heads to see pressed against a tree in shadow were Gansey and Blue, making out as if a horde of children weren't watching.

Quick, Ronan covered the eyes of the kids nearest him.

"Don't look," he exclaimed. "It's the straights. Avert your eyes!"

At his side, Adam slapped him in the arm. There was a thin smile spreading on his face when Ronan looked, while Gansey and Blue finally seemed to come up for air. They looked every bit a mess he knew he and Adam looked after they kissed, maybe worse. Gansey’s glasses were pushed up into his hair and his hair itself was sticking out like he’d been electrocuted. Blue’s hair was every bit a mess as it always was.

“This is unexpected,” Adam said, and he folded his arms over his chest, looking like he was trying not to laugh out loud. Ronan felt desperate to rock shoulders with him, to get him to burst, but he could see that for all his good efforts Adam was trying to be a decent friend to Blue. Ronan just wanted to mock Gansey until hell froze over.

As they untangled from each other, and from the tree they were leaning against, Gansey’s cheeks were burning red, matched with his classic _Shut up Ronan_ look he often wore when Ronan was being an idiot. And Ronan was being an idiot, smirking at the discovery of them two being embarrassing. The thought that he was more clearheaded today, albeit not by much, was hilarious. Gansey came here to school him, to treat him like the hot mess he had been when he first arrived, and Gansey was the one who recklessly ran off with his girlfriend, and while so did Ronan with his — well, they came back at least.

“We thought you killed each other,” Ronan said.

Adam coughed into his shoulder.

“That’s not funny!” Blue snapped. She was heavily wiping at her mouth, struggling with her shirt, which had gotten snagged on a branch. Gansey appeared to be trying to help her, but she was slapping his hands away. He put his glasses back on as a result, running a hand through his hair in effort to flatten it out. It didn’t appear to do the trick, only anger it more.

“Murder isn’t funny,” he said, glaring at Ronan as if he was the source of all the problems he and Blue were suddenly having again.

“What were you two doing?” said Jake, standing next to Ronan. Gansey’s eyes widened three sizes in realization the kids were still there, standing there awkward, quiet, and confused.

“No-no-nothing!” Gansey stammered. “Adult stuff.”

“Ha!” Jake snorted. “You’re not adults.”

“I, uh.”

“Guess you two talked things through,” Adam remarked, and Blue scowled at him, kicking him gently at the back of his thigh. He finally laughed, not as splendidly as Ronan expected, but it was something. He had to bite back a smile, a knee-jerk reaction to Adam’s every wheezed laugh.

“I’m sure this is quite awkward for you, Adam,” said Gansey, looking as put together now as he could be at this point.

“Me?” Adam looked at Ronan, his brow folding. Perplexed, he then looked to Blue, who also looked clueless about Gansey’s comment, and then he looked back at Gansey. His mouth opened, shut, opened, and shut again. Ronan waited, remembering exactly what he meant, that Gansey thought he was into him. It annoyed him, the way Gansey was looking at him with that concerned gaze, but it amused him, the way Adam’s ears went a little pink when he remembered. He coughed again, shooting a glare at Ronan as if he could read his mind.

“Oh, I- I think i’ll manage,” Adam said.

“However will you do that?” Ronan asked, crossing his arms and inclining into Adam’s side. Adam’s glare only got more intense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me two chapters ago: ronan's gonna get sick and adam's gonna baby him.  
> me now: whoops you have to wait again a;sidhf  
> this chapter got away from me. hope you liked the 10k of one day in adam/ronan dating bliss <3
> 
> thanks for reading! and thank you for leaving any comments and kudos and feedback <3 you can find me on tumblr and twitter! tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren and @adam__parrish
> 
> also yes sorry the Latin is bad! I don't speak it and google is the worst lol


	14. Sick Visits II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What, about your big, fat, obsessive crush on me?" Adam moved the sock on his hand in sync with what he was saying, like it was the one talking, with its yarn hair and unsettling fake eyes.
> 
> "I never said those words," Ronan replied, wondering how Adam was so good at this. The glue wasn't sticking to the cotton.
> 
> "She did." Adam raised the nearly finished sock up to the height of his face and looked at it as it looked at him. "She didn't say it was you, though," and then both the sock and Adam looked across at Ronan, "but a boy can dream."
> 
> Ronan rolled his eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ," he said under his breath.

The trees were alive with the screaming sound of cicadas, and the sun was only on the cusp of rising. The sky had hues of red that morning, when Adam dragged Ronan out of bed to watch it rise. He couldn't sleep much this week, knowing how soon everything was ending.

It was bittersweet, thinking about it. While he was starting his new life soon, this one would be ending, along with being around all these kids every day.

Last night the kids were preparing their acts again for the talent show, and the realization it was in two weeks hit Adam like a wave of ice water. He was going to miss this place.

"Did you really drag me out here at the ass crack of dawn to watch the sun rise?" Ronan asked. He was wearing his sunglasses, even though it was dark, and Adam could feel him drifting off to sleep every few seconds behind him. He elbowed him again when he felt his nose dip into his shoulder, losing him to sleep again.

"Yes, I did, Lynch," he said. "I don't want to miss a single moment before we leave."

"We're currently missing sleep," Ronan moaned. "I'd rather be asleep."

Adam groaned back at him. "Then sleep then," he said. "I'm not stopping you."

His arms wrapped around him from behind, Ronan shivered at his back, his legs on either side of him jerking just a little.

"It's kind of cold out here this early," he remarked. "I never would've guessed."

"It's muggy as shit," Adam laughed. "You're just stubborn."

"Am not." Ronan dipped forward and Adam could feel the sticky sweat forming between them already, drops of it already under his shirt. He sighed, leaning back, offering himself as a pillow to Ronan's sleepy head. "Wake me up when you're done being basic."

"Is it that basic to watch the sun rise?"

"Yes."

Adam snorted, but he said nothing else. Maybe it was basic, but he was enjoying basic things for the first time as if they were brand new. Growing up, the sun rising meant soon his parents would be awake and active, which wasn't always a good thing. And then the sun rising meant he spent all night doing homework and only had a couple hours at best to sleep before school. Today it meant a sleepless night from anxiety was quelled by watching yellow and red become blue, while being held by the boy he liked. It made something basic so much more, and he didn't even care that Ronan was drooling on his sleeve.

 

~~~~~

 

Today was the day that Opal was coming back from the nurse's cabin, finally given a clean bill of health after almost a week out.Usually in these situations the kid went home, but Ronan argued with Henry that it wasn't fair to end her experience early like that, not unless it got serious. It took a lot of convincing, but he managed to persuade him.

He was especially pleased to see her healthy, after she started to get depressed that she was never going to feel healthy again. A week felt like a lifetime to a child, and now she could have the final two weeks to be a kid again.

It was just after breakfast when Ronan was talking to Noah and Blue about Blue's current predicament with Gansey, though he wasn't contributing anything to the conversation other than jabs at her taste and her honor.

"You are such a dick," she said. "I can't wait until you like someone, so I can insult you like this."

He flashed her a grin that was meant to appear challenging, but really he was thinking about Adam.

Adam who, when he looked to him across the way, shot him a dark look, trying to shoo his gaze away. He continued to look, no longer smiling but offering him a dark look in return, his fake annoyance expressed poorly. It tricked Adam into responding with a furrowed brow, which effortlessly turned into Ronan rolling his eyes, and then Adam smiled. He looked to be laughing, and Ronan was about to smile back at him, when he saw Nurse Anne walking hand in hand with Opal.

Upon setting eyes on each other, Ronan moved towards her with a bit of a rush. To see her out in the sun, smiling, and walking towards him with more energy than she's had all week made him happier than he expected. This kid got under his skin in such a short time, and he was happy for it, but also incredibly sad at the thought of it almost being over soon.

When he yelled at Henry about her leaving early, he was being selfish, because he was yelling for his benefit as much as for hers.

She was grinning at him as he came over, still holding Anne's hand. There was pink in her face again, her eyes weren't hooded like they'd been for days, and she looked to have her energy back.

"Did you miss me?" she asked.

"Now she shouldn't be doing anything too exhausting, but I think indoor activities should be fine," Anne said, being the practical one. He almost cracked a joke about how he planned to rob some banks now that she was back, or something else stupid to say, but for some reason he didn't.

"I said, did you miss me?" Opal gently pushed at his stomach, having more force in her actions again.

"Yes, Opal." He rolled his eyes and ruffled her hair at the same time. She pushed his hand away, but was still smiling. "Go play with the other kids."

"That wasn't very convincing," she pouted.

"I saw you practically every day you were sick." He didn't know how to tell this kid how much he missed her, how much she meant to him. A gentle prodding of her nose with his index finger was all he could muster. It was so hot out he felt a little lightheaded when she pushed at his stomach again.

"So you didn't miss me," she replied.

"Oh my god." He controlled his eye rolling to a minimum, but Opal picked up the slack and rolled hers at him. He reached to pull her into a noogie, as Anne laughed while telling him more things to be precautions about, which she apparently already told Cheng because of course she did. But before his arm reached around Opal's shoulders, she slipped from his side, her eyes widening with delight, her mouth falling open. She darted across the lawn, and he moved to follow her pattern of thought. It took a second to realize who she was running towards.

"Adam!" she screamed.

She ran for him as he was walking towards them, not more than fifty feet away before she barreled into his legs.

"Now why don't I get as excited a greeting as that?" he said out loud, to no one in particular.

He watched as Adam picked her up and began to spin her around in the air like she weighed nothing. He watched as Opal laughed, and as Anne tried to make sure she didn't have any residual effects of the flu, such as vomiting, which would've made Ronan laugh if that happened when Adam was twirling her around.

The sight of two of his favorite people here made him feel something funny in his chest. It was an odd pain, one he looked past because it had to be a good one, he assumed.

God, it was unbearably hot today, he thought. But no one else seemed as bothered by it as he did, which was weird. Maybe it was because he didn't get much sleep, that the heat felt worse. Was that a thing? He fanned out his shirt collar as he contemplated these very important questions, while also wondering why today of all days he actually wore a shirt with sleeves.

"Too hot," he whispered.

"He is, isn't he?" he heard Blue say from his left. He looked to her, then back to where his gaze was before even when his mind was elsewhere, then back to Blue.

"No, I didn't mean Parrish," he said.

"Uh-huh." Blue nodded along slow, making him realize how big a fool he was for staring. "Wow, I didn't think that my revenge was going to come so swift. This is going to be fun!" Her grin turned mischievous, like a snake's before it but you. "I knew you liked him. I knew it!"

"No I don't. Bleh. He's gross. He's not that hot."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't even have the decency to admit it. Wow, Lynch." Her grin somehow broadened, taking up half her face. "This is going to be fun."

 

~~~~~~

 

It was still hot, and Ronan was sweating a hell of a lot. Even after switching out his shirt at lunch for one of his loose tank tops that breathed, he couldn't very much. Something felt off, and he couldn't place what that was.

While the kids were practicing again for the talent show, it was cool under the shade of the trees at the stage. Ronan and Adam were sitting across from one another on one of the bench seats in the audience, where they were supposed to be making sock puppets for one of the kids, but were too distracted by watching the kids practice performing and watching each other.

Between lunch and this, Adam tried to sneak Ronan to the "bathroom" to make out, but Ronan wasn't in the mood for that today. Which meant something was really off, because he was always in the mood to make out with Adam.

Instead, he was satisfied with touching legs on the bench while trying to superglue googly eyes onto a sock. It was harder than it looks.

"Do you think Blue will say anything?" he asked, an hour after confessing what Blue said to him that morning.

Adam barely looked up from his sock, already on his third one when Ronan hadn't even finished his first. Overachiever.

"What, about your big, fat, obsessive crush on me?" Adam moved the sock on his hand in sync with what he was saying, like it was the one talking, with its yarn hair and unsettling fake eyes. 

"I never said those words," Ronan replied, wondering how Adam was so good at this. The glue wasn't sticking to the cotton.

"She did." Adam raised the nearly finished sock up to the height of his face and looked at it as it looked at him. "She didn't say it was you, though," and then both the sock and Adam looked across at Ronan, "but a boy can dream."

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ," he said under his breath. A kid passed and halted at the curse word, and he remembered they weren't alone. "I'm going to kill her," he said even quieter. "She moves faster than the kids do when they hear the word dessert."

"Did someone say dessert?"

Opal was eavesdropping over the backside of the bench, apparently. The both of them startled at the appearance of her, who looked fully aware of how inappropriate it was to eavesdrop. Adam snaked his hand out of the sock to motion for her to leave.

"Opal, go hang out with the other kids," he said. There was a hint of a stern edge in his voice, but it wasn't enough to set Opal walking.

"They're all doing their talent show stuff," she whined, pressing her face into the wood of the bench. Ronan remembered Anne said for her to take it easy, but her latest idea of a talent for the talent show was pretending to sleep on the stage ground until someone told her to get off.

"Then go do your talent show stuff," Ronan advised. He thought to poke her on the nose or somewhere, but thought better of it when he remembered how sweaty and gross he felt. "The adults are talking."

"You keep saying that, but all I see are two teenagers." Opal pouted with her arms folding over her chest. This was when he knew she was genuinely upset about something. Kids were so hard to please. "Teenagers aren't adults."

"Adam's eighteen. He's an adult..." Adam shot him a frown like he was being insulted. "Technically."

Hearing that and not an invite to stay, Opal groaned and kicked the ground. "You were nicer when I was sick," she exclaimed.

"I- Hey!"

She scurried off before he could try to settle her mood, rushing to the side of the stage where Jake and others were interacting. She appeared sulky from here, and Ronan felt that sulk in himself, too. It didn't feel good.

"Am I too mean to her?" he asked Adam, once she was gone.

"Hard to say." Adam somehow finished two more socks when he wasn't looking. How the fuck? He gave up and handed him his pile. Adam didn't even blink. "I'm still learning how to talk to children, myself."

"You're pretty good at it."

Adam smiled a little at the pink yarn in his hand. "Thank you." Sockless, he reached for Ronan's across the small gap between them, palm to palm, fingers beginning to link. It wasn't until he came in contact with Adam's skin did he realize how clammy his own felt. Adam must have noticed this, too, and pulled his back immediately.

"Lynch, are you feeling okay?" His brow was folding in a curious manner, and Ronan almost laughed. Was he... worried?

"Yeah," he said. "It's just hot as shit out here."

Adam nodded solemnly, looking around. It was indeed hot, he confirmed with a licking of his lips and swallow of his very nice throat. Beads of sweat were there in Adam's hairline and on the curve of his neck, but he didn't look half as hot as Ronan felt.

When Ronan's focus returned to the real world and not his detailed analysis of Adam's bodily functions, he became aware of the rest of Adam, who leaned in a little closer. Now they weren't sitting across from each other on the bench but instead next to one another, the pile of art supplies off to one side of them and no longer in the middle.

"I made up the adjectives," Adam confessed, "but she did tell me someone at camp had a crush on me and thought I was cute, and then proceeded to pester me about if I have any crushes on anyone."

He said it with such humor, but Ronan wasn't amused.

"This is elementary school yard crap," he groaned.

Adam laughed. "It is," he agreed. "It's extremely childish."

He looked like he liked that, though.

"Do you have a crush on me?" Ronan said. "Check box yes or no."

Adam made a check mark in the air and Ronan smiled a little.

"No."

He shoved at his shoulder, and Adam thought that was so funny that he snorted when he laughed. Even a little embarrassed, his ears going a little pink, he shoved Ronan back.

"You asshole," Ronan said, and was immediately overrun by dizziness. It was the kind that came sudden and hard, where he couldn't do much beyond bowing forward to look at the ground. The ground was boring, what with the dirt and the old dried up leaves and the little twigs and sticks that fell from the trees.

"Oh, fuck."

He closed his eyes, but that wasn't helping.

"Lynch, I didn't shove you that hard," Adam groaned. "Come on."

"No, I..." Off in the distance somewhere, he could hear two kids fighting, and he stood up to do something about it. The standing came without warning too, and he immediately regretted it.

"Oh, fuck."

Everything was spinning like he was on the tilt-a-whirl ride. Nausea built up in his gut, a wave of it rushing to his head. As he reached for something to grip, his vision blurred and he couldn't see anything beyond the motion of movement. It was then he felt himself going down.

He tipped over onto the ground and everything went black.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

"Lynch? Oh, shit-taki mushroom. Ronan!"

There was faint and then loud and then faint noises and buzzing in his ears. Voices? People talking? Bugs? He couldn't differentiate. There was something pricking the back of his neck. A dry leaf? Maybe?

Oh, the ground was uncomfortable. Falling into it was uncomfortable. His whole body hurt, and it hurt more than from the fall. It was like he was cramping everywhere, muscles spasming like he was on the verge of exploding. It hurt. It all hurt. It had been hurting all day, but he ignored it. Now it all came at him in a big rush, revenge for putting it off all day.

When he opened his eyes there was Adam, staring at him like he was a ghost or something. He was pale in the face, as if he fainted, too.

There was a hand on his chest, and then the back of it was feeling at his cheek and then his forehead. He realized Adam was checking his temperature, and while he was checking, Ronan was taking note of the fast thumping of his pulse. Adam was scared.

"You're sick." Adam didn't sound scared. He sounded mad, as he sat back on his knees and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not sick." Ronan was just overheated by the sun. This wasn't the flu!

"Okay then." Adam motioned to stand. "Get up. Let's go for a hike."

Ronan tried to sit, and he couldn't even do that. His head felt too heavy and his neck twitched at the idea of moving. "I'm going to barf on you," he replied.

"You're sick."

"No, I just always feel a wave of nausea at the thought of hiking," he argued.

He. Was. Not. Sick.

If he was sick, then he was going to miss out on Adam and Opal and doing the boring camp stuff and harassing Gansey about Blue and being harassed by Blue about Adam. Okay, that last thing he could live without, but the rest of it?

It was obvious he had a high fever, and he was shivering as if he woke up in a freezer. His skin was hot and cold at the same time, and he was sweating on the ground while his teeth clattered in his mouth.

Classic signs of dehydration, right? Right? Maybe?

Goddamn it.

"You're cold?"

And before Ronan could say he was but not really, Adam took off his shirt and used it as a blanket over Ronan's bare arms.

Like in those shitty romance movies. A move he literally stole from those basic hetero romance movies.

It was now he realized he was surrounded by all the kids, except for Opal. Suddenly he was burning up from more than just the fever.

"You did not just do that," he whispered.

"Do what?"

Genuinely, it didn't look as if Adam had any idea of what he just did, and Ronan ached at the visual of dying from a fever while the boy he'd been making out with for a while knelt above him without his shirt on. He remembered how self conscious he could be about taking off his shirt, and yet he took it off without a second thought when he assumed Ronan was cold. His words were garbled garbage as he felt himself getting redder and hotter, and at once he felt the spontaneous urge to sit up and look away. Look anywhere else but at Adam's face or his chest or his arms or his anywhere. He peeled off the ground, which hurt more than it should. It felt like he was body slammed onto the dirt, and that the dirt was actually a bed of needles or nails. Everything burned and pinched. When he moved, it felt like the air was thick, or more like it was water. Everything felt slow as he protested Adam's suggestions and stood up on his own.

"You're going to the nurse," Adam insisted. He was angry.

It made Ronan react with a laugh. That hurt.

"No, I'm fine here," he said. "Thank you for your concern."

"Ronan."

Even when he said Ronan angrily it didn't make him feel small. It made him feel noticed, although he didn't want to be noticed now. With a stretch of his hand, he moved to stroke at Adam's bare skin, finding it to be much cooler than his at this particular moment in time.

"Lynch, what the hell are you doing?"

But Ronan didn't have a chance to speak, because there he was again, blacking out, only this time while collapsing into Adam's bare arms. Because this wasn't embarrassing enough.

 

~~~~~

 

Ronan woke up again a moment later. He couldn't tell where he was, or what happened, or why the sun was suddenly so bright and burning his eyes. The light haloed around the back of someone's head. Details were hazy, but then slowly came into view.

Adam looked angelic as ever. God-like, even. Maybe that was the fever talking. Maybe not.

"What happened?" he groaned.

He groaned again upon further examination of the scene. Adam still didn't have on a shirt, and now there were more kids surrounding them.

"You fainted again."

"No I didn't."

Adam frowned at him. "Lynch," he said, and it stung after he heard him so protectively say his first name. "I'm taking you to the nurse's, whether you like it or not."

"No," he whined.

"I won't kiss you anymore," Adam hissed. Some of the kids giggled, but they were beyond worrying about secrets right now.

"That's a bold faced lie," he said.

"I’ve managed this last week just fine," Adam replied.

"You kissed me, like, twelve times yesterday," Ronan groaned.

"If I remember correctly, you initiated the first one."

As if that made a difference?

Ronan frowned. He was dizzy, and arguing made it worse. He closed his eyes to the sun, to Adam's face, to all of it.

"I can last longer than you can," Adam whispered.

"You're so mean to me."

There was the sound of running from some direction, Ronan couldn't be sure which since every direction felt like it moved a second later. He heard heavy breathing, like panting, and then realized what was happening as it was happening.

"There he is!" Opal said.

"I'm not sick!" Ronan reasoned. He opened his eyes to Anne before she even said anything.

"He's really sick," Adam retorted. "He threw up over there and fainted three times."

When did he-?

"I did not," Ronan said with a chuckle. "He's exaggerating."

But upon further inspection of himself, specifically his breath, okay maybe he did throw up. It was probably for the best he didn't remember.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Adam never felt so scared for someone else's well being before, and it was terrifying watching Ronan pass out not once, not twice, but three times. He couldn't pick him up off the ground very easily, and the thought of leaving him alone with those kids to get help made him about as nauseous as Ronan was. He was so grateful that Opal volunteered to get Anne, because shit he wasn't sure what he would've done.

For the first time in a long time he didn't know what to do. There was a logical answer, but as it was happening he found himself not sure what to do. Part of his brain was explaining the obvious to himself, while the other half just kept repeating Ronan's name to try to keep him conscious.

It was humiliating.

For a second there he.... He thought it was worse than the flu, and that Ronan was seriously hurt. When he realized Ronan had the flu, albeit a really bad case of it, he was so relieved his eyes briefly stung with comfort.

That was, until Ronan started puking. It happened in the woods, and it was happening now in the bathroom of the medical cabin, and Adam felt himself getting sympathy nausea.

"Hold my hair," Ronan groaned into the toilet.

Adam gave him a withered look, which quickly turned into a grimace when Ronan moved to puke again.

"Oh, Jesus," he whispered.

How was he supposed to be a good, uh, boyfriend about this? How do people take care of other people when they're sick? He kind of just wanted to fold into himself until Ronan was no longer contagious or vomiting or sweating through his shirt to the point he looked like he fell into the lake.

But Adam wanted to be a good boyfriend. If Ronan really saw him as one and it wasn't just sleepy Ronan talking. He wanted to be a good friend. He wanted to be there for him, because he knew if things were reversed Ronan would probably be there on the floor with him telling him bad jokes and risking contamination for the sake of being there.

Quietly he bended down onto the floor until he was on his knees, off to the side of Ronan but not too off to the side that he saw exactly what Ronan was doing over there.

Ronan's face was disappeared into the bowl, hands cradling the ceramic. Adam gently touched at his back. Anne had him take off his shirt, so when his hand felt there it was on a bare back. His skin felt like it was on fire, and his back muscles constricted at the feeling of being touched. He shuddered, which Adam assumed was from being sick and not being touched, but he wasn't sure.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Ronan groaned. He lifted his head and his jaw was slacked, his eyes looked glossed over as if he wasn't really there in his head.

"Just shut up and let me offer you comfort, Lynch." Adam continued rubbing and patting. He squeezed at his shoulder, and Ronan whined.

"Shit, Parrish. I don't want you to see me--"

Adam pinched his eyes shut as Ronan's head dug back down into the bowl.

After he felt okay enough to stand, Anne and Adam both helped Ronan into one of the beds. While Anne started to get things together for Ronan, who looked to be in worse shape than Opal did, Adam stood there by the side of his bed not quite sure what to do.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Ronan suggested, panting as he tried to breathe through what looked like more pain in his abdomen.

"Stop trying to flirt with me, then."

He looked to be trying to appear manly or strong, trying not to be obvious about the pain he currently felt in his body. If Adam could just kiss him and tell him to get over himself and accept being sick wasn't attractive on anyone, he would. But it wasn't that being sick was gross that kept Adam from doing that, although it was pretty gross, but he'd seen Ronan pick at his own scabs more than once so he was used to gross. It was that he was worried about hurting him — and about getting sick, he wasn't going to lie — but mostly the hurting him part. He was in enough pain already, he didn't want to impart on him any more.

"Parrish..." Ronan groaned, rolling onto his side on the bed. He rolled so he was still facing Adam, although he pulled his knees up and managed to hide his face. He was silently screaming into his hairy legs, hiding behind them like a shield. "Adam, can you hold my hand?"

Adam didn't know what to do with that. His voice was shaking a little as he asked, though that could've been from the pain of the flu trying to tear at his body. Even so, his bloodshot eyes were so sad as they looked up at him. Ronan was scared, too. Adam couldn't remember the last time he was sick, he was probably a kid, and so he understood that fear. In the moment, being sick was physical torture, and it was terrifying and hard to think of anything else beyond it. He took Ronan's hand, not sure what else to do.

"You're sweating all over me," he said, as lighthearted as he could muster.

Ronan laughed through the pain, until halfway his laugh became an excruciating cry into his bedsheets.

"Just hold my hand, jackass."

"What's the magic word?"

Ronan groaned. "Parrish!"

Adam held his hand with both of his own, squeezing it gently from both sides. At some point, Anne scooted a chair in behind him, and so he realized he could sit. The kids were with Henry and Gansey and others, but for how long was it okay to leave them with them? How long until it was obvious Adam was more than Ronan's roommate.

"Here." Anne surprised him with something offered to him on his deaf side. He looked up to see her giving him a considerate smile. She was so nice, and it was so obvious what they were to each other. He wondered why she hadn't kicked him out yet, but maybe this was good for Ronan. He wouldn't exactly know. She offered him a wet cloth, which was cold when he took it from her. At first he thought it was for himself, but realized that didn't make sense.

"It'll distract him," she whispered, now standing across from him on Ronan's other side. He saw the hanging IV drip she pulled along with her, and the needle that was about to go into Ronan's arm. Adam was quick to find somewhere else to look, even though the needle wasn't about to go in _his_ arm.

"Hey..." Adam scooted his chair closer, and it was loud and obnoxious as it scraped across the cabin floor. "Remember the time we went swimming at your old house?"

Ronan snorted as he strained to breathe right. His eyes were closed tight, little wrinkles forming along the edges. Adam dabbed at his forehead with the towel, easing him into comfort.

"Yeah, I remember," he breathed. "Why?"

Adam glanced at Anne as she was disinfecting the part of Ronan's arm she was about to jab a needle in. Her fingers poked at the veins there, searching for the best one.

"Just think about it, okay?"

"It was so embarrassing," Ronan confessed. Adam did remember that, how nervous Ronan was and how his eyes kept dropping down so shyly, quickly going back up every time. "For you. You were throwing yourself all over me, it was sad."

Adam hadn't expected him to have it in him to badger him right now, and he made a sound of surprise when he heard what he said.

"You're such a dick," Adam said with a laugh. It was good to know even through this Ronan still had his sense of humor slipping through the cracks of pain.

"Interesting choice of words," Ronan muttered. Anne was about to stick the needle in.

"Be serious," he said, and he inclined forward to be so close to Ronan's face that if he didn't get sick after this it was going to be a miracle. Ronan's eyes peeled open just enough to register his presence, and he could see himself in his reflection. "Remember how you felt that afternoon? How your eyes kept catching?"

If Ronan weren't so deep in a fever, he would probably be blushing right now. Adam could tell. He memorized the little tick in his face when he was embarrassed. To keep him from shying away, Adam continued to press the cold and wet towel to his forehead, squeezing it a little to let it drain onto his skin.

"Mine kept catching too," he whispered. "That was the best afternoon. Kind of wish you made a move then. But of course I have to do everything."

"When we were na- Fuck!" Ronan flinched, and Adam sat up and away from the bed. The needle was in, and Ronan's IV was set. He was going to be hydrated now, on the slow track to recovery. Ronan rolled over to inspect the new, instant pain and was evidently bitter to find what he found in his arm. His jaw set a little, as his eyes then drifted back to Adam, whose hand was still holding the towel to his forehead.

"You needed a distraction," he said with a shrug. "Don't blame me."

With a huff, Ronan slammed his head back against the pillows, letting his eyes slowly shut again.

"You're the worst," he said. "Hold my hand again."

Adam snorted at his string of consciousness, but didn't argue with his request or suggest he ask it another way. Even when his hand was clammy and warm, it still fit effortlessly with his own, their fingers intertwining so well.

He hated to think about leaving this, but it was inevitable.

"What?"

It shouldn't have surprised him that Ronan was staring at him when he looked up from their hands, noting the lack of thrill his face currently expressed.

"I have to get back to the kids," he said. "I shouldn't leave them with anyone too long. It's not fair."

"No," Ronan whined. "Stay. We're just glorified babysitters anyway. They can handle themselves fine."

"Oh, they can, can they?" Adam shouldn't have smiled as much as he did at everything Ronan was saying, but there was something about Ronan helplessly yanking at his hands that made him smile so unconditionally.

"I want you to stay," Ronan said, his voice getting less silky and more scraggly by the syllable.

"I'll be back after dinner to make sure you haven't died," Adam offered.

Ronan groaned at him and closed his eyes again. 

"Don't mention food to me," he replied.

"You're just as charming when you're sick," Adam said.

"I'll take that as a compliment." There was a twitch of a smile in Ronan's face for a moment there, and Adam had half a mind to kiss him. God, he realized, he wasn't going to get to kiss him for at least a week. Somehow that felt about as unbearable as having to be in control of a whole group of kids without backup.

"See you later," he said. It was hard to stand, and even harder to let go of Ronan's hand. The strive for casual friends saying goodbye didn't go over very smoothly in front of Anne when it was probably obvious to her they were more than that. Still, he didn't want to showcase it in case Ronan didn't. He touched gently at his buzzed scalp, and then stepped back to leave.

On his way out, he thought he heard Ronan whisper _I'll miss you_ , but he couldn't be sure. Even if it was just an imagination, somehow it made his chest pinch.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Last time Ronan was sick his dad was still alive, so that was a weird thing to think about as he was puking his guts out. It was also weird to think about how nice Adam looked today, even though he looked tired, as he was in such agonizing pain he felt like something was trying to rip out of his stomach Alien-style.

He watched as Adam sat beside him, watched as he tried to keep him calm and centered, and watched as he left. Knowing he wouldn't see him until hours later left his stomach in knots, because god being sick was so lonely. And Ronan didn't like to be alone, not completely. Not these days. After being constantly surrounded by people except when you had to pee — and even then, there usually was someone else peeing at the same time — it was almost stifling how alone he suddenly felt as soon as Anne went into her little office in the back. He didn't want to be sick. He didn't want to be left behind. He didn't want to be lonely.

Anne came back with something in a tiny paper cup, pills he realized, and she offered them to him with another paper cup full of water.

"You drugging me, Anne?" he asked, his filter not quite working right with this fever.

She smiled all the same. "Yes, that's it exactly. You'll feel a little better after these," she said. "Come on. Sit up a little, take them, then try to sleep."

"Sleep?" Ronan didn't really think he could. His body was exhausted, but his brain was on high function.

"Sleep helps heal," she said. "It's the best thing you can do for yourself right now. When you're awake again, we can try to see if you can hold anything down."

Ronan struggled to see the upside in any of that, but he sat up as much he could, putting strain on himself when he did. He took the pills and the water, praying they stayed down. His throat felt nice when it was coated in the water, left scratchy and dry after heaving so much. He laid back down when he was finished, and closed his eyes. He hoped to dream, to dream of being anywhere but in this room, to dream of Adam and Opal and his friends instead of the quiet and empty room he was inside of. When Anne turned off the lights, he surprised himself by starting to cry.

He hated being sick. For some dumb reason, he didn't think he would be. But these things have a way of sneaking up on you.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Heading into the mess hall alone without Ronan felt strange to Adam. When he walked in he felt the counselors' eyes fall on him, and he wondered if they were simply noticing him arriving late, arriving alone, or staring at him because of the drama that surrounded Ronan's venture to the nurse.

It didn't matter. He ignored all their eyes and went straight for the food. Somehow, after everything, he was left starving. He filled his plate high and sat quietly down amongst the usual crowd of his peers, looking across the hall at Opal who was picking at her food.

"Where's Ronan?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, where's Thing Two?" asked Blue.

By the looks of things, Henry and Gansey didn't tell them. It was probably for the best.

"From _Cat in the Hat_?" Henry pursed his lips.

"I'm running low on analogies for them here," Blue reasoned. She stabbed her fork into Henry's pizza to steal a slice off his plate. He barely batted an eye.

"He's sick. He's at the nurse's."

"Oh, shit." Noah's head bowed. "That sucks."

"How long?" Gansey asked.

Adam shrugged helplessly. His eyes were stinging again. It was the _flu_. Why was he reacting as if Ronan was dying? He nearly laughed at himself. Even so, it felt foreign to talk about Ronan like this, to not have him around.

Even those spare times when they were getting to know each other at the start or when Ronan was mad at him, at least he was still in the same building most of the time. Now, he was halfway across the campgrounds, and Adam stared at the hand that held a fork to his pasta, wondering what he was doing right now when he literally only left him ten or so minutes ago.

"Until he's better?" Adam sighed. "I don't know."

"What's he have?" asked Noah.

"The flu."

"Is it serious?" asked Henry.

"Is it true he threw up on Leo's sock puppets?" asked Gansey.

"Are you okay?" asked Blue.

Adam not so gently set down his fork on the food tray. He didn't know what to say.

"Are we playing twenty questions? Jesus."

When his gaze lifted from the table, he saw 

"Jeez, Adam. We're just concerned, is all."

He couldn't even tell who said that amongst them, because there was a weird ringing in his deaf ear, a phantom of a sound, and his head was throbbing from the familiar rise of anger that he sometimes had when he was overwhelmed or stressed. Usually he could maintain his composure, but today was an unusual day; and after a sleepless night, he just wanted it to be over. His whole body was rejecting the events that transpired from today. It was too much for one day.

"I... I know." In an effort to wake up or put himself to sleep, unsure which, Adam pushed the heels of his hands hard into his eyelids. It burned and he could feel the pressure on his eyes. It stung the more he pressed, and so he kept pressing. It dulled all other sensations in his body, in his head. "I know that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, dude," said Blue. "You had a stressful day."

Adam's jaw tightened. No excuse. He was trying to remember to breathe evenly, and he could feel himself starting to unravel and shake. As he pressed harder and harder, he could start to see white amongst the darkness, blinding himself in this timid rage that was unsettling his nerves. He wouldn't let his anxiety get to him.

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. It's all okay.

"Hey, you want my pie?"

The question was so random that Adam slowly opened his eyes and removed his hands. There were dots of light in his vision, blurry as it was from the pressure to his eyes. He cleared his throat, swallowing down a quivering there. Noah was offering him his slice of pie, gently pushing it across the table.

"Sometimes dessert before dinner is more fun, and I think you should have it after the day you had," he said.

"Having to deal with a healthy Ronan day in day out is hard enough," added Henry. "I can't imagine what he's like sick."

"Unbearable," Blue offered.

"Carrying him to the nurse's? That sounded pretty badass." Henry smiled, sympathetic. Before this summer Adam would've seen it as condescending or full of pity, but after living with them all for weeks he could start to pick apart their facial gestures, and this one just made him relax into the table.

They were trying to make him feel good. His eyes burned now for a different reason.

"Thank you." His voice was almost gone, rough around the edges like the rest of him.

This afternoon left him so raw that he couldn't think of much else to say, and there was no reason to not accept the pie. Noah easily could go get himself another slice if he so chose.

The fork he slammed down was in his hand without him realizing he grabbed it, or maybe he never let it go. He put it to his mouth first, to clean it of the remnants of pasta. After the spaghetti aftertaste was all that was left in his mouth, he took a swipe of the key lime that Noah gave him. It was soft, bitter, and overall pretty good. He didn't usually like pie, but he didn't mind this.

In the quiet of their small table, Gansey's arm stretched out and over Adam's shoulders, and he bit back the instinctive urge to shrug it off. He allowed this just as he allowed himself to feel comfortable with their comfort.

He wasn't used to this, though. He wasn't used to friends offering him comfort so blatantly, without expecting anything in return. The friends he had at his old high school were casual friends, ones who didn't get too close so he wouldn't have to explain the bruises and the absences and the lack of invitations home.

"You look like shit, you know," came from Blue, saying something he would've expected Ronan to say.

"Thanks."

"You can go sleep or something, if you want," offered Gansey. "We can look after the kids from your cabin."

"It's no big," said Noah.

"No, I'm okay." Adam took a smaller second bite. Suddenly he wasn't as hungry as before.

"You sure?"

Adam nodded. "Yeah."

He didn't sound very convincing, but they easily let it go. If he tried to sleep now, he would only end up lying there on the bed staring at the ceiling with his brain screaming at him and his body aching. This was better. He could focus on something other than his growing concern for Ronan, and the repeating visual in his head of him collapsing the first time. He just needed something to do, to occupy his thoughts, to keep him from thinking about Ronan.

 

~~~~~

 

After dinner the kids were playing capture the flag on the lawn, but Opal stayed behind to sit with Adam under the large shaded trees. The sun hadn't yet set, but it was on the cusp of it, the air getting mildly cooler and the bugs starting to get louder.

They didn't talk for a while. There wasn't much need to. He and Opal had a quiet understanding about how the other felt about the situation. Even without her saying anything, he knew she felt a similar absence with Ronan being sick. He remembered the look of horror in her eyes when she saw him hurl into the grass, just before she left for Anne.

Next to him she sat cross legged, her socks yanked up and above her ankles, stained by all the grass she'd been lying in every day. She was pulling at weeds on her right, braiding them poorly to give her hands something to do.

Her posture was worse than his, as they slouched in the shade, the sounds of kids laughing and other counselors delegating not far from them, and yet a world away.

"Do you think he's okay there?"

Adam turned to her and watched her pick at the stems of the weeds with her fingernails. When she registered his eyes, she stopped and looked up to meet them.

"I think he's a big boy," he said. He, himself, felt better after dinner, but he wasn't sure if Ronan did. "He'll be fine." Though Adam wasn't too sure about it, he acted as if it was a certainty, because no eight year old wants to be told their friend is really sick and that their other friend is a little concerned about him.

"Did I give it to him?"

For once, Adam wasn't all too sure what to say to Opal. Here she was, extremely mature and bright, but she was still very much a kid.

"Uh, I mean, technically," he said. "But it's not your fault. Bugs like that jump to another person even when you don't mean them to."

Opal frowned and looked away. Her hands stopped playing with the weeds. "It really sucked being sick," she said.

"I bet."

She started to chew on her lower lip as they settled into the quiet once more. The other kids were still playing their game, and Adam couldn't remember ever being so easily entertained by anything like this in all his life. The kids were split in teams of red flags and yellow flags, and it looked to him like red was winning, but he wasn't all too sure if they were keeping score.

"I hope it doesn't suck for him," Opal said quietly.

Adam looked to her, and out of instinct he smiled. He hoped so, too.

"I'll tell him you said that," he said. He was sure Ronan would like to hear from her.

She shrugged. "Do whatever you want."

A part of her was mad at him or something, or maybe she was more mad at herself. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to tell her she was partially why he was sick, but it was the truth and Opal deserved the truth. It wasn't her fault. Ronan was the idiot that kept visiting her without a face mask, and god probably without washing his hands immediately after leaving. He was every bit to blame.

"Do you want to come by and say hi to him tomorrow?" he asked. "He might like that."

She shook her head. "No, thank you."

"Mm." He nodded, understanding. "Maybe when he feels a little better?"

She shrugged again.

They returned to their mutual silence, their thoughts drowned out by laughter and buzzing. Adam moved to lie down instead of sit as his back started to ache, propped up on his elbows as he leaned backward into the grass. It wasn't until today that Adam realized how much Ronan fit into his daily routine here, how every aspect of his day he just assumed Ronan would be there. Even now, for a split second he leaned as if to lean into Ronan's side, and was fleetingly startled when there was nobody there.

Jake was halfway across the lawn, on the other side of the game, and he stopped running in the middle of it to call out for Opal to come play. She waved him on, suggesting maybe later with a look.

He waved back with a shake of his head, disappointed but it surprised. She was once again picking at the weeds, creating a little pile by her feet.

"Don't want to play with the other kids?"

"Nah," she said. "Usually I prefer you and Ronan. Less tiring."

Adam laughed a little. "I see."

"I like hanging out with you."

He softened at her words, genuinely flustered by the sweet confession.

"Thank you, Opal." He took his closed hand and touched at her elbow for a moment. "I like hanging out with you, too."

"Not as much as you like hanging out with Ronan, though, right?" She was teasing. It was easy to forget she knew about them, until she made sneaky comments such as this one. She smiled when he took a longer time to answer than usual.

"I mean..." He shrugged. "Sometimes you're more fun."

She smiled wider. "You mean all the time, right? I'm way more fun than him."

He smiled a little more back at her. "Don't tell him, though," he said, whispering like it was a secret. "I don't think he'll kiss me much, when he's feeling better, if he knew the truth."

"Oh, gross!" Opal took her pile of weeds and threw them at him. He knocked them away with a swipe of his wrist, falling backward the rest of the way onto the grass. "Kissing is gross," Opal exclaimed. "Why do people put their mouths like that together?"

Adam shrugged again, hard to do against the ground. Above, the clouds were silhouetted in the sunless sky, their edges dark from the sunset. "Hard to say. It's not so bad when you're older."

"Gross."

"Yeah," Adam chuckled unexpectedly, "it kind of is."

The cicadas were out in full form tonight, a cacophony of them settled in the tree branches that hung high above them. He closed his eyes to the sound of them talking to each other, remembering only just that morning when Ronan was holding him as the sun rose. God, could it only have been fourteen hours ago? The grass was ticklish on the back of his neck, and he imagined sinking through it and out the other side somewhere where he didn't just have the second most stressful day of his summer.

On his hearing side, he heard as Opal moved to lie down beside him. When he turned his chin, he looked to see her already looking back, with her hair splayed out on the green.

"Are you going to kiss him goodnight?" She pulled herself up to her elbow.

He snorted and looked away again towards the sky.

"Hard to say..."

"I think he'd like that." She was too much. "It gets lonely there."

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

"Hey, Lynch, I know you missed me."

Adam walked into the cabin with a leftover container of soup he asked the cafeteria workers to pack for him, for Ronan more specifically. Anne caught him outside before he walked in and warned him that he might not be feeling up for visitors, and when he walked in it was with a cautious slowness. He expected to see Ronan from before, sweating and in agony with an IV in his arm. What he didn't expect was a paler, quieter, and asleep Ronan curled into the fetal position in his bed.

"Oh." He shot a look at Anne, searching her face for an answer on what to do, but she wasn't even looking in their direction."I'll go."

He stepped backward to leave quieter than he came in. It was late, anyway, and it was good Ronan was getting some sleep.

"Adam?"

Ronan rolled over onto his other side, now facing the door and facing Adam. There were dark circles under his eyes and his veins were prominent in color against his grayed skin. His closer hand reached for him, a bandage now visible where Anne earlier placed the IV needle. His eyes of course fell to that, and he swallowed.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was steady, but nothing else was. “Um. Brought you soup.” As if he needed to illustrate it, he raised the plastic container up towards his face. “Like a good roommate.”

“Oh, Anne already knows about us,” Ronan said, rolling his eyes. His voice was sour, if that could even be a description of his voice. When Adam heard it, a voice that any other time Adam found deep and sometimes sultry, it made the hair on his neck twitch in discomfort. It was worn by all of this, scratchy in a not attractive way. Adam really hated that he was comparing everything to when he found Ronan attractive, but it was all his brain could do to function through this without feeling helpless again. He wanted to make Ronan’s pain go away and he couldn’t.

All this talk in his head about Ronan’s voice, and he only just heard what Ronan actually said.

“She does?” His eyes flickered to Anne hiding in the back, realizing now how she was obviously making busy work for herself to give them alone time.

“I kind of told her by accident.”

Hearing Ronan in there under the obvious pain and discomfort, Adam stepped forward towards his bed, inching closer bit by bit.

“By accident?” He smiled a little.

“It was another high fever.” Ronan watched every movement he made, and he felt like he was on display in some department store’s window to be viewed by passerby. Ronan’s gaze didn’t get any less intense the closer he got. In fact, it only got more intense. “I thought I was dying,” he explained. “I needed to tell someone I had a boyfriend before I died.”

Finally, Adam was at his bedside, and it was good timing too, because he was laughing at him now. With the brush of his knuckles across Ronan’s hot forehead, he sucked in a small breath.

“You idiot,” he said.

At his touch, Ronan’s eyes drooped closed. “Soup sounds nice,” he said, soft.

“Anne said it was worth trying to see if you could eat something. Soup is supposed to be good for you.”

At the sound of her name, Anne appeared from the shadows of her office with a thin smile.

“Mm, I think I’ll go grab some dinner, too,” she said.

“Oh.” Adam hadn’t even thought to get her anything. Suddenly he felt like he had no manners. “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

“Ma’am,” Ronan wheezed.

“No, it’s okay.” Anne didn’t stop on her walk to the door, determined to leave. “It’ll give you two some time alone.”

As soon as she said it, she stopped herself, pausing at the doorway with a hand on the knob. “But not that kind of alone,” she clarified.

“Okay,” Adam said awkwardly. “Thank… you?”

She said nothing else as she shut the door.

Once she was gone, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He set the soup down on the table between beds and sad down on the one next to Ronan’s. It wasn’t very tall, his feet still firmly planted on the ground. It was definitely more comfortable than the ones in the camper cabins though. He wondered if he could fake an illness to sleep in one for a few nights. Probably the only upside to being sick was these beds.

“You scared of catching what I have?” Ronan’s raspy voice was starting to grow on him, even if it came from a place of discomfort.

“I’m not scared, but…” Adam was scared.

Ronan reached for him again, cupping his hand in the air in expectation it would catch Adam’s at some point. Adam gave in after a few solid moments of contemplation, leaning across the way to take Ronan’s hand and hold it. At once, Ronan’s thumb ran across his knuckles, and he raised it to his mouth but didn’t make contact. It was almost like he’d forgotten, and then remembered, that he was sick.

“We were making out all the way up until this morning,” Ronan reminded him. “If you don’t have it already, I don’t think you’re going to catch it.”

While it all felt like very sound logic, really at this point if Adam caught it he wouldn’t mind. He would, but not as much as before, because at least he contracted it by spending more time close to Ronan. Was that stupid? Yes. Did he care? For the moment, no.

He kicked off his shoes and crawled into the bed next to Ronan, pushing him over enough so that the both of them could fit in this twin sized bed. It barely worked, but they managed. As soon as he settled in, Ronan moved to rest his head on his shoulder. He seemed so much smaller like this, and quieter too. He raised the hand that was on Ronan’s other side now and pressed it gently to the back of Ronan’s skull, stroking at the skin there in a slow rhythm.

He could feel him breathing strained beside him and didn’t know what else to do.

"Fucking left me alone here all day," Ronan grunted into his shoulder. "I was bored out of my goddamn mind. There’s not even TV."

Maybe he wasn’t that much quieter.

"Opal misses you," Adam said, changing the subject before it got too real.

"Her legs don't work or something?" Ronan huffed. "She can visit me."

"I think she's afraid to." Even sick, Ronan still smelled the same when he turned his head just enough to catch a hint of him. He liked the way he smelled, even now. "Doesn't want to get sick again."

"Mm." Something about what he said didn't sit right with Ronan, and he squirmed a bit in his arms. Not long after, he sat up, struggled anyway, and motioned to the soup on Adam's other side. "Can I try it?"

He must have been starving, nothing in his system at this point except whatever was in that IV drip. After he sat up, too, he moved to peel the lid off for him. Like an animal, or a boy ravaged by hunger, Ronan lifted the container to his mouth without waiting for the spoon Adam borrowed. He took one sip and then promptly stopped, gagging.

"This shit is cold."

"Don't be an asshole."

There was a microwave in the back in Anne's office, which wasn't locked when he checked the door. He gestured with his free hand to it, looking back at Ronan for guidance.

"Do you think she'll mind if I use it?" he asked.

Ronan wasn't exactly the best judge right now, so of course all he did was shrug.

"Only one way to find out," he said.

Adam heated up the soup just enough it didn't burn his hands when he picked the container back up. In other circumstances he might have felt like a pushover for Ronan, heating up his food which he went out of his way to get in the first place. But never mind that, because he didn't feel that way at all. With Ronan, he wanted to do these things. When he returned to him, this time he handed him the spoon before the soup. Ronan leaned into him, either because he wanted to or because sitting up was draining.

"Not going to spoon feed me, Parrish?" He swallowed a tiny sip, sighing a little after he was done.

"I easily could’ve not come at all," Adam pointed out.

"Point taken."

The rest of the time he ate quietly, eyes closed after each sip. With nothing else to do with his hands, Adam ran one down softly over his back and then up again.

"That's nice," Ronan whispered. He didn't even eat a fourth of the container before he handed off his spoon back to Adam, then the container. 

"Done?"

Ronan only nodded before lying back down. Adam liked that he wasn't being his usual antagonizing smartass self, but at the same time he missed it. When Ronan shut his eyes, he took that as a queue to go. It was getting to be close to bedtime soon, and he wasn't about to let their entire cabin knowingly sleep without a single counselor there. He tucked his feet back into his sneakers and started to leave.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Ronan's voice rose higher than it had been all day when he saw Adam heading towards the door.

"Um." Adam wasn't sure if he was supposed to say goodbye. "Back to the others?"

"Stay a little while longer, won't you?" There was sadness in his eyes, something Adam recognized immediately. "I'm bored."

The real reason wasn't lying far underneath the excuse, and Adam didn't need much goading to stay. With a half snicker, he walked back over to him. With each step, he watched Ronan sink further down into the sheets, getting himself more comfortable with each inch Adam drew closer.

"You aren’t going to throw up on me, are you?" he said.

"I think I’m past that phase for now." Ronan pulled back the sheets for him, but Adam stood there hesitant.

"You sure?"

Ronan didn't so much as move, but he did roll his eyes.

"I don’t want to throw up on you either," he said, his eyes drawing towards somewhere behind Adam's head and then the floor. "Not exactly an attractive quality, is it?"

"You don’t have many of those anyway," Adam teased.

Ronan rolled his eyes again, groaning as his head jerked back to hit the pillow. The swiftness of the act hurt him and he groaned again, this one more colorful. It had Adam laughing as he kicked his shoes back off and crawled into Ronan's bed again, sliding into his side more fluidly than last time. Before he even had a chance to fully lay down, Ronan was gripping at his shirtfront, his head resting on Adam's shoulder.

"You have bony shoulders," he noted.

"You could always use a pillow."

Ronan didn't respond. His arm moved to drape across Adam's stomach, and then they were quiet. Adam could feel and hear Ronan breathing, his heart rate high and tricking Adam's into getting faster.

"I hate being sick," he said, and he let out a long breath.

"I bet." He stretched into him, resisting the undying urge to hold him even closer or kiss him just about anywhere.

"It's the fucking worst." Ronan's grumpy behavior was starting to become funny and less sad, making Adam smile above Ronan's scalp. "And especially now."

"While at camp?" Adam nodded a little. "Yeah. I'm sure it's not the greatest when you're around-"

"No." Adam felt Ronan tilt his head up against his shoulder, and his own head tilted down to see him staring back. "Now that we've...."

His voice trailed off somewhere unknown, but the faint blush entering his cheeks hinted at the answer. Adam's smile split again, and he had to remind himself again no kissing.

"Started dating?" He settled for touching their noses together, though a part of his brain was screaming _germs_. "You can say it you know. You said boyfriend earlier."

Ronan jerked his head back down. "I was kidding..."

Finally, after days of keeping it to himself, Adam squeezed his arm that was around Ronan's shoulders, and he smiled at the ceiling fan.

"You said it the other day, too, when you were sleepy," he said. "When Opal was sick."

"Shit, you lie." Ronan seemed to have frozen against him. His heart rate was accelerating faster now. It was self evident he didn't know Adam could feel it like this. "I did not."

"You did." Adam crooked a finger under Ronan's chin and raised it up towards his again. "And aren't we?"

"I- Yeah." Ronan's face was as red as a sunburn. "No? Don't confuse me. Which is it?"

He really wanted to kiss him now. Instead he settled for laughing, which only seemed to make his blush worse. "I assumed that's what dating meant," he said.

Ronan groaned like he said something off putting. "Dating could mean anything these days," he said. "Fucking teenagers and their thousand different subcategories of relationships."

"We, too, are teenagers, Lynch."

Ronan grumbled something incoherent, his chin still being held in place by Adam's forefinger. His own were twitching at Adam's shirt, knotting around a chunk of the fabric. He felt it lift off his stomach a little under the sheets, uncertain as to why Ronan was doing this.

"I didn’t want to put the word in your mouth," he then said, quiet and soft.

The talk of mouths made Adam's feel dry.

"It’s been there since I kissed you," he replied.

"Thank you."

Adam couldn't tell what he was thanking him for. For the soup? For being here? For liking him? He kissed Ronan's clammy forehead, knowing he'll regret it, and liking him enough not to find it completely repulsive. His hand slipped under Ronan's shirt, grasping at his back, his skin hot from the aftershock of a fever. He wanted to kiss him so much, but he packaged away that feeling for later. When Ronan's temperature wasn't edging on 100 degrees and his mouth hadn't recently been near a toilet lid. Against his neck, Ronan grumbled something incoherent. It was appreciate of this, his arms reaching around Adam to meet at his back.

He was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. 

"I wish I could kiss you." He didn't mean to say it, but words kind of came out without intention around Ronan a lot.

"I once saw a show where the couple couldn't kiss because of some weird magic where if they did, the girl died. So they kissed with plastic between their mouths so she wouldn't die."

"I'm not kissing you with plastic," he said. "With your luck, you'll choke."

"You're so mean to me," Ronan shot back.

It didn't take long for Ronan to fall asleep, and then he was quiet and soft in his arms again and Adam resisted the urge to bury his face in the crook of his neck. He had his fill of inhaling Ronan's germs for today, so he kept his face isolated enough when the rest of him was pressed tight against him.

At some point, he fell asleep too. He couldn't say when or for how long. The only thing he knew for certain was the hand on his shoulder nudging him awake was Anne's, standing there above them in the dark.

"Hey," she said quietly. "You should go sleep in your own bed, kiddo. I've got it from here."

"Oh, yeah." Adam sat up and rubbed at his eyes. They were stinging from exhaustion and the sudden shift between sleep and awake. "Right. Goodnight."

"Night, Adam."

In the dark he put his shoes back on and tried to find the way out in the shadows. But before he left, he remembered to say some form of goodbye to Ronan, touching at his forehead with the back of his hand.

"He’ll be here in the morning," Anne said.

"Right. I just, uh...." Adam's fogged half-asleep brain was barely functioning. "I really like him a lot."

"He’s going to be fine."

Somewhere in him, Adam knew this, but his rational side wasn't exactly functioning right now either.

 

~~~~~~~

 

In the morning, Adam was surprised to find out he slept at all, but he must have because he was waking up to the sound of Opal giving out demands to the boys. He peeled his drool ridden face off his sleeping bag and went to open the door to the other half of the cabin. There, he found Opal talking to the boys like she was their cabin counselor.

"Come on!" She clapped her hands together, and in that moment he couldn't distinguish her and Blue and Ronan apart. "Get your butts together! Let's go! Shower time!"

He was still half dead to the world, and his balance wasn't yet set as he was groggy and for some reason a little lopsided internally. As he rubbed at his eyes, the boys were all scrambling for their shower supplies, listening to her like she really was a camp counselor.

He wondered if this was some prank Blue put her up to, but he couldn't be sure. She was already showered and dressed herself, and Adam felt like a sluggish slob next to an eight year old.

"Adam!" several of the boys shouted when they saw him.

"Opal can't tell us what to do!"

"She's a girl!"

"I'm gonna kick your butt like a girl, too," Opal threatened.

"Okay... okay... Let's all just chill out, okay?" Adam had no idea what he was doing alone with these kids. Opal wasn't helping at all, although she seemed to think she was.

"You're all smelly," she continued. "You need to shower."

"Why are you wearing Ronan's sweatshirt?" Jake asked.

Adam almost forgot he fell asleep in it, which wasn't sad and pathetic and edging on creepy. He looked down at himself, registering how this must look to a bunch of kids.

"I, uh, was cold last night."

Adam didn't feel like taking it off, so for some reason he awkwardly pulled it tighter around himself as if that made it less obvious he was wearing it.

"Mind your own business, Teddy!" Opal said.

"Opal, maybe cool it with the yelling," he said softly. His one ear was ringing from the volume in her voice, especially so early in the morning.

"Sorry," she said, then to the boys she continued to speak louder. "If you aren't at the showers in five minutes, you don't get breakfast."

Several of the boys looked to want to argue, but they also didn't seem to know what else to do.

"What are you doing, Opal?" Adam asked.

"I’m taking Ronan’s place," she said, like it were an obvious solution to his absence. "Someone needs to help you wrangle this boys!"

"But you’re a girl!"

She kicked the other kid in the shin.

"Opal, no!"

 

~~~~~~~~

 

It was sometime mid morning, and Adam had already come and gone. Waking up this morning realizing Adam left stung, but not because he didn't stay, but because Ronan almost forgot he was staying somewhere else other than a bed away from him. He felt mildly better that morning, but then just after breakfast he threw up his breakfast and felt about the same as before.

Adam officially being his boyfriend made this somehow more tolerable, although he could've lived without the humiliating guessing on the subject last night, and then the tripping into Adam's legs this morning when he saw him and for some terrible reason thought _hey I'm gonna stand now._

Adam was a good sport about it - good sport? Who was he? Gansey? But it still made him hide under the sheets and ask Adam to kill him out of mercy.

"Senior year will be so boring without you there to annoy me," Adam said. "Who's going to fall for my ghost pranks, and who's going to tell me every time they need to urinate?"

"Or how unfunny you are," Ronan groaned under the pillow he used to suffocate himself with.

Adam's kiss on his forehead was the highlight of the day thus far, even though it was super awkward with Anne there kind of just existing.

He had a really nice nap that involved Adam and a pond and maybe a reenactment of that day he knew he should've said something but didn't. Only this time he said something. And then did something. And when he woke up in a sweat, it was only half because of his never ending fever.

It was after he took a sip of the water from his bedside and wiped the sweat from his brow with his shirt did he notice someone sitting in the corner reading a magazine with their feet up on a bed. It was Blue, her hair in pigtails and her shirt saying _eff the patriarchy_. He was surprised Henry let her wear that, but eff wasn't exactly a curse word.

"I didn't say anything in my sleep, did I?" Ronan took a tissue and wiped at the back of his neck with it. The temptation to toss it at her was great, but at this distance it was going to fall on the ground before it passed the foot of his bed.

"Like what?" Blue looked up from her magazine, not surprised to find him awake. 

"Like how much I hate you," he said. "You watching me sleep, Sargent? That's fucking creepy."

The only plus side to this whole sick thing was he could curse again. It felt like saying hello to an old friend.

A smile slowly crept onto her face that reminded him of Norman Bates. She said nothing, as her eyes drifted back down to her magazine.

"I heard you told Parrish about my crush," he said.

"What!" The magazine lost its attraction and she shut it closed. Her feet kicked off the bed as she sat straight up. "He figure it out that fast? Damn! I didn't say it was you."

"I know." He chewed the inside of his cheek, curious how much harder it was to lie when he was delirious from the flu. "He doesn't know it was me. I don't think."

He nearly winced.

"Who does he think it is?" Her eyes bugged wide, like she was observing all this from the comfort of a sofa and his love life was a television show. Jesus Christ, he was annoyed but amused at the same time. She was so fascinated, and he was bored.

"I don't fucking read minds, Sargent."

"Jesus, calm down." There was a tiny pout there on her face, fake as the rumors of a celebrity's pregnancy on the cover of her tabloid. It quickly diverged into a smirk, as he rolled his eyes and buried his head in pillows again.

"I'm sick and I'm cranky and I'm lonely," he confessed.

There was silence for a while, and it was quite possible Blue left him there to wallow. His stomach ached for food, but he was nauseous still from waking up from the dream to this, so it wasn't the best combination of sensations. He tilted his chin up to stretch his neck, the most exercise he was sure to get today. He felt weak and tired and maybe also needed to pee.

"Aw." Blue was standing above him now and he flinched. "There, there ghoul. Hasn't Adam been visiting you a lot?"

"Ghoul." Ronan couldn't help himself. He laughed. "I mean, I guess so."

He followed her movements as she then sat on the same bed next to his that Adam briefly sat on yesterday. It felt like weeks ago. "See?" She smiled. "The plan is working."

"What plan is this?"

"To push you two together."

Ronan's laugh this time hurt, and it turned into a coughing fit. If only she knew. But he wasn't about to be the one to tell her.

"What's so funny about that?" In a defensive action, she folded her arms across her chest. "You've been drooling over him the whole summer! You can have your first kiss with him, I bet."

He wanted to tell her he already did, and that it was amazing, same as the hundreds of other kisses after it. He wanted to tell her how Adam was his boyfriend, and such a considerate boyfriend. How he crawled into bed with him and lay there with him to help him fall asleep.

"I don't need a hamburger helper in my love life, thanks," he said instead of all that.

Blue rolled her eyes, groaning like he was being impossible. To her, he was.

"Whatever," she said. "Can we talk about my boy problems now?"

"Ew." His eyes narrowed. "Are we really doing this?"

"Shut up." She somehow had a captive audience to her woes and was going to abuse the situation, which he found cunning and smart. "And yes."

"Gansey's my friend," he whined, as if that was going to keep her from talking his ear off.

"Exactly why you're useful," she said, and she flipped open her magazine again to show him something.

"Oh, barf."

"You need a bucket?" Blue instantly slunk a few steps away, holding the magazine out like it was a sword holding him off.

"No, not actual- Why are you showing me an article about couple communication?"

"Oh." Blue's arm holding the magazine relaxed back down to fold it out again. "No, I was going to ask if this girl in the picture was Gansey's sister."

Ronan couldn't believe that getting sick turned him into Blue's inside gossip on Gansey, but somehow it did.

"Yeah," he said with no enthusiasm.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The first couple days of Ronan being away went pretty smoothly. On the first day proper, Noah helped him out, and then the second day Henry did, since Opal couldn't very well do much help with the others; although she did manage to get them to shower and then eat breakfast with impressive gusto.

Ronan was asleep most of the second day whenever Adam managed to drop by, once with Noah who collectively took up the entire visit when Ronan was awake. Adam then came by again after dinner like the first night, fell asleep with him like the first night, and overall just kind of wished for the rest of the week to go faster. He couldn't wait to kiss him again, and impatience began to brew in his bones.

The second/third day, with Henry, Adam didn't much think about it, as Henry was better at occupying his mind with tasks than Noah was. Noah was too chill and quiet that Adam's mind kept reverting to Ronan in that bed alone. With Henry, he wasn't given a chance to.

They were making paper lanterns to display on the last night during the talent show, sitting on the ground of the arts and crafts room while the kids were helping along in all the available chairs.

"How long have you known everyone in the group?" Adam thought to ask. Henry looked up from his lantern to regard Adam with a look of curiosity of his own.

"The boys? A couple years," he said. "Blue, as long as you."

Adam nodded along. He wasn't entirely sure why he asked. There were things on his mind these last few days that were surfacing after lingering in the backgroundfor some time. With Ronan gone and his routine thrown out of wack, he was feeling a little restless.

"So you knew Ronan before he..." Though he didn't finish the sentence, he sensed Henry understood what the end of it was. Slow, his face shifted as the question sunk in. What was once a calm smile slipped into something more false, and his eyes shifted to find a destination elsewhere.

Ever since they went to Ronan's old house, Adam had grown curious what he was like before, to know more about his life beyond the weeks they knew each other. It wasn't fair of him to ask someone else, to ask such personal things and not to him personally.

God, was it really only weeks? Two months? It felt like longer, like a span of years occurred in a rush since he arrived here. He felt like Ronan had been a part of his life always, or at least a lot longer than a summer, and it was strange to remember that wasn't true.

"Before his dad?" Henry waved a hand in the air, suggesting something Adam wasn't certain of. "Sort of. He was still a dick."

Adam smiled. Of course he was.

"He seems a little more like the way he was before, though," Henry added, hesitant in his words. His eyes still shied. "Less angry. Last year was unbearable. He almost got kicked out half a dozen times."

"Why?"

Henry began to count the ways on his fingers, knocking them down with every reason.

"Not showing up," he started, "vandalizing the tennis courts, parking his car on the lawn drunk once, yelling at a teacher."

The Ronan Adam met made sense to do those things, his anger and sorrow all he allowed himself to feel, but the Ronan Adam knew looked to be moving beyond those things. A softness that was always there was emerging underneath the spikes and sharp edges, sanding them down to be soft, too.

Strange, to think how much Ronan changed, knowing how much he must have changed as well. He wondered what he looked like from the outside to the others, what sort of transformation they saw. Was he visibly happier? He felt it, on the inside, in his marrow and his blood.

"Do you like him?"

Adam couldn't keep it to himself any longer. He allowed himself a shrug. It was enough to peak Henry's interest.

"What!" The kids turned to stare, and the both of them shrunk in their gestures and their proximity. Henry inclined into him, touching at his shoulder. With a whisper, he said, "Oh, Adam. He's hot, but he's a mess."

There was nothing to say to that, and so he said nothing. He shrugged again, this time only one shoulder, and returned to his paper lantern.

"You're the one hooking up with Noah and smoking pot behind buildings. I'd say he's not the only mess around here."

Henry was blushing when he thought to look up, and he would've been delighted by the comeback and its effect, if he didn't like Henry.

"I only smoked once."

"Mm." Adam didn't believe him, but it wasn't his place to judge. He and Ronan weren't exactly prime examples of good camp counselors either.

"I'm glad you know," said Henry. "To be honest, I wonder if we'll work out after camp. I think it's the sneaking around and not telling anyone parts that we like the most. I don't think it'll last. We've always been friends, and this sort of just... happened."

Hearing this, Adam was reminded of his own insecurities about his relationship with Ronan, and how sometimes he felt himself wonder if it'll last after the summer. But the way they talked about after summer, the joy in Ronan's face when he called him boyfriend, he knew they would last when the leaves turned brown and the grass was covered with snow. 

"You never know for sure," he said.

"Are you going to hang out with him after this?" Henry was deflecting, but he figured he would let him. For once, he didn't mind talking about himself.

As he chewed his lip, he focused on getting the lantern to work. It helped keep his face straight, halving his thinking to something mundane. "You mean, after the lanterns or after camp?"

"Both." Henry shrugged, trying to seem casual but his actions became jilted by his curiosity. Stiff. He couldn't contain himself. "Whichever."

Adam's focus on the lantern slipped as he looked up. He wanted to smile. Yes, to both. Yes, he already knew that at dinner he was going to slip away and see him, and they were already tiptoeing around the idea of what to do when camp ended. Offhandedly, Ronan suggested a road trip, and while Adam couldn't keep from work any longer, but the thought of being alone on the road again with Ronan was alluring.

"I'd like to," he said simply.

"Remember what I said, about the boat," Henry said eagerly. "He'll probably be there."

Adam couldn't imagine Ronan on a boat. He smiled to himself as he ducked his gaze back down, returning to his busy work.

"I, uh, have to figure out where I'll be living first," he said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I don't really have anywhere after I'm out of here." He didn't mean to initiate a conversation about it, and didn't really mean to even say it out loud. But he felt so comfortable sitting here on the floor, keeping his hands busy, that it just came out.

"You can live with me!"

Adam laughed. He thought it was a joke. When Henry didn't laugh, he realized he wasn't kidding. Rich people were a strange breed.

"Oh. Wow, Henry. I...." What could he say to that?

"I live in a house with a few others, but we have a spare room if you want. Rent's pretty decent."

"Rent." Adam almost forgot he'd have to pay rent. For the first time in his life he was living like a king and allowed himself to forget this was only temporary. He winced at his stupidity, his childishness. He shouldn't get complacent with this. It wasn't his life, not yet anyway. Luckily at the end of all this he was going to get paid. The reminder of it was a soothing one, albeit a bitter one too. This wasn't forever.

"Like your type of decent, or actually decent?" he asked.

"Huh?" Henry lost his train of thought, it seemed. It took a moment for him to come back. "Oh, I mean it's basically free."

Adam felt his lungs fill up and he had to take a deep breath.

I'll think about it, he said. He wasn't sure if he wanted what could easily be a handout. And if he were being perfectly honest with himself, the last week or so he had started to fantasize about rooming with Ronan. They would get their own rooms, of course. But Ronan didn't really have anywhere either. It could become, maybe, that thing so many often referred to as a home.

Maybe.

"Yeah, no problem." It was a good thing Henry couldn't see all the clouded thoughts in Adam's head, reverberating against each other in a chaos of dreams. "I didn't know you wouldn't be living at home, I'd have mentioned it earlier."

"It's fine." Adam wouldn't have said anything at all before. Camp was changing more about him than he realized.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dinner plans with Adam were foiled when all their friends came in shortly after him.

Of course.

He wondered where the fuck all the kids were, but that wasn't his problem anymore. Not until he could get out of bed without wanting to vomit or pass out.

Of course, he enjoyed Adam's company in particular. While the others were talking at him and about him, as if he wasn't really there or something, Adam snuck his hand into his behind his back. Ronan could easily fall asleep like this, even as Henry yammered on about productivity. Feeling Adam's hands spread his and slip through the spaces, and feeling Adam's back pressed into his knuckles, was the best feeling. He wanted him all to himself, falling asleep next to Adam's familiar heart rate close to his ear. But he wasn't lucky today.

Adam smiled at him, brighter than the sun, as his hand was moved to his hip.

Okay, he was exceptionally lucky. Some sacrifices had to be made.

Being sick had its perks. They were far and few between to the cons of it all, but he was trying to focus on the good here.

Good: Adam visited enough he didn't feel so lonely. He was a lot touchier than he anticipated. He kissed him on the forehead enough he figured he was going to save sooner than later and kiss him properly.

Bad: He might throw up on him if he did that, though.

Good: Anne was funny. She played card games with him and talked about motorcycles when there was nothing else to do, and kids weren't coming in with bumps and scrapes.

Bad: Only getting to eat crackers and soup and bananas.

"Get better, loser," Noah said ever so fondly. "Camp is shockingly boring without you."

"That's the nicest thing you've said to me," Ronan replied, wiping a pretend tear from his eye.

"Only because you're on your deathbed."

Ronan tried to sit up to hit him, but Adam pushed him back down. He melted into the mattress as Noah chuckled at his pain.

"Ok ok ok. Calm down," he said. Ronan only listened slightly. He still gave Noah the finger, who acted like it was something sweet and put his hands on his heart in reply.

He sensed they were leaving as they all stepped back from the bed, even Adam. This was one of the bad things, having to say goodbye while being stuck in here like a prisoner. He touched again at Adam's hand, not as discreetly as before. From his other side he realized Henry was giving him a gesture, and when he looked he saw it was a fist bump.

Awkwardly, he responded to it, though he wasn't all too sure when they started fist bumping. It didn't matter.

"Do get better," Henry said. "I need all hands on deck for the next two weeks."

With an eye roll, Ronan groaned, pretending it annoyed him more than it did. He appreciated Henry coming and staying anyway. Camp was making him softer.

Blue didn't really need to say anything for her goodbye. When she smiled at him without the others taking note, he found himself smiling back, just a little. Were they becoming friends? Barf.

As they left, Adam's hand of course had to slip out of his. He held onto it as long as he could until his fingertips slipped out of reach.

Well, crap.

He turned his head from the door so he didn't have to see them go completely. Suddenly the bad outweighed the good again tenfold, and he very much missed when he could walk out that door, too.

Then he saw Gansey hadn't left. He was standing there, shuffling his feet, cleaning his glasses on his shirt collar, giving himself something to do in the quiet that was left behind.

He couldn't remember the last time he and Gansey were alone. He's his best friend, but so much happened at the start of summer and then he met Adam and he's just... been so distracted.

"Hey."

Gansey hadn't spoken much while the others were here. He supposed this was why.

"Can I sit?" Gansey asked.

Ronan shrugged. "I don't know. Can you?"

"Is that a dig at my grammar, Ronan?" Gansey smiled proudly, as if he was to thank for the grammar joke. "I'm genuinely shocked."

"Parrish is rubbing off on me, the annoying nerd," Ronan was quick to say.

Then Gansey leaned in, as if to be subtle or quiet when no one else was in there with them. He cupped a hand at the side of his mouth to hide his mouth from these invisible onlookers, inclining far too close to his face.

"Is he gay?"

It came so sudden that Ronan didn't have time to filter his reaction, and his voice elevated high and cracked as he gaped. "Oh my god, Dick!"

"What!" Gansey blinked, pulling back. He stood there bewildered by Ronan's response, like he was confused by it somehow. God, Gansey was aloof. "I'm sorry. Am I not allowed to ask that sort of question?"

"No!" Ronan placed his hands to his face to hide it, and to also hold in his nausea in. "God."

"Sorry."

"You should be."

Gansey was cleaning his glasses again when Ronan peered through his fingers.

"Are you going to throw up?" he said, inquisitively. He was squinting without his glasses on.

"What?" Ronan groaned. "No. Jesus."

Gansey could be so embarrassing, and it was more excruciating when it related to this, to Adam. He didn't get to critique his relationship with Adam, he didn't get to analyze it, and he _certainly_ didn't get to void his opinion. Gansey was a lot of things, most notably his best friend, but sometimes he said things that without meaning to cut Ronan like a knife and he didn't want him to do that about Adam or any of this.

"Listen," and Gansey pulled up a seat to sit beside his bed. The legs scraped across the floor, loud and obnoxious until Gansey felt he was close enough. Then he scored just a bit closer, skirting the legs along the wood. "I know this isn't exactly the summer we dreamed of before senior year, but there's still time left in it to hang out once we're out of here. I miss you, Ronan."

Ronan had to look away. That wasn't what he expected, and his eyes began to hurt.

"I've been here the whole time."

"I know, but your crush on Adam is very evident and--"

Fuck.

"Is it that obvious?" He tried not to look suspicious as he glanced in Gansey's general direction.

"Yeah."

"Shit." Ronan frowned.

"Anyway," Gansey fiddled with his glasses now as an excuse to avert Ronan's intense gaze. "I didn't want to get in the way of that like how I meddled with Declan. Besides, if you haven't noticed, I've had some luck in love myself."

"Wouldn't have guessed after seeing you jamming your tongue down Sargent's throat." It was high time he be allowed to heckle, and so he did. With great effort, he scooted upright, his smile charged with mischief. "You know, that's not safe. That's a choking hazard."

"Ha ha."

"Safety isn't funny, Gansey."

Gansey looked stricken by something, like he hurt him rather than embarrassed. When he placed his glasses back on, he looked sad.

"You didn't say you miss me too," he said.

Ronan rolled his eyes. "I thought that was obvious, Gans."

Gansey looked like he was about to cry, his lips fluttering and his glasses getting just a little misty. Adam would've loved to see this. Then he moved to hug him. Ronan sat stark upright, regaining a headache from the jolt, but it was thought to be necessary in the moment.

"Oh no no no no," he said to Gansey, coming at him with arms spread.

"It's happening!" he insisted.

"Gans, I'm sick," Ronan pleaded.

"I don't care."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam dropped by after dinner on the fourth night. It was easier to get away when Gansey and Blue were using their offered help as an excuse of hanging out together. They said they would make sure Jake and the others didn't run off somewhere, or Opal take control.

Anne was leaving just as Adam was arriving, familiar with when he appeared and desperate to get herself dinner. She had her key this time in hand, which Adam learned was because she locked the door when she was gone. As if anyone at camp had plans to break into the cabin for bandaids or saline IV drips.

He wondered, to himself, if maybe she was locking the door to give them privacy the spare time they had alone; but that was too presumptuous and absurd a thought.

When their eyes met outside the door, she gave him a knowing smile.

"You basically live here, now, Adam."

"I, uh, care a lot about his health." Adam leaned back on his heels at the top step leading to the door, and Anne's hand left the doorknob to clear the path inside.

"Mmhm," she said, rolling her eyes in a familiar way. Since Ronan had gotten sick, he spent enough time at the nurse's cabin that he and Anne started to become friendly. She wasn't much older than them, maybe by ten years, but those ten years packed a lifetime of difference that sometimes it felt like she were even older. Or that he was vastly younger. If he believed in some greater power, he might've thanked them for giving him and Ronan Anne instead of another nurse who didn't let them see each other in such a familiar setting. Instead, he internally thanked Henry's mother who hired her.

"He's in the bathroom right now," said Anne.

"Showering I hope?"

Anne snorted as he walked inside.

At the closed door to the bathroom, he could hear the sound of water running, so he assumed he was taking a shower. When he knocked, he leaned into the wood of the door, hoping his voice would carry through.

"Lynch?"

"Parrish?" Ronan's voice was strained as it usually was these days. "Weren't you just here two hours ago?"

Technically that was a drop by that lasted all of thirty seconds, so he didn't think it counted.

"If you're going to keep making fun of me, I'll leave," he replied.

"No, wait," Ronan said all at once. "Can you come in?"

"And watch you shower?" Adam felt a weird wave of tingling up his arms. "I'll pass."

"It's not like you haven't seen it before."

Adam blushed glancing at the front door where Anne was still standing, pretending not to eavesdrop. She probably lingered in case of an emergency, and boy did she get more than she bargained for.

"I'm not-" Ronan cleared his thirst awkwardly quick, as if he could see all this through the six inches or so of door. "Please, come in."

When he walked in, he found Ronan lying on the floor, head pressed to the ground while curled in a near fetal position. He was also naked.

The water must have been running for some time, the room filled with steam, but Ronan wasn't wet in the slightest. His clothes were an abandoned clump on the floor near his feet. As soon as Adam took in the whole sight, he quickly shut the door and went to him. Ronan had another fever when he placed the back of his hand to his forehead.

"I thought you were doing better," he heard himself say. It scared him to see Ronan like this, completely dependent on someone else. He should go get Anne, and yet he found himself kneeling onto the floor to touch him. His hands hesitated, staring at all the bare skin. His shoulders were burning when he risked contact, his freshly shaved scalp was soft and sweating.

"I'm great," Ronan grunted. He moved to roll over, and at once Adam's gaze had to pull up. Yeah, he was totally naked. "Never been better."

"Don't be a shit right now," Adam said, and his voice couldn't get any flatter. He was perturbed by Ronan's insistence on acting like he was totally fine in moments when he was so evidently not.

"I fell."

Adam thought to take his shirt off again, to cover Ronan up, but remembered how well that went over the first time.

"I can see that," he replied.

With a small gesture, he motioned to the running water, lifting his head off the linoleum tiles.

"Trying to shower," he said, as if it weren't obvious.

But that didn't make it any less strange, to see all of Ronan's muscles out for display, to see the curve of his thighs and the arch in his back and -- no, he had to stop. Ronan was sweating and sick and fainted on the floor. He touched more gently than he usually did, cupping the back of his neck.

"Do you, uh, do you need help?"

Ronan and he made eye contact. There was the classic Ronan look, a sneer mixed with a glare. He nodded numbly, and so Adam started to help him. He moved his hands under his arms, sliding them around to meet at his front. Ronan was depending on him a lot, and Adam offered him his weight. What else could he do?

Now Ronan was shaking, clammy. He held him aloft when they were finally standing again. While he very much did not anticipate to see Ronan naked again under these circumstances he knew now wasn't the time to revel in the sight. He was sick and sweating and weak.

Adam couldn't resist, and in the moment he kissed his forehead as he helped him into the shower. Ronan steadied himself against the wall, the curtain pulled back and allowing the water to mist everywhere. Before he knew it, Ronan was slipping again, and Adam hurried to catch him before he got seriously hurt.

"My hero," Ronan said condescendingly, though it masked an underlying fright in his voice, a kick in the vowels. It made Adam want to kick him while simultaneously hold him close.

So he kicked off his shoes, and toed off his socks, and then decided he was already here, so he peeled off his shirt and shorts too. All that was left was his underwear, if only so he wasn't completely vulnerable. It was the worst part to leave on but he had to. This wasn't the circumstances he wanted Ronan to see him naked again, either.

"What are you doing-?" Ronan's eyes fell so swiftly, Adam was grateful he kept the one item on, resisting the urge to pinch Ronan so his eyes would soar back up. Under his scrutinizing gaze, Adam felt like he did the first time, overwhelmed and uncomfortable. His eyes feasted on every inch of Adam in seconds, and then something strange happened. Ronan must have startled himself with his own thoughts, as a blush formed quick on his skin, from his neck to his ears, and he started talking over himself _to_ himself, making a mess of sentences Adam couldn't quite figure out.

"Are we," Ronan finally said loud enough to hear, but still very much a dropped whisper. "Are we going to have sex in the shower?"

Adam barked out a laugh. It felt like it bruised his lung on the way out. "Lynch, you're delusional," he said. He steadied his voice to hide the hiccup of nerves that riddled under his skin. They had been making out long enough the thought had begun to cross his mind. But like hell was he going to have sex at summer camp. "I just don't want all my clothes to get wet," he said.

"Mmm." Ronan was teasing him with a smile, loose and lazy. "Sure. That's what they all say."

"Who is they?"

"I don't know, Parrish." Ronan's nose scrunched, his smile tightening to a thin, blank line. "I'm about to pass out here."

Adam only let him incline into him again because of this, not because it felt nice, or because he liked feeling his weight. It was a struggle to change the temperature, making it warmer than it was. The pipes cried out in response to his request, conversing in a familiar way to the pipes in the showers by their cabin.

As soon as the temperature rose, Ronan shuddered, and he hugged him tighter than before. His arms stretched out around his neck, and then squeezed.

Adam was practical and focused on the idea of getting him clean and warm. That's what he walked into the shower for. He used the tiny bottle of shampoo on Ronan's head that was there on a built in shelf in the wall. Ronan laughed.

"I don't need that," he said.

"It's too late," Adam muttered. "It's in my hands. Give me your head."

"Use it on your own head," Ronan snapped at him. "You could use a shower. You smell."

"I showered this morning, Lynch," Adam quipped. He wasn't concerned with Ronan's attitude, though it was frustrating wanting to take care of him when he made it so hard. "Come here."

He became easier when Adam noses at his cheek, eyes closed when they touched. At once, Ronan bent his head toward him, and he lathered his hands on Ronan's scalp, massaging it in there. Ronan grunted. This was perhaps going to be easy. He hoped so, anyway. Adam turned him to face the shower, his head still dipped forward so it caught in the water. Ronan stood there, a hand out to hold him aloft against the wall, and Adam resisted the urge to kiss him between his shoulder blades, to touch at his tattoo without the intent of helping him in some way. Now wasn't the time.

There was an unopened bar of soap there on the built in shelf, and Adam peeled it open to make use of himself as Ronan buried his head in the shower's water fall.

With him stable enough on his own now, Adam began to wash Ronan's body, if only for convenience. He made sure to stay above an invisible line he created at Ronan's waist, to retain some boundaries. This wasn't sexual in the least, even though it was sensory overload. He just wanted Ronan to be comfortable and not slip and die in the shower.

His underwear was getting soaked by the shower head, but he ignored it as much as he could.

Quiet, he ran the bar of soap over Ronan's broad shoulders, down his back to the line he made just above his waist. Ronan startled a little when he went down.

"You can get the bottom half yourself, Lynch," he answered to a silent question. At that, Ronan turned and looked at him. 

He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to let his eyes rake down him. The beads of water sat daringly at his skin and swam downward trying to guide his eye, but he remained looking forward.

With him facing him, he helped clean his arms, his neck, his chest, his armpits, which apparently tickled. Ronan practically giggled. That was new information he put in his back pocket, for later.

"You ticklish there?" he asked gleefully.

"I'll kill you if you tell," he said.

Adam grinned in delight. He kissed him at the cheek, tempting fate, and then he deposited the soap into Ronan's hand and turned away.

"You finish the rest," he said. "I won't look."

His attention removed itself from thinking about Ronan to staring at the shower curtain instead. It was lime green with stripes of white down the middle, old and torn, fading on the edges. He wondered why the lime green, when he felt movement behind him.Ronan's hand not occupied by the bar of soap reached out and held at his shoulder. Perhaps for balance. It gripped hard at his skin, his short nails digging into the muscle. It felt kind of relaxing for a moment. There was harsh breathing by his hearing ear, knocking him out for a second or two. There was a moment he hesitated to grab the shower wall for balance, but he resisted the urge to move. Ronan was like a deer right now, easily startled.

He felt Ronan's grip go a little tighter for a second, and then underneath the sound of the water, he heard him put the soap down. His face pressed against his other shoulder and Adam sensed that meant he was done. Adam turned back, and with a careful eye glanced fleetingly that he was clean all over. He bit at his lip and then leaned around him to turn the shower off. The most awkward fifteen minutes of his life were over, except they weren't. Ronan was still incredibly naked, and now Adam's briefs clung to him in that uncomfortable way clothes did when they were soaked through.

After the water was off, Ronan inclined into him and wrapped himself around him, shivering cold as he embraced him. Adam embraced him in return. He didn't know what else to do. His face found Ronan's neck; he smelled good again, less sick.

"You're going to get worse if you don't get dressed soon," he said, sighing as he breathed him in.

Ronan said nothing just breathed on him in reply. His grip was loose, a little wobbly. Like this, he scared him, as he began to question just how sick Ronan actually was. Did he need to call Anne in here? 

"Ronan?"

"You feel so warm." Ronan's voice sounded gooey, like the ends of his words stuck to Adam's skin. It made him stretch forward into him, combing his hands over his scalp, wishing he could offer more than this. He was shocked he managed to do even this, expecting himself to be standing across the room gently patting Ronan's head with a broom mumbling _there there_. "I hate being sick," Ronan whimpered. "I feel fucking nasty."

"You're always nasty," Adam said.

The joke must have gone over Ronan's head, because he didn't even scoff.

"This is not how I wanted you to see me naked for the second time," he whispered, like it was a secret.

Adam snorted. "It's okay." He didn't know what else to do, and so he patted him gently on the back. "I'm sure there'll be plenty of other times for me to look at your penis."

"I--"

Adam blushed and was thankful Ronan couldn't see his face. Then Ronan started to laugh. It was a soft laugh, skirting on the edge of pained, each one sounding more hoarse than the last.

"You're something else, Parrish," he wheezed.

"Thanks."

Adam was grateful Ronan felt good enough to laugh. He rested his nose against his shoulder, at the dip between it and the curve of his neck. He almost kissed there, but that was too much.

"You're also an annoyingly good boyfriend." Ronan spoke as if it was insulting. His humor seemed to be coming back, too. Thank goodness. He squeezed his arms around him once, twice, then a third time just to memorize this feeling of skin against skin. It was an overload of sensations, and his brain was sure to short circuit soon, but in the meantime he liked it.

"Thank you," he said. "Come on. Let's go. This is so embarrassing for you."

"Shut up."

Adam helped him out of the tub, giving him his arm to grab as he stepped out. He helped dry him off with a towel, using the same invisible line rule as to where he dried and where Ronan would. As Ronan was drying himself, Adam used a second towel to dry off as best he could manage, given that his underwear was leaking water onto the floor. He squeezed it out into the white cotton, hopeful it wouldn't make the rest of the day uncomfortable. Maybe he would have to go commando. It wouldn't be the first time he ran out of underwear and had to wear nothing.

Ronan had new, clean clothes sitting on the sink waiting for him when they were ready for that stage. Adam suggested just standing there while he changed, but when Ronan lifted one left above the other, his balance gave out and he began to topple over. Adam debated helping him dress, but that would break his rule of touching where he wasn't ready to, and so a compromise had to be made. He was his balance as Ronan changed, helping only when Ronan reluctantly managed to get his underwear high enough on his thighs. Adam finished the rest of the way, startling himself with how easy this could be if he pretended he was dressing himself. Ronan didn't look to be enjoying it any more than him, his face as red as roses the entire time.

When the worst of it was over, it was easy helping him get into his pajamas, and then it was easy to help him back into bed.

Anne was outside, sitting at her desk and looking through paperwork. 

"Thought the both of you snuck out the window in there or something. I got you clean sheets," she said. She furrowed her brow curiously upon the visual of Adam's wet hair. Thankfully her eye didn't draw down to the wet marks appearing around the border of his slightly soaked through underwear. She said nothing else as Ronan was settled into his bed, the sheets pulled up to his chest.

"I should check on the kids," he said, and at once he received a disapproving look. 

"Oh."

Like a child, he folded his arms over his chest and looked away. Usually this behavior made Adam irritated and offered him an opportunity to be snide or sarcastic, but after all that he found himself feeling gentle. He knew how much it hurt to be left alone like this, but he wanted to get paid, and he wanted to make sure the kids weren't terrorizing someone else. They apparently didn't follow orders so well when it wasn't Ronan and Adam giving them.

He swept a hand gently across Ronan's cheek, bending into the bed almost as if to kiss him.

"I'll be back in the morning, though," he said. "I unfortunately can't seem to keep away too long."

"Unfortunately," Ronan parroted. He looked too tired to roll his eyes.

"You're feeling better, aren't you?"

"Mm." Ronan nodded just enough. "A little. Thank you, I guess."

Adam smiled.

"You're welcome, I guess."

His thumb ran over Ronan's lips, a dangerous action. When Ronan's eyes closed, he pretended he was kissing him. His thumb was his lips, running along Ronan's in a delicate precision.

"Get some rest," he instructed. "You look like shit."

Ronan snorted, eyes still closed. "I hate you."

Adam smiled. "I hate you, too," he said playfully.

Ronan smiled against his thumb. 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

It was teetering on the edge of week nine now, and Ronan wanted to get better already damn it. He missed doing things, being outside, holding Adam without fearing he was going to catch this.

Adam. All his dreams were of Adam, of all the things he wished he could be doing with him now instead of this. Joy riding in the parking lot. Making out by the lake. Swimming in the lake. Falling asleep in the shaded patches of grass. Watching him playing around with the kids. Maybe getting to see him work on a car or two, the grease on his cheek like the first time he saw him.

He was feeling better since the shower incident. Which he didn't like to think about. Because who would want to remember how they were so helpless and gross and needy and naked in front of their boyfriend, and couldn't enjoy the naked part? His strength was coming back to him, almost like he was so desperately attached to getting better in retaliation for the humiliation he felt having Adam help him shower.

And he didn't even get naked, too! What a disappointment.

It was nearly a week since Ronan first fainted. He could walk to the bathroom by himself now, no trouble. His stomach could handle real food again, not just soup that tasted like watered chicken. When Adam visited, he didn't get winded or nauseous anymore by talking a lot, and when Adam kissed him on the cheek there wasn't any sense of hesitancy anymore. Though, to be fair, that was an Adam thing.

With camp almost over, he was interested in where this could go, what they could explore. He wanted to take Adam to all his favorite places, drive him around in his car, possibly make out in his car which he'd wanted to do since he first got it, since he first knew he liked boys. Something about the leather seats and the rev of the engine. 

He was weird. He knew that.

Something was poking him in the cheek. It prodded again and again, and it didn't appear to want to stop until he woke up. When he opened his eyes, he expected it to be Adam there, bored watching him sleep, but it was instead Opal.

"Took you long enough," she said. She leaned back into the seat, crossing her legs under her. She was so small, did she get smaller since he last saw her? Did kids shrink?

"Hey, gremlin," he said. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged.

It took him a long minute to register that was her actual response. After that, he slowly sat up, sluggish after a good dream. His limbs were still partially in the void of doing stuff with Adam that wasn't PG. It took them a little longer than usual to come back to the real world, be totally usable.

"Thought you forgot I was here," he said. "Maybe found someone else to annoy."

She rolled her eyes. "I still can," she replied.

"Does Blue know you're here?" Rona changed subjects, tired and a little lightheaded. Maybe it was the summer heat snaking it under the feeling of the ceiling fan's cooling breezes. Maybe it was just waking up. Could've been a lot of things.

"Yes," Opal practically giggled.

"So that's a no."

Her little brow narrowed as she crossed her arms, looking like a mini him. He could see what Adam was talking about. It was kind of weird.

"You gonna tell on me?" She sounded like him, too.

He glanced at Anne, who was busy in the back. Her head was down, attention averted to her business. At this point in his stay, it was more a safeguard to have him here than an actual necessity. 

"Nah," he said, looking back to Opal. The girl relaxed immediately, all the tension in her tiny frame disappeared. "You're safe. Only because I'm bored, though."

She kicked the side of the bed with her foot.

"You not afraid of getting sick again?" He noted the distance between them. She sat down the other end of the bed, but close enough her tiny leg could still hit the side of the mattress if she tried hard enough.

"Anne says I should be okay so long as I don't get too close," she noted.

Ronan thought of Adam, and how he could've used that advise, but at the same time he was glad he didn't listen to it. That morning he gave him a kiss on the underside of his jaw that was dangerously addicting.

"Did you miss me?" he asked.

"No," she lied.

He smiled. When she caught his eye, a big smile split across her face, too.

"I didn't miss you, either," he said.

She kicked the bed. "Yes, you did."

He reluctantly shrugged. "Okay, maybe a little." He pinched his fingers together. "This much."

She laughed. "You're so mean!"

"Hey, you're the one kicking my bed!" he said.

He missed this, he really did. She was like a lightning bolt of electricity in his life, and he was going to miss her so much when the summer was over. What was he going to do, after that? Was he ever going to see her again?

Suddenly his laughter felt more false, but he sustained it. For her sake. For his. But hers died off faster, and he wondered if she was thinking of the same thing as him. Mutually, a quietness followed, and they sat there unsure of what to say. Ronan earnestly didn't know what to say now, or what to do. Opal's legs dangled over the edge of the chair.

"I'm sorry I got you sick," she said. Her head bowed down, staring at her shoes. Her gaze went soft, her mouth a thin line. Opal was sad about it, guilty. He didn't want her to feel guilty.

"You didn't get me sick," he said at once. "I got me sick. I'm the idiot. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm serious, kid." Ronan strained to lean forward towards her, trying to grab her attention again, her gaze. "You didn't do anything. I'm the one who didn't take care of myself."

She still was a little quiet, her feet slowing their kicks. Her hands moved to the arm rests on either side of her, gripping at the ends. Somehow in the span of minutes Ronan felt he somehow was responsible for ruining the mood, even though he couldn't explain what he had done. He watched her sit there, unsure of himself and unsure of how to make her feel better.

In moments like this, he wished for Adam. He was better at this.

"I bet you're bugging Adam a lot more now that I'm away," he said.

That made her smile.

"Yeah, maybe," she replied. "I'm helping him with the kids."

"The kids?" Ronan coughed on a laugh. "Opal, you're also a kid."

"I disagree."

She raised her chin, defying the idea she was the same as the other kids. There was a smirk.

And then the front door burst open, and in came Blue with her wild hair and wild eyes. 

"Opal?" she exclaimed. Those eyes of hers found Opal quick, and she jerked forward a few steps. "Shiiii-n, there you are. Come on, kiddo. We're all heading to the lake. You have to stop sneaking off." Her hands slipped to her hips, and her stance gave the impression she was upset about this. He supposed that was understandable.

"Can't I stay here?" He noticed she was gripping the arm rests tighter. "I don't care about the lake."

"You don't have to go in, but nah, sorry Opal." She glanced towards Ronan, then back to Opal. "You can't hang out here. Besides, Ronan's lame!"

"You're the one who's lame, Sargent," he shot back.

"Sure, Lynch." She laughed. "Whatever makes you feel better."

Opal turned back to Ronan and Ronan to her. They exchanged a look that was more of a goodbye than they were good at with words. She slunk down and out of her seat, loose limbed like she lost all the bones in her body and now she was jelly sliding to the floor. Ronan lifted off the bed enough to follow, while Blue told her to quit playing around. She was on the ground, on her knees, staring at the floor. When he leaned over the bed, she looked up.

"I hope you feel better soon," she said, and it almost sounded sincere.

"With you here, I don't see that happening," he said, giving her attitude same as she'd been giving him.

"Hey!" She jumped to her feet to slap him on the shoulder.

He laughed again, flinching from her strike. "I'm just kidding," he said amongst his chuckling. "Jeez."

"Adam misses you," she said, almost her way of trying to give him incentive to get better quick. It was working. He missed him, too, all the seconds they were apart. "He won't say, but it's obvious."

He looked to Blue curious what she thought of that, but she hid her reaction well. Whatever it was, he couldn't tell.

"I'll maybe come visit you again," she announced.

"Oh joy."

When Opal rolled her eyes, Ronan couldn't stop smiling. He felt better now, after her visit. It was about as equal of an energy boost as all of Adam's visits. Something about them made him feel alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back! wow look at that!! and so long too. hope it didn't disappoint <3 i've been in an odd writing rut this whole year tbh where i only can work on so many ideas at a time and then i wear myself out and i keep coming up with new ideas ;ahids;fohaif 
> 
> this fic only has two more chapters : ( (MAYBE 3) it's almost near the end folks!!! it's been a JOURNEY
> 
> thank you so much for reading please let me know your thoughts and any favorite bits of the chapter <3


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